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Oikawa’s always had this aura about him for as long as Iwaizumi could remember. He just naturally exudes grace and confidence. Not to say that Oikawa didn’t have any insecurities, but he managed to own them to the best of his ability. It was rare for an adolescent, and it clearly set him apart from the rest. Most thirteen year olds were still figuring themselves out and succumbing to the pressure to fit in, even if it meant compromising who they truly were. But Oikawa? Oikawa was a trailblazer. He didn’t need to worry about fitting in; he was the one setting the trends. Even at his most awkward stages, he was the one everyone else gravitated towards and aspired to be. With his dashing looks and confidence, he managed to make just about anything look good, even with braces and glasses.
Iwaizumi’s always felt like he was a couple steps behind, and the older they got, the bigger the gap became. He feels like he’s constantly chasing after Oikawa, trying to catch up to him but to no avail. He remembers begging his mother for twenty dollars so that he could buy the alien graphic tee that Oikawa and all the “popular” kids at school were wearing. She gave him twelve, because she knew he’d outgrow the shirt within a few months and it wasn’t worth spending all that money. Iwaizumi begrudgingly took the twelve dollars and settled for one of the older designs from the clearance rack.
“Oh, Iwa-chan, you got an alien shirt too!” Oikawa commented the next morning on their walk to school together.
“Uh, yeah,” Iwaizumi mumbled. He felt embarrassed all of a sudden, like he’d been caught trying to copy Oikawa but all he was was a cheap, outdated knockoff. He should’ve just saved the twelve bucks. It didn’t even look good on him. Oikawa’s clothes always seemed to fit his proportions nicely - he always looked put together. Or maybe it was his body that made anything look good. Meanwhile on Iwaizumi the shirt looked awkward and baggy in certain parts.
“It looks good!” Oikawa said. “Maybe we’ll match one of these days.”
He wondered if people would flock to him the way they did to Oikawa once they got to school and saw him wearing the shirt. (They didn’t.)
Iwaizumi remembers the first time a girl confessed to Oikawa, towards the end of 7th grade. Her name was Reina, and everyone knew her because she was one of the pretty, popular girls in their grade. Iwaizumi had been waiting for Oikawa at their usual spot by the tree in front of the school so that they could walk home together. It wasn’t unusual for him to be a couple minutes late, since he always took his time to socialize as he walked out. But Iwaizumi had been waiting for ten minutes and Oikawa still hadn’t shown up. He began walking around the perimeter of the school building, and as he approached the back, he heard Oikawa and Reina talking.
“Oikawa, do you feel the same way towards me?” Reina asked. “We’d make such a good-looking couple, don’t you think?”
“I do think you’re pretty, Reina,” Oikawa said. “But aside from that, I don’t really know you that well…”
“Well, you can learn more about me as we date,” she said suggestively, leaning closer to Oikawa. “Don’t you want a girlfriend, Oikawa? We’re teenagers now; we get to do all these mature things like have boyfriends and girlfriends. Haven’t you wondered what it’s like? Doing couple things, going on dates, holding hands… kissing.” Reina had leaned so close their lips were mere centimeters apart.
Truth be told, those things did cross Oikawa’s mind, mostly thanks to the media. But he hadn’t envisioned being in a relationship this soon, and certainly not with Reina.
“Sorry,” he said as he shifted backwards. “This was really out of the blue and I don’t think I’m ready for these... ‘mature’ things just yet. But I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding a boyfriend!”
Iwaizumi was surprised - and perhaps a tad relieved - by Oikawa's response, which was ironically more mature than the way Reina had been acting. So Oikawa wasn’t a total idiot after all. He returned to wait by the tree to spare himself from hearing their parting words.
"Ah, Iwa-chan, you were waiting for me this entire time?" Oikawa called as he approached.
Iwaizumi shrugged. "Didn't want you to walk home alone. What if someone finally decides to beat you up for all the stupid crap that comes out of your mouth?"
"Mean, Iwa-chan! But also thanks for worrying about me!" Oikawa slung an arm around Iwaizumi's shoulders. "I can always count on you to protect me."
Iwaizumi felt his face heat up and he suddenly became hyper conscious of the warmth seeping from Oikawa's arm. He brushed him off and briskly walked ahead.
"Hey, Iwa-chan, wait up!"
Iwaizumi came to the realization that his life completely revolved around Oikawa.
