Work Text:
“Why do you even have to go, Steve? We should just stay in bed all day.” Bucky whines as they watch Steve put on his khakis. Bucky shakes their head fondly. They’ve tried to get Steve to buy more than one pair of jeans on multiple occasions, and Bucky has not succeeded once.
“Because it's for kids , Buck. It would be, like, terrible not to go. And it's only for a few hours, so really, it isn't that bad. I'll be home before you know it.” Steve answers as he tightens his belt, and it starts to sound like he's convincing himself as well.
“I know, baby. It's gonna be fine.” Bucky sits up in their bed, letting the blanket fall around their waist. They watch as Steve grabs a red button down, but Bucky shakes their head quickly and makes a semi-loud grunt. “The blue matches better.”
“Thanks. I don't know what I would do without you.” Steve says, and Bucky knows it's meant to be sarcastic, but Steve’s face is the giveaway. He's always been so expressive, even to a fault sometimes.
“What are you even doing for these kids anyway? Signing their finger paintings?”
“Uh, no. I'm talking to a first grade class about bullying and being nice to other people.” Steve runs his hands down his outfit and turns around to face Bucky. “So, what d’ya think?”
Bucky sees Steve, standing tall in front of them. They see Steve with his shirt tucked tight into his khakis, and his hair perfectly done. They see an awkward smile and slightly worried eyes. Bucky sees a poster boy. Bucky sees the man they love. “It's like I'm looking at a poster for anti bullying. You look perfect.”
“Thank you, Buck. You don't look half bad either.” Steve compliments, and his eyes linger on Bucky’s chest and abs for a second too long.
Bucky throws a pillow at his face. “My eyes are up here, jerk.”
“I know. Another thing I love about you.” Steve walks over to their bed and leans down to kiss Bucky. It's short and sweet, and Bucky feels very content afterward.
“Love you. I'll see you when you get back home.” Bucky whispers as their lips part, and he listens to Steve’s footsteps as he leaves the apartment.
*****
“When I was growing up, a lot of people were not very nice to me. They would call me names, they wouldn’t let me in their shops if they knew who I was, and they would hit me. It was not a good way to live, and it was hard to be myself when I knew that so many people were rooting against me. But I promised myself that I would not let the people who didn’t like me win, that I would get up every morning and walk down the street with my head held high. They would never see me give up, and I want all of you to try and do the same thing. It’s a hard thing to do, because sometimes it would just be easier to let the bad guys win, but you can’t let that happen. Be yourself, be proud of who you are, celebrate it, and one day you’ll see that you are doing better than the kid who was a jerk back in school.”
Steve subtly exhales heavily after his closing speech and looks out into his audience. He was mistaken when he told Bucky it was a first grade class, it was actually a fourth grade class. Steve was kind of glad about the mix up, he isn’t the best with young kids. Especially ones that don’t sit still for more than three minutes.
He sees twenty two pairs of eyes on him, and it takes him a second to process what they’re waiting for. “Oh, um, do any of you have any questions? You can ask me whatever you want.”
About half of the kids raise their hands. Steve sees Agent Hill wince behind the teacher’s desk, but he shakes his head. They’re just kids, what could they possibly ask him that would be bad?
He calls on someone in the front first, and she asks, “Why were those other people mean to you? You’re Captain America.”
Steve huffs out a laugh, and gives a small smile. “I wasn’t always Captain America, actually. When I was younger I was really small and got sick a lot, so I was an easy target.” Steve inhales, and makes eye contact with Hill for a handful of seconds. He knows she knows what he is silently asking, and she shrugs. Steve takes it to mean “ Go for it, it’s not like they aren’t going to find out in a few years. And they should hear it from you, someone who will lead them in the right direction. ”
“I, uh, I was also different in a sense that I dated whoever I liked, regardless of their gender, which wasn’t accepted back when I was growing up. And because I was also transitioning, to be more comfortable with myself. Because I'm trans.”
Twenty two pairs of curious eyes were on him again, and Steve waited for whatever came next. He would have lost a lot of money if he placed a bet on what the next kid would ask.
“Are the shoes you wear with your uniform uncomfortable?”
