Chapter Text
The sound of his daughter crying pierced through the sleep John Watson had managed to force himself into. With a groan he sat up and scrubbed a hand across his face before switching on the bedside lamp.
“Just coming s-” he broke off as he stood, blinking at the scene before him in the dim light “Sherlock?”
The world’s only consulting detective was sitting by his daughter’s crib, calming her. At the sound of his name he looked up.
“Ah John, I was hoping you wouldn’t wake.”
John stared, “How long have you been here?”
Sherlock didn’t answer for a moment, checking that Elizabeth was actually asleep before placing her down. After her death John had chosen Mary’s chosen middle name as her first would have been too painful a reminder.
“I came to see you after I finished up a case. It didn’t occur to me that you’d be asleep. I’m sorry.”
John opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. There was so much he wanted to say at once and he wasn’t sure where to start.
“Well I’m awake now so why don’t we have a proper talk about this. I’ll make some tea.”
The doctor led the way out of the bedroom and into the small kitchen in the flat he’d moved into after losing his wife. He hadn’t wanted to go back to the house and he wouldn’t have afforded it anyway, Mary’s presence was everywhere. Now ten months on he still couldn’t even think about her for too long, it was still too raw, the fact that even here her old life had managed to catch up with her.
It had turned out that although Moriarty hadn’t been back one of his major assassins had managed to slip past the radar of both Holmes brothers to post the message and later on to confront the late Mrs Watson.
As it happened as well as get John and Sherlock arrested for treason to the state Charles Augustus Magnussen had also got in touch with the assassin and told him about Mary.
John was doubly glad now that Magnussen was dead otherwise he’d have killed him himself.
Still that had been Sherlock. Who John had had to say goodbye to once more. Only to say hello five minutes later, he had to admit he’d been relieved Sherlock hadn’t been exiled after all, not after everything he’d done for the country and John.
Not that he’d seen him after a brief hello. In fact even after he got off the plane Sherlock had seemed rather distant, barely responding to John’s hug and then he’d left with Mycroft.
John hadn’t seen him in a year and a half, at least until tonight. He’d been caught up in Mary’s pregnancy and then they’d had just a single month as a family. After that he’d been so wrapped up in his grief that he’d barely thought of the detective bar a couple of times when he couldn’t sleep at night.
Sherlock followed John into the other room and closed the door, when John opened his mouth to protest he wordlessly handed over the baby monitor.
The doctor nodded his thanks before speaking.
“So why now?”
“Hmm?”
“It’s been over a year since I last saw you why did you come now?”
“O,” Sherlock looked thoughtful, considering his answer “well I wanted to see how you were, as I say I forgot the time and then your daughter woke up and I thought maybe you could use the sleep and that I’d talk to you in the morning.”
John laughed derisively “Right.”
“It’s true I,” the taller man looked away a second “I thought you might need a friend.”
The doctor raised his eyebrows “A friend? Like you’ve been so good at that up ‘til now!”
An expression crossed the detective’s face that the other man couldn’t place before he replied coldly “Like I said at your wedding John you and Mary didn’t need me, she was pregnant and then even after she died there was still the baby to think of.”
“Didn’t need you?!” John felt his voice rising although he couldn’t control it “So you thought that when my wife died I wouldn’t need my best friend!”
“No!” Sherlock near shouted back at him
“No?! Well why the hell not!”
“Because I love you!”
John blinked, dumfounded “You – I - what?”
Sherlock got over the shock of what he’d let slip quickly and laughed bitterly “That’s right.” He closed his eyes for a long moment, steeling his resolve, before continuing on “Funny isn’t it, to find that even Sherlock Holmes can succumb to the base emotion of love. Well there you have it John Watson, you got into my heart. The one I proclaimed not to have!” the taller man found himself yelling, years of repressed emotion finally making their way to the surface “So don’t you tell me I haven’t been a good friend to you! I stood by your side and watched you get married to someone else, was that not enough? Excuse me if after all that I couldn’t bear to see you playing house with her while I watched on from the side lines with my unwanted and unrequited feelings!”
The detective was trembling with emotion as he stopped talking, his chest heaving as he stared down at the doctor. He ran a hand through his hair and swallowed. When he spoke again his voice was hoarse and rough “Christ John just, say something for god’s sake.”
The other man found he had trouble speaking past the lump in his throat, he could only whisper “Sherlock, I-”
“Don’t,” the detective had thrown his walls back up again and his face was emotionless “don’t bother,”
John could only watch in shock as the taller man turned and left the kitchen, the slamming of the door made him flinch and he heard Elizabeth begin to cry again.
He put his head in his hands and sighed, his life was a mess.