Chapter Text
When Efra learned about Ryder's retaking of the Salarian Ark, he would be the last to openly admit he was impressed. When he learned she died to get out of a stasis field, he would be the last to openly tell her how irresponsible she was, and how infuriatingly casual she was about and AI killing her. The statement of a hypocrite he knew, as he knew he would go just as far for his people. He would also be the last to admit his relief that she was alive, and his worry about her current state.
All these thoughts cross his mind as the information is relayed to him. He never once betrays his thoughts, although only Jaal seems to notice the jolt of his hand during his writing when he tells Efvra of Ryder's ''death'' . Efvra grunts in acknowledgement but continues with his paperwork, and stares at the data on his pad.
But when Jaal tells him of the sample the Archon has taken and of the kett's progress in exaltation he's suddenly jumped by the unspoken outcome that he could have made, or still would, make Ryder his first human project. It's a terrifying thought, one that places a cold and iron first around his heart and lungs and squeezes. He stops writing. He pretends to keep reading, but the words don't come through, and he's sure Jaal notices. A silence follows, and he's grateful Jaal answers the question he doesn't dare ask.
''She's unharmed...But she's more shaken than she lets on.''
Of course she keeps up a facade. If she falters, so will the people that look up to her, that follow her. When you lead so many people you can't afford to show weakness. Some might say you can't afford to show humanity. He felt much the same, although he was aware of the difference in how much his people cared for him on a personal level compared to Ryder's.
Ryder was loved. She had the infuriating power to leave behind a path of both destruction and creation, and in its wake were the people that stood in awe and infatuation. There were only words respect and admiration for her. Even the Angara. Many were scared of her and all humans at first. None could blame them. Some still did, yet she had become the exception even to them. She had now managed more than anyone had thought possible, and even his people loved her for it. Even he found it admirable, but he had yet to find the guts to admit this- more to himself than to anyone else.
''She's relieved us all of our duties,'' Jaal spoke softly. ''But she needs more than a quiet ship. She needs to have a different setting. So I told her of the lake. Perhaps she'll go there later. ''
There was a silence at the end that left no room for guessing on what Jaal was insinuating. Efvra refused to look up, even as he felt Jaal's eyes on him.
''That she may. Now is there anything else you need?'' Efvra asked. When he looked up to glare Jaal down he was met with a gaze equally intense. One that somehow felt like a mother's knowing gaze. He resisted to urge to shift under those eyes, and after a torturous long moment Jaal shook his head.
''No sir.''
Efvra nodded. ''You are dismissed.''
Jaal bowed his head and turned on his heels.
Efvra got little work done after that. He felt uneasy, and Jaal's words, his own thoughts, the images of Ryder...Al kept ghosting around in his head.
He sneered at everyone that disturbed him after that. He kept his focus when one of his teams reported in, and again when he was forced to call in an emergency meeting when a different team didn't. He used Jaal's report from the archon's ship and the intel from the troops returned to set up a new plan. But it felt different. The victory from the team returned, the mission plan that seemed more failproof than most and had the Angara around him invigorated and fierce...Both felt bittersweet. As if he was taking advantage of what had happened.
He scowled. Of course he took advantage. Wars were won by taking advantage of the information gathered, regardless of the cost it took.
But to know how close they had been to losing Ryder, it sullied it all. His food had even less taste than usual.
The days had long since become shorter, the evenings colder. The sun had already begun to set when Efvra caught himself staring out at the window for what must have been ten minutes. He sighed angrily, as if that could make his thoughts go away. But just when he was about to turn around he noticed something.
The lake is a good distance away, hidden by trees and rock. It´s perfectly secluded, except when you stand at exactly the right spot and stand as tall as Efvra. It´s only a small area that becomes visible, perhaps no bigger than the room he was standing in.
He sees her. Not many of his people even knew of the place, and even from this distance he saw this was no Angara. He could make out just her form. If he squinted, he could make out her hair. She had it down.
