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It shouldn’t have surprised him in the least.
Going back to the loft the day after the Rage party to find the bed unslept in and nothing having been touched since the previous afternoon. There was no evidence that Brian had been home. So Justin grabbed what he could and bolted from the loft before Brian decided to return.
It was when he came back three days later and the loft was still untouched that Justin began to worry.
“Deb, have you seen Brian lately?” Justin asked as he showed up at the diner for his shift.
Debbie looked startled by the question. For a moment, Justin was sure that she was going to ream him out for what happened at the party. He’d managed to escape a lecture from her thanks to his mothers’ conversation the day after when Jen told Debbie that not only was Justin not getting involved with Ethan, but that he was moving in with her. Justin hadn’t been wrong when he’d assumed that the others would think that he’d left Brian for Ethan.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Justin had left so that he could get some time to himself to figure out what he wanted. The fact that he made his exit with his arm around the violin player was purely for Brian’s benefit. So that the older man could believe that he had successfully shoved Justin off Mt. Kinney.
The main reason he’d gone back to the loft that day, besides to get some of his clothes and a few particular sketchbooks, was to talk to Brian. He’d given him three days to cool off and had planned on tell him that he was on to the performance Brian had put on that night, but that he was still going to stay gone for a while until he got things figured out.
Until he got to the loft and realized that Brian hadn’t been there in three days.
All of his clothes were still in the closet except for the ones he had been wearing and the ones still at the cleaners. He didn’t even have his Prada boots and favourite leather jacket. The fact that those two items were still in the loft told Justin that Brian wasn’t just on some trip. The blonde had contemplated skipping his shift to search out Brian’s favourite haunts to make sure that he was all right. However he knew all to well that Brian wouldn’t appreciate being checked up on. Besides that, it was no longer Justin’s place to look after him. At least temporarily.
“He’s probably at the loft on a bender,” Deb suggested as she collected her orders from the pass window.
Tossing his backpack under the counter for the time being, Justin shook his head. “He hasn’t been there in three days. I went there Saturday and today and nothing has been touched. It looks exactly like it did Saturday night before we left.”
“Maybe he had a business trip that you forgot about,” the waitress tried, albeit unsuccessfully.
“If you know where he is, Deb, could you please tell me. I’m worried about him,” Justin pleaded while fastening his apron around his waist.
“I’m sorry, Sunshine, but I really haven’t seen him since Saturday,” Debbie told him honestly. “But I wouldn’t worry too much. Knowing Brian he’s just off somewhere licking his wounds in private.”
“You’re probably right, Deb,” Justin agreed even though he didn’t believe what she’d said.
“Of course I am. Now get over to table five. They need some water.”
Throughout the course of his shift, Justin couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. There was a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that wouldn’t fade no matter how hard he willed it to. What made the situation even worse was knowing that Michael probably had a good idea where Brian was, but he couldn’t ask him. Even if he did know there was no way that Michael would tell him. He would have a better chance of making peace with his father.
So Justin kept an eye out for his lover. Everytime the bell above the door would chime, Justin would immediately look over hoping that he would see Brian walking in. He never did, though. Ted, Emmett and Michael showed up after work, but there was no sign of Brian. It wasn’t until they arrived that Justin realized he should call Cynthia to find out if Brian had been in to work or if he had taken any time off.
“Justin, please tell me that you know where Brian is,” Cynthia pleaded as soon as she found out it was him on the phone. “He hasn’t been in all week and Vance is getting pissed.”
“Shit,” Justin cursed under his breath. “I was hoping that you could tell me where he was.”
There was a ruffling of papers on her side of the phone and a few clicks of a keyboard. “Sorry, Justin, not a thing.... Did something happen this weekend? He didn’t suddenly start going off about a certain project or campaign? It might help me track him down.”
Justin let out a loud breath, snaking his fingers through his hair. “I kinda left him on Saturday. At least he thinks I left him. I haven’t seen him since Saturday so I never got to explain.... Look, if you hear from him, can you call me on my cell. Or at the loft. I’m gonna stay there until he comes home.”
“Sure, Justin. You call me if you hear from him too,” Cynthia ordered sweetly.