In middle school, Iwaizumi made casual friends and acquaintances in his classes when he needed to do pair or group work, and he was a favorite to have as a teammate in phys ed thanks to his natural athleticism. But he never really got close enough to anyone else to truly call his friend, and when graduation rolled around, he found himself surrounded by people saying their tearful good-byes. He quietly tagged along with Oikawa and watched as classmates swarmed him with hugs and fist bumps and gifts were thrust into his arms. He thumbed through his phone absentmindedly until Oikawa’s voice snapped him out of his daze.
“Hey, Iwa-chan, can you take a group picture for us?” he called, waving his phone.
It was then that Iwaizumi promised himself he'd branch out once they got to high school. He and Oikawa were both headed to Seijoh, but it was much bigger than their middle school. He heard from others that high school was where you really began to forge your own path and make your long term friends.
Iwaizumi was done trailing behind in Oikawa’s shadow. He was ready for a fresh start.
Iwaizumi was planning his outfit the night before their first day of high school when his phone chimed, indicating a text from Oikawa.
From: Oikawa
Iwa-chan~
Excited for our first day tomorrow? We’re finally on our way to adulthood~!
From: Iwa-chan
Dumbass, we’re 15.
From: Oikawa
This is such a huge step in our lives~
We’re still meeting up to take the train together tomorrow right? 7:30?
From: Iwa-chan
Sorry, I’m actually going to head out on my own. Don’t wait for me.
Iwaizumi felt a pang of guilt as he typed his response. He wondered what expression Oikawa had on his face. After a long minute, his phone pinged.
From: Oikawa
Fineee but if you get lost or get on the wrong train tomorrow don’t blame me~ o(｀ω´ )o
Iwaizumi let out a small sigh of relief. Oikawa seemed fine with it. Not that he needed his approval or anything.
Fresh start , he told himself. Fresh start.
Several houses down, Oikawa was staring at his phone wondering what the hell was going on.
Iwaizumi stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He had tanned and gotten more muscular over the summer, having gone outside to play volleyball and soccer almost every day with some of the other boys in the neighborhood. Oikawa joined in too when he had spare time, but his older sister had just taken up a new job, so Oikawa spent the majority of his summer babysitting his nephew.
Iwaizumi buttoned up his shirt, slipped into his jeans, and pulled on his black cardigan. It was an outfit he’d seen on a mannequin and he thought it looked easy enough to recreate. He aimed for more slimming clothing to accentuate his lean features, but he was still working on his sense of style, so he wasn’t really sure if he looked okay or not.
“Oh, Hajime, you look so handsome!” his mother cooed as he made his way into the kitchen. “Did Tooru pick that out for you? It looks like something he’d wear!”
“I picked it myself,” Iwaizumi mumbled, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
“Well, you did good!” she beamed as she handed him his lunch. “Are you meeting Tooru at the train station?”
He shook his head.
“Oh? How come?”
Iwaizumi shrugged. “We’re in high school now, we don’t need to do everything together,” he said, trying to sound casual.
“I suppose you’re right,” his mother chuckled. “It’s just that there hasn’t been a single day where the two of you didn’t go to school together, except when one of you got sick.”
“I’ll be fine. It’s not that big of a deal,” he said. He sat down in the entryway and pulled on his sneakers. “See you later, Mom.”
“Bye Hajime! Have a good first day!”
On the train, Iwaizumi closed his eyes and tried to focus on the rock music in his ears to calm his nerves.
I’ll be myself, I’ll be myself
If you’ve stopped progressing
Come back to this place again
I’ll never let these hands go, we’ll stay connected forever
One day, one day
You’ll definitely find your true self
Even in his attempt to distance himself from Oikawa, he still permeated his thoughts. Did he wake up on time? Did he eat breakfast? Which train did he catch? Iwaizumi opened his bag and tried to keep his mind preoccupied with its contents. He went through his supplies one by one, and by the time he finished, he had gotten to his stop.
But no amount of de-stressing could have prepared him for the devastating view waiting for him on the other side of the train doors.
“Iwa-chan~ Somehow I knew you’d be in that train car!”
Iwaizumi looked up and stared.
Staring back at him was Oikawa, wearing a smug expression.
And no glasses.
Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes and scrutinized Oikawa’s face.
This wasn’t his first time seeing Oikawa without glasses - they had many a sleepover where he’d seen that and more - but it had been a couple weeks since they’d seen each other face to face. Iwaizumi’s eyes lingered on Oikawa’s lashes and his soft brown eyes, no longer hidden behind thick frames.
