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You are laughing, in your sister’s kitchen.
The past 24 hours have been quiet, so you’ve had a rare day off. You flew to Metropolis to spend some time with Clark and Lois while Alex and Maggie decided to enjoy dinner and a movie. The three of you agreed to have a sister night after.
Maggie has become a staple of sister night. She always drops by with food for you and drinks for Alex. With exactly the right words when you need advice and exactly the right amount of silence when you don’t. She also likes comedies, romantic or otherwise way more than Alex does, so you get to see your favorite movies more often.
There was a time when you were afraid that Maggie would take Alex away from you, but exactly the opposite happened. She introduced you to parts of your sister that you’d never seen, parts that you don’t even think Alex knew existed.
Which is why, before you fly into Alex’s...no...Alex and Maggie’s apartment, you take a moment to hover at the window and watch them. You don’t think you’ll ever get tired of how Alex relaxes around Maggie. In these moments she reminds you of the carefree teenager you never got to meet. Of the girl Alex would have been if she hadn’t been weighed down by the responsibility of being your sister.
Alex is standing at her kitchen island, leaning down into Maggie, with one hand flat on the countertop at Maggie’s hip and the other holding a beer bottle, gesturing along to the story she’s telling. Maggie is smiling up at her, eyes twinkling, hanging on every word Alex says.
You think for the millionth time this is Maggie’s best quality, the way she looks at Alex. In a way that lets you know she sees in her exactly what you always have - the best person in the universe.
You knock lightly on the window pane as you let yourself in. They both smile at you and welcome you in. Maggie pulls a bag of movie popcorn up from one of the stools into your sightline, and they both giggle at how quickly your eyes light up and your hand is already reaching out in a “gimme” motion.
You go over the usual pleasantries - “How was dinner?” and the inevitable follow up “How could vegan pizza possibly have been good?”, “How’s Clark?”, “Did you enjoy the movie?” (to Maggie) and “Did you enjoy your nap?” (to Alex).
Alex groans as Maggie lights up again. You all know this script. You’ve been having versions of this conversation for over a year now, but you enjoy playing your parts all the same. You and Maggie gear up to tease Alex as she goes to the fridge to get another round for her and Maggie, and their leftovers for you. She knows this will take awhile.
Teasing Alex is your favorite human pastime, and she’s never been one to deny you, or Maggie, the things you love.
You didn’t really have teasing on Krypton. There were disagreements but they were much more straightforward. You don’t know how many times you sincerely answered the other kids’ taunts once you got to Earth until you realized what was happening. Can’t count how many times Alex dragged you away by a stiff grip on your upper arm as she harshly whispered “they’re making fun of you, Kara!”
You watched and learned everything you could about teasing, but it was still so confusing. Even harder to recognize than the kids giving you seemingly benign words with malice behind them, was when Alex would say something that seemed mean, but with kind eyes and a lilt of...something in her voice.
The first time was a few days after the Danvers took you in. Alex had already yelled at you a few times for stealing her pillows, but you were so constantly overwhelmed, and you’d already developed that habit of grabbing the softest thing in reaching distance and squeezing it, pressing it against yourself, to ground you.
After the 4th or 5th time, Alex scolded you, yet again, and asked “so what’s the deal with the pillow thing, anyway?” You tried to explain it to her. How sometimes too much was going on around you, or inside you, and you’d feel kind of lightheaded, like you’d pass out or float away or something you couldn’t describe, and the pillows helped you stay in your body, helped you focus. Alex looked at you for a really long time then shook her head, rolled her eyes, and said “whatever” before she turned and left your shared room.
But later that night she came in before bed and said matter-of-factly “Alright, here’s the deal: that monkey up on the shelf, with my name on its shirt? I’ve had that since I was born. It stays right there. I’m too old to really mess with him anymore but nobody else gets to either, got it? You don’t touch him. And this pillow, the dark blue one? It’s mine. I sleep on it every night; it’s my favorite. Nobody else touches it. Not you. Not my mom or dad. Nobody . Okay?”
And you just nodded, eyes wide and a little scared, because Alex’s voice was pretty harsh, and it was the longest she’d ever spoken to you all at once.
But then she continued a little gentler, “Anything else that is soft in this room, if you need it, when you feel all ‘floaty’ or whatever, is okay for you to use. Just make sure you put it back when you’re done.”
You managed to squeak out “really?” And she said “yeah. Really.” Then to clarify you asked “even your stuff? For whenever I need?” And she let out a quick exhale that sounded remarkably close to a laugh, rolled her eyes again, and said “Yeah, weirdo, whatever you need,” with a small grin, and then started walking to the bathroom before she turned around quickly and then pointed her finger at you and just as harshly as before said “but no monkey and no dark blue pillow.” And you nodded as quickly as you could and said “I know. I won’t. I promise.” She turned back around, and just before she got to the door you said more quietly, “Thank you. Alex,” and she stopped and nodded, without looking at you, before she left the room.
