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Atsushi looks at his watch, and up again at Kunikida, smiling a little nervously, “Ah, I actually had plans today, Kunikida-san, but it could wait for another time. Do you need me for work?”
Kunikida lifts an eyebrow, and closes his notebook with a sharp snap, “Plans?"
"Well, it's Friday and Akutagawa's off, so we thought—"
"Wait, wait, wait," Naomi pipes up from her desk, looking surprised, "Akutagawa? Like, Port Mafia's Akutagawa?"
"Yes?"
Kunikida has the most skeptical look on his face, "I don't mean to pry, and I don't really care, but you're meeting Akutagawa Ryuunosuke on a Friday night to do...what exactly?"
Atsushi really doesn't understand what’s going on but figures that he should tread carefully, "We're going to go to a new teahouse that opened near the stadium."
Naomi gasps, covering her mouth with a hand, "Like a date?!"
"A what?"
"Interesting," Kunikida cut in, ignoring the wide eyed looks Atsushi and Naomi are trading, "It's not a trap, is it? We won't need to save your ass if anything goes awry?"
"Atsushi-kun has been meeting Akutagawa regularly for a while now," Kyouka says, from her own desk next to Atsushi's. She doesn't seem surprised in the least, of course, "Since they worked on a few cases together."
"Huh. He doesn’t want to kill you anymore, I take it?"
Atsushi closes his mouth, tearing his gaze away from Naomi to address Kunikida, "Uh, he probably still does. He's tolerable. Okay but, Naomi-san, I don’t think it’s a date, it’s just—"
“That’s bizarre,” Tanizaki joins in the conversation with a thoughtful tone, and Naomi nods aggressively in agreement, “It’s weird to think that you’d willingly spend time with him. Considering your history.”
Atsushi would admit that it really is odd. But he doesn’t think he could explain whatever he has with Akutagawa properly to anyone, even if he tries his hardest. Kyouka comes to his defense, for some reason, “They work really well together. And Akutagawa-san has changed, since their partnership. So has Atsushi, to be honest. I think they’re good for each other.”
Her phrasing somehow feels weird, and Atsushi’s face feels hot, “Okay, that might be taking it a little too far—“
“Sounds adorable!” Naomi coos, twirling a strand of her hair around her index finger, “A little disturbing, but still adorable! You’re totally going on a date, Atsushi-san.”
Everything feels like a trap. Atsushi looks wildly at Kunikida, trying to ask for help. Kunikida’s eyebrow isn’t raised anymore, but he sure doesn’t seem aware of Atsushi’s plight. “Uh, anyway Kunikida-san, what did you need me for?”
“Nothing important, actually. Nothing you can’t miss. If you have plans, go ahead. Just remember,” Kunikida pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, all serious, “Don’t play with fire.”
It’s fair advice. Atsushi’s a little taken aback, but he nods, “Okay. Akutagawa…isn’t fire, though. He could be. But not lately.”
“You would know.” It’s matter of fact, and Kunikida’s right. Atsushi would know.
He senses Naomi's giggling before actually hearing it, "Sooo, what are you going to wear for your date?"
Everything is a trap.
/
"It's been rescheduled for today, Akutagawa-senpai," Higuchi says, tucking her smartphone away, "The meeting with the foreign suppliers. You are required there."
"Damn it," Akutagawa curses under his breath, frowning at the ground, "Hm. No way around it?"
"I'm afraid not, Senpai." Higuchi watches him mutter to himself, and is overcome by a strong sense of curiosity, "Do you have something else planned?"
Akutagawa shoots her a glance, considers telling her to mind her own business, but—he supposes he could confide in someone, now and then. Even in Higuchi.
"I promised Jinko we'd go somewhere today."
He sees the surprise in her eyes, how they go wide for a while as she processes his statement, "Oh? Nakajima Atsushi?"
"Who else."
"Oh, um. I know you've been working together recently under Dazai-san's guidance. I didn't think you were...acquaintances?"
Akutagawa grunts, his consequent silence challenging. If Higuchi has anything to say, she better say it now.
Higuchi seems to be thinking hard. She looks confused. "Not to pry, but has this been going on for long?"
"A while. Why."
"I don't mean any disrespect Senpai, really," Higuchi says, her tone contemplative, "But you have been a little different lately. In a good way? I'm unsure. But you seem more at peace. Which is odd, if Nakajima Atsushi is the cause."
Akutagawa's mouth twists, "Shut up, Higuchi."
"Sorry, Senpai. I really didn't mean to offend. It's just...he isn’t spying on us on behalf of the Detective Agency?”