“Iwa-chan, I got contacts!” Oikawa said, breaking the silence. “And I got my braces off too, see?!”
Oikawa flashed a pearly white smile and Iwaizumi felt his insides drop. Shit, he looked good .
“I wanted to surprise you!” he continued. “So? What do you think?”
“You’re still the same Shittykawa on the inside,” Iwaizumi said, hoping his voice didn’t betray all the sudden urges he was feeling on the inside.
“Mean, Iwa-chan! I cleaned up all nice just for you~” Oikawa whined. He latched onto Iwaizumi’s arm as they walked. “You look really good in your outfit and you don’t see me calling you names! Ah, did you get more muscular?” He gave a tentative squeeze. “You really played outside a lot this summer, huh?”
“Quit it,” Iwaizumi muttered but made no attempt to free his arm from Oikawa’s grasp.
“Y’know, I missed you, Iwa-chan,” he said softly. “I-”
“Oh my gosh, Oikawa Tooru?!”
A group of four girls dashed towards them.
“Remember us?! We went to Kitagawa Daiichi too!” one of them exclaimed. “Wow, you look amazing, Oikawa! You look really good too, Iwaizumi.”
Iwaizumi had absolutely no idea who these girls were, but he was more taken aback by the fact that they somehow remembered his name. He reasoned that they probably just remembered his name by association since he was always seen together with Oikawa.
Oikawa’s lips turned up into a smile, but Iwaizumi noticed the lack of friendliness in his eyes, irritated that their conversation had been interrupted.
“We’ll catch you later,” Oikawa said. “Maybe we’ll be in the same homeroom.”
Iwaizumi could hear the girls squeal with delight as they walked away.
Oikawa glanced over at Iwaizumi when he wasn’t looking. The girls weren’t wrong. Iwa-chan did look good, all lean muscles and sun-kissed skin. He’s always looked amazing, if you asked him. He should’ve been glad people were starting to take notice of his ruggedly handsome best friend. Instead, hearing it from others somehow ignited an unexplained desire to keep his Iwa-chan hidden away from prying eyes.
Iwaizumi arrived at the door of what he presumed to be his homeroom for the next three years. He stepped in and took the first open seat he saw, next to a tall boy with unruly, black hair.
“Hey.” Iwaizumi cleared his throat and turned towards the -boy. “This is homeroom 1E, right?”
He nodded wordlessly.
This is the fresh start you wanted , Iwaizumi reminded himself. Making friends takes effort.
“I’m Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi Hajime.”
“Matsukawa. Issei.”
Iwaizumi groaned internally. Seemed like they both sucked at making conversation.
“... steak,” he heard Matsukawa mutter.
“Huh?”
“Hamburg steak,” he repeated. “S’ good, isn’t it? Especially the ones with cheese inside.”
Was this Matsukawa’s way of making an effort to break the ice? Iwaizumi couldn’t help but chuckle and he felt some of his nerves dissipate.
“Do you know anyone else here? Anybody from your middle school?”
“Uhh, sorta,” Matsukawa answered. “My best friend’s in another homeroom.”
“Yeah, same here, but I think it’s better that way. I’m trying to uh, meet new people.”
Matsukawa nodded in agreement.
“So what’s he like? Your best friend.”
“Gaudy,” Iwaizumi said without hesitation. “He’s pompous as hell. He’s good-looking and he knows it. He’s the kind of guy who’s always surrounded by people. Mostly girls.”
“He sounds like an ass. Sorry,” Matsukawa added hastily.
Iwaizumi laughed. He appreciated someone who he could be blunt around.
“Yeah he is,” he said. “But he’s my ass. Wait. No. That’s not-I just meant we’ve been friends since we were little, so I can’t really imagine my life without him. Even though he acts super flashy around people, he’s a huge nerd on the inside. He’s super into space and aliens and stuff, it’s actually kind of…”
Iwaizumi almost said the word “cute” before he caught himself. He turned away, his cheeks tinged slightly pink. Matsukawa smiled to himself but before he could respond, their homeroom teacher entered the classroom.
“Good morning, 1E. I’m Matsuda, and I’ll be your homeroom teacher for the next three years, so let’s get along, shall we? As your homeroom teacher, I’ll always be available to you if you have questions about anything regarding school, after school activities, and perhaps further down the line, college. Now, instead of me calling roll, why don’t we go around and introduce ourselves, and I’ll check your name off as we go.”
