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jaemin hated the way he looked. not necessarily his facial features, he loved the soft and baby like figure it gave him. he didn't care too much about having the sharpest jawline or facial hair growing all over his face.
he despised his chest, the way it would be visible for anyone to assume that he is anything but a boy. that's what he hated most about this entire situation, everyone thinks they have the right to assume things about him that simply aren’t true.
“you can’t really blame them,” mark says while giving him a frown. “its pretty visible. maybe you can buy a binder?”
“how do you , the most cis person i know, know about a binder?” jaemin points his finger at mark which a suspicious look.
“dude, everyone knows what a binder is. even jeno and they don’t even need one.”
mark was right which jaemin hated. “lucky for jeno. i don’t even have the money to afford one, don’t you know how much they cost?”
anxiety starts to set in once he starts to think of the money he would have to save up. he knows his parents wouldn’t mind, they accepted him no matter what. he wouldn’t want to put that burden on them though.
“your birthday is soon right? maybe one of us will buy it for you, dude. by ‘us’ i mean jeno, because god knows you’d love to receive something special from your crush .”
jaemin turned away looking flustered while waving his hands around. “i-i do not like jeno! where did you get that idea from?!”
mark and donghyuck begin to laugh at him right before renjun chimes in, “everyone knows, nana. even the rest of our classmates do! everyone but you and jeno know about your crushes on each other. it’s like you two are just that oblivious.”
what renjun said stuck with jaemin for the rest of the day to say the least.
- - -
friday had rolled a long which meant jaemin's birthday party was today. part of him was very excited yet nervous at the same time, he's not sure what kind of weird presents his friends would give him. he'd be lying if he wasn't curious about jeno's gift ever since mark suggested they'd buy him a binder to help with his body dysphoria. the thought of it was pleasant and comforting, knowing someone you like would be sweet enough to buy you a special gift. to others, it may not seem too special, but to jaemin it would mean everything.
before getting more lost in his own thoughts, the doorbell suddenly began to ring. jaemin walked towards the door to be greeted with his group of friends holding gifts, a cake, and balloons.
"happy birthday! are you gonna let us in now?" mark asked, holding the cake out to jaemin that read, 'happy birthday loser!'
jaemin opened the door more and stepped to the side, "make yourselves at home."
everyone came in the house and set down the gifts and cake on the table, quickly making their way over to the couch to play games. jaemin looked around to figure out that jeno wasn't with the rest of them and frowned. "where's jeno? i thought they were coming with you guys?"
donghyuck and jisung shrugged, not once looking away from the tv screen. "i think they were running late, they didn't show up where we usually meet so my mom could bring us here," donghyuck replied.
"dude, don't worry, okay? i'm sure jeno is coming soon, they wouldn't ditch your birthday party." mark's words were enough to help jaemin calm down, but not enough to make him believe jeno would show up.
after a couple minutes of playing games and constant anxiety on jaemin's part, the doorbell finally rang once again. he quickly ran towards the door to unlock it to find out that jeno did in fact not forget about his party.
"you came! i mean, i knew you would of course, but i-" jaemin stuttered as jeno gave him that precious smile of theirs, pulling him into a hug.
"anyways..." jeno starts off, bringing the gift up to jaemin's face. "i got you a gift, but i want to give it to you in private. is that alright?"
jaemin quickly nods and leads jeno to his bedroom upstairs away from their very loud and obnoxious friends.
they both sit on jaemin's bed crisscrossed and facing each other while jeno hands him the gift. "i'm not sure why i wanted to give this to you in private, i think because it seems special that i should, you know? plus i didn't want the others to like, make fun of me or anything."
jaemin starts to open the gift, tearing off the wrapping paper but being careful at the same time. although he had a feeling jeno would get him this gift, he was still surprised and touched. tears started to fall as he lifted up the binder and smiled.
"you, you really got me a binder!" he's not sure if these tears are of happiness or sadness, but he does know that this moment is very special and he never wants to forget it.
jeno laughs a little, bringing their hand to wipe away jaemin's endless tears. "of course i did, i'm sure mark told you already though so i wasn't sure if you'd still be surprised. i'm glad you are though, i know how much you've wanted one."
jaemin sets down the binder to look towards jeno which might've been a mistake because he's staring and sees how jeno's eyes smile when he does as well, the way his happiness for jaemin is showing and oh god jaemin is in love.
the overwhelming feeling of how much he likes his best friend is a lot for him and the only way to handle it is to yell out that he likes them a lot. which is exactly what he did. you could say it was spur of the moment, but jaemin is just happy he got it out.
"would it make you cry more if i said i liked you as well? because if so i don't want you to cry again," jeno is still smiling and moves their hands to squish jaemin's tear stained cheeks together.
jaemin can only nod while his eyes start to tear up again. jeno laughs and leans forward to kiss his forehead.
if you asked jaemin which birthday throughout his life he enjoyed the most, he would definitely say this one.