Chapter Text
Hiroko had a great capacity for love and happiness, dedicating her life to showing this in her own way through food and small kindnesses, wisdom and waiting. Perhaps that is why children that required such a special touch were gifted to Toshiya and herself. Mari, who was all fire, and Yuuri water--seeking the path of least resistance, who needed the ice to sooth the torrent inside of him, both had come to her in their own way.
Mari fought the world all through school. So many times, Hiroko found herself in the school office talking with administration until at sixteen, Mari announced she was finished. No more. Afterwards, a calm came over her. She was independent to a fault. To say that she had relationships would be a misnomer. She didn’t like to let people get too close. But Yuuri, though. Her brother brought out her protective instincts. When people started bullying him, she stepped in and her reputation created a veil of protection over the boy.
Yuuri hid from the world. If Hiroko was called about Yuuri, it’s because he had disappeared. He was a runner. When his world fell apart, he could be found hiding in a closet (and sometimes it would take Mari to get him out...theirs was such a relationship), or he left entirely and she’d find him in Minako’s care, her firm voice grounding him. It was Minako that suggested he tried figure skating. He was afraid at first, but the figure skater Yuuko enticed him onto the ice. She became his first friend. And for that, Hiroko was grateful. Takeshi, though, Yuuri’s mother watched uncertainly. Takeshi pushed but in such a way that made Yuuri push back. Just enough. Mari didn’t like him at first. Yuuko defended Yuuri to him at first. But then Yuuri fought back. Takeshi, two years older, adopted the boy and became his first male friend.
With Mari, Hiroko never worried. Mari was a fighter. She’d find a way to survive. With Yuuri, Hiroko always worried, watching him. Yuuri was cautious, afraid of the world. He regarded everything as if it were after him, as if his very presence was an inconvenience.
When he was diagnosed with anxiety, all of the pieces fell into place. Yuuri had found his steel by then, however, thanks to Takeshi, thanks to the ice. And Yuuri started to fight. He needed that strength to face the changes in his body as well as the beast that grew in his thoughts. Anxiety. He was always a nervous child. Hiroko cried her tears when she realized that nervousness was in fact an illness. Then she cried many nights after holding her son, her calm strength falling as she slipped into the shelter of her room, the room that she shared with Toshiya. That was the only room that held her tears. The only place where she allowed herself to fall apart. When she was alone.
Five years had separated Hiroko from her son. His calls were sparse and often she could hear the self-blame on the other end. Where she celebrated his accomplishments, he ripped them down to favour his failures. Working to keep her voice upbeat, she did her best to encourage him from afar. However, he was home, before her...and she could tell. The years had not been kind. A shadow existed, hovering over his shoulder, ripping away bits of happiness before it had a chance to take root. She forced a smile and embraced her son.
When Minako narrowed her eyes on her son’s form, Hiroko sighed. She knew Yuuri didn’t love his body. She tried to show one could love themselves for their perceived flaws through example. Toshiya loved her with all of her pudgy dimples. But convincing Yuuri he deserved to be loved...this was a challenge.
Toshiya smiled warmly. “You take after your mother.” For Toshiya, this was a compliment. Anything and everything about Hiroko was a representation of beauty and love to her husband. Yuuri, though, she knew would turn that phrase around. It didn’t hurt her. But she watched him scramble to cover himself and she hurt for him.
“Come, let me feed you.” She pulled him into the dining room and soon had a bowl of katsudon before him. He stared at it, tears welling in his eyes. She knew he was telling himself he didn’t deserve it, he was struggling with politeness and pushing it away. She placed her hand on his. “Eat, son. We’ll deal with the rest tomorrow.”
He drew a ragged breath but then took the first bite. The first bite was all it took. If she could get him to take that first bite, he would eat what was before him. She watched his expression relax a little as he started to enjoy it. She then watched the guilt try to crowd out that enjoyment. “I know you missed my katsudon,” she said warmly. “I made it with you in mind. Let this meal warm your heart and chase away the shadows.” She eyed those shadows that were trying to grab purchase on her son’s shoulder. They may have won out in Detroit, but not in her home. She was the ruler of this roost. They retreated, not far but off his shoulders and she watched her son start to relax. What demons are you carrying with you, son?
As he finished, she finally spotted a tentative smile. “There’s my sunshine, like peeking from behind the clouds. Such a beautiful sight for your mama.” She watched that smile widen. “Now, clothes in the laundry and upstairs into the shower to wash off the plane ride. Off with you.”
He laughed softly. “Yes, mama...and thank you.”
“Of course, my son.” She watched him climb the stairs, keeping the corner of her eyes on the shadow that remained retreated into the corner. She’ll have to keep a firm eye on it. With its attachment on her son, she couldn’t remove it from her home without removing her son. And that wasn’t an option. But she could take its power from it. “Off with you,” she muttered to it, and the shadow dissipated. She returned to her kitchen, pulling out dried herbs from her the bamboo where they hung. The European witch that visited with Minako once taught her about sage. She pulled it out and began weaving it into a wreath with lavender. This should discourage the spirit’s hold. Hopefully her son will one day be free of it. He had to name his demon, though. And sometimes that was the most difficult task.
As she continued about her day, vacuuming, sweeping, straightening cushions and dusting, she stashed sachets with sage and lavender in places where her son would frequent. She continued up the stairs and hung the wreath on the wall. Her son came out and watched her. She turned and smiled. “It’s so musty up here. I thought the herbs would help. Why don’t you take these and put them into your closet and drawer?”
Yuuri accepted the pouches with a smile. “I miss your touches, mama. I’m...already feeling better.”
“I’m glad, son. There is something about being home...it heals our hearts.”
“I think mine must be quite battered after being gone so long. I’m sorry...for taking so long to come back.”
“Sometimes our feet are reluctant to return. Minako went through that...until her father became ill. It took him needing her for her to return. I don’t think she regretted it. She was world weary, too many marks on her heart. I think that one...is still healing.”
“Perhaps...I won’t take so long. I just knew...I needed to be here.”
“Then I’m glad you came. You are always welcome home. You always have a place here.”
He reached out a hand and then started to let it drop when she grabbed hold of it and squeezed. “It’s hard.”
“I know, son. I’m here...when you’re ready.”
He nodded, retreating to his room. The sachets in his palm will leach their scent into his clothes and make it harder for those spirits to hold tight.
She retreated down the stairs and into her room. Closing out the world, she dropped away her smiles and allowed the pain to show. She had soaked so much in this day. Yuuri, my sweet son. I know it’s hard for you. I’ll help as best I can but you have to face this demon to move passed it. She felt the first tear fall. Perhaps my warrior daughter can reach him.