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Most of the known universe measured time in tics and doboshes and vargas, while Pidge still thought in seconds and minutes and hours. Not that it mattered, she thought; it was just a different way of quantifying something as nebulous as time. And though she considered herself a scientist at heart, she fell into the habit of measuring time in moments and events.
The day they freed Shiro from the Garrison and escaped Earth in the Blue Lion.
The minute she bonded with Green for the first time.
Every second she and the other Paladins formed Voltron, united in purpose.
The day she almost left, the Castle was taken, and Lance nearly died.
She thought about that day the most, especially whenever she combed through Galra feeds searching for her father's and brother's whereabouts. Guilt and relief warred within her, guilt that she stayed, relief that she never left.
And there was nothing worse than the ever-present fear that when she finally found them, she wouldn't be in time.
---
Allura found Pidge in the cockpit of the Green Lion.
Pidge, slumped over the console, felt Green lower her jaw to admit someone in, and though the last thing she wanted was someone to see her crying, she couldn't bring herself to scold her Lion.
She could, however, call out in a tremulous voice, "Go away, Shiro."
"It's me, Pidge," said a voice that most definitely didn't belong to Shiro.
Pidge was stunned enough that her sobs stopped. She sniffed, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, though she knew the princess would find that gross. She didn't turn around and waited for Allura to approach her, stepping softly on the hard ground of the cockpit.
"What can I do for you, Pidge?" Allura wondered, crouching beside the pilot's seat so that her face was level with hers.
Pidge shook her head, pressing her fingers into her eyes and trying to stop more tears from leaking that way.
"Pidge," said Allura, softly. She took Pidge's wrists and tugged her hands away from her eyes, forcing Pidge to look at her.
Allura's eyes, blue with that odd ring of pink in her pupils, also swam with unshed tears. "You didn't know him, Princess," Pidge said, just as quietly. "So why are you crying?"
"He was your father, Pidge," Allura said, her voice shaking a little. "None of us should have to lose our fathers so young."
Pidge let Allura grasp her hands and tangle their fingers as she remembered: Allura knew exactly how she felt, and worse. "God, I'm so sorry, Allura," she said, stifling another sob by pressing her face into her shoulder. Shame washed over her as she recalled some of the first words she said to Allura, when she tried to connect with her.
Pidge had rebuffed her then, insensitively dismissing their similarities. Even bereaved like now, even with snot running from her nose and sticky tear tracks on her face, even with a heart that felt as heavy as a moon, she could appreciate the irony.
She laughed, sounding huffy and unhappy, but she still laughed.
Allura looked utterly bewildered by Pidge's behavior as her hands tightened their grip. "Is this how humans grieve?" she wondered.
Pidge shook her head. "I'm just..." She inhaled deeply, trying to collect herself, still her sadness so she could make herself understood. "I just remembered one of the first things I said to you."
Allura raised an eyebrow at her. "'Princess of what'?" she said.
Pidge laughed again, though this time she was actually amused. "No, not that," she said, "but that was almost as bad."
Allura smiled fondly and brushed hair away from her face, leaving warmth where her fingers touched Pidge's skin. "Enlighten me then."
"I swore I would get my father back," Pidge said, leaning from her chair and pressing her face onto Allura's shoulder. She sniffed, loudly, though it was mostly muffled by the fabric of Allura's dress. "I swore I would, that I wouldn't lose him like you lost yours, and then--"
Pidge shook with renewed sobs, and though Allura stroked her hair and held her while she cried, though she knew how and where to find her brother, though she knew, deep down, this wasn't her fault, she still blamed herself for not rescuing her father in time.