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Yuri is 13 the first time he watches 10 Things I Hate About You. It was Mila’s suggestion of course, and Yuri was the only one willing to humor her desire for a girls night in the dorms they all shared. He didn’t have great hopes - most modern retellings of Shakespeare fall flat - but the second Kat came into the opening scene, Joan Jet blaring out of her badass car, the deadpan way she glared at the car full of preppy chicks next to her, Yuri knew he was going to like this movie.
The next 90 minutes flew by, and before he knew it the final song was playing out of the tv speakers while Kat and Verona kissed in the parking lot.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
“Yuri, are you seriously crying?” The shock and amusement in Mila’s voice was enough to shake him out of his daze. Her words finally registered in his mind, and a hand quickly flew up to his cheek to find damp streaks across it. Yuri didn’t even realize he had shed the tears, too captivated by the poem Kat had read, the way she’d broken down at the confession. Yuri would never admit it to anyone, not even Mila, but he’d felt a connection to the character of Kat deeper than he’d ever felt to a real person, and it had rocked him to his core. Maybe if Kat could move past her trauma and find love, so could Yuri.
“Shut up hag.” His voice is small, timid. Mila let’s it go without pushing the matter.
xXxXxXx
Yuri is 15 when Otabek picks him up on his motorcycle and takes him on a whirlwind tour of Barcelona. Otabek is his first friend, but more than that he’s the first real person Yuri has felt a connection to. This guy has seen past his beautiful face, his graceful movements, his fairy persona and found the stone cold soldier within. He’s seen Yuri for who he really is, and he’s asked to be his friend because of it, not in spite of it.
Tears prick at the corners of his eyes as they shake hands, but he holds them back. Yuri thinks he hears the song playing in the distance, but he knows it’s just in his mind.
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I,
See you cryin'
Oh, Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I,
See you cryin'
Feelin' all alone without a friend
You know you feel like dyin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I,
See you cryin'
xXxXxXx
Yuri is 17 when he and Otabek find themselves curled up on the couch of his apartment, enjoying a rare week together during the off season. They’re flipping through channels when Yuri notices the opening scene playing out in front of them.
“What about this? It’s actually pretty good.” Otabek doesn’t give a verbal response, just gives Yuri one of the small smiles meant just for him and a nod before setting down the remote and settling into the couch.
Usually they’d talk through a movie like this, but Otabek can tell Yuri is in deep, so he keeps his comments to himself. See every time Yuri watches this it feels like the first time, like he doesn’t know if Kat’s going to forgive Verona this time or not, as if the ending might change. Of course he knows realistically it won’t, but there’s always the fear that things won’t work out, that she won’t find love. Even years later Yuri sees so much of himself in Kat - her fear, her strength, her independence, her insecurity. He wonders if Otabek sees that in him too, wonders if his best friend would find it endearing or off putting.
Not that it should matter what Otabek thinks, only Yuri’s realized not so recently that he cares quite a bit what Otabek thinks of him, cares about his opinion more than anyone else’s because he’s the person Yuri wants to keep around.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
The end credits start to roll and Yuri leans back, stretches his arms over head. He’s let himself drift into Otabek’s side but he doesn’t bother to move away, knows this isn’t the first or last time they’ll find themselves tangled up on this couch. He expects to turn and find Otabek with his usual stoic expression, thinks at best he’ll get a smile. He doesn’t expect Otabek’s eyes to be glistening, or a dampness on his cheeks. And he sure as hell doesn’t expect Otabek to tighten his arm that’s found its way around him when he moves to pull away.
“Beks, you okay?” He doesn’t know what else to say, is too caught off guard by the sight in front of him. Thankfully he doesn’t have to wait long before the other man clears his throat, starts to talk.
“Yeah, I uh, I liked it. A lot. I know it’s dumb but watching Verona try to put on this show, try to be what everyone thought he was even though it made him unhappy, it just… resonated with me? And watching him change, watching the way he let himself open up to Kat, embrace who he is and doing things his own way. I don’t know, it just hit me I guess. That sounds so stupid.”
Otabek doesn’t open up like this often, and Yuri’s not going to do anything that might embarrass him into keeping these thoughts to himself. But Yuri’s never been good at these things, doesn’t know what to say. Instead he just tells his own truth, tries to relate the only way he can.
“I cried the first time I saw it because watching Kat was like watching myself.” Yuri doesn’t make eye contact when he says it, just plays with the hem of Otabek’s shirt with his fingers to distract himself from the blush creeping across his cheeks.
Otabek doesn’t say anything, has probably used all his words for a while. Instead his brows knit and his lips thin into a hard set line. He looks Yuri over, taking him in, his mouth opening every once in awhile only to let the thought die unspoken on his tongue. When Yuri finally looks up to meet his eyes his expression softens, that smile creeping back across his face.
