Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Most people don't smile at work. Most people don't smile during an argument either.

The first time Thomas met someone who did was when he ended up in an argument with Alexander Hamilton. 

There was a smug smile that seemed to be reserved for only Thomas. One that only showed up when Alexander was sure that he had somehow bested Thomas. Every now and then, it would throw Thomas off for a second, before he remembered that he was arguing, and he needed to come up with a rebuttal. 

“Why are you smiling like that?” Alexander asked.

Thomas didn't know he was smiling. It took a second to realize that yes, the tips of his lips were curled up slightly. He let the smile stay. It wasn't like there was a rule against smiling at work. It'd take a little bit of self reflection later to realize it was entirely Alexander's fault that Thomas had been smiling. 

“No reason,” Thomas had said, going on to wreck all of Alexander’s argument in one swoop.

Alexander immediately retorted. The game went on.

It didn’t matter that he already had someone who loved him at home. It wasn’t that Thomas didn’t love his husband, it was just a different type of love. It didn’t have the passion Thomas felt for Alexander. James and Thomas were just very good friends that had ended up married, and basically given up on it the first time they had tried to have sex and decided, Nope. Never. It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t sexual. It was just a deep friendship.

A part of Thomas always wanted to tell James exactly how he felt about Alexander, but it seemed like there was a line. Telling your husband you had a crush on another man was a stupid idea. He just took to texting Alexander at all hours of the day. 

“Who’s making you smile, husband?” James asked, stressing the pet name. It was mostly ironic, a joke about the world forcing them into this position. The day they had gotten married, it was just my husband and your husband all the way to bed. Now it was some sort of joke between the two. Gay marriage was hard enough on their families, a divorce seemed harder.

Thomas looked down at his phone. He was texting Alexander, and he could feel the smile on his lips. It was another debate about something trivial, and Alexander had sent him the message I don’t know whether to laugh or cry with a smiley face in response to a pun that Thomas had made. Somehow, it was just as contagious as seeing the real thing.

“Just somebody from work. He liked my pun.”

James chuckled, walking over and sitting down next to Thomas. “Want to watch a crappy reality TV show?”

“As always,” Thomas said, putting down his phone and leaning into James.

“Have you heard of the Texas sharpshooter fallacy?”

That was the thing with James. He was just so incredibly smart and talented and frankly wonderful, and James didn’t deserve to be stuck in a marriage with Thomas, not when he could win absolutely anyone over. Maybe Thomas would actually hand James the divorce papers one day.

James twisted the ring on his finger as he talked about someone shooting at a barn or something, and ended up connecting it to the trashy reality show they were watching. "There's so much filmed, so they can pick and choose to make you think a person is one thing even when they aren't, just like the shooter saying he was good at aiming, even after painting the target around his clustered shots."

Thomas chuckled, nodding along the way. He didn't always understand what James was saying, but he liked it when James dumbed it down for him. Thomas was pretty much trashy TV in relation to James. He didn't really mind. He liked it when James taught him things.

Still, it wasn’t what he wanted.

Thomas wanted the pounding of his heart that he felt every time Alexander stepped closer. He wanted to press his lips against Alexander and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. 

There was probably a reason he was with James. Out of all people, James was the one that he had chosen to propose to. James had been there for him his entire life. They had went to the same elementary, middle, and high school, grown up together, gone to the same college, even moved in together before they started dating. They were meant to be. James made him feel comfortable. Thomas wished could be satisfied with just this feeling, wished he wouldn’t have to worry about the pounding in his heart. Thomas ignored his phone buzzing, just trying to sink into the moment he had with James.

Thomas didn’t wear his wedding ring anymore. James didn’t either. James kept his engagement ring on, though. It seemed to matter too much to him for him to take it off. Thomas didn’t question it. James could do what he wanted. Thomas always saw James fidgeting with it, and he never said much about it. Sometimes James just stared at it for a while. Thomas just sat down next to him when it happened, not saying anything about it. They both knew that the other felt the same way.

James always slipped the ring back on. He couldn't let go of it.

