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‘’Fuck man I’m exhausted, being an Empath is much more work than I planned it to be.’
He was walking with Lydia to Bio-chem and the smell of her perfume wafted down the hall like a siren.
‘’I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be feeling so horny and depressed at the same time. It’s a dangerous concoction. It’s like I want to sob into someone’s neck while fucking them into a wall…’ He paused in thought. ‘’Though, I have to admit it’s really coming in handy for weeding out the mole.’’
‘’Really Stiles, we’re surrounded by frustrated teenagers, what did you expect? Also please refrain from the details, you paint a picture far too well.’’
‘’I will take that as a compliment.’’ But adds in an almost inaudible mumble, ‘’… it seems strange you’re complaining when most of the frustration is coming from you.’’
-
Stiles most probably deserved the bruise now forming at the base of his skull.
He went through the rest of the day taking notes about his feelings while scanning potential Perps. Stiles was starting to think his life would make a really good cop drama. He got distracted by this concept for a good ten minutes, scribbling down outrageously good names like ‘Detective feels’ and wondering if Ryan Gosling would be available for the part.
He was in the middle of that musing when Scott grabbed him from his desk and ushered him out the building.
‘’We have to go,’’ was the limit to an explanation but the urgency he emitted made Stiles almost sprint alongside him.
‘’Ok, Partner.’’ He should invest in some shades.
The bizarre journey ended when they got to Derek’s loft.
Scott had filled him in briefly on the situation; Derek had caught someone breaking in through the window and sent him flying into the opposing brick wall. Apparently the magical solution buzzing around Stiles brain might have been a giant waste of time. That’s where the suspect lay, head down with crimson drops along his forehead. He looked how Stiles felt. Literally.
‘’Not dead.’’ Derek said, reassuringly. ‘’Stop looking at me like that, you’d have done the same.’’ Scott gaped with disbelief while Stiles kept silent.
Stiles looked at Derek oddly, it was like a spotlight had been beamed onto him. There were emotional layers lapped on top of one another in a complex maze and it was the first time Stiles had felt such an intricacy all day. It was a simple thing to realise that, yes, 'people other than you do have feelings' but it’s devastating to learn that some are even much more raw and bloody than you could have ever felt or imagined.
Stiles let out a blip of a noise which was all nasal fluid and no coherence. Scott and Derek both snapped their heads in his direction, eying him with concern.
‘’Just… err…’’ He cleared his throat. ‘’What shall we do about him?’’
He sauntered over with an air of pseudo-confidence but nudged the lying body with hesitation. Derek had followed his steps and was now side by side with more than heat between them.
‘’Obviously we have to find out what he wants. We’ll tie him up and give him a bit of werewolf hospitality.’’
It was hard to concentrate on the situation when waves of self-loathing were crushing down upon Stiles. It was strange but he had never thought of Derek as being profound, sure he was grumpy and passionate in his own bizzaro way but never deeper than the layer of chocolate on a Kit Kat bar.
Cue Stiles' time to speak. ‘’Assuming he is the spy, why would he risk such an overt mission?’’ Why was his voice wobbly? Focus.
Derek answered to the back of Stiles head. ‘’How should I kno-‘’ he stopped short and turned Stiles with a whirl to face him.
‘’Wait. Are you crying?’’
Stiles touched his face and found it slick with tears, he quickly rubbed his eyes with the back of his sleeve. ‘’I… am not an advocate of violence. Ha. Ha…’’ He laughed feebly and unconvincingly. The proximity of Derek was too much to handle so he backed away with haste, retreating to the safe haven of Scott once more.
Scott patted his shoulder affectionately and made the excuses for him. ‘’We are trying some new erm… ideas from Deaton and the side effects well…’’ He gestured towards a shaken Stiles. Derek nodded slowly meeting Stiles gaze with a quirked eyebrow. Curiosity, Stiles knew it well.
They left pretty speedily after that.
‘’Stiles…wait up!’’ Scott caught up with an ease that would make Usain Bolt impressed. ‘’Spill.’’
‘’It's Derek… he feels so much Scott that it scares me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that, not even for a second and for him it’s just a constant hum of destruction.’’ He paused to add, ‘’He cares about you, you know. When he wiggles his eyebrows like a caterpillar he does it with a burst of affection.’’
Scott looked genuinely terrified but his puppy face soon screwed up in apprehension, ‘’Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. If it’s affecting you so much we should see Deaton and he can reverse the magic.’’
Scott may have had a valid point but Stiles was determined to see this through. ‘’No, not now at least not until after we get the information we need. ‘’ Scott looked concerned. ‘’Trust me. I can handle it.’’
-
He couldn’t.
It was the day after and they’d arranged to meet at 10am sharp for the beginning of the questioning. However, today was different. Derek was still an emotionally constipated train wreck but today it hurt, like a lot. In fact, it felt like a fist to the groin might hurt less.
It took Stiles all of 5 minutes to research his way to enlightenment, through the trusty use of 3G. It was the date that Derek’s family had burned in the fire. Stiles felt an admiration for how he kept standing, broad and tall with nothing outwardly changed from yesterday. Just another day... except it wasn’t.
Isaac had just finished tightening the rope around the hostage’s ankles when they walked in. Stiles eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and Scott was yawning with a slack jaw.
‘’So, what we looking at?’’ Stiles referred to the strapped up blonde man with a sock on his mouth.
Isaac was the one to reply. ‘’Not spoken much, quite tame really.’’
Derek was fiddling with a sharp edged knife, cutting up an apple harshly. No doubt trying to look intimidating in front of the detainee. A rush of questions all came at once. ‘’What were you looking for? Who do you work for?’’