He kept staring, inner turmoil forgotten. She turned and paced, almost as if anxious. Knowing her, she was. His hands twitched at his sides. He watched her sit down on the ground, just mere feet away from the water lapping at the sand. For minutes she just stared at the view in front of her, and so did he. He was somewhat relieved. Jaal's words seemed to have been an exaggeration. She looked as if simply enjoying a moment of peace and quiet, not in distress.
She braced her arms on her knees and hid her face in her arms.
Vastly different as they may be, he understood this well enough. He inwardly cursed and started pacing. Perhaps he was just misinterpreting what he saw. She could just be resting her head and enjoy the sounds of the untouched nature around her.
He let out a frustrated sigh. She wasn't. He knew she wasn't.
He gave up. He pressed a button on his comm to relay the message that he was not to be disturbed. After locking the entrance to the room just to be safe he walked to the right corner next to the window. Hidden here was the button to open an emergency exit. He had used it more often than not to stall a meeting with either the Moshae or Paraan, but never before to this end.
It was a long walk down; a shallow path that curved alongside a steep cliff. He half expected Ryder to be gone by the time he had reached the sandy ground, but as he quietly moved through the plants and grasses he heard strong splashes and frustrated grunts moments before them. He briefly feared to come upon a struggle- or worse, as sounds could imply. But it was nothing quite so fierce he saw as he pushed away a branch.
She was throwing stones in the water. Some were thrown as far as she could, but more often she simply seemed to want to throw them in as hard as she could. He watched her for a few more throws before speaking.
''Seems all you need to create destruction is a rock.''
She whirled around, shock quickly replaced by a sneer before she quickly turned around and wiped her cheek. For all the ways they were different, they all seemed capable of tears.
''Come to gather my report? I sent Jaal didn't I?''
''You did.'' He watched her throw another rock. ''He told me everything. The Kett wasted no time in exploiting your arrival.''
He frowned as he felt a surge of...something, but remembered Jaal telling him about these...Bio-tics. In a way, similar to their bioelectric fields. Similar enough for him to understand it was a flare of annoyance.
''I know very well the Kett are heartless bastards Evfra.'' Ryder called before throwing another rock.
''And infuriatingly more clever than they seem, to go after their leader.'' He crossed his arms. She turned to glare at him.
''Have you come to gloat and rub my face in it? Need I remind you I have a rock in my hand?''
He felt a pang of guilt. A whole afternoon of being unable to get her from his thoughts and here he stood riling her up. ''I assure you Ryder, that is not my intention. ''
''Then what is? No offense but Jaal told me about this place so I could have some peace and quiet and chuck some rocks at defenseless water.'' She snarled, and again he felt that surge of her biotics. A faint glow surrounded her before she released another rock from her hand, and it flew further and faster than the ones before.
''Then do just that.'' He spoke, and he moved further away to lean against a tree. She watched him, a wary look on her face, before she turned back to the pile of rocks beside her and picked one up and threw it with all her might.
She was tired, so tired. Her body was exhausted, but she felt like she couldn't rest. She could never rest. She must keep going, for her people. Even though she died.
She doesn't tell anyone that for a split second after SAM revived her she was somewhat disappointed. It lasted only until adrenaline took over and she was quickly forced to jump back into chaos. It wasn't because she wanted to die, far from it. But for those few moments she had been released of her duty as pathfinder. She doesn't tell anyone she hates being a pathfinder.
''I hate being the pathfinder.'' She shouts.
Well, except to Evfra.
He doesn't respond, and she doesn't need him to. ''I can't deal with this. I DIED, for the second time since I got here! We've been fighting non-stop. There's been nothing but death and destruction and dick-shit politics.'' She breezed, throwing another rock. ''All I'm given are orders, bad news, paperwork, more bad news, death threats from people who don't like the way I run things, and more bad news. Well guess what, I don't like the way I run things either! I shouldn't even have to run things.''
The rock she throws falls apart in the air.
''And the worst part is that everyone seems to forget I'm only human. There's only so much I can do, only so much I can handle, before I too need a break. When I get ask if I'm okay, they don't really want an honest answer. They just want to do the courtesies before dumping the next pile of fuck-what on me.''