“So you’re saying that they purposely make these people look like idiots,” Thomas said. He was trying to keep his focus on the screen and not on everything else he was thinking about. He watched James twist his engagement ring. 

“That’s just one example of the entire thing. It’s why that entire Kennedy-Lincoln conspiracy theory is idiotic. It’s ignoring the fact that coincidence is going to be a normal part of life, and that just because a bunch of things seem to line up a certain way that seems incredibly miraculous, the fact is that it was statistically probable in the first place,” James replied.

Thomas began to wonder if James had picked this specific discussion for a reason. The fact that they were meant to be had always floated around their relationship. Was James finally calling bullshit on that? Thomas focused on James’ engagement ring more than the show, watching James twist it around his finger. Were their shared experiences statistical probability? Was that how James was coping with their failed marriage?

“Which is why when they have hours of footage, they can pick out the parts that they want and make it look like these people are idiots. To us, all these clips seem to show that Patricia is an idiot, when the bigger picture shows that they’ve cropped out all of her smart moments, only showing us these snippets. We assume she’s just an idiot because that’s all we get to see of her. Same thing with all coincidences. There’s so much more that you’re cropping out, you just never see it.”

Maybe James was just being nerdy about reality TV. Not everything had to be about their relationship.

“Nerd,” Thomas teased. James playfully punched his arm.

Still, it made sense. Thomas was thinking of only the things that he and James had in common, the things that made it seem like they were meant to be, instead of all the differences they had. Different jobs, different food choices, different outlooks on life. There seemed to be much more of those than just being born in the same place and being accepted into the same college.

Maybe they weren’t meant to be.

He had work the next day.

Thomas walked into Alexander's office. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing.

Alexander asked a similar question, looking up at him. “Why are you smiling like that?”

Thomas grabbed Alexander’s hand, pulling him into a supply closet and kissing him hard. It was everything he dreamed of.

“What are you doing?” Alexander asked, looking up at Thomas with wide eyes and a grin.

“You make me smile,” Thomas said, picking Alexander up and leaning him against the wall, kissing him again.

Alexander let out a breathy giggle, inviting Thomas over for the night. They had dinner, talked a bit, debated a bit, and Thomas left only after he and Alexander had kissed each other for over ten minutes. Alexander gave him the feeling that he always wanted, a feeling that he never really got with James. Was this what it was supposed to feel like?

James was typing something on his computer, the TV playing in front of him. Thomas walked in and sat down on the couch next to James.

“Work late?” James asked.

“Dinner with a coworker,” Thomas answered. He was about to talk about everything that had happened between him and Alexander, but James was still his husband. That was the curse of it all. They were married best friends, and that came with its own set of problems.

Thomas had considered asking James to make it an open relationship, but he could tell that James wasn’t very into the dating thing at all anyway. It would be a selfish request, and Thomas didn’t want more strain on their relationship.

James nodded. “I’ll be out for the next week, scientist’s convention. I’m presenting some of my research.”

“What’s it about?” Thomas asked.

James instantly launched into an explanation of action potentials and synaptic transmission that Thomas didn’t understand any bit of. He just nodded and tried to be as supportive as possible. James chuckled at Thomas’ confused face at the end.

“Forgive me, but I have no idea what anything you just said was.”

“I’m trying to figure out a better way to regulate brain chemicals from the inside so that people like me don’t have to take antidepressants all the time,” James said, simplifying it for Thomas.

Thomas nodded. He gave James a soft smile. “I’m happy you’re helping people.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m not teasing. Aren’t I allowed to appreciate my husband?” Thomas asked, snickering.

James flicked Thomas’ hair playfully.

Thomas stuck out his tongue.

James chuckled. “Think my husband hasn’t grown past Kindergarten.”

“I’m going to sleep, farthead,” Thomas said.

“Hypothesis confirmed,” James teased.

Thomas rolled his eyes.

“Have some work to finish. I’ll see you in bed when I’m done?” James asked.

“As always. Good night, my husband,” Thomas said, walking up the stairs to their bedroom.