After promising her he would, Justin hung up the phone, feeling even worse than he had before. Brian was MIA and no one really seemed to care. Something had to be wrong when Brian could be gone for four days and his supposed friends did nothing. Especially after what had happened on Saturday.
So Justin spent another tense three hours praying that Brian would walk through the door and into the diner.
But Brian never came.
Two more days passed and still Brian was nowhere to be found.
With his classes over for the summer, Justin was able to wander the city when he wasn’t working, searching for any sign of his lover. His boyfriend. His partner. Brian would undoubtedly never think of him in those terms, but Justin still loved him and would continue to do so for the rest of his life.
“Hey, baby, what are you doing down here?” Melanie asked, her voice catching him off guard.
Whirling around, Justin flashed the lawyer a quick smile. “Melanie. Hi. I didn’t realize I was near the courthouse.”
“You’re not,” she clarified, turning Justin back around and continuing on the way they had both been heading. “I met Lindsay for lunch and was just on my way back. What about you? Why are you downtown?”
“I met my mom for lunch,” Justin lied quickly as he fell in step beside Melanie. “It’s a nice day so I thought I’d walk home instead of taking a bus.”
“So the fact that you’re heading towards Brian’s office is just a coincidence?”
Justin flushed slightly and stuffed his hands deep into his pockets.
“Look, baby, Brian went off god knows where to do god knows what. He obviously doesn’t want to be found,” Melanie said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and giving him a comforting squeeze.
“But don’t you think that it’s a little strange that Brian wouldn’t tell anyone that he was even going anywhere?” Justin prompted, still shocked that no one was at all concerned even after nearly a week.
Melanie laughed quietly. “At this point there’s nothing Brian does that surprises me. Besides, after what happened on Saturday--”
“You mean what I did to him,” Justin cut her off. “I hurt him a lot, Mel. He’ll probably never admit to it, but what I did hurt him a lot.”
“It’s not your fault, Justin,” Mel insisted. “You didn’t have any choice but to walk away. Brian made sure of it.”
With a shake of his head, Justin took half a step away from Melanie, forcing her to drop her arm. “But I didn’t have to do it like I did. You were there, Mel. You saw what everyone else saw. Me leaving with Ethan. That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. Trust me on this,” Melanie said when she caught up to him. “Now I’ve got to go. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? Gus misses you.”
“I’ll be there,” Justin promised.
As he had done the past two days just after lunch, Justin continued on his way to Vanguard Agency to see Cynthia. She was the only other one who seemed to care that Brian had all but dropped off the face of the earth six days ago.
And, like the past two days, Cynthia had no news for him. She was just as worried as him only she had to deal with the added pressure of dealing with Gardner Vance as well.
“Don’t worry, Justin, I’m sure he’ll turn up soon,” Cynthia said encouragingly as Justin was about to make his way back to the elevator.
Pausing, Justin turned back and offered her a weak smile. “I hope you’re right.”
~*~*~
Something rough was scraping against his cheek. Very rough. Almost painful. He tried to turn away from it, but his head felt as though it was a heavy weight. The rest of his body felt equally heavy and hard to move.
“Jus’n....”
~*~*~
“Hey, Justin. Long time no see.”
Justin wasn’t sure whether it was a coincidence or not that Ethan was playing his violin on the corner of Tremont.
“Ethan, hi. What are you doing here?” Justin asked, hoping to hide his surprise.
The musician grinned over at him. “Practicing for the competition. It’s only a few weeks away.”
“Like you really need to practice,” Justin teased as he leaned up against the side of the building near to the door. “You’re perfect.”
“I know,” Ethan said without the slightest bit of hesitation. Then he joined Justin against the wall, glancing over at the other teen. “You busy tonight?”
“I agreed to have dinner with some friends, sorry,” Justin apologized, slightly relieved that he had agreed to go to the muncher’s since he wasn’t quite sure how to act around Ethan. “There’s a certain toddler who’s demanding my presence.”
“Finally found a playmate your own age?” Ethan laughed, earning him a sharp elbow in the ribs from Justin. “Hey! Watch it! We starving artists don’t have a lot of padding.”
Justin rolled his eyes and stepped away from the wall. “If I remember correctly, you have enough padding. See you, Ethan.”