The rapid changes in her demeanor threw you, and you knew that “weirdo” wasn’t a nice word. Eliza yelled at her for referring to you as one the morning after you arrived. But this was the first truly nice thing she did for you that wasn’t at the direct request of her parents. And the way she said it this time sounded suspiciously like the tone Astra would use when she’d call you “Little One”.
After that, Alex started spending more time with you. She teased you any chance she got. Any time you’d watch a movie, she’d look at you and say with one eyebrow raised, “I’ll make us some popcorn, if you can handle that?” and by then you’d gotten pretty good at rolling your eyes too, so that’s how you’d respond.
She took any opportunity to bring up your faults, the ways you didn’t quite fit in, the more memorable of your “adjustment issues”, but it didn’t feel like she was making fun of you. It felt like she was reminding you of all of the shared history you were building together. Of all the ways you’d already come so far. The ways she had, too.
These days, your relationship consists mostly of long hugs and “I love yous”, supportive pep talks and stark declarations of how much you mean to each other. But you still have a special place in your heart for the way she teases you, the first way she ever showed you any affection, so that you’d hold onto the sound of her voice saying “weirdo” as tight as you would to any of her pillows when you missed home.
And so now you smile, a good sport, as the conversation turns to all of your movie theater misadventures. As Alex starts in on how much it took to get you through a full movie.
When the three of you are together, stories from your and Alex’s childhood always come up. It reminds Alex that it wasn’t all bad. That she gained at least as much as she’s lost over the past decade and a half.
Maggie loves these anecdotes too. You know that she had a pretty tough childhood and an enough rougher adolescence. You can’t save her from that, but you can give her a little piece of your and Alex’s shared youth. You can give tales of the girl the woman she loves used to be that she can’t help but soak up like a sponge.
You revel in rehashing your adolescence. You all know what every moment means to you. To Alex. But you also know that there are some things she can never understand.
Like what it means to be abandoned. To find yourself in the complete unknown in your early teens.
Maggie knows. You don’t know her whole story, but you've had time to talk, away from Alex. You know she lost her world at around the same age you did. You know she gets it. In a way that Alex never will. Even though she’s spent a lifetime trying for you.
Alex knows the intricacies of both of your stories, she deserves to, but she can never truly know that type of loss. You love her. More than anything. You are happy to spend your entire life making sure that she never knows that type of pain.
You know that Maggie feels the same. Alex has shielded you both, and loved you both, and healed you both, and this is a small favor in comparison.
You once told Alex that she is the only reason you ever felt at home on this planet. It was always Alex. Since that moment she first called you a weirdo.
You were given something that Maggie wasn’t. A chance to experience that type of healing when you were still young enough for it to become a part of you. To get to have Alex as you grew up. Maggie regularly tells you how lucky you are. Reminds you that things could have been so much harder.
She’s helped you realize that your biggest miracle wasn’t narrowly escaping the explosion that killed your entire planet. It was everything that came after - the time in the phantom zone, the journey to Earth, Kal-el’s relationship with the Danvers.
The most incredible marvel of your life will always be landing in exactly the right place at exactly the right time to find the one being in the universe who was always supposed to be your sister.
The three of you share a common theme of trauma, but also of recovery. And right now, in this moment, you’re all happy.
You think about the journeys that ---
Wait. Wait. Hold up. What?
You’ve never heard this part of the story before.
“What do you mean the first time you saw the Road to El Dorado ? The first time wasn’t with me?”
Alex stills, her eyes blown wide, a tell tale sign she’s said too much. “No, I, no pffft, of course that was the first time. That’s what I meant. The first time when I saw it with you.
Maybe it was the comfort of Maggie’s arm slung around her shoulder, or what seems to be at least her 3rd beer, or the excitement of the story, but Alex said more than she meant to. Maggie must notice it too because she’s looking between you, quiet, but aware that you’ve gone off script.
“Alex. What did you do? Before we saw that movie? What did you do for me?”
“Nothing. I took you too some movies. They were too much for you, and then we found that one and you liked it. End of story.” She takes a long, slow sip of her beer while looking away from both of you.
“No. No . There was something else. You just said it. What did you do for me Alex?”
Alex straightens up and finally looks back at you, “nothing. Just...drop it. Okay?”
Maggie reaches out and touches the small of Alex’s back. Alex closes her eyes for a split second, and as Maggie’s hand starts to slowly rub up and down, you see her whole body relax.
“It’s okay, babe.” You aren’t sure if that’s Maggie encouraging Alex to continue, or giving her permission to stop. Maybe both. Either way, you’re glad Alex has her, in this moment. You briefly wonder if this moment was always waiting for Maggie.
After a long sigh Alex says “fine”, then makes eye contact and again says “fine”.
