Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Years in the past, but not many. Pretty much exactly two? Give or take a few months.

Vriska Serket is fifteen years old, and frustrated. She thinks of her age in years because, despite some of her associates still stubbornly thinking in sweeps, this human world is all she’s ever known; why should the traditions and values of a bunch of has-been old trolls who couldn’t even overthrow one stupid fish empress have any bearing on her life?

And she’s frustrated because one of those very same old trolls just marched into her room and threatened to ground her. Again.

There’s a lot about Aranea Serket that frustrates Vriska. Vriska’s pretty sure that at some point pirates were cool! In theory, there’s nothing about being a pirate—sailing the open waves, hijacking any chumps too slow to get out of the way, stealing their booty, making them walk the plank—that isn’t the coolest thing ever, but somehow her ancestor and guardian, who sailed the seas and skies of Alternia and struck fear into the pump biscuits of trolls of all castes, who stole enough booty to fill a standard starship hold six times over, who was once called Mindfang, has managed to make it... tacky. Maybe it’s the poorly-painted pictures of boats and anchors that cover every available wall in the hive?

“See that open Trollian window?” Vriska says, pointing a thumb at the open husktop computer on her desk. “That’s my moirail, you know. She’s going to worry about me if you don’t stop bloviating in my general direction and let me actually talk to her.”

“By the looks of things she’s doing a good job keeping the conversation going on her own,” Aranea says. “You can talk to her when we’re done.”

“Just let me tell her what’s going on, okay? I don’t need her coming round tonight, or deciding to come around and then reconsidering and reconsidering again and eventually just bending my aural flap about it tomorrow, at length.”

“Whatever. Fine.”

~

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AG:
GA: Hello
GA: You Have Opened A Chat Window With Me And Have Yet To Say Anything
GA: Its Been Almost Three Minutes
GA: Are You Okay
GA: Have You Finally Succumbed To The Whims Of Your Mercurial Ancestor And Decided To Become A Good Girl
GA: Are You As I Type Picking Up Discarded Sweetgrub Wrappers In The Streets And Assisting Human Old Ladies With Miscellaneous Unpleasant Tasks
GA: Do I Hear The Sound Of Your Troll Scouts Ornamental Chest Bump Coverer Being Finally Decorated With Its First Merit Badge For Extreme Politeness Or Really Anything Civic Minded
GA: You Should Know This Is A Surprisingly Unpleasant Experience For Me
GA: Normally When You Message Me I Feel Anxious And A Little Excited Because Lets Face It You Have Brought Many Complications And Also Fast Moving Objects Into My Life Which At Least Helps Break Up My Routine Even As It Subjects Me To Potential Unpleasantness
GA: And Okay Theres Nothing I Actually Dislike About My Routine
GA: Schoolfeeding Is Fine And I Am Learning From The Mother
GA: But It Is Predictable And A Little Excitement Goes A Long Way Towards Helping Me Appreciate Its Charming Sameness And Tendency To Lack People Who Are Yelling At Me
GA: But Now It Has Been Five Minutes And You Have Yet To Say Anything
GA: I Am Becoming Concerned For Your Wellbeing And Am Fighting The Urge To Come Over And Viciously Defend You From Whatever Might Be Keeping You Away From The Keyboard And Thus Silencing Whatever Missives You Intended To Direct My Way
GA: Or At Least To Help You Deal With The Aftermath
GA: I Am Unused To Worrying About You
GA: More Often I Am Concerned For The Other People In Your Life
GA: But Not For Lack Of Caring
GA: Its Just That Your Exuberance Can Be Painful For Other People And Deleterious To The Efficient Functioning Of Their Various Automobiles And Limbs
GA: I Am Going To Give You Five More Minutes To Respond
GA: ...
GA: Very Well
GA: Those Sentence Crumbs Mean My Anxiety Has Finally Overwhelmed My Caution
GA: I Am Coming Over
AG: W8.
GA: Vriska Are You Alright
AG: Yeah, I'm fine. Just getting a mouthful of Momfang.
AG: Aaaaaaaand now I'm getting a mouthful a8out that thing I just typed.
AG: We'll talk tomorrow, OK?
GA: Sure Okay
GA: Just Let Me Calm My Blood Pusher
GA: It Will Only Take A Minute For It To Return To Something Approaching Normal Speed
GA: And Then I Guess I Can Have A Sandwich
GA: And Think About Getting Some Sleep
GA: We Will Talk Tomorrow

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

~

Aranea Serket is many hundreds of years old, and likewise frustrated.