“Farewell, my muse,” Ethan said with a dramatic bow.
“And people call me a drama princess,” Justin deadpanned as he punched in the code to the building. “See you around, Ethan.”
“Later.”
The word gave Justin pause. That word was what he and Brian always said to each other in lieu of goodbye. It was an unspoken thing that had begun the night of his prom and would continue for as long as he knew Brian whether they were involved in a relationship or not. Even if they ran into each other twenty years down the road, when they parted ways again it would be after saying “later” and not “goodbye.” There would never be a goodbye between them.
~*~*~
A door slammed, echoing and sounding exceptionally loud in his ears. He whimpered slightly and tried to curl in on himself to no avail. The incredible weight had not left his bones and what he was lying on was hard, adding a dull throb to the near numbing sensation he felt.
Another door.
Then water.
Water pouring down on him. Drowning him. He choked and sputtered, but nothing he would do could keep the water from invading his mouth and nose. Then he gagged as fingers were shoved between his parted lips.
Pills.
Pills had been shoved into his mouth. He tried to spit them out, but there was a hand over his mouth. Fingers pinched his nose shut, preventing him breathing. No words were necessary because he knew the unspoken orders. Swallow the pills or he would not be allowed to breath again. So he did the only thing he could do.
And swallowed the pills.
The water let up and he lay gasping, sucking in lungfuls of air.
When he could breath evenly once again, shallow sobs rocked his body. He managed to fumble his left hand around enough to brush his fingers against his right wrist. The same wrist he had worn his cowry shell bracelet for every day that he had known him minus only a few.
The fog was returning, ready to suck him up, back into the blackness.
Before it came back entirely, he saw a flash of blue eyes. Concerned, sad blue eyes that called out to him, begging for a response.
“Justin.”
~*~*~
“Where are you, Brian,” Justin whispered as he lay under the haunting blue lights.
The artist was hugging Brian’s pillow to his chest, breathing in the last traces of his scent that still lingered in the fabric. After six days the pillow was starting to smell more like Justin himself than of Brian. But there were still traces of the other man’s scent.
His expensive cologne that contained just the barest hints of lavender.
Cigarette smoke.
Jim Beam.
The combined scent of sweat and sex that was more intoxicating that his expensive perfumes.
“I know you’re not hidden away fucking your brains out, Brian,” Justin said to the empty loft. “Which means that something is wrong. But I don’t know what it is....”
The loft was as silent as ever, giving him no hint as to what had happened to Brian.
The silence became too much the next day and once again Justin ventured out into the city. This time he headed towards the Institute instead of downtown. He wanted to lose himself in his art. He was perfectly capable of losing hours at a time in his on campus studio.
Instead of the school, Justin was surprised to find himself standing outside of Ethan’s apartment. Then he was knocking on the door while he has still trying to figure out why he wasn’t still walking towards the university.
“Who’s there?” Ethan called from somewhere deeper in the apartment.
Justin rolled his eyes and leaned against the door jamb with a grin on his face. “A former go-go boy who just happened to find his way here.”
There was some muffled laughter coming from the apartment then the bathroom door was shut. Moments later, the front door was open and a slightly flushed Ethan was smiling at him.
“Well this is unexpected. To what do I owe this honour?” Ethan asked, running damp fingers through his hair.
“I’m um... I’m not exactly sure,” Justin said honestly, chuckling quietly. “I thought I was going to my studio to do some painting. Turns out I was wrong.”
“Lucky me,” Ethan cheered, garnering another laugh from Justin. “So do you want to come in? I have some coffee and I’m pretty sure there’s some leftover Chinese in the fridge.”
Justin pushed away from the door frame and stepped into the apartment. “How did you know I can’t say no to food?”
“I’ve eaten with you before,” Ethan reminded him.
“So where’s Wolfram?” Justin grinned, glancing around the dingy apartment for the cat. “He get sick of hearing you play day and night and run away?”
Ethan shot him a mock glare. “I thought you said I was perfect?”
There was a crashing noise in the bathroom which caught Justin’s attention. He glanced questioningly at Ethan who let out an annoyed breath.
