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Hiccup was yanked violently from sleep by a pain that shouldn’t have existed. He gasped and rolled onto his right side, bringing what remained of his left leg to his chest and grasping at the stump. He gave a cry as agony pierced through his foot… the foot that wasn’t there anymore.
Toothless was bounding up onto his bed before he could call out for him, and he made a concerned cooing sound, tilting his head.
“I’m f-fine,” he stammered. Sweat prickled on his forehead, and he ground his teeth together as a fresh wave of pain throbbed through him. He hated this. It didn’t happen to him a lot, but when it did, it was always this bad. He’d talked to Gobber about it when he’d first lost part of his leg. Apparently it was normal to sometimes feel pain like the part of the body that was missing was still there. When it happened he swore he could feel his entire leg, his ankle, each individual toe, and it felt like all of it was being stabbed and squeezed too hard.
Hiccup bit down hard on his pillow to keep himself from screaming as a relentless pounding overtook the missing limb. Toothless rumbled and nuzzled him in the chest. Then he hopped off the bed, made his way over to the edge of the loft.
“T-Toothless, where are going?! Agh-ha!” Hiccup bit his pillow again, released a moan.
His dragon didn’t answer. He dove off the loft and out of sight. Hiccup could hear him trying to pull the door open.
Oh no, he’s going to get someone. Hiccup didn’t want anyone seeing him like this. He found pain all on its own humiliating as it was, never mind suffering from pain that shouldn’t even exist. He’d never told any of his friends about it, hadn’t seen any reason to, but now one, or possibly even all of them, were going to find out.
The door opened.
“Toothless, come back!” It was too late though. He heard the Night Fury bounding outside.
Dammit!
Hiccup jerked and yelped, one stabbing sensation being particularly sudden, like a knife had been jabbed into his nonexistent foot out of nowhere. He went back to biting his pillow, something he always did to get through this. He was glad that it was nearly impossible to leave bite marks in fabric, or his pillow would have been completely riddled with them.
Hiccup’s throat ached as he tried holding in his tears. Usually he didn’t hold it back, allowed himself to cry, albeit silently, but now with Toothless going to get someone he couldn’t cry. He squeezed his eyes shut, a whimper rising from his throat.
Maybe he went to get Astrid. That seemed likely, seeing as they were dating now. They’d only been dating for a week or so though, and he didn’t want her to witness this just yet. If their relationship continued, it was inevitable that she would, but he didn’t want it to be now.
A muffled cry worked its way from his mouth and into his pillow. He just wanted the stabbing to stop already. It was like his foot and ankle were being attacked by an army of thick needles. Sometimes a crushing sensation would join in, like it was caught between two boulders. The agony set his whole body shaking, muscles beginning to cramp. He was always sore after these ordeals, and this one would leave him no different.
“Hiccup?” Astrid’s voice coming from the lower level of his hut.
He whined in response, couldn’t find it in himself to form words. Soon, Astrid was rushing up the stairs and to his bedside.
“Hiccup, what’s wrong?” She was doing her best not to sound panicked, but Hiccup could still hear it in her voice. She put a hand to his back.
“Leg - hurts,” he gasped out. He didn’t know how to explain this to her, didn’t know if he could at the moment. He felt a sob crawling up his throat, held it back, choked on it. His tears were threatening to come free.
One of Astrid’s hands went over his. “Your left one?”
Hiccup nodded, whimpered. The bed shook a little as Toothless came back into the loft to join them.
“Did something happen to it?”
“No,” Hiccup moaned out, at a complete loss of how to explain this to her.
“Then what’s wrong?”
Guess I’m gonna have to try.
“P-p-pain. Hurts in - in the p-part that’s n-not there any-anymore.” Hiccup shouted into his pillow once finished with the explanation, and with it his tears slid free.
“Hiccup, that… doesn’t make sense,” she said gently.
“I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense!” he suddenly yelled. “It hurts, Astrid!” His next scream wasn’t into his pillow, and he feared that the rest of the Dragon Riders would hear.
Astrid curled her fingers under his, and he released his leg with that hand in order to hold on to her. He didn’t hold her hand too tightly though, didn’t want to hurt her.
“How can I help?”
Hiccup shook his head, sobbed. “Th-there’s nothing. Have to - have to wait f-for it to - to pass.”
“Anything I can do in the meantime?”
“I don’t-” he was cut off by a sob- “know. B-back rub, maybe?”
Astrid began moving the hand that was still on his back in circles. “That okay?”
Hiccup nodded and groaned, bit at his pillow again. He was steadily growing comfortable with Astrid’s presence. So what if she saw him like this? There was nothing he could do to control it.
“Is this normal?” she asked, evidently trying to understand.
“N-no talking, right now. P-please.”
“Okay.”
Hiccup tried to focus on Astrid instead of the pain, on his hand in hers, on the way she stroked his back. There was silence save for his exclamations of pain, neither of them saying a word. Toothless had rested his head near the both of them; his presence was comforting.
In a few minutes, the pain began to diminish. He was being stabbed less, the crushing and throbbing coming less frequently. He released the pillow, heaved breaths in and out through his mouth. His tears slowed to a stop.
Finally it was gone, and so was the sensation of having the missing part of his leg. He thought he would have missed the feeling of having a left foot, but when all that came with the feeling was pain, he didn’t. He was relieved it was gone, and he let out a sigh.
“Is it over?” Astrid asked.
“Yeah,” he answered hoarsely. Hiccup began to release his body from its position of tension, his muscles aching. The shaking had stopped a few minutes ago.
He sat up, Astrid helping him. She was still rubbing his back. It was a nice sensation.
“So… what was that?”
“I talked to Gobber about it when it first happened,” Hiccup began. “He called it phantom pain. Apparently it’s a normal thing to experience after losing a limb.”
“Is it always that bad?”
“Yeah.”
“How often does it happen?” Astrid didn’t sound happy with the knowledge that his attacks were always this bad.
“Not often,” Hiccup assured her. “Once every couple weeks or so.”
“And you go through it alone?”
“Yeah. I mean, I didn’t really want to explain it to you guys, and it usually happens in the middle of the night and I don’t want to wake anyo-”
“Hiccup, you should have told us.”
He turned his head to look at her. He could barely see her in the darkness, could only make out her shape and the lines of her face.
“I didn’t have to.”
Astrid squeezed his hand. “But you didn’t have to suffer through it alone either. And you don’t anymore, okay?” She was quiet for a moment, thinking. “What changed this time? Why’d you send Toothless to get me?”
Hiccup chuckled a little. “I didn’t. Toothless did that himself.”
Astrid glanced at Toothless, and Hiccup knew she was smiling even though he couldn’t see it. “Thanks, Toothless.” She looked back to him. “And, Hiccup, any time you’re like this, send Toothless for me, okay?”
“But I don’t want to wake you,” Hiccup protested.
“Doesn’t matter. You send Toothless.”
Hiccup realized there would be no arguing with her over this. He smiled, happy to have someone who cared about him so much, to have someone who would lose sleep over him even after he told her not to.
“Okay.”
“Good.” Astrid came forward and kissed him on the lips, and the tension began to leak out of his muscles.
“Astrid, do that again,” he whispered.
Hiccup felt Astrid smile. Then she kissed him again.