They slept as usual, back-to-back, and Thomas couldn’t help but wonder what sleeping with Alexander would feel like. They’d probably sleep facing each other, Alexander’s face in Thomas’ chest, probably arguing about something stupid. Thomas tried not to think about Alexander that much, even though it made him smile.

He slept easier than he would've liked to that night.

Alexander and Thomas were kissing every day. Thomas couldn’t stop smiling.

James left two days later for his convention. The house was quieter without him, but not for long. Thomas passed Alexander in the hallway.

“My place tonight. You have condoms?” Thomas asked.

He was going to revel in making Alexander speechless for the rest of his life. He kissed Alexander’s forehead, hoping nobody would see, and continued on his way.

They walked out to Thomas’ car together.

“I’m only doing this if you’re ready to commit” Alexander said.

Thomas grinned. He wanted Alexander. James didn’t matter for this one day. Thomas could deal with the consequences later. Alexander was here with him and that’s all he needed. “I’m ready.”

“Do you like me?” Alexander asked. “Like, actually?”

“Yes, I do,” Thomas said. He really did. He loved the smile that always displayed on his face when he was talking to Alexander. He loved the pounding of his heart when he talked to Alexander. He loved Alexander, and everything about him. “I love you.”

“Wow, loser,” Alexander said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been dropping hints for a year, you could’ve asked me out at any point.”

“My bad,” Thomas said.

Alexander kissed his cheek playfully, and Thomas’ smile brightened at the giggle that followed. “I love you too.”

Alexander kissed Thomas against the door as he was fumbling with his keys to the house. As soon as they were in, Alexander pushed Thomas against the door again, kissing him hard.

“Wait for the bedroom, asshole,” Thomas said, giggling.

“Condoms are in my back pocket,” Alexander whispered into Thomas’ ear. Thomas blushed, reaching into Alexander’s back pocket and taking out the box. Alexander wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Shut up,” Thomas said.

“Make me,” Alexander purred.

Thomas kissed him again, before grabbing Alexander’s arm and running up to the bedroom, Alexander stumbling behind him. He pinned Alexander against the mattress, kissing at Alexander’s neck. He pulled off Alexander’s shirt, kissing his chest. He began to suck little marks into Alexander’s chest, his fingers working at Alexander’s pants.

“Take your shirt off, tease,” Alexander said.

Thomas chuckled. “Rather not.”

He pulled down Alexander’s underwear, beginning to kiss down his chest.

Thomas took his own clothes off eventually, of course. He took his sweet time with Alexander first though. By the end of it, they were breathing heavily on top of each other. Thomas faced Alexander, snuggling into each other. Alexander nuzzled into Thomas’ chest, pressing a kiss to Thomas’ jaw every now and then. It was better than Thomas imagined.

Thomas smiled.

They skipped dinner and went to sleep together that night. Thomas smiled as he woke up to Alexander studying his face. He gently leaned in and kissed Alexander.

“I was scared yesterday was just a dream,” Alexander said softly, smiling as he cuddled into Thomas.

“I’m glad it wasn’t,” Thomas said. He picked up Alexander and carried him downstairs, Alexander giggling the entire time. For a second, it seemed like they had let go of everything that was weighing them down. It felt like floating. Thomas poured Alexander a bowl of cereal. He buried his fingers in Alexander’s hair, gently combing through and working through the mats. Alexander purred happily at the feeling, feeding Thomas spoons of cereal every now and then.

They went to work together, debating something trivial before going to their individual offices. Around lunchtime, Alexander sat down in Thomas’ room, working across from him. Thomas cancelled all the meetings he had for the day, happy to be alone with Alexander. He leaned in and kissed Alexander whenever the smaller man started to get frustrated, and Alexander’s smile was back in a few seconds.

Thomas beamed.

He brought Alexander home another night, blindly kissing each other all the way to the bedroom. Alexander teased him this time, to the point where Thomas was begging. The both laughed the entire time, and Thomas rested his head next to Alexander’s, smiling softly.

Alexander hugged Thomas, smiling into Thomas’ bare and marked chest. Thomas smiled back. This was perfection. He relaxed softly.

“So I was thinking that we go on an actual date after this?” Alexander suggested, biting his lip.

