Work Text:
Lance:
"Pidge!! I'm not going to flirt with Keith through comms on our first solo mission together! Are you crazy?? He's not even gay. I saw him flirt with Allura the other day!"
"Lance," Hunk starts, "he asked her to put olives in the salad she was making." Pidge, little traitor, has the audacity to snort.
"I'm telling you guys, he doesn't like boys. Even if he did, he definitely doesn't like me.
"Pshh. Whatever. I'm going to go eat some space goo. Without olives, Lance. I don't want my fork to think I'm flirting with it."
Pidge walks away, adjusting her glasses as she goes. Lance not-so-subtly flips her the bird. She sticks out her tongue in reply. "Real mature, Lance. Real mature."
Keith:
"He doesn't like boys, Shiro! Allura, tell him! He literally hasn't stopped flirting with you since the day we got here in Blue."
Keith is trying, in vain, to convince Shiro, Allura, and Coran that, while he and Lance have been fighting less lately, Lance has no romantic feelings for him. They, however, are not hearing it.
"All we're saying, Keith, is maybe you could drop a cheesy pick up line or two on him tomorrow when you go out on your mission together. I mean, you're taking both lions so if it doesn't work out for you, you can easily just close the comms and fly away, never to speak to him ever again and hide in your room until Zarkon inevitably takes out the universe due to the deaths of Voltron Paladins which occurred because of the red paladin's mysterious disappearance after a certain mission. You know. Whatever." Shiro is completely straight-faced as he says this. Asshole.
Keith can't even stay in the room anymore. With an annoyed huff, he crosses his arms and heads back to his room.
Comms- Day of the Lance/Keith solo mission (no the rest of the crew totally isn't spying on the conversation through the castle, what are you talking about?)
L: Okay, Keith, I just finished getting all of the data from the main computer and I'm heading back to Blue.
K: Sounds good. I'm back on Red and everything looks okay. I don't think the Galra even realize we're here yet.
L: Gotcha. Talk to you when I'm back in my lion.
L: Okay I'm back. Hey Keith, I was just wondering: If I lost my teddy bear, could I get you to sleep with me tonight instead?
K: *choking noises* wh-what?
L: Are you God? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.
K: Lance shut the fuck up
L: I'm tired of tasting my tongue in my mouth all the time, maybe I should taste yours for a change.
K: *softly* Why are you doing this? You don't have to tease me about being gay, okay? It's really not cool, dude. Even for you it's a low.
L: Teasing you?? You're gay??? OH MY GOD THIS IS MY DREAM COME TRUE!
K: Lance seriously. Stop. I don't mess with you over how often you get rejected.
L: KEITHY! BABY, SWEETHEART, CARINO, HONEY, NO! YOU'RE GAY!! I'M GAY!! (sorta) DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS mEAns?!?!?!?! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DATE ME BE MY BOYFRIEND!! PIDGE WAS RIGHT OH I LOVE YOU PIDGE! I LOVE YOU MORE, KEITH!! YES YES YES
*sound of lions landing and opening*
*sound of Lance entering Red*
*Keith's shout of surprise as Lance flies into his lap*
*Comms shut off as Coran gets disgusted by the sounds of making out after the helmets hit the floor*