Steve snorts before he can compose himself, and responds, “Uh, honestly, a little bit. They make my pants bunch up around my ankles.”
He has a warm feeling in his chest for the rest of the time he spends in the elementary school classroom. These kids don’t care that he’s bi or trans, they just want to know what he likes to eat for lunch and what his favorite television show is. They needed no time to process what he said, and it gives Steve hope for the future. For what they’ll be able to accomplish when they have those kinds of opportunities.
Before Steve is able to pick another kid with their hand raised, a boy in the back calls out his question. “Who is Bucky Barnes?”
Steve feels the smile form on his face before he answers the questions. He couldn’t stop it if he tried. “Bucky is my partner. We were best friends for a lot of my childhood, and we both got injected with the same serum that made me Captain America, so they were able to make it to this century.”
Steve decides to leave out the whole ‘tortured and brainwashed for seventy years’ thing because he doesn’t think they’re ready for that.
“My mommy said Bucky was your boyfriend though. Is my mommy wrong?” A little girl in the front row asks, and Steve rushes to explain.
“Bucky isn't a boy. So that's why they aren't my boyfriend. It's like- I call them my partner because it’s another way to say that we're dating, and I don't have to call them a boy.”
She takes a moment to think about what Steve said, her little nose scrunches and her eyes stay focused on the carpet. Steve anxiously holds his breath as he waits for her response.
“Okay, cool.”
Before Steve can react, Hill is clapping her hands once and asking the teacher to bring the students back to the classroom.
After all the kids and staff members have left, Hill immediately corners Steve. Her tone goes from concerned, to accusatory, and then back to concerned. It's a little hard for Steve to keep up at first. “Are you okay? What were you thinking ? Do I need to-”
“Uh, yeah, everything is fine. Stop worrying so much, they're just kids.” Steve pats her on the shoulder twice before stepping aside and walking towards the door.
He hears her mumble something that sounds a lot like “Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.”, but he doesn't comment on it. He is still trying to process everything that just happened with those kids.
They didn’t care . Steve just came out to twenty two students, who are likely at least a little judgemental and critical of others, and they just accepted who he was. Steve leaves the room with a small smile on his face and a good feeling in his chest.
*****
Steve finds Bucky sitting on their couch, but they are sitting upside down, with their head hanging off the cushions. “Hey, babe. How was the talk with the kids?”
Steve gives them an upside down kiss before he answers. It’s a sweet kiss, nothing more than their lips sliding against each other, but Steve savors every second of it. Steve notices Bucky’s lips taste like cherries again, and he smiles into the kiss. Bucky’s favorite candy was always cherry flavored, and it makes Steve happy to know that Bucky is remembering more about themself.
“It was good. I kind of… came out to all of them? But, obviously they already knew, because of the news, but I told them directly. And they didn’t care, they were mostly interested in what my favorite television show is. But it was so nice to know that they were okay with everything.”
Bucky instantly rights themself and smiles at Steve. “Stevie, that’s great. I’m so proud of you.”
Steve smiles softly at Bucky, and sits down next to them. “Thanks, babe. What did you do while I was gone?”
“I, uh, called the local Jewish shelters. I asked what their policies were on Purim and donations, and most of them said they would be happy to take them. So in a few weeks, I’m gonna be giving the stuff out.” Bucky says, and they look so focused when they describe the holiday that Steve can’t stop himself from giving Bucky a kiss on their cheek.
“Ooh, that does sound fun.” Steve must be making the face he usually makes when he doesn’t fully understand something, because Bucky is also giving him the look that means, ‘I know that you don’t know what I’m talking about, but that is okay.’
“ So, Steve , Purim is a holiday that symbolizes the victory of Jewish people over the people who wanted to kill them, basically. There are prayers that some people do, but a lot of people donate packages of candy and other foods to shelters and soup kitchens. It’s just a really fun and colorful day for everyone who celebrates it.”
“Oh, Bucky that sounds so nice. Do- do you want my help?” Steve asks, and he wrings his hands for a moment before Bucky answers. Steve is always worried that he’s overstepping his bounds with Bucky, even though Bucky has told him that they always want Steve around. Steve just worries that there will be one time where he asks, and Bucky will say ‘no, not today.’ , and Steve should have known that that was the time he was supposed to back off and give Bucky their space.