Twenty years ago, when they crashed—that wreck of an ex-helmsman Captor described it at the time as, “a fully-viable orbital approach and landing with all major living spaces intact, now shut up and unplug me before the helmsblock suffers a fully-viable explosion,” but Aranea knows a desperate last-ditch hyperspace inversion gambit when she stumbles out of a starship that’s been bisected by one—on this uncharted planet and discovered it full of surprisingly nimble and astonishingly well-armed aliens, the former pirate found it surprisingly easy to establish herself as, variously, a negotiator, facilitator, money lender, and benevolent landlady. What she found difficult was keeping the other trolls in line, and ensuring their occasional violent emotional outbursts didn’t translate into violent actions that changed the humans’ minds about letting them stay; this extended to her own descendent, whose care had been entrusted to her by the new mother grub with what Aranea’s on-again-off-again kismesis Porrim had called “the most impressive slurry-eating grin I have yet seen any Mother fail to suppress.”

Okay, yes, when she’s drunk, Aranea can occasionally be heard to admit that the warning hands of Porrim and Redglare had assisted in calming her own natural trollish urges to come piling out of the smoking remains of what had once been a perfectly nice starship brandishing two of her larger directed plasma weapons, singing her favorite shanty, and applying one or the other to the dispersal or disintegration of the gathered alien crowd. But regardless of who prized which guns out of whose claws, it was universally acknowledged by all trollkind that it had been the illustrious Mindfang who had taken one look at a late-stage capitalist society, another look at the six cargo holds of gold and precious metals that Captor to his grudging credit had managed not to destroy, and gathered the survivors together in the crook of night to proclaim, “We can do very well here!”

“I’ve told you before to stop calling me Momfang,” she says. “You may not respect me but it would be wise for you not to actively insult your lineage.”

“You know what would be really nice? If you were to give me a little bit of privacy. Just as a thing to try out!”

Aranea glares at her descendent. “Oh, yes, and we both know what you do with a bit of privacy, don’t we? You cannot help but be Vriska Serket, Insert Great Historical Role Here. You play those ridiculous games and you hurt people!”

“I can’t believe what I’m being subjected to!” Vriska yells, standing up and coming to her full height, still a long way short of her ancestor. “The great Mindfang, pirate, slaver, scourge of the eight spacelanes, is on my case because I pan-jacked one stupid oliveblood! I didn’t even hurt him that much, he’s totally fine now! And how many trolls have you personally killed? Would you say it numbers in the hundreds or in the thousands?”

“You completely miss the point, as always. Yes, I was a pirate—the best damn pirate—and I killed many! But it was Alternia and we were expected to labor under that ridiculous blood caste system, and I’m wasn’t exactly in the highest-of-the-high echelons of blood royalty, so what do you do for power and influence and fame on Alternia? You kill and you steal and if you do it with enough flair then maybe you’ll get away with it. And because I was the best there ever was, I got away with it for hundreds of sweeps! And you know what? If I hadn’t, none of us would be here now. You’d be on Alternia, if you were even hatched, and if you survived the caverns! No, don’t interrupt me—” she waves away Vriska’s raised hand and open mouth “—those trolls I killed would have died anyway; they were weak, they were gullible, and if it wasn’t me some other highblood would have taken them down. But their deaths kept me alive, kept me favored, paid for my ships, and ultimately resulted in our liberation from the Condesce, and now look at us!”

