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“Grandpa Rick, why don’t you live with Grandpa Stan? Mom says you two are still married, but you don’t live together.”
Rick was sitting on the couch with one dumbass grandchild on either side of him, trying to ignore them and watch tv. It wasn’t working, they kept asking dumb questions.
“Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they’re not expendable.”
Morty glared at Rick for that comment. He wasn’t sure if he was mad that Rick was calling Grandpa Stan expendable, or because normally he’s the expendable one, but it hurt him in a place he wasn’t willing to look too hard at. “Are you guys separated or something?”
Rick shrugged. “Nah, we just like having some distance every now and then. Like how sometimes I ditch you when you get annoying.”
Morty glared even more at that one, but Summer was smirking. “The last time you ditched me was in the middle of a minefield and I’m still mad about it.”
“Your emotions are ignored.”
Morty groaned.
“Where’s Beth?”
Summer grinned. “She took your portal gun and went to go see Grandpa Stan.”
“Oh, is that why we’re prying into Grandpa’s life now?”
“Yes. Can we go see Grandpa Stan the next time you go? Please, Grandpa Rick?”
Rick groaned. He didn’t hate his husband, he loved the guy, but Stan’s great niece and nephew were over for the summer and Rick barely got along with Ford enough to stomach him and the brats at the same time. He could barely stand his own brats, but his brother in laws were hell sometimes. Scientists rarely like each other, and Ford hated that Rick figured out dimensional travel without the help of a demon , but when it was just Stan and Ford, he was usually bearable enough to ignore.
“Ugh, fine, but Morty has to be cute or something to distract Ford and the terror twins.”
“Why me?”
“Summer isn’t young enough for them to connect with, and I think Ford is scared of Summer. So naturally, she’ll stay with me.”
Summer cheered, and Morty groaned and threw a pillow at him. Rick just smiled. Yup, this is good.
***
Morty and Summer liked the Mystery Shack. It was cool, and everything was so fake it was funny to watch how dumb people paid money on this shit.
“S-Summer, look! Every time I touch this thing Grandpa Stan says ow, I-I-I think it’s some sort of voodoo doll.”
Morty poked the weird orb again and Stan jumped from his place behind the cash register where he was flirting -ew- with Rick. “What is that?”
Rick seemed to realize it faster than Stan and shot a glare at his grandkids. Mabel and Dipper came over with grins of their own, laughing.
“Heh, yeah, it’s a voodoo orb thingy. I made it last week with the magic books, it’s really cool.”
The four kids laughed and kept poking the orb while Rick sighed and covered his face. His husband was far too naive. It’s why his cons never went as well as Rick’s. Also it might be the fact that they’re both old and Stan still refuses to get cybernetic parts like Rick, so he’s going blind and senile much faster.
Ford came into the room and laughed with the children as he realized what they were all doing, before ushering them off with a promise of snacks in the kitchen. Teenagers were so easily swayed by food. Actually, so was Stan. Speaking of eating-
Rick turned back to where Stan was scratching at one of his elbows, which had apparently, been one of the places the orb attacked him, and gave him a saucy grin. “So, I brought the kids today so they could all keep each other and your brother occupied.”
He put as much infliction in his voice as he could, but once more, Stan’s slightly sporadic mind was the winner of this conversation. “Well what will I do if they’re all occupied?”
Rick frowned, wondering if Stan was serious right now. “Well, just a thought, you could do me.”
Stan blinked down at the cash register for a few seconds before his mind finally caught up and he left the register with a grin, pulling Rick out of the room by the ends of his lab coat. “Soos, I’m going on break, don’t bother me!”
Soos saluted them as they passed him in the hallway. “Don’t break anything.”
***
When the teenagers were alone in the kitchen, Mabel turned a scrunched up look on their cousins. Sort of. Stan and Rick said it was easier to just call them all cousins. They’d never questioned it much. “You know, they’re probably going to have sex right now.”
Morty and Summer looked nonplussed. “Yeah.”
“And you’re alright with that? He took you to another state for his booty call.”
Morty started giggling while Summer just snorted. “It’s not a booty call if you’re married. Besides, it’s Rick .”
“So?”
Morty grinned. “Remember that t-time that Grandpa Stan made you guys forge hundred dollar bills, and you spent the night in jail w-when you were twelve?”
Mabel shuddered. “It was so cold in that cell.”
Summer nodded. “Rick is like, ten thousand times worse. This by far is one of the most tame things he does with us. We asked him to take us with him.”
Dipper looked horrified, and Mabel looked very interested. “Gunkle Rick sounds more interesting than Grunkle Stan. I wanna go on an adventure with him!”
“For your own sanity, pray you don’t.”
Oh, they felt bad for the twins who only had to live with one of them for two months out of every year.