Bucky must know what’s going on in Steve’s head, because he puts a hand on his shoulder and hopes “Hey, babe, of course I want you around, I always do. Remember what I said? That I’ll let you know how I’m feeling, and how much I’m comfortable with. You just have to trust me, Steve.”
“Right, right, you’re right, I’m sorry.” Steve nods, and takes a deep breath. “Okay, so, what do I need to do to help you?”
“Uhm, well, we really just have to get the food and candy and put it into gift bags and boxes. And sometimes I used to write little notes in the boxes, so I think I’m going to do that again.”
“That sounds great, I can’t wait to help.”
*****
@SteveRogers18 : Today is Trans Day of Visibility- March 31st, 2017. Things are scary for trans and nonbinary people right now, there is no denying it. Trans rights are human rights, and to have so many people disagree is disheartening. It is incredibly difficult to see so many people argue against the simple fact that trans and nonbinary people are just as human and deserving of rights as cis people. Trans people are being attacked, killed, assaulted, and it is getting worse every day. I will not stop fighting, even though millions of people would like me to. I will not give up, and I hope none of you will give up.
@bbxrnes : totally agree. keep fighting and keep being you <3. i’m proud of all of us #Repost @SteveRogers18
. . .
Today is Trans Day of Visibility- March 31st, 2017. Things are scary for trans and nonbinary….
*****
“Steve, as you know, it is customary for Jewish people to name their children after lost relatives. So, I thought we could name our first child after my sister.”
Steve blinks in quick succession, and minutely shakes his head. “Buck, I- I have so many questions. One, that is a cat and not a child. Two, will the cat’s name be Rebecca? Three, where did you get the cat? And four , I didn-”
“I didn’t realize that we were playing twenty questions. Steve, calm down, it’s just a cat, and I got her from the shelter a couple blocks over. And the name I have chosen for her is Reid.” Bucky sits down next to Steve and puts the cat in his lap. Steve stares at her, but slowly pets her leg.
Steve then moves his skeptical gaze to Bucky. “You said you wanted to name the cat after your sister, because of the tradition...”
“It doesn’t always have to be like, the exact name. It can resemble the name, start with the same letter, or be the same name altogether.” Bucky explains, and their eyes get a little sparkly talking about Jewish traditions and customs. Steve loves it, and he wants to see it every day for as long as he lives.
A lightbulb goes off in Steve’s head, and he has to ask the question. “Did any part of you, even an incredibly small part, pick the name Reid because you have a crush on that guy from Criminal Minds?”
Bucky blushes, but they try and hide it. “Maybe. But you can't say it isn't a good name!”
Steve holds up his hands in surrender, and fondly smiles at Bucky and the cat. Their cat . “How was your day? Besides picking up this wonderful cat.”
“It was fine, pretty normal. I got coffee from that place, you know the one, and then I saw the shelter. I walked in the door, and she was on the counter, staring at me. It was like destiny.” Bucky says as they pet down the cat’s back, which is still in Steve's lap.
Steve doesn't say that the cat was probably looking at them because of the noise the door made, instead, he smiles and runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “You're so cute.”
Bucky tilts their head and smiles at Steve, and their eyes are almost closed with the force of their smile. Steve loves Bucky, and he doesn’t know how things could be better than this exact moment.
Steve snaps back into focus when the cat’s nails dig into his thigh. As Steve extracts the cat from his leg, he asks Bucky is they picked up any cat supplies. As Bucky excitedly goes to get everything they bought at the pet store, Steve takes a moment to appreciate how happy he is.
He’s got an amazing partner, who is incredibly loving and patient with him, he’s happy in his body and with his identity, he doesn’t have to hide who he is every time he walks down the street and sees someone he doesn’t know, and he now has a cute cat. Things aren’t so bad.
*****
They are eating breakfast when Bucky first asks the question. “Did we ever break into a building and take something?”
“Uh, no. I don’t think so. Why? Do you remember us doing that?” Steve wonders, but he doesn’t want to get Bucky’s hopes up. That doesn’t sound like something he would do.