“Yes,” Vriska snarls, “let’s look at us now, shall we? Seven hundred trolls made it to Earth, with weaponry these humans have never seen, with psionics, with mind control, and look at us! We live in a town annex you had to buy from them. You could have taken it! You could have taken this whole continent with seven hundred trolls!”

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Aranea says, dropping heavily onto the edge of Vriska’s bed.

“What’s to get? You were a pirate, you were a killer, you were a grubfucking legend, and now you’ve sold out to an alien race you could conquer in a year.”

Aranea shakes her head. “I knew it was a mistake not to bring lusii. Trolls weren’t meant to raise other trolls; look at the mess you’ve become.”

“Don’t put this on me, Momfang. If there’s anything wrong with me—and there isn’t—it’s your doing, not because I didn’t have some dumb animal bringing home half-dead hopbeasts and calling it parenting.”

“Young lady, some day, preferably one when you are not being such a stubborn ass, we are going to talk about this properly.” Aranea gets up and goes to the door. “In the mean time, think on this: not all of us left Alternia because we were wanted criminals; the bulk of our numbers were trolls who recognized that a social order based on something as arbitrary as blood color and enforced solely by violence has no future for those who would buck it. And if you promise not to hurt anyone else—and that includes humans—then I won’t ground you.”

“Sure. Whatever.” Vriska throws up her hands. “I’ll be a good little sellout, just like you.”

Aranea rolls her eyes. “That’s my girl.”

~

peerlessCosmopolite [PC] began trolling porrimMaryam [PM]