“I...You couldn’t handle the loud noises. The explosions. There were a lot of things you couldn’t handle back then. But I knew how badly you wanted to sit through a movie, and I knew you’d like it if I could just….if I found the right one. So I did. For a couple weeks I told you I was going to science fair prep, but I was watching every PG movie that was out. I’d leave once there was something that would’ve triggered you. The Road to El Dorado was the first one I made it all the way through so a couple days later that’s the one I took you too. The end.”
“ You did that for me? How many movies did you go to?”
She rolls her eyes and shrugs “I don’t know. 3? 4? Does it matter?”
“Yes!” You think this might matter more than anything between you ever has.
“Look, Kar, it was a long time ago. You were new. Mom and dad made me promise I’d take you to a movie, so I did. It’s no big deal.”
“Yes it is, Alex. It’s a very big deal! Right, Maggie?”
Maggie looks startled, like her role in this conversation was supposed to be a non-speaking part and you just pulled her into something she hadn’t prepared for. She starts “well, I mean...it looks like it means a lot to Kara”.
Alex looks at her and lets out a quick “duh. Of course it means a lot of Kara. Everything does.” She briefly glances back at you, then back to Maggie. “But it’s just normal big sister stuff. Right? Mags?”
Maggie, taken aback again, looks at you for a few moments and softens. “My sister used to make me sit at least two runs in front of her and her friends. I think that’s more big sister stuff. I think was you did was...it was Alex Danvers stuff.”
Alex looks a little betrayed. Like she expected Maggie to back her up. To let this whole thing drop, despite the fact that you know they’ve been working on Maggie telling the truth about things that happened to her as a kid.
You try to let her off the hook with “Alex, why didn’t you ever tell me about this”
“I didn’t want you to feel bad. Like you were too much work or something. I just wanted you to enjoy a movie.”
“I did!”
“I know.”
“But why didn’t you tell me later. It’s been what? 15 years? You didn’t think I could handle it?”
“No Kara, come on, I know you could handle it. But you shouldn’t have to. You deserve to have normal memories of normal kid stuff. Everything doesn’t have to be a whole ordeal.”
“But it was, wasn’t it? For you.”
“For you, too. I just...I wanted you to have something easy. I wanted us both to have something easy.”
“Thank you.”
“Yeah, whatev-”, a deep breath as Maggie’s hand gently squeezes right under her neck, “you’re welcome”.
“What else did you do for me? That I don’t know about?”
She lets out a broken “Kara” as a tear finally breaks through and rolls down her cheek. It occurs to you that you’re crying too. You’re not sure when you started.
Maggie jumps in, moving slowly, clearing away bottles and containers, voice gentle, like she’s afraid she’ll startle you both, “I think that might be enough revelations for one night. Maybe we should just go watch some Parks and Rec ?
Alex says a hasty “yes” before she even finishes, but Maggie grabs her before she can walk away, takes both of Alex’s hands in hers. “Wait, wait, not yet. You’re not getting away that easy. What you did back then? It was amazing. You are amazing , Alex.” She tilts her head down, looks right into Alex’s eyes, raises her eyebrows, like she’s daring Alex not to brush off the compliment. Alex just nods slightly, kisses her on the cheek.
You’ve never loved Maggie more than you do in this moment.
Still holding Alex’s hands, she turns and says, “And Kara, whatever Alex did for you when you were kids, you deserved all of it. Every single thing.”
And, you spoke too soon.
You smile at her, notice that she squeezes Alex’s hands once before she lets her go. Alex immediately turns to go into the living room, but you stop her, pull her into a hug. She hugs you back, mumbles “I love you” into your shoulder. As you start to pull back you say, “yeah, I love you too, weirdo”. She snorts, as you let her go.
Maggie walks over and says “you okay, LD?” and you respond with “yeah, I’m great” as you turn to look at your sister who is heavily invested in navigating Netflix. “We still have a lot more talk about but we’ll get there”. She’s looking at Alex with the same affection you’re sure you’re wearing too. “I’m sure you will.”
She squeezes your arm. You quietly say “thank you” without specifying what exactly for. You’re not sure if you even know but you know that she gets it. It took you both a while to get here, but after you got past your differences, you realized you have two pretty important things in common: an understanding of how to sacrifice for the greater good, and a home in the form of your sister.
She says “go ahead, I’ll get the ice cream.”
And as you and Alex are trying to get comfortable next to each other, with tonight’s revelation sitting between you, Maggie comes into the living room, sets down 5 containers and 3 spoons and says thoughtfully, “wait, Danvers, so does this mean that, once upon a time, you managed to stay awake during an entire movie?”
You laugh as Alex turns around, indignant, an emotion she wears more comfortably than any of the more vulnerable ones you forced her into tonight, and a rejoinder at the ready.
Maggie turns and winks at you, just as Alex starts to threaten her. You marvel at how effortlessly Maggie became a part of the family. At how much effort Alex put in to create this family in the first place. As they bicker next to you over the
Parks and Rec
theme song, your mouth closes over an overflowing spoonful of cookies and cream, and you think that you’ve never been more grateful for your sisters.