“I don’t know. I woke up this morning and I had a faint memory of us doing that together. I remembered us being teenagers, and that I thought it was a really important thing.” Bucky concentrates more on the memory, and Steve doesn’t know whether to tell them it was probably a dream, or maybe they might be mixing memories from when they were under HYDRA control. “Or, I don’t know, maybe it was a dream.”
“Well, I’ll think about it too. Maybe I’m the one who is forgetting it.” Steve pushes around his eggs and gives Bucky a meaningful look. “Don’t give up on this one, okay?”
Bucky nods, and they continue on with their breakfast. Bucky mentions how Reid woke them up in the middle of the night with a claw in their cheek, which leads to them looking for safe ways to keep cat claws away from their faces.
*****
Steve remembers when he is out grocery shopping with Sam, and he nearly drops the can of cat food he was holding in his hand. He doesn’t know what made him remember, their conversation had nothing to do with what Bucky and he did all those years ago. “We did take something from a very important building. They were right, oh God.”
“Steve, man, what the hell are you talking about?” Sam asks, and Steve would explain everything, but he remembers the look Bucky had on their face at breakfast when Steve said he didn’t remember. He has to go back and tell Bucky.
“I- Bucky and I- a long time ago, we did something and they remembered but I didn’t, but now I do, and I have to go tell them. I- Sorry, Sam, can we do this later?” Steve realizes he is rambling, so he takes a breath and starts again. “It’s just, they looked so sad that they couldn’t remember, and I don’t-”
“Say no more. I get it, go to Bucky. Call me later, man.” Sam pats him on the shoulder and lightly shoves him towards the exit, and as Steve walks away he promises he will call Sam later.
*****
Steve bursts through the door, and he calls out Bucky’s name, but he doesn’t hear anything back. He listens for any sounds coming from the apartment, but he hears none. “Bucky?!” he tries again, but he doesn’t get a response that time either.
No need to panic, Steve. Bucky is their own person, and they can do whatever they want to do. Chill the fuck out. Steve thinks to himself, and he takes a few deep breaths on top of that. Steve will just wait here for Bucky, and he will be calm.
Waiting for Bucky to get home proves to be harder than he thought it would be. Steve must have just missed them when they left the apartment, because Bucky comes back twenty five minutes later, with Reid on a leash and a light jacket on. Steve forgets everything he was worried about for a second and immediately takes a picture of Bucky and their cat.
“Steve! I thought you were out shopping with Sam?” Bucky questions as they hang up their coat and unclips the leash from their cat. Steve will save that conversation for later.
“I was, but then I remembered something. You were right, Bucky, we did steal something from a very important building. My birth certificate.”
*****
“Buck, I don’t think this is a good idea. We could get caught.” Steve whispers, but he can’t see, so he hopes he is whispering in Bucky’s direction.
“Steve, stop worryin’. It’s not even the original, it’s just a copy they made. And it’s supposed to be symbolic and shit.” Bucky whispers back, but most of their focus is on picking the lock.
Steve nods slowly, and thinks about that. He did chop off all his hair today, so now it’s just a messy side part with slightly long bangs, Bucky did buy him new pants and a pack of boxers, (Steve nearly cried when he saw them), and now he can come full circle by stealing a copy of his birth certificate. It feels right.
“Okay, yeah, you’re right. Let’s do this.” Steve says, and while he still sounds a little unsure, he feels like this is what they are supposed to be doing on a Thursday night in the middle of May.
“That’s the spirit, Stevie. I almost got the lock, so it shouldn’t take long now.” Bucky was right, and within one minute they were inside the building. All the lights were off, so they both stuck pretty close to the wall so they didn’t trip on anything. Steve still tripped over his own feet, and he was just thinking he should have brought his glasses as Bucky said, “Hey, did you bring your glasses? I don’t want you to trip or anything.”
“No, I didn’t bring my glasses. Wish I had, though.” Steve mumbles, as he walks through the hallway of this government building. He already has trouble with his vision, he should have known to bring his glasses if they were going to be breaking into a building at night.