“Maybe we could-”

Thomas’ phone buzzed.

Thomas didn’t think much of it. It was on Alexander's side of the bed. They'd switched during yesterday's activities. “Could you get that for me, darling?”

“Sure thing,” Alexander said, reaching over for Thomas’ phone. His eyes grazed over the phone screen, and he stilled. Thomas had completely forgotten that his contact for James was still “husband” with a bunch of hearts after it. It was ironic, not serious, but that would be impossible to explain to Alexander.

Alexander looked at him with wide eyes, dropping the phone on the bed.

Thomas saw the screen. He looked up, shaking his head. “No, wait Alexander, I can ex-”

“You’re married?” Alexander asked.

“Yes, but it isn’t what you think!” Thomas protested, sitting up. Alexander was already off the bed, backing away to the door. “Please, stay.”

“Does he know about this?” Alexander asked, voice wavering.

Thomas shook his head, biting on his lip.

“I’m not letting you cheat on your husband. That’s not fair to him or me,” Alexander said.

“Jem is not… we’re not… we’re married, but we’re not in love,” Thomas tried to explain.

“So he’s cheating on you, too?” Alexander asked.

“No,” Thomas said. He could see Alexander deflate. “Please, we can keep this a secret-”

“You said you were ready to commit! I believed you!” Alexander yelled.

“I am ready.”

“Not when you have a husband,” Alexander said, shaking his head. Thomas could see tears in his eyes. Alexander took a deep breath, steeling himself. “I’m not making the same mistake again. I thought you cared. Have fun with Jem or whatever.”

“I care, Alexander! I love-”

“Save it for your husband,” Alexander spat, turning and slamming the door behind him.

Thomas’ smile melted right off him, and he was sure he’d never feel the same one on his lips ever again. There was a moment where everything was still, and Thomas could feel every emotion twisting in his gut.

He sighed softly, picking up his phone.

“Hi Jemmy. Nothing new.”

Meant to be.

Chapter Text

There were many things Thomas regretted.

The first of which was driving Alexander’s smile out of his life. Whenever he saw Alexander around work, the smile on the man’s face would always be replaced with a scowl. When Thomas tried to start an argument, Alexander would just roll his eyes and leave Thomas behind, wanting more but never getting it.

The second thing he regretted was marrying James when there was absolutely nothing between them. James seemed to be content, but Thomas wanted way more out of a relationship. He ended up asking James for a divorce.

“Oh thank god,” James said, and Thomas couldn't help but snort. They kissed a final time, and got to work on the papers. It wasn't a momentous occasion. They still lived together, they just weren't married anymore. Still the best of friends.

They’d still joke over dinner and watch Sherlock together. Well, Thomas would watch and James would talk about theories and try to figure out everything before Sherlock. Thomas would laugh and hear about whatever genius stuff James was doing. (“We’ve been trying to permanently change the prefrontal cortex to release more serotonin in the first place, so that we can get an idea of how the system works and prevent reuptake better. Problem is that the rats keep getting desensitized after a certain threshold, so we need to figure out a way around that.”)

James seemed happy, and Thomas felt more free. He finally decided to see if Alexander would be willing to try again. By the time he got to Alexander’s office, Alexander had already moved out. Turns out he got a really high position somewhere else. Treasurer of a large company. Thomas sighs, hating that he never got to make it right. Alexander blocked his number, so that wasn't going to work.

Still, he had the digits memorized. He walked up to a payphone one day, closing the door and pushing in a few quarters. He dialed the familiar number, waiting for a reply, before-

“Hello, this is Alexander Hamilton.”

Thomas couldn't help but smile as he heard the voice, pressing the phone closer to his ear.

“Hello?” Alexander asked.

Thomas breathed heavily, unsure of what to say. Alexander wouldn't want to hear his voice. He sighed and hung up, the smile slipping off instantly. It was that moment that he knew he wasn't getting Alexander back. He needed to move on.

James seemed to be getting happier and happier, and Thomas actually caught him humming one day. Thomas rolled his eyes, giving James an amused grin and saying nothing of it. Well, attempting to say nothing of it. He lasted about two hours.