“I really doubt it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. But even if, I’m not one who mixes business with pleasure,” If Higuchi is scandalized, she doesn’t show it, “He wouldn’t get anything out of me. And I’d kill him. He knows it.”
Higuchi nods, though she looks a little uncertain. Akutagawa lets it slide. He doesn’t share details of his life with Higuchi often, because it’s none of her business. This isn’t any of her business, either. So what she thinks doesn’t really matter.
“If you need any kind of assistance, I’m always available, Senpai.”
“I’m not a child.”
“Of course not. But it’s my duty to assist you anyway I can.” A long-standing debate between them that Akutagawa isn’t in the mood to address right that moment. He needs to text Atsushi, to cancel their plans.
“Fine.”
Higuchi seems to be satisfied with his agreement, nodding once. “It’s never a bad thing to be too wary, I think. Our profession calls for it. I do think it wise for you to make sure that there isn’t anything fishy going on with Nakajima Atsushi. Just to be safe, Akutagawa-senpai.”
Akutagawa scowls, but realizes the truth in her words. Then again, he doesn’t think anyone could really make sense of his relationship with Atsushi. Even Akutagawa sometimes struggles to fathom how their outings came to be. It feels right, though, and Akutagawa doesn’t expect anyone else to get it.
He retrieves his phone and finds that he has a text from Atsushi asking if their plan was still in motion. He’s recently been using kaomojis (courtesy of one of the Tanizakis, Akutagawa can’t specify), and it shouldn’t be endearing, but it is.
If Atsushi really is a spy, Akutagawa will still definitely kill him. (It would be a shame.)
/
Atsushi sees Akutagawa approach from his periphery, so he turns around and lifts a hand in greeting. The sea breeze lifts Akutagawa’s coat a little, and blows his hair in a direction, and it’s almost laughably cool-looking. Akutagawa has always looked dramatic, intentionally or not.
“The moon’s full,” Akutagawa says once he’s close enough. Atsushi glances up to look, and he’s right, “Your hair looks blue.”
“Huh,” Atsushi touches his hair, trying to see if he could see what Akutagawa’s seeing, “Does it look strange?”
“Not really. Perhaps a little.”
Atsushi huffs, and turns to Akutagawa. He’s been thinking about the awkward conversation he had at the office for days, now. “Hey. I want to ask you something.”
Akutagawa’s eyes narrow a little in suspicion, “Ask me what?”
“Are we dating?”
The narrowed eyes go wide, and Atsushi really can’t blame Akutagawa for his reaction. The question seems out of nowhere now that he considers it. Akutagawa’s frowning a little now, but he seems to be thinking. He folds his arms and his expression softens.
"Dating implies romance. So it depends, are there romantic emotions involved between us?" Akutagawa looks at Atsushi straight in the eyes, “Do you feel such emotions for me?”
Suddenly, Atsushi regrets this semi-new habit of talking everything out with Akutagawa. It has its perks; Akutagawa's opinions and thoughts on things sometimes helps, Atsushi values them; but this feels like another trap. This feels like dangerous waters.
"Do you? For me?"
Akutagawa's mouth twists, "I asked you first, Jinko."
Atsushi scoffs, but looks away, needing to think about it. Does he have romantic feelings for Akutagawa? The idea seems wild. They were enemies, and then not really; became odd, on-and-off allies. He's never felt for anyone the way he feels about Akutagawa. He really isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or not. Things between them has morphed from obsessive and unhealthy and full of hate into…something that is milder. Safer? Something that exists only for the two of them, something that leads Atsushi to Akutagawa over and over again.
He really isn’t sure himself. Atsushi decides to just speak his mind.
"I've never felt anything romantic towards anyone before, so I don't know what it's like. I can't tell."
Akutagawa gives him a look, an eyebrow raised, but nods in understanding, "That's fair. I don't know how it feels either."
They've never talked about romance before, but Atsushi isn't surprised. He hates to admit it, but they really are alike in more ways than one. Akutagawa doesn't seem like someone who would dabble in relationships, because so does Atsushi. To think of Akutagawa as someone who is capable of being romantic and showing affection is less difficult lately, but it still doesn’t seem to suit Akutagawa.
Then again, Atsushi is always finding something new about his partner.
"I'm not sure what it's supposed to be like. So I mean—" Atsushi glances at Akutagawa, and away again, unsure if he's even making sense, " If we were dating...I wouldn't know it. I wouldn’t know what to do."