Iwaizumi ended up having his next three classes with Matsukawa, so they were able to walk together. It was comforting having someone to navigate the daunting hallways with. After their final class together, they parted ways, but not before exchanging their contact info so they could meet up for lunch later.
As Iwaizumi approached the gymnasium for phys ed, he was assaulted by long limbs from behind.
“Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, you have phys ed now too?!”
“Yeah, now will you get off me already?” He sighed. He was bound to have at least one class with Oikawa.
Oikawa cheerfully dragged Iwaizumi into the locker room by the wrist and picked out two lockers next to each other. Iwaizumi didn’t have it in him to argue. He turned away and began to strip off his clothes.
Behind him, Oikawa’s eyes lingered on his tanned, muscular back.
“Iwa-chan?”
“Hm?”
Iwaizumi turned around and regretted it almost instantly.
“Wh… what do you think of my body, Iwa-chan?”
Iwaizumi took a moment to study Oikawa’s face to determine whether he was serious or not. His eyes couldn’t help trailing down his pale, slender body, down towards his navel and-
“Stop asking stupid questions, Oikawa,” he muttered, pulling on his gym uniform. “Your body is fine.”
“Just fine?”
“What’s gotten into you? You never really cared about what other people think. Did someone insult your body?” Iwaizumi genuinely started to worry.
“Huh? No, no, it’s nothing like that,” Oikawa said quickly, secretly happy to see Iwaizumi show concern for him. “I was just thinking maybe it’d be nice to be a little bulkier like Iwa-chan…”
“You’re fine just the way you are, idiot. Hurry up and get changed already.”
It was strange hearing Oikawa expressing an insecurity. Oikawa, who knew how to flaunt his charmingly good looks and couldn’t care less about what others thought. Maybe starting high school made him feel more self-conscious. Iwaizumi tried to shrug it off and focus on the mundane warm up exercises to clear his mind.
“The twenty meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds,” the recording announced. “Line up at the start.”
“I’m not gonna lose, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said with a smirk.
“It’s not a competition, dumbass,” Iwaizumi muttered, but he couldn’t help his competitive streak especially when he was against Oikawa.
After phys ed, Iwaizumi rushed to the locker room, dripping in sweat. He may have taken the pacer test just a bit too seriously, but it was worth being the last student remaining. Probably. He changed quickly and left to meet up with Matsukawa for lunch. By the time Oikawa got to the locker room, he was already gone.
Something was up. Iwa-chan was definitely avoiding him and he had absolutely no idea why.
“Iwaizumi, this is my friend, Hanamaki.”
Iwaizumi met up with Matsukawa in the cafeteria, and they were shortly joined by his best friend, Hanamaki.
“Hi, I’m Iwaizumi.”
“Yeah, I know,” Hanamaki chuckled. “We actually just had gym together. You’re the guy that lasted till the very end of the pacer test.”
Iwaizumi felt bad for not noticing his pink-haired classmate. His mind had been so preoccupied with Oikawa’s strange behavior while he was running.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s a pretty big class,” Hanamaki reassured him. “That was pretty impressive though. You thinking about joining any sports teams? You look like the athletic type.”
Truthfully the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. He realized that he’d gotten so used to following Oikawa around to whatever activities he wanted to join, he hardly had the opportunity to make the decision for himself.
“I haven’t decided yet,” Iwaizumi said. “But I did play a lot of volleyball growing up. I also played some soccer, and I guess I’m pretty decent at running.”
“My my, you’re so humble, Iwaizumi. I’d say you’re a little better than decent,” Hanamaki said. “Issei and I are planning to try out for the volleyball team after school. You should come along too. It’d be cool if we all made it in and got to play together as a team.”
As soon as Oikawa entered the cafeteria, he was immediately greeted by students from all directions inviting him to sit with them.
He sighed but he put on a smile and made some half-assed excuse about how he was looking for someone (which wasn’t exactly untrue). He was still mulling over Iwaizumi’s sudden aloofness and really didn’t feel like dealing with people right now. His eyes roamed the cafeteria and he spotted his childhood friend eating and chatting away with two guys he didn’t recognize.
Am I being replaced? Oikawa wondered, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Is Iwa-chan tired of me? Without thinking he walked towards the three of them.
“Yo, Iwa-chan,” he called, trying to maintain his positive demeanor. “Can I join you guys?”