PC: Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
PM: Sho+uld I assume yo+u have just co+mpleted a pro+ductive and enjo+yable co+nversatio+n with yo+ur yo+ung charge?
PC: She just won't see sense! She thinks I'm soft and the humans should have all 8een melted down for plant food.
PM: Yo+u two+ are so+ alike. O+r need I remind yo+u who+se knife I had to+ pry o+ut o+f who+se mo+uth o+n to+uch do+wn?
PM: And I'm sure Latula wo+uld no+t need much po+king gleefully to+ reco+unt the tale o+f Redglare versus yo+ur inco+rrigible lo+ve fo+r directed energy weapo+ns.
PC: She still has them, you know. She confisc8ed my 8est plasma rifles.
PM: I kno+w. She has them o+ver the mantle. Fo+r quite a while they held a certain dignity, but ever since she to+o+k in yo+ung Terezi they've been surro+unded by small o+bjects apparently called “Scalemates”.
PM: The o+verall impressio+n is no+w indescribable.
PC: I wondered why she wouldn't let me into the main room when I visited.
PM: Isn't Vriska friends with Terezi?
PC: Friends may 8e the wrong word. There could 8e something 8lack 8rewing there. I hope so! She needs the sta8ilizing influence a good kismesissitude can provide.
PM: Like ancesto+r like descendent? Perhaps Terezi will take Vriska's arm, to+o+.
PC: I wonder whether a one-armed Vriska would 8e less of a pain in my 8ounce muscle, or more?
PM: I do+n't expect it wo+uld slo+w her do+wn fo+r a seco+nd.
PC: Ugh, enough of Vriska and Redglare. Can't we talk a8out some pleasant trolls for a change?
PC: I know a 8eautiful jade who always makes my 8lood pusher 8eat faster even as she drains it.
PM: I'm sure I always appreciate being co+mplimented.
PM: Except by yo+u.
PM: So+ I do+n't kno+w why yo+u bo+ther.
PM: We will never again have a red relatio+nship and yo+u surely must kno+w that by no+w.
PC: Yeah, 8ut we're so good together, it doesn't hurt to dip my claw into the murky waters of your 8ternal dissatisfaction occasionally.
PM: That 8 didn't really wo+rk.
PM: And I'm asto+nished yo+u persist in thinking I might eventually relent.
PM: That I might fo+rget abo+ut what yo+u did to+ me, what yo+u did to my companio+ns, just because it turned o+ut o+kay in the end.
PC: The others have!
PM: Kankri has, I think. And I'm no+t sure Meulin even cares.
PM: But I will always remember my enslavement and humiliatio+n.
PM: I remember it every time I see yo+u, every time I speak to+ yo+u, every time I to+uch yo+u.
PM: Befo+re I was gifted with the means to+ resist yo+u, yo+u to+o+k my mind as easily as yo+u to+o+k my bo+dy.
PM: This clo+ak o+f expediency yo+u've wo+und aro+und yo+urself is just ano+ther pirate o+utfit. Yo+u're still a swindler, still a vagabo+nd, still a pirate, except what yo+u get o+ut o+f it no+w is po+wer and respect instead o+f go+ld and techno+lo+gy.
PC: I have never 8een anything less than sincere and open with you, even now, when you throw my every red advance 8ack at me as if it were expired gru8sauce. I have never let any troll in, the way I let you in, and you should know 8y now that the least noble of my am8itions regarding our stay on this planet is a desire to prove trolls can live and live well without the iron 8ars of the hemospectrum jailing us to social roles we would never have chosen for ourselves. And may8e to afford all of us the eventual power and influence, should this planet advance far enough, one day to spit in the Condesce's gander 8ul8!
PM: Yo+ur pro+testations o+f no+bility are as thin as yo+ur blo+o+d.
PC: Your failed re8ellion inspired me! It was always unworka8le when the goal was to transform troll society without first transplanting it; even I with my fleet of ships and slaves could not escape the machin8ions of the 8rutal 8lood hierachy forever. Our escape was glorious 8ut it was as much your doing, as much the continu8ion of your revolution, as it was mine.
PC: And I didn't just take you in! I pitied you. I loved you!
PM: Yo+u really think yo+u kno+w what lo+ve is?
PC: Of course I do! Not a day goes 8y I don't think of your em8race, and my hope that one day you would willingly return it. There was such promise in our coming red dalliance, such a dance ahead of us. When I thought you dead by Dualscar's tr8orous hand didn't I race to destroy him?
PM: O+h yes thank yo+u fo+r that. Cro+nus Ampo+ra po+kes a ho+le thro+ugh me with his go+dweapo+n and yo+ur respo+nse is to+ break o+ff yo+ur kismesissitude and try actually to+ kill him just because yo+u tho+ught he'd ro+bbed yo+u o+f yo+ur red plaything.
PC: It wasn't like that!!!!!!!!
PC: It was intended as a calculated insult to me, an end to our 8lack romance, but he used you as nothing more than a game piece, so the gr8er insult was to you.
PC: He deserved to suffer for what he did. Not to 8e swept up in our escape and retire to his lesser mansion 8y the lake. Although I must admit I take gr8 pleasure in watching him 8rood over waters he doesn't dare enter lest the others eviscer8 him.
PC: You don't love the Condesce without accumul8ing h8 from her su8jects.
PM: Yo+ur attitude to+ward him is immaterial. Yo+ur pleasure at his reduced circumstances irrelevant.
PM: Yo+u didn't even check my bo+dy! Didn't stay by my side fo+r mo+re than a few seco+nds.
PM: I had to+ feed o+ff o+ne o+f yo+ur thralls.
PM: And while back then I might have lo+ved yo+u in my way, fo+r want o+f any o+ther pro+spects in what appeared to+ be the sho+rt end o+f my days, I know better no+w.
PM: I see better no+w.
PM: And I will be asto+nished if I live to+ see the day yo+u admit yo+ur mo+tives fo+r escape were purely selfish. Yo+u might have talked Latula aro+und with yo+ur grand scheme but what abo+ut the next Legislacerato+r? And the next? The Grand Highblo+o+d wo+uld have had yo+u by the thro+at by sweep's end.
PM: So+ spare me.
PM: If yo+u even kno+w ho+w.
PC: I don't know what it will take to get you to see it my way!!!!!!!!
PC: I picked up the pieces after your failed re8ellion, kept your friends out of harm's way. Just for you. All for you!
PM: Yo+u kept us in chains!
PM: Yo+u made the o+thers wo+rk in yo+ur ho+lds and yo+u
PM: Yo+u KEPT me.
PM: I am no+t interested in yo+ur justificatio+ns. I never have been.
PM: The o+nly reaso+n I allo+w yo+u clo+se to+ me no+w is that it pleases me to+ co+ntinue this kismesissitude kno+wing I co+uld kill yo+u in less than a seco+nd.
PM: And yo+u bruise easily. Drinking fro+m the blue flo+wers I paint o+n yo+u is satisfying.
PC: And 8ecause I'm smoking hot, right? That didn't stop 8eing a thing that is true.
PM: Fuck yo+u.
PM: Yes.
PM: O+ne o+f these days I really will go+uge o+ut yo+ur remaining eye.
PC: Yeah, yeah, save it for Saturday night.