“Master Vul-frum is in the bathroom sulking,” Ethan said in a snooty English butler. Then he gave Justin a conspiratory wink and whispered, “I had to give him a bath.”
“Maybe I should go in there and cheer him up,” Justin suggested, making his way towards the closed bathroom door.
As he was about to place his hand on the doorknob, Ethan grabbed hold of his wrist and slowly turned him back around. Justin stared at the other teen in confusion, his eyes going wide when he caught sight of Wolfram sneaking in through the open window. Everything dawned on Justin all at once and he flushed slightly.
“You have someone here, don’t you,” Justin stated, scrunching up his nose in embarrassment. “I’m really sorry, Ethan. I should have called first. I’m gonna go now. Sorry.”
“It’s no big deal, Justin,” Ethan said with a nervous smile. “How about we meet for lunch? We can have fresh Chinese food.”
Justin nodded, his face cooling down. “Sure. The one down near the dance building?”
“That’s the one,” Ethan confirmed as he picked up Wolfram who had been in the process of wandering towards the bathroom. “Now say goodbye to Justin, Master Wolfram.”
“See you later, Wolfram, behave yourself,” Justin said to the cat, reaching out to scratch it behind its ears. The cat nudged its head up, its tongue poking out to lick at the underside of his wrist. The rough tongue felt odd and Justin quickly jerked his hand away. “So we’ll meet at about one?”
“At one,” Ethan agreed, taking up the scratching.
“Bye.”
“Later.”
Once again, Justin felt an odd rush as Ethan uttered Brian’s usual farewell. He shuddered slightly, but managed another smile before leaving the apartment. After Ethan closed to door after him, Justin remained there on the landing, listening through the paper thin walls as Ethan made his way back to the bathroom.
“Justin....”
With a shake of his head, Justin turned and made his way down the stairs. He was beginning to hear Brian’s voice all over the place. Justin could have sworn that he’d heard him in the loft, on a bus, in the diner, when he was just waking up. Even on the roof the night before when he’d been sketching.
“Please come home, Bri,” Justin pleaded as he slowly made his way down the stairwell to the street down below. “Before I go completely insane and they have to lock me up and throw away the key.”
~*~*~
“Justin....” he moaned when the door burst open again.
He struggled to pull himself up higher and lost his precarious balance, sliding back down into the bathtub and whacking the back of his head off the slick porcelain.
“What do you think you’re trying to do?”
Undaunted, he tried once again to hoist himself out of the tub. “Justin... I heard Justin. Make ‘im come back.”
“Now why would I do that?”
~*~*~
Justin was incredibly mellow as he entered the Chinese restaurant just before one that afternoon. He’d spent the last four hours painting and what he’d created on the canvas had confused him more than anything.
Brian, sprawled out in a bathtub. Soaking wet. His jeans half unbuttoned, his shirt missing and his cheeks and chin darkened by stubble. Black Prada boots, his second favourite pair, had been tossed aside and lay on the floor next to the tub.
It would have been a very provocative image but for one thing.
The absolute fear and terror he saw shining in his dilated pupils.
The first painting he had done, still in rough, had encompassed the whole image. The second was only of Brian’s face. Each line, each blush of shadow was exactly the same as the other painting, but larger and in much more detail. In the minute lines and broad brush strokes, Justin could see the fear there.
“Well you certainly look down in the dumps,” Ethan said as he slid into the seat across from him. “What’s wrong?”
Justin opened his mouth to tell him about Brian’s disappearing act, but thought the better of it. “Nothing. I’m just being a pissy artist ‘cause my painting didn’t turn out quite the way I wanted it to. Feel free to ignore me.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Ethan laughed. “Nothing you paint could be bad. I’ve seen your work. You’re magnificent.”
“Not perfect?” Justin asked with a smirk.
“Your work is perfection,” Ethan amended with a wide smile.
The blonde raised his class of water in toast. “I am honoured to receive praise from such a maestro.”
“The honour is all mine.”
For a little while at least, due mostly to Ethan’s presence and the cheap, but fantastic food served at the small restaurant, Justin was able to forget about Brian’s troubling absence. Ethan might not be as smart as Brian, but he knew a great deal about the art world and life in general that Justin could spend hours talking to the violinist. Which they ended up doing. First at the restaurant then later as they strolled around the campus grounds. If his heart hadn’t been so totally consumed by Brian, Justin knew that he could have easily found himself loving Ethan Gold.
