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“Congrats on your marriage! Everyone, my good friend here just got married!” The restaurant erupts in applause just as Yuuri starts flailing about, trying to set the record straight and get Phichit to calm down. Yuri looks furious, Otabek looks confused. But Chris isn't paying attention to any of that: his focus is entirely on Victor. Beautiful, flawless Victor.
You can blame me
Try to shame me
And still I'll care for you
He can't help but stare at those perfectly plump lips, wonder what flavor lip balm is on them. In the back of his mind he knows he's said something about getting married if Yuuri wins gold, but he doesn't care about that right now. All he can think about is that sinful pink tongue and the way is peaks out of his mouth as he laughs. About that smooth voice that he wants to wrap himself up in like a blanket.
You can run around
Even put me down
Still I'll be there for you
It isn't that Chris isn't happy in his relationship, or even that he's upset Victor has found love with Yuuri. But the thing about your first love, especially when you see them at every competition, is that you never really forget, never really get them fully out of your system.
The world
May think I'm foolish
They can't see you
Like I can
Oh but anyone
Who knows what love is
Will understand
The worst past is that Chris knows Victor doesn't see him like that anymore, knows he never really did. But Chris was young and so smitten and he would have done anything Victor asked back then. Hell, if he's honest with himself, he'd still drop everything and run off with Victor if he asked him to. But while Victor was Chris's first love, he's painfully aware that he was not Victor's, that Victor never fell hard and fast for him the way he did. And oh, what a wonderful feeling it was to be so head over heels, so entirely consumed by your feelings for someone.
I just feel so sorry
For the ones
Who pity me
Painful too, of course, but the kind of pain you welcome, like the ache in your muscles after a hard practice. It was a pain you earned, a silent reminder of what giving your everything to the sport you love feels like. Loving Victor was like drinking hot coffee - you know it's going to burn your throat, but you still can't wait to take that first sip because it doesn't taste nearly as good once it's not dangerous.
'Cause they just don't know
Oh they don't what happiness love can be
When everyone files out of the restaurant, Chris trails in the back, watching Victor and Yuuri walk hand in hand down the street. He doesn't miss the subtle smiles between them, or the way they stop and admire the glint off their rings at every street light. The quiet whispers, the gleam in their eyes. He knows he's lost Victor for good this time, that their ship has finally sailed never to return to Port.
I know
I know to ever let you go
Oh, it's more than I could ever stand
Oh, but anyone
Who knows what love is
Will understand
And maybe that's for the best, maybe now Chris can try to move on, to forget the nights they spent tangled together in his sheets during those summer camps in Juniors, the way Victor called his name the first time they came together, the scratch marks he wore like a badge of honor, the rose Victor gave him that still sits in his childhood bedroom.
Oh they'll understand
If they try love, they'll understand
Oh, try to understand
When he gets back to his own room he finds Masumi draped across the bed, a book in one hand, his other petting their beloved cat. He may not be Victor Nikiforov, but he loves him and treats him like a king. He's put his own career on hold to help Chris promote his, to be his pillar of support.
He may not be Victor, but Chris thinks that's probably a good thing.
Then again, you never really forget your first love.