With all the people lining up to have lunch with Oikawa, Iwaizumi hadn’t expected him to come find them. Their eyes met for a brief moment and he could tell something was bothering him.
“Hm, so this is your gaudy best friend,” Matsukawa mused. “I see what you mean.”
“What? Iwa-chan, what have you been telling them about me?!” he whined.
“Only the truth,” Iwaizumi said simply as he scooted over to make room for Oikawa. “Oikawa, this is Hanamaki and Matsukawa. They’re friends from middle school too.”
“Oh~ Now it feels like we’re on a double date, doesn’t it?” Oikawa laughed.
“Sorry, this guy’s always spewing bullshit,” Iwaizumi apologized to the two and lightly smacked his best friend in the back of his head. He tried to not think about how soft his hair was.
“So, Oikawa, we were just talking about how we were going to go try out for the volleyball team after school today,” Hanamaki said. “You play too?”
Iwaizumi cursed inwardly. He’d hoped that Oikawa wouldn’t find out. His plan to forge his own path independent of Oikawa was falling apart by the second. Couldn’t he have just one thing to himself?
“I’m not as good as Iwa-chan,” he said. “But I’ll try out if he tries out. Then we can go home together after practices!”
“You are good,” Iwaizumi said. “We just play different positions so you can’t really compare us. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“Did Iwa-chan just compliment me? Compliment me more, Iwa-chan~”
“Shut up, Shittykawa. Don’t you get enough from your fan girls?”
“Iwa-chan, you’re different! I like it when you compliment me.”
“Yeah, well now I’m never going to compliment you ever again.”
It was the last ten minutes of his final class and Iwaizumi was itching to get to tryouts. He cracked his knuckles and bounced his leg restlessly. It had been a while since he played with Oikawa since he missed most of the neighborhood games during the summer. He hated to admit it, but years of friendship and practice made them a formidable duo. He liked seeing the serious, intense side of Oikawa that only volleyball could draw out. In addition to good instincts, Oikawa always knew how to set the ball perfectly to his liking, and they were able to read each other effortlessly through eye contact alone. No other setter could set Iwaizumi up for satisfying kills the way that Oikawa could.
The bell rang, and Iwaizumi exhaled in relief. He made his way down to the gymnasium, where Matsukawa and Hanamaki were already waiting. They went in to change and get warmed up. By the time Oikawa arrived, they had already begun jogging laps around the gym with the current members of the Seijoh team as well as a handful of other prospective members.
A stocky older man wearing a teal Seijoh tracksuit blew a whistle to get everyone’s attention.
“Alright, listen up. I’m Irihata, coach of the Seijoh volleyball team. We’re going to begin tryouts with basic skills - receiving, serving, setting. Then we’re going to play a couple short games to see how well you all work together. Everyone take a pinnie and put it over your shirt, then line up on this side. The current members will be on the other side serving to you. We’ll do three people at a time. All you need to do is receive three serves and then move off to the side so the next person can go. Understood?”
“Yes sir!”
Iwaizumi glanced over at Oikawa, who caught him looking and winked.
Gaudy asshole.
Iwaizumi was in the first group of three, along with Hanamaki and Matsukawa. He received his three serves with no problem and then stepped aside to where the coach was standing.
“Iwaizumi Hajime?” Irihata asked.
“That’s me,” he said. “How did you know?”
“Your pretty boy over there couldn’t stop yapping about you. Said you’re one hell of a player. I thought he was just shooting his mouth off but I’m starting to think maybe he was right.”
Damn Oikawa, setting the bar high already.
“I’m sorry about Oikawa, Coach Irihata,” Iwaizumi apologized. “He’s my idiot childhood friend. Sometimes he just says whatever he likes. When it comes to volleyball he’s serious though.” As if on cue, Oikawa received his third serve in a row and he jogged towards them, his focused expression turning into a grin as he flashed a peace sign at Iwaizumi.
“You two play together?” the coach asked.
Iwaizumi opened his mouth to answer but Oikawa spoke first.
“Iwa-chan and I are the ultimate combo!” he said, nodding vigorously. “I set the ball just the way he likes, and then his spikes are like BAM! No one can stop them.”
The coach had an amused look in his eyes.
When it came time for the practice match, each side had a mix of current members and first years. Iwaizumi and Oikawa were on opposite sides, staring each other down through the net.
“I won’t lose, Iwa-chan!”