''Well guess what? I am not okay!'' Her voice rang through the air. ''I DIED.''
Minutes passed as he watched her in silence. She threw rock after rock, and with each throw her biotics intensified. If it was because of his presence he did not know, and she did not say.
When she crushed a rock in her hand into multiple pieces he decided it didn't matter. He pushed himself away from the tree and walked over to her. She angrily searched the ground for another rock, whirling around in place with an anger that was clearly waiting to burst.
''Ryder,'' Evfra spoke, but she cut him off.
''Damn rock was eroded and brittle.''
''Sure.'' He scoffed. ''Ryder-''
''Is it that hard to get me a fucking rock?'' She breezed, not at him but at seemingly something. He was in no mood to question her sanity.
''Ryder!'' He raised his voice, assuming the tone fit to his reputation, and grabbed her wrist.
''What?!'' Her biotics flared as she snarled at him, and the sand at their feet was whisked away in a short burst of power.
But Evfra had long since learned to steel himself, and he was more impressed than shocked. He simply looked at her as he lifted her hand. She looked at the jagged cuts in her palm from the shattered rock and scoffed, but didn't yank her hand away.
''Brittle, but sharp.'' Evfra simply said.
Ryder dropped her head and her hand went limp in his grip. Her biotics subsided, and Evfra knew she was spent of energy. He knew the feeling all too well.
''Sit down.'' He commanded, kneeling with her. He softened the grip on her wrist, opting to lay her hand in his. With his other hand he reached for his pocket.
Ryder ran a hand through her hair, resting her forehead against the pressure of her palm and watched him with tired eyes. She let out a soft and almost amused scoff as Evfra tore a strip of fabric.
''You just carry a piece of cloth with you?''
''Wouldn't be much of a resistance leader if I wasn't always prepared. You never know when you might need a tourniquet. ''
She sighed. ''Fair enough. Bet you didn't imagine to need it for the Human Pathfinder. ''
He scoffed. ''Oh I imagined as much alright.'' He looked at her, and for a moment she thought to see the ghost of a smile on his face. ''Just not because you crushed a rock with your bare hand.''
She didn't say anything, only watched as he gently- much gentler than she had expected him to be capable and willing of, wrapped the strip of cloth around her hand until al cuts were covered.
''Your skin is much more fragile than ours.'' He spoke, almost intrigued.
She didn't know how to respond and simply stayed silent. She looked away from his hands and to the waterfall. He didn't release her hand. It felt soothing.
''Jaal was right, this spot is really secluded.''
Evfra hummed. ''The only reason he knows of it is because he kept running and hiding from the Moshae's teachings. Or my meetings for that matter. ''
She laughed. ''Yeah, that sounds like him.'' She paused. ''I'm glad he told me about it. And that you didn't come here to tell me to leave.''
Evfra grunted. ''I'm no idiot, and I'm also not as heartless as you like to believe. We may be different in many ways, but it seems all females no matter the species are adept at explosive emotional behavior. Best to let it ride its course.''
Ryder looked at him. ''Not that I don't appreciate you letting me 'ride my course', but are you calling all females crazy and dangerous?''
For the first time Ryder saw an expression on Evfra's face that she could only assume was a mix of bafflement and regret. She laughed and spoke before he needed to. ''I'm only jesting.''
Evfra muttered something, and Ryder smiled. A few moments of silence followed, during which both focused their attention on the lake. Evfra shifted, finally choosing comfort over grace and abandoning his kneeling position for something simpler. He let go of her hand, and Ryder frowned, mourning its loss. She lifted her hand to examine it.
''You will still need to see your medic. This is only to keep the sand out, and lessen the bleeding. For whatever good that does.''
He was right. Yet she didn't mind the wet red stripes on the cloth. It was a crude reminder that she was breakable, fragile. Amidst all the voices of those around her telling her of her achievements and revering her like some sort of demigod, it was a good change.
''Why did you come here Evfra?'' She asked, and he seemed to be taken aback by the sudden change in her voice. ''It wasn't to tell me to leave, and despite what you might think, I know you're not a heartless bastard.''