“Why are you so happy?” Thomas asked.

James blushed. “No reason.”

“Yeah, sure,” Thomas said sarcastically. “I don't catch James Madison humming very often.”

“I was humming?” James asked.

“And grinning stupidly,” Thomas said, chuckling.

“It's nothing, don't worry about it,” James said.

Thomas called bullshit on the it's nothing, but he wasn't going to pry if James wasn't comfortable sharing. He just smiled and went on eating, deciding to talk about his boring day at work while James analyzed the actions of his coworkers. (“Straw man fallacy. He's trying to make your argument something it's not, so that it's easier to argue against.”)

A few more days passed, James humming a bit more. Thomas recorded him at some point specifically to use as blackmail material, although it might've been because hearing James so happy brightened up Thomas as well. Not that he'd admit to something so sappy.

“I'm not going to be here tonight,” James said, a blush across his cheeks.

“Wha-” Thomas started, before realization dawned on him. “Oooooooh.”

“Shut up,” James said, blushing harder.

“Who's the lucky guy? Or girl? Or person?” Thomas asked.

“None of your business. I'll let you know if it gets serious,” James said.

“You're having sex with them, and you're practically a virgin,” Thomas said. James shot him a look, and Thomas chuckled. “Come on, the only person you've had sex with was me, and that only happened once.”

“I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking now,” James said. “I'll introduce you to him soon.”

“Oh, it's a boy?” Thomas asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I will pick up the table and smack you with it. Don't doubt me.”

Thomas held up his hands in surrender, and kissed James on the cheek as usual before going to work. When Thomas got back, James wasn't there. James usually came home later than Thomas anyway. Thomas sat down in front of the TV, deciding to binge the first season of Brain Games all over again. He'd probably never be as good as James, but he was going to try his best.

Thomas didn't get to see James until around lunchtime the next day. It was the weekend, and they were both at home. James looked like he was walking on sunshine, and Thomas could see at least three marks up his neck.

James blushed. “Stop staring, perv.”

“I really need to meet your boyfriend,” Thomas said, kissing James’ cheek and pouring in more noodles for him.

“Can I invite him over for dinner?” James asked, sitting down at the table.

“Oh, please do,” Thomas said. He turned to James, leaning against the countertop with a sly grin. “I can also leave after the dinner, if you'd like.”

“Shut up,” James said. “We can all watch Sherlock together. He likes that show too. He’s actually pretty cool. He’s investing in some of my research, and he’s helping with publicity. He's with a really large company.”

Thomas shot him a questioning look, bringing the noodles over to the table and serving some for both of them.

“Don't worry, we closed the deal before the relationship started. It's not a prostitution thing,” James said, rolling his eyes. “I like him a lot.”

Thomas smiled softly. “I'm happy for you.”

“You're my ex. You're not supposed to be happy,” James said.

“Sorry. I'm so jealous of your new boyfriend,” Thomas said sarcastically. James stuck his tongue out at Thomas, and Thomas returned the gesture. “Love you too, Mads.”

James smiled and finished up the noodles, curling up on the couch to start another Brain Games binge. Thomas grinned, sitting down next to James and cuddling into him happily. He pointed out the phenomenons before the host would, and James congratulated Thomas on the knowledge, chuckling softly.

“I watched the entire season yesterday night, it's fresh in my head,” Thomas said.

“Thought so. Still impressive,” James said, kissing Thomas’ cheek. “I love you, and a boyfriend isn't going to change our relationship, right?”

“Of course not,” Thomas said softly, kissing James’ forehead. “We’ll always have Brain Games on the couch, right?”

“Always,” James said, snuggling into Thomas with a smile on his face.

It was nice, and Thomas was glad that the divorce hadn't ruined this part of them. He gently laced his fingers through James’, giving his hand a squeeze.

They stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon.

James had been shouting orders to Thomas the entire evening, trying to whip together a dinner that was impressive without looking like it took too much work, which actually ended up taking more work than it would've been to just make something fancy. At the end, they had three courses. Thomas worked on setting the table while James paced a little bit.

