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Romney looked down at his feet to find his reflection peering back at him from his shiny leather shoes. Listening to the closing words of the moderator of the 2012 Presidential Debates, he bit his lip in apprehension–of what, he was not sure.
“Gentlemen, thank you both so much. That brings an end to this year's debates and we want to thank Lynn University and its students for having us. As I always do at the end of these debates, I leave you with the words of my mom, who said: ‘Go vote; it'll make you feel big and strong.’
Good night.”
Big and strong. The phrase lingered in his ears and he chanced a glance at his opponent, who nodded graciously at Bob Scheiffer’s words. Big and strong. Who did that remind him of? As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Romney shook it away, chuckling at the very notion. However as soon as he dismissed the idea, Obama turned his head to meet Mitt’s gaze and offered the GOP candidate a smirk. Blushing furiously, Romney turned and left the stage.
The hustle and bustle of the backstage after the debate was too much for Romney, so he sought an exit from the university auditorium. Finding a door to an empty courtyard, Mitt stepped outside to sit on a bench and take a breath. It was a chilly night on 22nd of October, 2012, and the breeze rustled Romney’s hair and tie. Big and strong… he wanted to be flippant about it, but something about those words reminded him irretrievably about the man who was supposed to be his rival. As if having heard his thoughts, the door behind him opened and none other than Barack Obama stepped out.
“M-mister President?” Romney stuttered, barely managing to get the words out through the lump in his throat. “Good debate tonight.” He tried to maintain his stoic attitude in the presence of the other man but couldn’t keep the blood from rushing to his face.
To his surprise, Obama chuckled. “You too, Governor.” He took a step towards the bench that Romney sat on with a well-meaning grin and a twinkle in his eye. “And if I might be so bold… you’re looking very sharp tonight.”
Mitt gasped. Senpai had finally noticed him! “Obama… you don’t mean that?” he asked, voice wavering with emotion.
“Oh, but I do, Mitt. Now, kiss me!” With this, Obama lunged forward and swept Romney into his arms. Holding his face in his hands, the President of the United States stared longingly into the dark brown eyes of the other man.
Obama leaned in but hesitated at Mitt’s shy gaze. “Obama, it is not very GOP of me to be kissing a man.” Mitt turned but stopped when he felt a firm hand on his upper thigh.
“Why run against each other, Mitt? How would you like to be my First Man?” Mitt blushed as Obama leaned into kiss him. Mitt, at first nervous, grabbed the back of Obama’s smooth, bald head. He sat on top of Obama’s lap and pulled him into a smoldering kiss. Their tongues battled for dominance just as the two had earlier battled at the debate, and Mitt let out a shaky breath.
“Obama, why?!?!?” Biden gasped. He strutted down the courtyard straight towards Mitt. Mitt and Obama didn’t budge, so Biden grasped Mitt’s satin shirt and pulled him off of his man. Biden pushed Mitt out of the way because he wanted to have a one-on-one with Obama. “Did last night mean anything to you?” Obama locked eyes with Biden and after a moment he said, “As the president, I love all my citizens. But you are special.”
“Oh, Mr. President!” Biden blushed. “You know, Mr. President, I don’t mind if Mitt joins us this time. Anything that makes you happy. I’ve never had sex with a republican.”
“I’m not ready to fuck a guy, none the less two guys!” Mitt intervened.
“Even if it’s me?” Obama winked seductively. The tone of Mitt’s face suddenly deepened from saltine to tomato. “Let’s head back to my house, The White House. Maybe you’ve heard of it.”
-------- a smexeh car ride later ---------
The three well-dressed politicians entered the white establishment. While they walked along corridors they engaged in small talk, even though none of them were small. If you know what I mean.
“Oh look, my future home,” Mitt teased Obama. Obama shook his head while laughing.
“You wish!”
“It’s our home,” Biden interrupted, glaring at Mitt.
“Be nice, Jo-Bi,” Obama scolded.
“Sorry, daddy.”
“You have a daddy kink too?” Mitt asked coquettishly while slowly approaching the Vice President.
“I’m into a lot of kinks,” Biden replied, gazing up at Romney with lidded eyes. “Like choking.”
“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet,” Mitt lifted up his briefcase and whispered into Biden’s ear. “I brought some toys for daddy.”
“HELLO AND WELCOME HOME MY HUSBAND, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CARROT?” Upon entering the Oval Office, the projector automatically ran the face of Michelle Obama.
“Ignore that; it’s just a formality for our guests that usually come here, y’know, diplomats and such, but you guys are more than guests. You guys are my lovers.” He wiggled his eyebrows with a come-hither look on his face.
Mitt and Joe giggled as they entered the room at the end of the hall. Biden was familiar with this room, he could probably draw it in his sleep. Biden dreamt of this room when he slept alone and not with Obama. Suddenly, Obama reached down into his throat and pulled out a squirming mass of tadpoles. “This is the special surprise I was saving for you,” he murmured. He gently spread the baby amphibians over Biden’s neck and shoulders. They quickly grabbed hold of the suit fibers and burrowed down past the fabric into the politician’s milky skin.
“Obama...I want you in me” Biden gasped.
“Gentlemen, I was thinking about something else for tonight besides finned fetuses.” Mitt interrupted, nudging Obama in the side. Mitt grabbed Obama’s empire state building and began to kiss him passionately. Biden, while distracted by the squirming specimens, squatted down to open the briefcase that had been dropped onto the floor. In it was pastel pink rope and fluffy handcuffs.
And then since they were tired, Obama tucked Mitt and Joe into bed and got them glasses of warm milk to drink. He kissed their receding hairlines and turned off the light. Nothing lewd happened because the love of the three men was so pure and wholesome and gay that they didn’t need handcuffs or pink rope to prove it.
Little did Obama know, the tadpoles he produced from his throat would one day cause trouble for the nation, and one day, the world…. But that is a different story. Today, he lies sleeping peacefully with his two best friends beside him and his holographic wife protecting them.
The end.