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It had been a rough day. Jeremy already felt like a sucker for spending 400 dollars on a tic-tac which went well with the daily bad thoughts cloud that decided to rear its ugly, tentacled head strongly this morning mixed with the struggles of school, and then watching the love of his life hanging out with Jake before freaking out right in front of them. Topped off with some voice that sounded like Keanu Reeves talking to him in his mind, so to say Jeremy was a bit overwhelmed right now would be an understatement.
Everything seemed to be piling up and Jeremy kept trying to play off the Squip’s words but it was getting harder as it began to point out all his flaws.
“Jeremy, first I need to help you find a new shirt, since you appear to be unable to dress your pitiful self properly,” The Squip mocked.
“W-what’s wrong with my shirt?” Jeremy pulled on his striped shirt and looked down at it, searching the problem. It had looked fine when he had worn it all the other times. But, then again, maybe it never was and Jeremy was simply a loser for wearing it.
“Everything. Now listen to me and grab that one.”
Jeremy followed, “Eminem? Why Eminem?”
“Don’t question, just obey.”
This understandably did not quell Jeremy’s nerves as he looked to the side, “I don’t even listen to Eminem’s music- what if someone questions me about him?”
“My knowledge is infinite and yet still ever expanding- simple questions like that should be of no concern.”
“Um, okay,” Jeremy thought to himself as he moves to buy the shirt,“If you’re so smart, I wonder if you can finish my math homework?”
“Yes, Jeremy, I’m made of math. It would be stupid if I was unable to do such a straightforward task.”
Jeremy flinched. He had forgotten the Squip could read his thoughts. Now that he actually had a squip, the whole “speaks to you directly” part feels a bit invasive.
“Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy…”
“Crap, I forgot again,” he thought.
“Don’t you see how necessary it is for me to be in the center of your brain? How else am I going to change a basket case like you into a popular student without access to your brain? I need to know what to change and sometimes-” the Squip ‘coughed’ “-force is needed.”
Jeremy threw the shirt over his arm and began walking to another area of the shop. As the Squip quieted down, he let out sigh in relief, relaxing his muscles- “OW!”
“Posture, Jeremy.”
Jeremy audibly groaned, but straightened up either way.
“See, people like you make squips like me have their work cut out for them.”
Jeremy subconsciously started walking away from the crowds of people that covered the mall’s clothing shop.
“Oh, Jeremy, everytime I look at you I’m reminded at how terrible you are. From your greasy hair to your last place mannerisms, I’m disgusted.”
Jeremy was moving faster now, and was it his imagination or were the people around whispering about him?
“Just about everything about you makes me want to die.”
The shoppers were definitely talking about him, their loud words echoing in Jeremy’s ears as his legs picked up to a jog and his eyes started to sting:
“EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SUCKS! EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SUCKS!”
“Look at yourself, Jeremy, you’re such a repulsive pig, and is that a Mountain Dew stain on your shirt? Ugh, all the people in the mall agree with me- just watch them think about how of much of a slob you are.”
Tears spring from Jeremy’s eyes blurring his vision. The Squip paid it no mind, too caught up in its rant. Suddenly, Jeremy is on the wet ground, his long legs having tripped on a shoe box someone left out causing him to land in a puddle the store employees had neglected to dry. All around shoppers whipped their heads towards Jeremy but whether or not they said something was irrelevant because all Jeremy could hear in his frenzy to stand up and run away were their mocking voices.
“You slob!”
“Clumsy idiot!”
“Terrible!”
“Disgusting!”
“Such an ugly slob!”
Jeremy sped behind rack of shirts as the dam broke. His breath hitched as his face got hot.
“And boy can I see why- wait, Jeremy, no, stop crying.” The Squip sounded nervous. Jeremy’s current state was not its intention. All it wanted was to put Jeremy into an emotionally vulnerable state to make it easier to manipulate him to its every word.
However the Squip felt far away from Jeremy, and the voices much, much louder. Past failures kept arising as the overwhelming day seemed to keep adding onto more and more until-
“Jeremy, please calm down. Crying will not help.”
It was too much. Now he was alone in a store with a 40 dollar shirt hanging off his arm and Keanu’s voice echoing sentiments Jeremy had felt over and over again. Night after night. Day after day. And, and-
“Shoosh, shoosh. Please calm down, you need to calm down.”
Argh! Jeremy curled in on himself. I did this! I chose this! Why am so mad at myself? Jeremy thought to himself. Why did the voices in his head just have to be so right about everything? Just-
“Oh Jeremy please calm down, you need to breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out.”
Why did he to be so sensitive? Jeremy breath stuttered. Everything is just too much, he should be able to deal with this but everything is just too loud. Everything needs to stop! Why can’t this stop!
“Oh Dew dammit.”
The Squip quickly went through Jeremy’s mind to find the most calming person Jeremy could think of.
Michael Mell.
“Okay, now Jeremy I’m about to show myself in the form of Michael, so don’t be surprised, okay?”
The Squip projected an elaborate illusion of Michael in front of Jeremy’s eyes, stimulating the nerves think it was holding his shoulders in an attempt to stabilize him.
“Jeremy, Jeremy. I need you to look at me. I’m here. I need you to come back. Breathe in,” the Squip made an example of a deep breath, “Breathe out,” then followed through accordingly before repeating until Jeremy’s breathing was under control.
Jeremy felt the Squip hold him, and though both Michael’s touch and Keanu Reeve’s voice felt far away, he tried taking deep breaths causing him to shudder. After a few minutes however, Jeremy’s breathing became less erratic.
“Jeremy, I need you to listen to me. Repeat after me. Everything will cool. Can you do that? Say it quietly out loud. Everything will be cool.”