“You'll tell me if you don't like him, right? I don't want to date someone you don't like,” James said.

“I will be very honest with you after he leaves,” Thomas said, chuckling.

“Do I look okay?”

“Beautiful as ever,” Thomas said fondly.

He finished setting up the table and picked James up, rubbing his back soothingly.

“It's going to go alright. Even if this dinner is a disaster- which it won't be, my charming self is here- you guys seem to like each other enough that it won't matter in the long run.”

James relaxed a bit into Thomas’ hold, hugging him tightly.

“Just a little nervous,” he admitted.

“S’okay,” Thomas said. “You're going to do great.”

The doorbell rang, and Thomas gently put James down, kissing his forehead.

“I'll get the door,” James said, running over and unlocking it. Thomas chuckled at the enthusiasm, following James out to the entryway.

He froze.

James was embracing a person that was barely taller than him, straight dark brown hair cascading down to his shoulders.

As James kissed the man’s cheek, Thomas could see the smile on the other man’s face. The same smile he had been longing for.

Thomas couldn't help but smile himself.

Alexander.

But, it wasn't his Alexander anymore. It was James’ Alexander.

How much did James know about Thomas and Alexander? Thomas did his best to remain casual.

James turned back to Thomas. “Why are you smiling like that?” James asked.

Alexander met Thomas’ eyes for a second, the smile wavering.

“I'm just so happy for you, Jam,” Thomas said, unable to wipe the grin at seeing Alexander again.

Seeing Alexander… but with another man.

Seeing Alexander… but with James.

Thomas sighed softly.

Alexander held out his hand. “Alexander Hamilton. James has told me all about you.”

So this was how they were playing it. Thomas held out his own hand. “Thomas Jefferson. Maddy’s my ex-husband.”

“Nice introduction, Tommy,” James said, rolling his eyes.

Alexander chuckled. “It's to the point.”

“Can I talk to Alexander real quick?” Thomas asked, heart pounding. He couldn't take his eyes off of the smaller man. It had been way too long, and Thomas still wasn't over him.

James nodded, turning to Alexander. “Shovel talk. Don't let him intimidate you, he's a big muscular dumb puppy.”

Thomas didn't say anything, barely hearing it. He was too focused on seeing Alexander again. Alexander leaned in and kissed James on the cheek. “See you in a few, James.”

“‘Course, Lexie,” James said, walking to the kitchen and leaving Alexander and Thomas alone.

Alexander’s eyes narrowed as soon as James left the room, and he fixed Thomas with a hard stare. “I’m not going to cheat on James. Not with you, not with anyone.”

“I… would never ask you to,” Thomas said.

“You already did, idiot. Now, we’re going to go in there, and we’re going to get along, because I want James to be happy, got it? Whatever we had is gone, and it never happened in the first place,” Alexander whispered, his voice sharp.

Thomas shivered and nodded, the lovesick smile wiped off his face.

“Good,” Alexander said, turning on his heel and walking back into the dining room.

Thomas followed behind him. He wasn’t over Alexander. He knew he wasn’t over Alexander. Part of him wondered if Alexander knew that Thomas wasn’t over him yet. The other part wondered if Alexander even cared. He focused on making sure to act as casual as possible around Alexander. He wanted James to be happy. If Alexander was what made James happy, then he was going to help Alexander.

Even if Alexander absolutely hated him.

He kept on the happy face, participating in the small talk as much as possible, helping out with serving Alexander and James.

The smile on James’ face was just… perfect. Thomas sighed, watching him talk to Alexander, explaining some random concept. Alexander instantly caught on, asking a few questions and making James grin even more as he got to explain everything. Thomas cleared their bowls as they finished.

“I’ll clean up everything here. Why don’t you guys watch Sherlock?” Thomas asked.

“Thank you, Thomas,” James said, grinning happily. He surprised Thomas by hugging him. He softly added a “thank you for everything.”

Alexander glanced between them, and Thomas gave Alexander a small smile.

Alexander scowled in return.

James grinned, taking Alexander’s hand and pulling him to the living room. Thomas watched them go.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Jefferson?” he could hear, the voices slowly fading out as they walked further away.