peerlessCosmopolite [PC] ceased trolling porrimMaryam [PM]

~

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CG: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS?
CG: YOUR WEIRD CAVE PILE HAS STARTED TO CREEP OVER THE LINE AGAIN. AND BY "CREEP OVER THE LINE" I ACTUALLY MEAN IT'S COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED MY SIDE OF THE RESPITEBLOCK.
CG: WE AGREED THAT THE ONLY WAY WE COULD MAKE THIS COHABITATION WORK IS IF WE ESTABLISHED FIRM BOUNDARIES AND RESPECTED THEM TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY.
CG: WELL, I AGREED.
CG: YOU MOSTLY MADE CAT FACES WHICH I TOOK AS ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT FOR THE SAKE OF NOT PROLONGING WHAT WAS THEN AND IS NOW A DEEPLY STUPID CONVERSATION.
CG: WHY CAN YOU NOT KEEP YOUR FILTHY PILLOWS TO YOURSELF?
CG: IT'S BAD ENOUGH I END UP ENVELOPED IN YOUR PILE WHEN I WANT TO WATCH TELEVISION.
CG: BUT NOW I HAVE TO SIT IN IT TO USE MY COMPUTER. I'M LITERALLY RIGHT NOW NESTLED IN THE OVERSPILL FROM YOUR PILLOW CAVE AND I THEREFORE CONSIDER MYSELF AN ENABLER OF YOUR ANTISOCIAL HOARDING TENDENCIES.
CG: I DON'T CARE HOW WARM AND SOFT IT IS HERE, THIS CAN'T BE SANITARY.
CG: I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO COME BACK TO OUR HIVE AND DEAL WITH THIS. I'VE HAD A LOUSY DAY.
CG: I HAD THE WORST CONVERSATION WITH THAT LUNATIC CAPTOR. HIS FUCKING ANCESTOR CALLED ME OVER BECAUSE HE WAS HAVING A FIT OR SOMETHING, AND TOTAL LOSER THAT HE IS HE DOESN'T HAVE A MOIRAIL TO DRAG HIM BACK TO SOLID GROUND, SO OVER I WENT.
CG: AND CAN I MENTION AT THIS POINT HOW MUCH I HATE HIS ANCESTOR? EVEN WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO HIM IT'S LIKE HE'S ONLY HALF THERE, AND I'D BE WILLING TO CUT HIM SOME SLACK ON ACCOUNT OF HIM SAVING EVERYONE'S LIVES AND BRINGING US HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE EXCEPT I'M PRETTY SURE THE HALF OF HIM THAT ISN'T THERE IS LOOKING UP GROSS PORN ON THE INTERNET, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
CG: I MEAN, HE LAUGHS AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES, AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME IT ISN'T BECAUSE HE JUST FOUND SOMETHING SICK NASTY AND IS GETTING OFF ON IT WHILE YOU'RE TRYING TO HAVE A SENSIBLE CONVERSATION WITH HIM. REDGLARE NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOT HIM THAT FOUR WHEEL DEVICE FULL OF COMPUTERS, HE ABUSES IT.
CG: ANYWAY I GET THERE AND SOLLUX IS FLOATING IN THE AIR LIKE A DOUCHE, SURROUNDED BY RED AND BLUE CRACKLING LIGHTNING AND MAKING THESE RIDICULOUS GROANING NOISES. AND THE SECOND I WALK IN HE WAKES UP, LOOKS AT ME, AND CRASHES TO THE GROUND.
CG: AND THEN THE SKINNY BASTARD JUST SAYS, OH HEY KARKAT, I WORKED IT ALL OUT, WE'RE IN AN OFFSHOOT UNIVERSE CREATED AT THE MOMENT OF APOTHEOSIS AND WE'RE SITUATED IN THE FROG'S LOWER SPINE.
CG: I TOLD HIM I HATE FROGS, AND HE PASSED OUT.
CG: SO I CAME HOME TO THIS ABOMINATION ALL OVER MY SIDE OF THE BLOCK.
CG: WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY AREN'T YOU REPLYING?
CG: WHATEVER, I'M JUST GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU TO GET THESE MESSAGES, I'VE GOT NOTHING ELSE ON TONIGHT.
CG: I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SUCH AN AURICULAR FLAP BASHING WHEN YOU FINALLY ANSWER.
CG: ...
AC: :33 < *ac comes scampering up to her tablet only to find the messages karkitty sent are an hour old!*
AC: :33 < *ac is very sorry for missing her dear furend and hopes he will furgive her*
AC: :33 < wait are you asleep?
AC: :33 < i can see you on the webcam and youre not moving
AC: :33 < hey come look at this!
AC: :33 < hes even hugging my pounce plushie
GC: FUCK1NG 1NCR3D1BL3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