But he did love Brian.
More than anything. And he was terrified that something had happened to the other man.
“Look, Ethan, I’ve got to go,” Justin announced as they neared a bus stop. “I promised my mom I’d stop by for dinner.”
“You may have a perfect body now, but one day you’re going to be a very fat painter,” Ethan taunted, earning him a disbelieving snort from Justin. “And if you’re not it’s going to be very unfair.”
“Such is life,” Justin teased, stepping up to the bus that had just pulled up. “Say hello to Wolfram for me.”
“I swear you love my cat more than you love me,” Ethan said with a shake of his head.
Justin turned and rolled his eyes dramatically. “Well it’s about time you figured it out.”
“Later, Justin.”
“Bye,” Justin whispered as the door closed before his eyes, obscuring his view of the dark-haired teen.
~*~*~
He cried out as he fell forward onto the hair ground, his arms unable to support his weight. For several long minutes he laid there gasping, praying that he would work up enough energy to at least crawl towards the door. It had taken everything in him to merely sit up in the bathtub.
But Brian Kinney was nothing if not determined.
And he knew that he had heard Justin on the other side of that door. All that mattered to Brian was getting to Justin. Justin would make everything all right. The world would stop swirling around him and he’d be in control of his body again.
He’d also be with Justin.
Nothing had ever hurt as much as watching Justin walk away from him.
Taking in several deep lungfuls of air, Brian pushed himself up onto his forearms and began the slow task of dragging himself towards the door. It took him several long minutes to get to the door. That was what it felt like at least. Even with his worst hangovers his senses had never felt so fried, his movements so uncoordinated and out of sorts. Brian couldn’t even get his eyes to focus on a particular object for any length of time.
Still, he managed to get to the door. He let out a relieved sigh when he saw that the door was partially open and that he wouldn’t have to try and reach the doorknob. Brian pried the door open with his fingertips, just wide enough to slip his body through.
“Justin...?” Brian called out, his voice little more than a squeak but loud in the silent room.
There was no answer except a cat meowing.
With the help of a gnarled old bookcase, Brian somehow managed to get himself to his feet. The effort was nearly ruined when the cat slammed into his ankle and his balance wavered.
“Fuckin’ cat,” Brian grumbled, his fingers digging into the wood to ensure that he didn’t fall to the ground which seemed miles below. “Justin...? Where are you? Sunshine....”
Once he was sure he was balanced, Brian took a hesitant step away from the bookshelf. Then another and another and another until he was nearly halfway to another door. The only other one in the place which meant that it had to lead out.
“Justin....” he tried again to no avail.
“What the fuck!”
In the middle of taking a step, Brian lost his precarious balance and fell forward to the ground with a loud thud and a painfilled cry.
“Looks like the drugs aren’t enough. Fine. I’ll just have to improvise.”
Before he could convince his sluggish limbs to react, Brian found himself being dragged back towards the bathroom at a much quicker pace than he’d made his exit. He tried grabbing for anything that would halt his progress, but found only a few scraps of paper and a pizza box. Nothing that had any effect whatsoever.
Even when he managed to grab hold of the door jamb, it didn’t slow the other man down in the least. All it took was one solid yank and Brian lost his grip on the wooden frame. Less than a minute later he was back in the bathtub. Back where he had started.
“Noooo....” Brian moaned as he tried to lift himself up again to no avail. He was shoved back down with a hand to his chest then had his own hands lifted up above his head, to the piping at the top of the head.
“He’s not going to figure out that you’re here. And you’re not getting out of here. So you might as well get used to your present accommodations.”
By the time he was finished talking, Brian’s hands were tied to the piping with what he assumed was his shoelaces. Then there was a body straddling his torso, making it difficult to breath.
“Time for your medicine.”
Just as what happened every other time, between pouring water and the fingers in his mouth, Brian was forced to ingest the pills or risk never breathing again. As soon as the other man was sure that he’d swallowed the pills, the weight off his chest was gone and so was the water pounding down on his face.