With tear tracks and a runny nose on his bright red face, Jeremy looked straight ahead where the Squip was supposedly located.
“Everything.... Everything will be cool.”
Squip-Michael smiled. “Good. Everyone will love you.”
Jeremy lips twitched upwards, “Everyone will love you.”
A painful look appeared on Squip-Michael’s face as they pursed their lips. “Close. Let’s try that again. Everyone will love me, Jeremiah Heere. Got it this time? Everyone will love me.”
“Everyone will love me,” Jeremy looked downward, but Squip-Michael put their hand on his chin simulating pressure to get him to look up.
“Last thing: Everything will be wonderful, okay? Everything will be oh so wonderful.”
The tears stopped falling from Jeremy’s face as only the small inklings of a smile remained. “Everything will be wonderful.”
“Now you got it! Now listen to me Jeremy, I only exist for one reason and one reason only, and that is for you. Your goals are my goals, your happiness is my only desire.” The Squip-Michael moved their hand Jeremy’s chin and began emphasizing their words by waving it around, one hand still on Jeremy’s shoulder.
“But, this can’t be a one sided operation. I need you to help me help you become all that and more. Imagine yourself, soon you could be popular, powerful, incredible and so much more. Just listen to me, okay? I’m only looking after you.”
For a moment Jeremy seemed unsure. Years had been dedicated by Jeremy to condition himself to a certain set of rules which he governed his life by. Then again, thought Jeremy, look at where I am now. Maybe this was the chance to reinvent himself into a person people would like and a man Christine could love.
“I see what you’re thinking Jeremy, and I reassure you all of your wishes can and will come true. All you need to do is obey, and soon you will be chill. Do you understand Jeremy?”
Jeremy’s eyes, though still a tad red, had dried. “Yeah,” he answered as he stood up.
Squip-Michael gave Jeremy a smile, “Good,” they said before disappearing from Jeremy’s vision, “I’m glad to see you look better. Don’t forget to think what you want to say to me.”
Jeremy followed with a silent thanks. “Hey, by the way, do you actually look like Michael?”
“No Jeremy, I’m a computer with no set shape. If you have a desired image in mind, I could try to visualize myself in that form if you prefer? I think you will find my voice on Keanu Reeves body the least disconcerting, however I could try to find the most similar voice to whichever person you choose whether it be fake or a real person like Christine or Michael.”
Jeremy blushed, “No, no that’s fine! Um, you’re fine as you are right now.”
“If you say so.”
Jeremy ended up where he started. Right at the shirts display.
“Jeremy, how about you try to pick out a shirt?”
Jeremy shrugged, “Um, okay?” He grabbed a simple light colored shirt.
“That’s a girl’s shirt. You tried. You’ll get better.”
Oh, thought Jeremy as he went to put it back.
“OW!” Jeremy had suddenly walked into to another person, forgetting to look where he was going.
“Sorry, I wasn’t-”
“Jerry?” asked Chloe with Brooke at her side. Jeremy corrected her before the Squip helped him navigate a conversation between the most popular girls in school. It worked until Chloe looked closer at Jeremy’s face on the brink of blushing, lifting an eyebrow as she examined his bloodshot eyes. “Were you just crying?”
“No-” Yes “I mean- Yes.”
The Squip spoke as if it were straightening its back and cracking its knuckles.
“Now repeat after me:”
Jeremy followed.
“I was dating a girl, and I couldn’t look away when I saw this shirt through the window. She wore a shirt just like this. Her departure still hurts my heart and my eyes water at the memory of her.”
Chloe cocked her hip, “So who was this mystery girl”
“Um, you’ve probably-”
Madeline.
“Madeline.” Chloe looked enraged, “She’s french.” Jeremy offered.
Chloe began to rant, but Brooke interrupted before it went too far, “Madeline broke up with you?”
“Yes.”
No.
“I mean, I, uh,-” Jeremy paused as the Squip told him what to say, “I broke up with her ‘cuz she was cheating on me.”
Chloe seemed to find this agreeable as she curled her lip. “Like I said, what a slut....” She said before spiraling into a rant.
To the side however, Brooke looked at Jeremy in a new light, “You are so much better off without her, Jeremy,”
“.... and not even to mention her lunches. Disgusting. Let’s get out of here before I barf.”
Chloe prepared to leave as Brooke grabbed her arm and looked right at Jeremy, “So...”
The Squip cut in, “Jeremy, Brooke is about to offer you a ride. It is imperative you accept.”
“... Do you want a ride?”
Jeremy immediately said yes then paused as he really thought about it. “But I’m supposed to meet my friend Michael.”
“Oh,” Brooke looked dejected. The Squip on the other hand sounded testy at best.
“Jeremy, for this to work, you need to do as I instruct. Remember what I said earlier? I need you to help me help you. For that to happen I need you to trust me. Do you trust me?”
Jeremy thought about it as the two girls tried to convince him otherwise. He put them at the back of his mind, thinking of his answer. Yes or no. Catch a ride with the cool kids or find Michael and go play video games. Do I trust the Squip or not. Popular or loser. Girls or Michael. Squip or no Squip.
Jeremy thought about the Squip. It was nagging and awful, but helped him when he broke down. Sure it shouted abuse, but it told him it was just looking out for him. The Squip told Jeremy it only had his happiness in mind. Jeremy already knew how awful he was, all the Squip did was give its point of view and it agreed with Jeremy’s own inner voice. But, unlike the other voices, the Squip was actually helping him. Brooke and Chloe never would have offered him a ride before the Squip helping him and if they could like him maybe even Christine would. So, maybe he should trust the Squip, thought Jeremy, it’s done more than I ever could.
“So Jeremy, do you want a ride?”
Jeremy closed his eyes and took a breath.
“I do.”