~

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AG: Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
GA: Is It Tomorrow Already
GA: I Must Take My Mobile Device Back To The Store For Repairs As It Seems To Indicate That It Has Been Only A Few Minutes Since We Spoke
AG: Ugh, reel in the sarcasm, Maryam, I am N8T in the mood.
GA: Sarcasm
GA: Whats That
AG: Haha. Funny!
AG: Momfang is such a sellout. "Respected private citizen 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8lah!"
GA: Are You Annoyed Again That She Did Not Flash Fry Half The Country With Her Pirate Lasers When Our Ancestors Crashed Here
GA: Because I Must Say
GA: And Stop Me If I Am Repeating Myself
GA: Except Dont As Maybe It Will Sink In If Four Or Five Different Trolls Tell You This Every Week
GA: We Have A Good Thing Here And It Was Built On Cooperation
GA: Not Genocide
GA: Had Aranea Incinerated The Humans And Placed Her Flag On Top Of The White House We Would Not Be Having This Pleasant Conversation
GA: I Imagine There Would Have Been Considerable Resistance
GA: There Are Other Continents You Know
GA: Many Countries Have Nuclear Weapons
GA: And At The Time We Did Not Have A Working Space Craft
GA: In Addition I Would Suggest That Killing Millions Perhaps Billions Of Our Fellow Sapients Is Morally Dubious
GA: And That Attempting To Subjugate An Alien Planet Purely Because It Would Please Us Is Exactly The Sort Of Behavior We Discourage When It Is Perpetrated By Fish Queens
GA: So Much As It Might Upset Porrim To Hear Me Say This In Well Any Context Really But
GA: Mindfang Was Right
AG: I'm so over that hashtag.
AG: And what's wrong with you? What's wrong with everyone? Am 8 the only one who remem8ers how to 8e a troll????????
GA: I Assure You I Am Still A Troll Despite My Compassion For Other Forms Of Life
GA: You Should Try It Some Time
GA: Your Horns Will Not Fall Off And The Gray Will Not Drain From Your Skin If You Start Treating People Decently
GA: Have You Even Talked To A Human
GA: I Mean For Longer Than Just To Order A Pizza Or Hurl Insults At Them In The Street
AG: Everyone's ganging up on me. I can 8elieve it of Lamefang 8ut not you!
AG: What kind of life can you even have here? You want to 8e an accountant? And then when Porrim dies, which will 8e NEVER, in case you haven't forgotten, you can take up your place in the caverns?
AG: May8e you can flip burgers or sew clothes????????
AG: You're a jade, you would have 8een REVERED back home, 8ut what can you have here?
GA: As Insults Go I Believe Lamefang Lacks Some Of The Punch Of Momfang
GA: And I Suppose I Should Remind You That Her Jade Blood Did Not Protect My Ancestor From Enslavement
GA: Enslavement By Your Ancestor I Should Note
GA: I Mean You Literally Live With Her Captor But You Said What You Said Anyway
GA: Im Beginning To Wonder If Your Obsession With Alternia Hasnt Robbed You Of All Your Faculties
AG: I'm not o8sessed with Alternia! They were stuck under the same empress for hundreds of years and couldn't get rid of her. Alternians suck!
GA: Well If They Suck And We Suck Then Who Is Left
AG: Me, duh.
GA: I Guess I Should Have Seen That Coming
AG: I feel like I can't 8reathe with Aranea around. She's convinced I'm going to do something to make trolls look 8ad in the eyes of the humans, so she watches me 8ll the t8me!
AG: It's like she's an overcritical judgmental spider with we8s all over town. I trip over them one 8y one and in she scuttles to scold me for not 8eing an appropri8ly humane and gentle troll!
AG: You can't talk to Porrim, get her to ask Aranea to lay off me?
GA: I Dont Think They Have That Kind Of Relationship
GA: If My Ancestor Asked Yours For A Favor It Surely Would Not Be Granted If Only To Add Excitement To Their Kismesissitude
