Work Text:
the first time yoongi kisses hoseok there's blood stained rose thorns sticking to and tearing at the sides of his throat. his lungs feel like they're on fire, both metaphorically and physically- yoongi kisses him and hoseok just about cries because he's been yearning for it for so, so long but also because at the same time it hurts, hurts to breathe, to think.
yoongi puts a timid hand on the back of his neck to gain better access and it feels like the skin's been scorched under there. hoseok's running out of breath- he's running out of breath for reasons beyond yoongi's lips that are pressed against his but he kisses him anyway, tries to drag the moment on for as long as possible.
his hands are shaking. everything feels feverish. hoseok wants to lay yoongi down, wants to be kiss him gently and slowly, wants to be romantic, wants to tell him how much he loves him in between breaths. but they're on the floor, and hoseok's vision is fading out every moment, so he removes those thoughts from his head, tries to think, tries to feel.
there it is- the familiar tightness in his chest, except it's not so much familiar anymore; it's much more painful this time, too painful, far too much that what hoseok remembers, and he almost gasps audibly. hoseok's openly shivering now, trying to hold everything in.
there's a faint wetness against his cheek but the tears aren't his. it's yoongi who pulls away first, running out of breath. hoseok runs his eyes over his face; the curve of his nose, the stretch of his skin, the lines on his face. he's seen them before, but it feels more meaningful now, more special. dark spots begin to cloud his vision and hoseok shuts his eyes, tries to forget, tries to just feel, just for the moment.
it's pushing its way up this time and hoseok chokes, every muscle in his body tensing up- his hands jerk forward on their own accord, palms pressing down on the cool floor as he heaves; the thorns slide up his throat and out his tongue, slashing mercilessly. there's blood- lots of it, slicking his bottom lip and staining his teeth. his throat burns like someone's lit it on fire but his body feels cold, too cold.
yoongi's sobbing. hoseok squeezes his eyes shut, raises his head with some effort because he doesn't want to look at what he's coughed up, not right now- right now he wants to forget, he wants to feel. it takes a few tries before he can open his eyes; yoongi's saying something but he can't make it out, can't hear him.
i love you, hoseok tries to say, but he can't make out the words. it almost feels strange, like he's hollow and lost everything inside him. that's when he feels himself losing his grip- on what he doesn't know, but his body slacks in some form of defeat and he's bending over, the last thing he sees before the darkness envelops him being yoongi's welcoming arms-
the last time hoseok kisses yoongi they're on the floor, in the early hours of dawn, with thin, thready sunlight streaming in through the window. hoseok's got pain etched over every inch of his face and a mix of blood and saliva pooling on the edges of his mouth- yoongi kisses him because he can't see him like this, not anymore-
yoongi hesitantly presses his palm against the back of hoseok's neck, pushing him closer. yoongi wishes it weren't this way- he wishes that this kiss actually meant something more to him, wishes that their hugs and touches went on to become something more intimate, wishes that hoseok was something more to him. and he'd tried- he'd tried the day hoseok told him, that it was him, but it hadn't gotten them anywhere except for on the bedroom floor, shivering against the cold.
hoseok is shaking and yoongi wants to grab him, all of him, wants to steady him like he'd steady a bottle that's about to fall at the edge of the table. but he's standing too far- at a distance where he can only see the bottle, but not really do anything about it, and yoongi wants to cry.
at some point, he does cry- everything's become too much and he pulls away, eyes trained on hoseok but not really seeing him. yoongi wishes he could pull away from this entire thing, start things over, like he'd start a day after a bad nightmare but hoseok's coughing up blood soaked petals again and it's real, mind-numbingly and destructively real, so yoongi cries some more.
a sob forces it's way out of yoongi. the roses are almost entirely unscathed- in full bloom and ruby red, thorns sticky with blood, hoseok's blood. he can't help but feel like he caused all of this, like it was all entirely his fault.
i love you, yoongi wants to say.
"i'm sorry," is what he actually says, because while yoongi may love him with all his heart he didn't love him enough to be able to save him, so he doesn't deserve to be able to bring those words to his lips for hoseok.
hoseok doubles over and yoongi catches him- wraps his arm around him tightly, presses hoseok's face against his chest. his eyes are closed; he almost looks peaceful. yoongi stares at the shadows of hoseok's eyelashes on his cheeks as he listens to his rattling breaths, before they cease.