‘’I work alone.’’ He had a face full of haughtiness that made him almost believable but his heart rate had peaked dramatically and Stiles could feel his lie.
Stiles interjected, ‘’He’s lying, he’s scared of something or someone.’’ Derek looked up.
‘’We know. How do you know he’s lying?’’
‘’Is that an accusation?’’ Stiles retaliated, he didn’t mean to sound so angry but Derek’s mood was rubbing off on him.
Scott then put his foot in it. ‘’...you don’t know?’’
‘’What do you mean? Know what?’’
Scott eyed Stiles. He tried to telepathically bro-vibe him into keeping his mouth shut but to no avail. The last thing he wanted was for Derek to find out, not today.
‘’Stiles is kind of an Empath... temporarily.’’ Fuckity Fuck.
‘’Wait. You can feel my emotions?’’ He looked worried. No strike-that, he was worried.
‘’He can feel all of our emotions, not just yours.’’
Derek locked into Stiles’ eyes. He was well aware of his own emotional state and now knew Stiles was too.
He tossed the knife to the side. ‘’I’m done.’’ He stormed out, avoiding eye contact.
Sties was loss for words, the absence was evident but he still didn’t feel cured, a ghost of the pain lingered.
‘’I hope you’re not all that unhinged.’’ Came a voice from below him.
Looking at the assailant deep in his eyes he bit back regret. ‘’Shut up. Let’s make this easy, you can’t lie undetected in front of 3 Werewolves and an Empath.’’
-
Stiles needed to end this but walking into the bear cave was probably not the smartest solution. He sensed he’d be there, just how Stiles always went to his mother’s grave on the anniversary of her death.
He walked in without knocking, knowing that Derek would hear the clomp of his converses on the burnt out wood. An eeriness that he always felt hovered around him. It was a house built for ghosts
Stiles spotted him in the kitchen sitting on the floor with his head backed up against the wall, looking up.
‘’Why are you here?’’ He said without moving.
‘’You know why. We can’t not talk about this’’
‘’We can but obviously your disrespect won’t allow that option.’’
Stiles was offended. ‘’Excuse me but I was thinking- I don’t know- maybe I could help.’’ Derek looked at him. It was a look of defeat, of a question, how? How could you possibly? He was asking. Stiles turned to play with a lone candle on the shelf.
‘’Alright. Fine. But can you cope, Derek? I feel like lifting descriptions of these emotions from a Bronte novel. They are just so deep and intricate, I can almost feel the pulse of every separate want or need in my skin.’’ He shivers in remembrance.
Spinning around almost enthusiastically Stiles cocks another load.
‘’It’s not just one block of emotion either, if you were just ‘sad’ I could handle that. That’s not complex and it’s easy to understand but you feel guilt that’s so tightly wrapped around the sad that there’s no way of prying the two apart.’’
Derek freezes with horror at the confession and tenses with fright, ‘’Stop it.’ He bites. Stiles isn’t even sure if he is talking about speaking or reading his emotions.
‘’Believe me, it’s all I want to be able to but I can’t. I need your help, I can’t concentrate on this looming villain if I am overcome like this all the time.’’
Derek’s anger boiled over. ‘’I said be quiet!’’
Stiles didn’t quit. ‘’Just tell me! Tell me how you deal with it because it’s too much for me.’’
At this Stiles slumped his shoulders and searched behind him for a chair to fall into.
Stiles felt a crack in Derek’s emotions and heard a cough that turned into speech. ‘‘…don’t handle it and I can’t cope. I make rash stupid decisions and let my anger overcome me. I try to forget but I also want to hold on…there’s almost a comfort in wallowing in my own misery because on some level I deserve it.’’ He said it all with a resigned voice and with a final blow sends Stiles over the edge.
‘’I need this guilt to survive, I need a reason why they are dead even if that reason is me.’’ Stiles nods with unmistakeable understanding and is unable to stop the tears cascading down his face.
‘’You do that a lot.’’ Derek commented with a sigh.
Stiles lets them fall. ‘’It’s called being comfortable with your manhood, big guy. Try it sometime.’’ He smiled warmly and Derek returned it with half the force.
A peace settled in the room. Stiles didn’t need to say anything, because this wasn’t about him. This was about a release, an expulsion. Nothing needed to be said at all.
‘’When was the last time you were hugged?’’ Well, except for a change of topic.
Now Derek looked truly scared. He put his hands out as a barrier between them. ‘’Wait. Don’t come near me.’’ He knocked over several discarded buckets in his retreat.
Stiles made for him tentatively. ‘’Come ‘ere, love duck.’’ He then began to sprint towards him, arms wide.
Derek ran towards the exit with a comic ferocity. Stiles was openly chortling after him as Derek changed direction and headed for the window instead. Luckily, Stiles was in close proximity and diagonally cut him up, barging into him and hugging the density of Derek’s back with vigour. He pushed his face between his shoulder blades.
‘’Now isn’t this nice. ‘’ Derek squirmed but a laugh vibrated through into Stiles. ‘Get off me…’’
The laughter died but the hug lingered, softening with an unclenching of Derek’s muscles. The mood changed drastically in those moments and with short breaths, the rise and fall of bodies against each other, there was a peak in heat and a fresh awareness of skin on skin. Stiles was now confused between Derek’s feelings and his own. Were they both feeling it or just one of them?
Stiles slowly returned his hands to his side and created a space between them once more. It was confirmed in Derek’s face that if not Stiles then Derek had definitely felt that charge of electricity.
‘’I guess I’ll leave you alone.’’ Derek nodded.
When he was half way out the door he heard an almost whisper.
‘’Stiles, Thank you.’’
Stiles shut the door behind him but spent a few seconds in thought on the other side. He needed to keep an eye on Derek, Rome wasn’t built in a day.