“Here, take my hand. It’s safer.” Bucky says, and Steve blushes as he blindly reaches for Bucky’s hand. Steve can practically picture their smirk at the line, and Steve loves it. This thing between them is still pretty new, but Steve knows how he feels, and he’s pretty sure Bucky feels the same.
“Okay, the door is on the right side. It should be coming up soon.”
Bucky stops walking and Steve bumps into his back, and Bucky swings one of their arms around their back to hold Steve. “Sorry. You good?”
“Yeah, I’m alright. Is this the door?”
“Yup. I’m pretty sure it’ll be unlocked, so we should just be able to-” Bucky tries the door handle, and it clicks open. “open the door.” Steve is pretty sure Bucky turns around and smiles at Steve once they walk through the doorway, but Steve isn’t one hundred percent sure. (Again, he should have brought his glasses.)
Steve closes the door behind him, and he flips the light switch on. He takes in the room, and all he sees is filing cabinets. At least fifteen of them.
“Jesus, how are we going to find my birth certificate? There have to be thousands of them in here.” Steve makes his way to the left of the room, but Bucky gently pulls him towards the right side.
“I’m sure they’re in alphabetical order. And the letter R is at the end of the alphabet, so it’s probably on the right side of the room.”
“That makes sense, yeah. You start with that one over there, and I’ll work on this one.”
Steve is only looking for a few minutes before Bucky quietly calls out that he found it. Steve closes the file cabinet drawer maybe a little too forcefully, and Bucky raises an eyebrow. “I’m just nervous. Can we go now?”
Steve was nervous, but he was also nervous now because Bucky was holding his birth certificate. A birth certificate that had his (disappointingly low) stats from when he was born, his dead parents' names, and his old name. The name that makes him shake with fury and disgust whenever he hears it directed towards him.
He knows Bucky would never make a comment about his old name right now, but it still makes him anxious that Bucky is holding a piece of paper with everything he hates about himself on it.
“Steve, do you want to hold this for now, or is it okay if I hold onto it?” Bucky says, and Steve realizes they're talking about the birth certificate. Which is folded into quarters so that no one can read what's written on it. Bucky didn't even look at it.
Affection fills Steve’s entire body, and he heads towards the door. “You can just put it in your pocket for now. I'll take it when we get to wherever you're taking me next.”
“Alright, but we should hurry. I don't want to be late.”
Bucky and Steve make their way out of the building together, and Bucky leads them both towards the next stop. Steve tries to figure out where they're going from the neighborhood, but he can’t really see much.
“Bucky, where the fuck are we? I can’t tell.”
“It’s a surprise, calm down. It isn’t dangerous, though.” Steve is about to point out that he doesn't like surprises, but Bucky beats him to it. “And I know you don't like surprises, but this one is a good one. Trust me.”
Steve does not ask any more questions for the rest of the walk, and when Bucky squeezes his hand to get his attention, Steve stops walking. When Steve realizes where they are, he loses his breath and his knees go a little weak.
His voice is shaky when he manages to ask the question, eyes wide and hand shaking. “Why are we at the cemetery where my ma is buried?”
Bucky must see how this setting is affecting Steve, and they quickly try and fix it. “Oh crap, this is a bad idea, isn’t it? I was going to suggest that you bury the paper here, so it’s symbolic of your transition and name change and everythin’.” Bucky nods and faces Steve. “I can see now that this is not a great idea, so we can leave and forget this-”
“Bucky, no I’m not-” Steve takes a deep breath, overwhelmed with the thought that went into this whole night. “It’s not a terrible idea, I just. When I’m buried here, I want it to be as me . Steve Rogers needs to be buried there, next to his ma, not the name on that piece of paper. I have to be me when I’m over there, and I know that ma would have wanted that too.”
Bucky nods quickly, their eyes wide. “Yes, I totally understand. I’m so sorry, Steve.” When Steve tries to wave their apology away, Bucky just keeps going. “No, I’m serious. I’m really sorry, this was stupid of me. We can go home now and forget this whole thing, and you can have this.” Bucky hands Steve the birth certificate, and Steve smiles sadly.