“I already beat you once today, I”ll do it again,” Iwaizumi said with a smirk.
Halfway through the match, Irihata blew the whistle and switched the setter on Iwaizumi’s side with Oikawa.
“Show me this ultimate combo you speak of,” he said, a hint of challenge in his voice.
“Just like old times, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa grinned, but his eyes were intense and focused.
“Yeah,” Iwaizumi said. He could feel adrenaline pumping through his veins. They fist bumped before taking their respective places on the court.
Irihata blew the whistle, signaling for the game to resume.
Oikawa and Iwaizumi kept each other in their line of sight, constantly aware of the other’s position on the court. The ball was headed towards Oikawa - this was their chance.
“Iwa-chan!” he called, but Iwaizumi already knew it was coming before Oikawa had even opened his mouth. He dashed to his position in the center of the court, still keeping an eye on Oikawa in his periphery. Iwaizumi saw the ball leave the setter’s fingers and he leapt. The ball arched towards him and he felt a thrill rush through his body as his hand made contact with the ball.
The impact of the ball on the court was deafening, a gunshot compared to the previous spikes that had been delivered so far. Everyone stood there, stunned into silence even after the ball stilled.
“Holy shit,” Hanamaki whispered.
“That was fun, wasn’t it, Iwa-chan?”
Tryouts had ended, and the two boys were now on their way home, still buzzing from the adrenaline rush. Iwaizumi clenched his fist; his palm stung pleasantly, a reminder of his forceful spikes that were made possible by Oikawa’s setting.
“Yeah,” he said absentmindedly. They took their seats next to each other on the train and Iwaizumi pulled out his headphones. He closed his eyes and leaned back, trying to focus on his music and not the warmth of Oikawa’s thigh against his. Minutes later, he felt a weight on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to the sight of Oikawa leaning against him, fast asleep. His sideswept bangs fell down, covering his eyes, and Iwaizumi fought the urge to reach out and brush them aside. He closed his eyes and rested his head against Oikawa’s.
“You make this so hard,” he said softly.
“Make what hard, Iwa-chan?”
Iwaizumi yanked his headphones out and shoved Oikawa off. He felt his face heating up.
“Asshole, you weren’t asleep!”
“Just resting my eyes,” he said jokingly. “So? What were you talking about?”
“Nothing,” Iwaizumi muttered.
“Tell me~” Oikawa pestered.
Iwaizumi closed his eyes and pretended to sleep for the rest of the ride.
“Mean, Iwa-chan,” he heard Oikawa say through the music from his headphones. “I know you’re not sleeping.”
Unfortunately for Iwaizumi, Oikawa continued to badger him after they got off the train.
“Iwa-chan,” he whined. “Why won’t you tell me?”
“It’s nothing!” Iwaizumi was starting to get fed up. “Just forget about it already.”
“Fine,” Oikawa sighed. “Do you want to come over and do homework together? You can stay for dinner too.”
Past Iwaizumi would’ve accepted the invitation, but now, he was trying his best to stop relying on Oikawa for company.
“I’m kinda tired from tryouts,” Iwaizumi lied. “I just want to get home and shower.”
“You can shower at my house,” Oikawa persisted. “I can make us some tea or coffee-”
“Stop it already!” he said, a little more forceful than he had intended. “Why are you trying so hard?”
“And why are you avoiding me?” Oikawa’s voice wavered. “You think I haven’t noticed, Iwa-chan? Today was our first day of school. Walking into a new school building, not knowing anyone or where anything is… I was nervous, Iwa-chan. Weren’t you? We’re supposed to have each other’s backs, but instead you ditched me, and… and… you met Matsukawa and Hanamaki…”
Shit. Oikawa’s eyes were starting to water.
Iwaizumi sighed. They had reached Oikawa’s house.
“Let’s talk inside,” he said. Oikawa nodded and unlocked the door.
Iwaizumi quickly greeted Oikawa’s mother who was in the kitchen, and the two boys made their way up to Oikawa’s room. After setting their bags down, Oikawa sat on his bed, and Iwaizumi in his desk chair.
“Iwa-chan, do you hate me?”
What? How could he possibly?
“Iwa-chan, can you please tell me what I did to upset you? You know I’m an idiot… I won’t know if you don’t tell me. Just… please don’t replace me with Matsukawa,” he blurted.
Iwaizumi massaged his temples, trying to figure out how to begin.
“I don’t hate you, Oikawa… and you didn’t do anything to upset me either.”