''I only said the heartless part.'' Evfra muttered, but there was no taken offense to his tone.
''Jaal told me what has happened.'' He said, and didn't elaborate.
''Isn't that his job?''
Evfra sighed, and he struggled for a moment, searching for the words. ''I understand the struggle of your position Ryder, perhaps more than anyone. You can't show weakness to your people. '' He spoke gruffly, almost resentful.
Ryder listened in silence, trying not to jump into defending herself. She cradled her hand to her chest.
''But just because you can't show it, doesn't mean it's not there.'' He continues. ''All frustrations need to come out at one point. ''
''That still doesn't explain why you're here.'' Ryder looked at him, but looked away just as quickly as icy blue eyes bore into hers.
''It's not wrong to feel these things. It's necessary to stay strong in front of your people yes, but to feel them?'' He scoffed. ''It's probably a good thing.''
She laughed, and sniffed to keep the tears that threatened to surface at bay. To hear validation like this from Evfra of all people, it was not a thing she would have ever expected. Yet, probably because it was him did the words mean more than he could realize and she was truly grateful. She sniffed again. “Probably?'' She asked.
''Well, if outing feelings makes you so destructive, some might say it might me better to be heartless.''
The finger that had been drawing patterns in the sand between them stopped. She looked up at Evfra, but this time it was him avoiding eye contact, and suddenly his words gained a lot more depth.
''Evfra?''She paused, unsure whether she was threading on thin ice. ''Is...Is that why you're so...cold?'' She opted.
''Didn't I say I understand your position?'' He grunted, and let out a sigh. ''I wasn't always like this Ryder. But as years and meltdowns passed, it became easier and easier to keep those struggles to myself, and save it for the moments it's allowed. And can't do any harm.''
He seemed almost sad, if only for a moment. But before she could say anything he huffed. ''However, seeing as your outburst did do harm,'' He gestured to her hand. ''I suggest you find a different method. Either that or you're a lost cause.''
She smiled. His crude comments hurt her no more. She knew it was his way of changing the subject. A silence followed, and she flexed her hand and winced. Evfra looked at her. Without saying anything, he reached out and took her hand. He cradled it in his as he examined it, but after seemingly being done, did not let go. And neither did she.
His skin was cooling to the touch, and it soothed the throbbing in her hand. As she carefully brushed her thumb over his skin it felt soft, smoother than she had expected. He mimicked her movement, and thought the same.
They didn't say anything for a long time. Ryder realized just how special the insight was she had gotten of Evfra, and she took his words to heart. Including the unspoken warning of what could possible become of her if she didn't find a way to cope. She rested her head on her knees as she complemented on her thoughts, and watched as Evfra's thumb kept stroking her skin.
“Just out of curiosity…” She asked softly, exhaustion catching up with her. “How do you cope? I can’t always just fly over here and singlehandedly create an island of rocks in your lake.”
“You can come here as often as you need.” Evfra answered without hesitation. “I do either of two things. Either I go to the shooting range under the headquarters…or…”
“Or?” Ryder gave him a curious look.
He sighed. “Suppose I’ll regret telling you this, but I like to draw.”
“Draw?” Ryder lifted her head.
Evfra nodded, a scowl in place. But he didn’t need to defend himself. Instead when he opened his mouth and looked at Ryder he found her smiling, and the words died on his lips.
“What kind of things do you draw?” She asked.
He hesitated again, as if he was telling her about top secret information rather than a hobby. “Other Angara mostly. Or plants. It started when I had to draw out schematics and plans, and it grew from there. “He shrugged. “When you have to sit near your comms all day hearing bad news and you can’t leave…find something close by.”
“Never would have pegged you for an artsy type.” She smiled, but there was only kindness to the jest.
Evfra simply nodded. “Not as impressive as breaking a rock. “He grunted.
Ryder hummed. “Oh yeah, not nearly. But much more beautiful.”