Thomas sighed, looking around the kitchen and getting started on clearing everything out. Distant noises from the TV floated into the room, and Thomas could feel a pit of loneliness in his heart. He washed the dishes and wiped the table before walking to the living room. James and Alexander were snuggled into each other, and were in the middle of some sort of argument related to the show. Thomas stayed in the doorway, watching them.

James had the hugest grin on his face. The same smile that Alexander used to give Thomas.

“That’s not even possible, James darling,” Alexander said, cuddling into him. Thomas could feel his breath caught in his throat. Alexander was in his spot.

“Well, Sherlock has a bunch of fans, he definitely could've got the money from there,” James said, pulling Alexander closer.

James looked so happy. Thomas looked away for a second, trying to stop the tears in his eyes. They still hadn't noticed him.

“Yeah, but he’s fallen from grace recently, I don't think anybody would be giving him money,” Alexander replied, grinning widely at James.

It was the grin Alexander used to give Thomas. James was just staring into Alexander’s eyes, not even focusing on the movie anymore. Just on Alexander. Their fingers were laced together. Thomas slowly backed away.

“Fallen? Really? That’s such a depressing pun,” James noted, letting out a chuckle.

“Doesn't have to be depressing, considering I've fallen for you,” Alexander said.

“Kiss me,” James demanded, and Thomas turned and walked away, wiping the tears from his eyes. James wasn't trying to replace him. That wasn't what was happening. He kept repeating it to himself, trying to convince his racing mind.

He left James a note saying that he’d be out for the night, leaving a tiny smiley face at the end. He left, unnoticed, to drown himself in more than a few drinks.

Chapter Text

Thomas tried to ignore the general atmosphere of despair that surrounded him, raising the glass to his lips again. It was a stupid idea to come here. He was a sad drunk, and sad was the the only thing he could feel. In fact, he wasn’t sure why he was here. Maybe he was looking for a distraction.

He looked around, trying to find someone to distract himself with.

The bartender walked back. “Need to top that off?” she asked, a friendly smile on her face.

“I need someone to top me,” Thomas muttered. He held out the glass, which had already been refilled too many times, to the bartender.

She poured in some more. “Listen, you’ve been here a while now,” she hummed.

Thomas nodded, shrugging.

“And I think you might need to go soon. I’m not going to be responsible for your alcohol poisoning,” she said. “You don’t even seem like you drink that much normally.”

The words swam in Thomas’ mind. Everything was happening a little too quick for his liking, and she was talkative. He took another sip.

“I guess what I’m saying is, is there anywhere you can call right now to pick you up?” she asked.

Thomas shrugged. “Absolutely nobody.”

She sighed and nodded, looking like she didn’t want to open up this baggage. “Alright. Stay safe. End of my shift.”

Just like that, she was gone too. Just like everyone else in Thomas’ life. He groaned, setting his head on the counter. Maybe he could run off into the city and become an emo pop artist. He began muttering random lyrics to himself, considering the idea. It took him about twenty minutes of designing his imaginary wardrobe before he snapped out of it. He knew he was going to have to face it soon.

He went over the information James had given about Alexander. Owned his own company. Big investor. Of course James was in love with him. Thomas was still working at the same office, doing the same things. A few promotions, but he was still a dreamer how kept his dreams in his head and failed to do just about everything in life.

Emo enough for a song? Maybe.

Within a second, he was humming out a possible tune again. Anything to ignore the fact that James and Alexander were probably screwing in his bed right now. Would James kick him out onto the couch? It was weird, but they still slept in the same bed, still did almost everything the same.

Not anymore, he supposed.

Truth was, it wouldn’t even take Alexander’s convincing to get James to push him away. Thomas would do it well enough himself. Alexander could brighten up James’ life. Alexander had actually gotten stuff done. Alexander was so much better than Thomas in literally every aspect.

More emo song lyrics.

Thomas didn’t even lift his head until someone was wiping down the bar, stopping when they reached him.

“You awake?”

Thomas groaned.

“Bar’s closing soon. You need to go.”