When the door shut again, Brian turned his head so that it rested against his raised arm, providing a more comfortable pillow than the tub itself.
“Justin, please....” Brian pleaded in a whisper, allowing a few tears to slide down his cheeks, mixing instantly with the water. “Please come....”
A feathery hand ran across his cheek, cupping it, before moving into his hair and smoothing it away from his face.
Lips brushed against his forehead, then moved down to his cheek before lightly meeting his own in a soft, tender kiss.
“Justin?” Brian whimpered against the familiar lips, frustrated that he could not open his eyes to see his lover’s face.
“Shhh.... Just hang on a little bit longer and I’ll be here,” Justin promised him, kissing him again. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” he moaned, desperate to get as close to Justin as possible.
Then he was gone.
And Brian was alone again.
~*~*~
Sunday dawned dark and rainy, flashes of lightning the only source of illumination in the loft. Justin had only slept for a few hours, his mind plagued by images of Brian. His voice echoing in Justin’s mind. Words that Brian would murmur when he would think the teen was asleep. Words that Justin saved up in his mind, to draw on when he needed comfort. Solace.
When he needed Brian and Brian wasn’t there.
The previous day, the others had finally seemed to realize that something was off about Brian’s absence. After dinner with his mother, Justin had been summoned to Debbie’s where everyone else had gathered to discuss Brian’s disappearance. Instead of yelling at them and throwing a fit like he wanted to, Justin had glared at each of them in turn before muttering, “It’s about fucking time you gave a damn about him,” and stalking out of the house without even pausing long enough to grab his jacket.
The phone had been ringing almost constantly until about nine when Justin finally unplugged it. Any minute now they would be knocking on the door, wanting to console him or try to tell him that everything would be all right.
Which meant that he would have to escape before they showed up.
Not bothering to shower because he would only get soaked out in the rain, Justin got dressed and made his way out of the loft, making sure to set the alarm after him. There were many places that he could go to, but only one that the rest of his family wouldn’t know where to find him.
Ethan’s.
It was early, barely after eight in the morning, but Ethan had once told him that he was an early riser. Justin hoped that he would be awake and that he wouldn’t have a bedmate like he’d had the previous morning.
Even though he’d walked barely a block and been in the rain for five minutes at most when he wasn’t on a bus, Justin was completely soaked by the time he sprinted into Ethan’s apartment building. He felt like a drowned puppy as he sniffled and ran his fingers through his hair to dispel some of the water and knew that he probably looked it as well. Ironically, what Justin wanted most of all was a warm shower. He could only hope that the hot water was working in Ethan’s apartment by this time. It was the main reason he’d never taken a shower during his brief affair with the musician. Spoiled brat or not, Justin hated taking cold showers.
“Ethan, are you in there?” Justin called as he knocked on the rickety old door. “Ethan...? Wolfram, go sit on Ethan’s face and wake him up!”
Desperate to be dry, Justin tried the doorknob. His violin was the only thing of value Ethan had in his apartment and it was hidden out of sight and in a very obscure location that was impossible to see unless you knew it was there. Because of that, Ethan never really bothered to lock his door.
As he had expected, the door opened and Justin stepped into the apartment.
“Ethan, you in here?” Justin called as he shed his jacket, dropping it onto a hook sticking out of the wall.
“.... Justin....”
Justin stopped all movement, his eyes going wide. There was no way he had imagined it that time. “Brian? Is that you?”
“Justin,” his lover moaned a second time, his plea echoed almost immediately by Wolfram meowing from just outside the bathroom door.
A small cry escaped Justin’s lips as he bolted towards the bathroom. His still wet fingers fumbled with the doorknob and Brian’s continued cries and pleas made his movements even more frantic.
To both Justin’s ultimate relief and terror, he found Brian on the other side of the door. The older man was lying in the bathtub, the only difference between his current position and the painting Justin had made the previous afternoon was that Brian’s hands were now bound above his head to a forty year old pipe that was probably as old as the building itself.
“BRIAN!” Justin screamed as he charged across the small distance that separated them and dropped to his knees next to the tub. One hand was automatically fumbling with the shoelace that tied Brian’s hand to the pipe while his other lovingly cupped his cheek. “Brian.... Brian, open your eyes. Look at me. Are you all right? Brian!”