Evfra didn’t respond. Couldn’t, because despite the damage it had done, there had been a different kind of beauty to such raw power. Admitting any kind of appreciation for any part of Ryder came hard to him. Hell, it had taken Ryder’s death for him to get hit in the face with his own thoughts regarding her. Even more to come see her. Then some to help her. There was only so much Evfra De Tershaav could handle in one day.
“Hey Evfra?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.” She lightly squeezed one of his fingers.
He huffed. “Well, as much as you can be a pain to deal with, you’ve proven to be just as much of a pain to the Kett. That’s not something I will pass up on having.”
She laughed. ''I'm flattered.''
The sun had set, the beauty of the dusk around them replaced by starlit skies. A yawn escaped her lips. Efvra glanced at her.
''I should get back to my ship.'' Ryder sighed, and dropped her head.
''It's a long walk.'' Evfra said softly.
He was right. Not like his route, hers would take her all around Aya, and up a cliff before she would reach the city in the sky.
''Come.'' Evfra gently tugged at her wrist. She looked up and followed him into standing, and wobble on her feet. He reached out to steady her, and the hand on her shoulder was a heavy comfort. She nodded in reassurance that she had regained her footing, and was grateful that he couldn't see what she felt; her cheeks heating up.
He led her through the bushes, the way he had come, until they stood at the bottom of the hidden path up the rocky cliffside.
''It's not as much of a climb as it looks, and it's shorter than how you came.'' He opted. While Sara looked up he looked down, at her hand still in his.
It felt like ages since he had brought comfort instead of orders or reprimands. Longer still since he had enjoyed it. It left a weird taste in his mouth and a strange feeling in his gut, and he was in no way equipped to deal with it. Suddenly he was flooded with doubts and nagging voices, reminding him that he needed Ryder and her army, that that was the only reason he had come down to her.
He's become so used to listen to reason rather than heart.
He softens his grips even further, allowing their hands to slip free from one another. Without looking down at him, Ryder follows his hand and holds on to it. When she looks at him she smiles. ''It's high, I'm tired. If I fall, I'm taking you with me.''
He scoffed, but opened his hand to allow hers to slip in his more snuggly.
He leads her up, helps her with the few narrow steps and corners there are. She holds on to his arms each time he helps her up, and each time she gives him a smile. She never lets go of his hand. When at last they reach the top, she sees the large window of the headquarters.
''So that's how you knew where I was.''
He doesn't have the courage to admit it was Jaal who told him. Instead he pulls her along. They pass under the overpass where the waterfall crashes down past them, and reach the door. She does let go of his hand now. He flexes his hand and notes that the sudden lack of warmth is a discomfort.
He steps aside for her to enter, and as she squeezes past him she briefly places a hand on his chest. He steps in after her and presses the button to close the door, and when he turns she stands just as close as she did when entering.
''No one's here.'' She looks over the empty room.
''Made sure no one would.'' He says gruffly. He walks over to his desk and taps the flashing light on his datapad. He sighs. As expected it's already blown up with messages.
''You put aside your work for me?'' She asks softly. He doesn't know how to answer. He presses a few more buttons.
''The door's unlocked. Get some rest Ryder, it's been a long day.'' He bends over his desk, unable to look at her. Now that he's back in his office he feels the strain of his position immediately.
She walks up to him. He doesn't turn towards her, doesn't know what to do with himself anymore.
He freezes when Ryder stands up on her toes and places her lips on his cheek.
''Thank you, Evfra. It means a lot to me.''
She smiles, and he can only stare as she walks to the door. She turns one last time, and he manages a nod. When the door closes behind her he reaches up and touches his cheek.
It's a few days later when Ryder receives a sealed envelope from Jaal. His expression is neutral, but his tone and eyes suggestive when he tells her it's from Evfra. She opens it in the privacy of her own quarters.
A woman whose hair flies wildly around her just like the sand beneath her feet, whirled by the raw power flaring up and around her, stands etched on yellowed paper. In her fist she holds a rock, and her eyes are fierce and angry. She sees not weakness, but power and beauty.
Another scrap of paper falls out from the envelope. She needs her translator to decipher it.
If next you need to, take the short route.
She smiles.