“Hm. I don’t think there’s any set guidelines or rules about being in a romantic relationship.”
Atsushi rubs at the back of his head, feeling a little frustrated for virtually no reason, “Yeah what is it anyway? I get that it’s romantic, but what is it, exactly? When does hanging out turn into dating? A verbal agreement? A contract? Romantic gestures? It’s so confusing.”
Akutagawa makes a noise of agreement. For a while, they just stand at the pier in silence, deep in thought. Atsushi chews at the insides of his cheek, and decides to speak once again.
“The idea of doing whatever it is people who date do with you isn’t…entirely weird, I guess. Still weird. But it’s not…”he gestures a little with his hands, trying to make a point, but finding it really difficult all of a sudden to speak, “You know.”
“Elaborate.”
He glances at Akutagawa and realizes that Akutagawa’s serious, looking at him with an intense expression. He grits his teeth. Sometimes he really hates Akutagawa so much, for making him do this, and for other things, “I mean, if we actually had been dating all this while, it would be odd, but not that odd. We seem to have a tendency to be in weird situations together. We’ve gotten this far. I’ve gotten to know you personally and I don’t think—you’re not bad company. Or I wouldn’t have been spending time with you as much as I am.” He’s speaking in a rush; he’s unsure how to explain away whatever he’s feeling right now, “I don’t want to stroke your ego or anything, but dating you doesn’t seem like a bad thing?”
Perhaps Akutagawa would kill him for assuming such things. Atsushi is slightly hoping that that’s the case, because he already feels like he wants to die a little.
Akutagawa shifts, the movement catching Atsushi’s eyes and he makes the mistake of looking directly at Akutagawa. Except that it’s not a mistake.
Akutagawa’s smiling. Just a small, almost nonexistent smile, but it’s there. His arms are still folded and he’s looking at the ground and he’s smiling.
“It wouldn’t be so bad, no.”
Atsushi feels a little unhinged. Not in a bad way, in a good, good way, in all honesty, and he laughs a little, nervous and flitting, “Why are you smiling, that’s creepy.”
Akutagawa is instantly offended, “You’re creepy. You’re smiling too, Jinko.”
“Well I—“ Atsushi tries to school his expression, then realizes that he couldn’t if he tried, “I guess I am. We’re creepy.”
“Hm. At least you’re not totally unaware,” Akutagawa unfolds his arms, and Atsushi isn’t sure who moves closer, but suddenly they’re close enough to touch, “So. If we’re dating. Nothing really changes.”
Atsushi shakes his head, “No, I don’t think so.”
“Good. Do you still want to go to that teahouse?”
“Absolutely,” Atsushi perks up right away, “I’ve been thinking about the frog-shaped manju you told me about all week.” It was true, and he was impatient to actually put them in his mouth, “Let’s go now?”
Akutagawa nods and they turn away from the ocean. Atsushi feels something against his left hand, thought it the sea breeze, but sea breeze doesn’t have fingers that’d squeeze his own.
Akutagawa’s holding his hand. It doesn’t feel like much, just warmth and pressure of another hand in his and Atsushi’s very aware of it, but it doesn’t feel bad. It feels…different.
“This is weird,” Akutagawa says, looking down at their hands as they walk, “Isn’t it weird?”
“It’s weird. Probably because we’ve never done it.”
“Should I stop?”
“I really don’t mind.” He squeezes Akutagawa’s hand a little, “I’m not used to it but I guess that’s natural.”
Momentary peace, till Akutagawa’s pulls Atsushi’s hand up with a jerk, so suddenly that Atsushi stops walking, “A question. Are you spying on me?”
Atsushi blinks, very confused, “What? No.”
Akutagawa holds his gaze for a good ten seconds before letting up on his grip, “Alright. Just to get that out of the way,” Akutagawa seems smug, “I knew I was right.”
“What in the world are you talking about?”
“Nothing important.” Akutagawa brushes a thumb over Atsushi’s knuckles and releases his hand, “We’ll have to work on the details of all this. It does seem awkward.”
“Yeah,” Atsushi says, even though his has to flex his fingers a lot, thinking about the sensation of Akutagawa’s hand in his, thinking about how despite all this, he had been ready to fight Akutagawa at the slightest threat, “Baby steps.”
It all seems to be out of control. Everything involving Akutagawa feels that way somehow, like they’re on some sort of trajectory, a path that coincides no matter what, even after everything they’ve done to each other, full of fighting and discovery and an odd satisfaction. It almost feels inevitable, but it doesn’t feel like imminent doom. It feels promising.
Atsushi’s excited.