“Am goon,” Thomas slurred. He pulled out his phone. There was no way he was going to manage driving home. Or calling a cab, for that matter. He speed dialed James.

The phone rang, and by the second ring, he was crying because James always picked up on the first ring and what if he was neglecting Thomas-

“Thomas?” James asked.

Thomas grinned. “Jaaam!”

“Thomas, you sound dru- you didn’t go to a bar, did you?”

“I’m a bar,” Thomas said.

“Which one?”

“The pretty one.”

There was a groan from the other side. “I’m on my way.”

Thomas felt so much worse as he heard the groan, but James was coming and he couldn’t say anything now. He heard a muffled conversation on the other side, James and Alexander, no doubt. James’ voice was clear again in a second. “Stay inside, give me fifteen minutes.”

Thomas said something that he was sure meant yes in some dimension.

Neither of them cut the call, and soon James was walking into the bar, still holding the phone. He was wearing a loose t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and he looked a lot more disheveled than usual.

Sex with Alexander tended to do that to a person. He beelined to Thomas, cutting the phone call and taking Thomas’ hand. Thomas still couldn’t tell what emotion James was feeling. Was he mad? Disappointed?

“Thomas, you never drink like this. What happened?”

It was the reprimanding tone that made Thomas start crying. James sighed, pulling him out of the bar before wrapping his arms around Thomas. “Thomas,” he murmured.

Thomas didn’t reply.

James gently kissed Thomas’ cheek, wiping the tears away. “Let’s get you home.”

Thomas woke up the next morning on the couch. James was sleeping in the armchair next to him, curled up. His entire small frame fit on the chair. It was cute. Thomas loved it. Thomas loved James. So much.

There was a bottle of water on the table, and Thomas reached for it, downing about half of it instantly. The world was too bright, and everything hurt. He tried to stand up, but the urge to throw up brought him down again. He sighed, groaning and leaning against the sofa.

He didn’t want to bother James, so he pulled out his phone, instantly putting it away a second later. The screen was too bright to deal with right now.

There was a bird chirping outside.

Thomas wanted to murder the bird.

No hard feelings.

It’s another half an hour of sitting in silence before Thomas found the courage to wake James, despite the shame.

“Jemmy,” he murmured.

James woke up almost instantly. “Thomas?”

“Sorry,” Thomas whispered, almost instantly regretting the decision to wake James up.

James rubbed the sleep from his eyes, getting down onto the floor with Thomas. “Hey, darling,” he murmured. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Thomas muttered.

James leaned forward and hugged Thomas. “Are you feeling better?”

Thomas hugged him back. “A little.”

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Thomas didn’t know how to start. He sighed. “Alexander.”

“Alexander?”

Thomas nodded.

“What about him?”

"You were having sex with him yesterday-"

"No, I wasn't. Don't even like sex," James murmured softly. "Are you sure that's it?

“I don’t want to be left behind,” Thomas whispered.

James tightened the hug, cuddling closer to Thomas. “An inductive fallacy,” James hummed, kissing Thomas’ cheek, “is one where a conclusion is reached using arguments that lightly support the conclusion, instead of arguments that prove the conclusion.”

Thomas was silent for a second. The words were still swimming in his head a little, like they were just out of reach. “And?”

“Even if I’m with Alexander, I’m not going to leave you behind,” James murmured. “You’re my best friend. I would never do that. You’re incredibly important to me, and I love you so much.”

Thomas sniffled softly, nodding.

“I was really worried yesterday night,” James murmured. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thank you,” Thomas whispered.

“For what? I’m just being your friend,” James said, messing up a few of Thomas’ curls. “Want to crash on the bed upstairs? I think we could catch a few more hours.”

Thomas nodded. “I love you, Mads.”

James smiled and pulled Thomas up the stairs, tucking them both in and falling asleep again, curled up into Thomas’ side.

Maybe he didn’t have Alexander’s smile anymore. Maybe he’ll never have Alexander. Maybe he’d never find anyone who’d love him that way. It didn’t matter, though. Right now, he had James.

And Thomas had the perfect smile on his own face.