“So you’re Kat, and I’m Verona.” The blush on Yuri’s cheeks darkens at the implications of that sentence, but he keeps his breathing even, his heart rate in check. Otabek is just making an offhand comment, it isn’t anything more than that.
“Yeah I guess so.” He says it with a shrug, tries to dismiss the thought and move on.
Otabek just hums in acknowledgement and lets it go.
xXxXxXx
Yuri is 19 when he settles into his hotel bed beside Otabek, the gold medal still hanging around his best friend’s neck, a bronze around his own. They have to perform at the exhibition tomorrow and attend the gala tomorrow night, but for now they have a few hours to themselves to relax after a hard fought win.
“ Alright Altin you know the rules, you won, you pick the movie.”
Otabek pulls Yuri's laptop out and sets it on their laps before queuing up a movie. Yuri let's himself melt into the warm body beside him as the familiar first scene plays across the screen.
Yuri loves these quiet moments together, when they can share the same secret space together, when they can block out the rest of the world for a few hours. He tries to make it through the movie, tries to keep his heavy lids from closing but he can't deny how warm and safe he feels pressed up against Otabek and it really has been a long few days.
Yuri's jostled from his sleep when he feels an arm tighten around his shoulders, keeping him rooted firmly in place. A callused hand starts weaving through his hair, scratching at his scalp. The credits are rolling, and Letters To Cleo is singing his favorite song, but something is off with the man beside him: he's gone rigid and tense when he should be relaxed.
“Beks, what's up?” Otabek stops moving his hand but doesn't lighten his grip. Instead he sets the laptop off to the side and pulls Yuri closer until they're both lying down, Yuri's back settled against Otabek's chest.
Otabek doesn't say anything for a while but Yuri doesn't push him, decides to just drop it if it makes his friend that uncomfortable, but when Otabek finally speaks again it’s barely a whisper and his breath tickles the back of Yuri’s ear where his mouth has moved to be closer.
“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.”
Yuri’s heart rate quickens despite his best efforts, and his hands grow clammy. This is not something Otabek would normally do - the intimate position, the gentle caress, reciting a romantic line. Things have taken a sharp turn and Yuri knows that if he goes along with this everything is going to change quickly. He doesn’t look at Otabek, instead lets himself snuggle deeper into the bed, pressing his back closer against the other man. “Are you sure you want to do this right now?”
He doesn’t get a response, and the silent seconds drag out until Otabek gives him a gentle squeeze and starts to pull away. Yuri knows this isn’t what he wants, that he’s only stalling because he’s scared, but Kat got her happy ending by opening up, and damnit Yuri is ready for that too. Lord knows they've danced around this long enough.
“Fuck fine, I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.” The words stumble out of his mouth in a mumbled mess but it’s enough to still Otabek’s movements.
When Otabek finally snuggles back against him the tension is gone from his body, and he drapes an arm across the man in front of him tentatively.
“I hate the way your quads are so perfect they make me practice even harder.”
Yuri's breath catches in his throat. It's one thing to just use other people's words, but to confess using your own is a whole other thing, and Otabek just out his heart out there in the open. Yuri racks his brain, tries to think of every reason he loves this man before settling on, “I hate the way you always know what to say to make me smile even when I’m furious.”
He gets a chuckle, deep and husky, in response. It's fleeting though, and the tone turn serious again when Otabek responds. “I hate the way I miss you when we’re thousands of miles apart.”
And fuck, because Yuri hates that too, knows that ache in his heart all too well. He can't help but want to see him, so he rolls over until they're lying face to face, just inches apart.
“I hate the way you make me want to be better with you, instead of just being better than you.” Otabek’s eyes widen - it’s a subtle gesture, and anyone else would have missed it - but Yuri can read his face like a roadmap, knows he’s surprised him in a good way.
Otabek lifts his arm and runs his fingers through Yuri’s hair again, less tentatively this time.
“I hate that I can’t talk to you whenever I want. I hate when I have to settle for your voice in my head instead of the real thing.”
He presses his forehead against Yuri’s, lets their noses rub together. Yuri closes his eyes and waits for him to close the distance but it never comes. Instead he opens his eyes to see Otabek staring straight back at him, waiting for a final confirmation.
And hell, if he wants a confession then Yuri might as well open the flood gates and let it all out.
“I hate that it’s taken you this long and a 90s rom com to tell me how you feel. I hate that you’re the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. But mostly I hate that I don’t hate you, not even a bit, not at all.” And that’s all it takes for Otabek to surge forward with confidence, to finally press his lips against the other man’s, for them to move out of limbo and step forward together into whatever this is.
I'll shine up my old brown shoes.
I'll put on a brand new shirt
I'll get home early from work
If you say that you love me.
Yuri can hear the music still playing, and now he has a new reason to love this song.