“Then what is it?”
Iwaizumi took a deep breath.
“Oikawa, we’ve known each other nearly all our lives,” he said, and Oikawa nodded in agreement. “You’re a big part of my life… maybe a little too big.”
“Iwa-chan, what are you-”
“Look, Oikawa, I don’t know if you’ve realized it or not, but you’ve always been more of a leader than me. You have this sort of… gravity. A really powerful gravity that pulls everyone in. It’s like there’s always a spotlight on you, and I’m kind of just… there, getting pulled along behind you in your shadow. All these years I went along with it. I tried so hard to be like you, but I can’t keep up. I can’t continue to live like that. I need to be my own person, not just ‘Oikawa’s quiet, less attractive best friend who always follows him around everywhere.’
Even when I’m not with you, you still have plenty of people to turn to. You’re never alone. It’s not the same for me. I didn’t become friends with Matsukawa because I wanted to replace you with someone new. You’re my best friend, and nothing will ever change that, but I need other friends too.”
Iwaizumi paused to look at Oikawa, whose eyes were brimming with tears.
“Iwa-chan, you idiot,” he said, lightly punching his arm repeatedly. “Idiot, idiot, idiot.”
Oikawa sniffled and cleared his throat.
“Iwa-chan, you’re my gravity. You keep me grounded. All those other people? They come and go. You’re the only one that matters. I need you. Always.”
Iwaizumi moved to sit next to Oikawa on the bed. He awkwardly put an arm around the taller boy and pulled him into a hug.
“I’m not going anywhere, dumbass.”
Oikawa buried his face in the crook of Iwaizumi’s neck and started sobbing uncontrollably.
“God, you’re such an ugly crier,” Iwaizumi murmured, rubbing comforting circles into his back.
“I was just… so s-scared,” Oikawa cried. “I always knew how amazing and good-looking you were but all of a sudden other people were noticing too - some girls in my homeroom even asked me about you - and i-it’s not like I don’t want you to have friends or anything... I should’ve been happy for you but I was jealous, Iwa-chan. I thought they were gonna take you away from me.”
“You think I’m good-looking?” Iwaizumi snorted. “Have you looked in the mirror, Oikawa?”
“You are, Iwa-chan! Especially after this summer. You became extra hot.”
Iwaizumi blushed and turned away. He’d never been complimented about his appearance so directly, and he had no idea how to react.
“Well you’ve always been beautiful, Oikawa. How do you think I felt all these years?”
“Y-you’ve never… You really mean it?”
Oikawa lifted his head from Iwaizumi’s shoulder. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was wet with tears and snot. Iwaizumi grabbed a tissue from the nightstand to wipe Oikawa’s cheeks, chuckling to himself.
Yep, beautiful.
Maybe one of these days he’d tell Oikawa how pretty his eyes were, how his pale skin reminded him of freshly fallen snow, soft and smooth and unmarked. Maybe he’d admit to staring in the locker room a little longer than he should have.
But for now, baby steps.
“Don’t let it get to your head, Trashykawa.”
“Ahh you’re so embarrassing, Iwa-chan. When did you get so smooth?”
Iwaizumi leaned forward and planted a chaste kiss on Oikawa’s forehead.
“I-Iwa-chan?!”
“Stop talking,” he muttered, and moved down to kiss Oikawa’s damp cheek. Their noses brushed against each other, and Oikawa thought his heart was about to explode with how hard it was pounding. Iwaizumi tilted Oikawa’s head up, and finally kissed him on the lips.
When he drew back, he could feel Oikawa’s breaths come out in small gasps. His lips were still parted slightly, his eyes wide and glassy.
“Breathe, idiot.” Shit, Oikawa was unbearably cute. If he was going to look like that every time he was kissed, Iwaizumi wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop. “Haven’t you kissed plenty of girls by now?”
“N-no…” Oikawa slowly came back to his senses as he remembered how to breathe again. “Just one. It was a dare, and it didn’t make me feel anything like this, ‘cause I wasn’t in love with h-” He gasped when he realized what he was saying.
“What was that, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows expectantly.
“Nothing,” he said a little too quickly, grabbing the nearest pillow to hide his face in. Aliens, if you’re out there, now would be a good time to abduct me and save me from this embarrassment, he pleaded silently.
The next morning they walked to the train station together, hand in hand.
Maybe it was okay for Iwaizumi to stop trying to fight gravity after all.