“I don’t really want to have it with me. We should still get rid of it, just not here.” Steve says, and he looks around for a place to do something with it. Bucky does the same, and they must come up empty as well because they don’t suggest anything right away.
“How about we walk home and see if we find anything?” Bucky says after a few moments, and Steve agrees. They start to make their way home in comfortable silence, Steve holding Bucky’s hand.
Bucky breaks the silence with another apology. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
“I’m not upset, not really. Your heart was in the right place, Buck, that stuff is just really important to me. I want it to be done right.”
“I know, and I totally respect that. I just want you to-”
“Listen. I’m over it, and I’m okay. I am not mad at you, alright?” Steve says, and he makes sure to make eye contact with Bucky the entire time he says that.
Bucky takes a deep breath and nods. They continue to make their way home, but then Bucky is shaking their joined hands and reaching for his pocket. “Steve, I’m- I have a lighter, we could burn it!”
So they burn the birth certificate in the middle of the night on a side street in Brooklyn. They both watch the ashes fall to the street, and Steve does feel a sense of closure overcome him. He does feel the peace that he thinks Bucky wanted him to feel. He is so thankful for Bucky, he doesn’t know what he did to deserve them.
Steve looks around. All the lights are off in the buildings next to them, and he can’t hear anything except their breathing. So Steve kisses Bucky, slowly and passionately, and he’s happy. His life is good, and he’s happy.
*****
“I- We did that?” Bucky asks, and they sound very shocked.
“Yeah, we did. I don’t know how I forgot that, it meant a lot to me, it still does.”
“It did?” Bucky looks so unsure, like they didn’t hear everything Steve just told him about that night. Like they didn’t hear how Steve teared up when he recounted how they burned the document, and how happy they both were when they walked all the way home, giggling and swinging their hands like little kids.
“Of course it did, Buck. You are my best friend, I love you, your support meant everything to me. It still does. That night was probably one of the happiest nights I had during that time.” Steve moves closer to Bucky, and takes their hand. “I was able to kiss you, outside. I got to burn a document with my old name on it, and I got to do it with you . There is no way that that night would mean anything less than everything to me.”
*****
Sam, Steve, and Bucky are all watching a movie. It might be the worst movie Steve has ever seen, and that is saying something. When he got out of the ice he had some time to catch up on things he missed, and some people recommended some terrible movies, some that were too bad to finish.
Steve is leaning into Bucky’s side, their arm over his shoulder, with their comfiest blanket over the both of them. Sam is next to Steve, and he is curled into his own blanket, in what Steve believes is out of fear. Their cat, Reid, is sitting in the crook of Steve's arm, purring softly.
“This movie really scares you? You were in the Army and flew around on wings!” Bucky says, and Steve looks up at them and shakes his head.
“Yes, jackass, it does. But I thought you two would be scared of it too, but I guess not.”
“Sam, man, no offense but I’ve seen, and done , much worse than watching an obviously fake shark on a television bite people.” Bucky says, and Steve tries to hold in his laugh. He must do a bad job because Sam removes himself from the blanket long enough to hit him, and Bucky tucks their face next to Steve’s temple and smiles.
“This movie came out when I was three, and my older brother made me watch it with him, so this movie always scares me now. I guess I’ll have to find a movie that scares you next time.”
Steve and Bucky both say, “Good luck” at the same time, and Steve laughs and looks up at Bucky. Bucky is already smiling down at Steve, and it makes butterflies appear in the pit of Steve’s stomach. He’s so in love.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Bucky whispers, and leans down for a kiss. They keep it short because Sam is sitting three feet from away from them, but Steve still enjoys every second of it.
“You guys are gross. I’m going to get more beer, you want anything?” Sam asks.
“No, I’m good.” Steve makes sure Bucky is paying attention when he says, “But watch out for the shark in our sink!”
Sam laughs dryly from the kitchen, and Bucky tells him that was the worst joke he’s ever heard. Steve sees the fondness in their eyes though, so he doesn’t feel the need to press it.
Sam comes back into the living room with a beer, and he sees Steve and Bucky talking casually while the shark is stalking and attacking the boat. Sam walks back out of the living room and texts everyone he knows for scary movie recommendations.