GA: And If She Tried To Be Canny And Asked For The Opposite Aranea Would See Through The Ruse
GA: And Probably Double Down On Her Mom Duties
GA: There Is No Force On This Planet That Can Force A Serket To Do Other Than What She Wants
GA: Except Another Larger Serket
AG: Ugh, what kind of a moirail are you?
GA: The Kind Who Tries To Moderate The Extremes Of Your Behavior And Warns You When Your Perspective Is Faulty
GA: You Know
GA: The Regular Kind
AG: The fussy kind. Fussy fussy fussy fussy fussy fussy fussy fuuuuuuuussy!!!!!!!!
GA: I Read That As Foosy
GA: Sometimes Your Quirk Impedes Efficient Communication
GA: Especially When You Are Aggravated
AG: It was o8vious from context!
AG: At least I can still use the left shift key on my husktop.
GA: Conversely I Am Still Capable Of Employing Certain Forms Of Punctuation Should I So Wish Without Hammering Repeatedly On The Tired And Overworked Shoutpole Key
GA: Observe
GA: !
AG: That's impressive. It's, what, March? And already you've used punctuation. Last year it took until August.
GA: Last Year Was A Very Calm Year Until August And Then
GA: Well You Know What Happened
AG: A glorious victory is what happened!!!!!!!!
GA: Really Because Im Fairly Sure What Happened Is You Made Three Trolls Walk The Plank
AG: I still don't understand what was so 8ad about that, what is there in these 8oring human waters that can harm a troll? Even a kiddie ten year old?
GA: It Wasnt So Much The Waters Or The Things That Swim In Them As The Speed At Which They Were Hit
GA: I Have Limited Understanding Of The Habits And Histories Of Pirates Human Or Troll But Nevertheless I Am Certain Planks Were Normally A Bit Lower Than That
AG: They were fine, they were all fine. What even is the point of Flarping if there's no danger?
GA: That Is Not A Question You Have Ever Answered To My Satisfaction
GA: Or To Your Ancestors I Believe
AG: Hey, can we stop rehashing old times Momfang kicked my seating 8umps?
AG: Ugh, I can't spread my wings here. What cerulean8lood in the history of trollkind has ever had such a restrictive up8ringing?
GA: I Hear Hamlin Muroid From Up The Street Has Very Strict Curfew Hours
AG: Nah, he just says that so people won't think he's weird for spending all his time with rats.
GA: Well Then I Concede The Point
GA: You Are The Most Oppressed Ever
GA: Its You
GA: Who Even Did You Panjack This Time Anyway
AG: Just some loser.
GA: That Hardly Seems Like A Professional Evaluation
GA: Do They Have A Name
AG: Oh who cares?
AG: Man, everything a8out him was 8ooooooooring. He should thank me for 8reaking him in interesting places!
GA: Yes I Suppose At Least He Will Have Stories To Tell Now
AG: Yeah!
GA: Clearly I Am Mistaken In My Obvious Disapproval And You Have Done Him A Favor
GA: Have You Considered Charging For Your Services
GA: Make Sure You Get Something About Autobiography Royalties In Writing
GA: Although Given That You Did What You Did To Him You Might Find Securing His Cooperation Somewhat Challenging
AG: Nah. Hey, Vriska, how will you get some jerk you just put in human hospital to sign over his life story to you? Duh, I don't know!!!!!!!!
AG: Ugh, Kanaya. This completely sucks!
AG: I appreciate this, you know.
AG: I can't deal with Aranea at all lately. If I didn't have you to 8low off at I don't know what I'd do.
GA: I Have A Reasonable Idea
GA: Anyway It Is Late And I Have Schoolfeeding Tomorrow
GA: As Do You
GA: I Suppose If You Do Find Yourself About To Do Something Unwise You Can Wake Me
GA: I Think Everyone Would Rather You Didnt Hurt Anyone Else
AG: Fine, yes, I will 8e good.
AG: I will 8e the 8est most humane troll.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

~

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CA: kan you gotta help me this is unbearable
GA: Oh My Gog What Is It Now
GA: Can A Troll Not Get Any Sleep In This Town
GA: Maybe I Should Go Back To Alternia And Present Myself To The Condesce In Person
GA: And In The Days Leading Up To My Ceremonial Forking While I Wallow In Abject Misery In Her Gaudiest And Most Appallingly Decorated Dungeon I Might At Least Get Some Rest
CA: ok i havvent got the slightest clue wwhat youre talkin about there so im just goin to step around that
CA: i dont knoww wwhos been monopolizin your time but wwhoever they are they cant havve needs as urgent and unfulfilled as i do
CA: evven if its your no good fuckin girl crush
GA: Is There Even Any Point In Reiterating To You The Paleness Of My Relationship With Vriska
GA: Im Well Aware That Words Go In One Flap And Come Out Of The Other Unmolested By Comprehension Or Significant Material Inbetween
CA: how dare you im as mentally cognizant as the next devvastatinly handsome sea prince
CA: it just so happens i got more on my mind than your wwordy insults an snarky beast leavvins so get with the program
GA: You Have Yet To Enlighten Me As To The Nature Of The Program
GA: And I Realize Having Typed That That I Really Dont Care
GA: Are You Aware Of What Time Is Is
CA: its about time i got wwhats comin to me i can tell you that
GA: It Is Too Late For Feverish Discussions About Your Quadrants
GA: Im Taking A Guess Here That Its Quadrants That Are On Your Pan Because When Are They Not
GA: In The Interest Of Getting A Small Amount Of Rest Before My Obligations Rouse Me I Am Going To Block You
GA: I Will Unblock You In The Morning And You Can Talk To Me Then If You Still Have Unresolved Personal Problems
GA: But What Are The Chances Of That Though
GA: I Am Sure You Can Deal With This Yourself
GA: Pardon Me While I Enjoy A Little Joke At Your Expense
GA: Good Night Eridan

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] has blocked caligulasAquarium [CA]!

CA: fuckin incredible
CA: i dont havve to stand for this

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]