Brian’s eyelids fluttered lazily, his eyes opening and finally focusing on the artist’s face. The corner of his lips turned up into almost half a smile even as his dark eyes filled with tears. “Justin...? Really you?”
Justin nodded his head, leaning over to press his lips to Brian’s in a frantic kiss, needing to reassure himself that Brian was there almost as much as Brian needed to know he was there.
“It’s okay, Brian. I’m right here. I’ve got you,” Justin murmured along with various other nonsense as he continued to struggle blindly with the knots.
It would have been much easier to deal with the knots if he looked at what he was doing and used both hands, but Justin couldn’t bring himself to do that. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to tear his gaze away from Brian’s. His other hand, his weaker right one, was moving over Brian’s chest and neck, calming the tremors he felt shaking the lean body.
Justin knew that he had succeeded in releasing the knots when he felt Brian’s right hand drop onto his shoulder while his left one fell onto Justin’s which was lightly caressing his chest.
“Come on, Brian, let’s get you out of here,” Justin whispered, pulling back just enough so that he could help Brian to sit up. He was surprised at just how difficult the simple action was for Brian to complete.
Standing up proved an even harder challenge which left Brian gasping and clinging to his soaked shirt. Thankfully the tub was shallow enough to not prove too much of a challenge for Brian to climb out of. Still, the taller man would have fallen were it not for Justin’s firm gasp on his upper body.
As they slowly made their way out of the apartment, Justin fumbled in his pocket, praying that his cell phone wasn’t too soaked. He considered calling Deb or Melanie or even his mother, but in the end found himself dialing Cynthia’s home number.
“H’lo?” the sleepy secretary mumbled as he picked up on her end.
“Cynthia, I’ve found him,” Justin cried enthusiastically.
There was a shuffling of sheets and then Cynthia spoke again. This time sounding more alert. “Brian? You’ve found Brian? Where is he? Is he all right?”
“I need you to call the police,” Justin told her as he helped Brian into his discarded coat. It was soaking wet, but would at least provide some protection from the falling rain. The teen rattled off the address quickly, eager to get away before Ethan reappeared. “I’m gonna get us around the corner then try to hail down a taxi so I can take him to the hospital.”
“Do you want me to call Michael and have him get in touch with the others?”
Justin glanced down at Brian’s face which was turned into his corner, staring at him for several long moments before answering. “If you think they’d care,” he said at last.
~*~*~
At first, Brian was ready to believe that he was having another dream. That it wasn’t really Justin’s arms he felt wrapped around him as he slowly woke up. But the surface underneath him wasn’t hard. It was soft. Like his bed. Then there was the scent of Justin’s shampoo which he was breathing in.
“Hey. You awake?”
The voice was soft and accompanied by a hand brushing lightly across his cheek. Both of which belonged to Justin.
A little more at ease, Brian allowed himself to blink his eyes open, his sleepy gaze instantly finding Justin’s face.
Not making a single sound, Brian heaved himself onto his side and curled his body around Justin’s. He wiggled himself as close to the other man as possible, relieved to feel Justin’s skin brushing against his own rather than cloth. Still not saying anything, Brian allowed a few tears to sneak past his closed lids.
~*~*~
Feeling Brian’s tear-damp cheeks brush against the underside of his chin, it was all that Justin could do to keep his own sobs at bay.
What had happened to Brian had been his fault. Completely and utterly his fault. Because he had told Ethan that they couldn’t be more than friends and possibly occasional fuck buddies, the other teen had reacted drastically when he’d run across an extremely hung over Brian the morning after the Rage party.
Somehow he had managed to get Brian into his apartment and into the bathtub where he’d begun feeding him potent amounts of Xanax to keep him there. The drugs had come courtesy of a dealer who lived two floors below the musician and kept a whole plethora of concoctions hidden away for profit. Both men were now in custody on a variety of charges, the least of which being possession, trafficking and abduction.
At the hospital, the doctors had done little more than pump the remaining undissolved Xanax from Brian’s stomach and pump him full of a clear liquid via an IV which was supposed to help balance out his electrolytes or something like that. Justin had stayed within arms length of Brian the entire time, mostly to keep the other man calm. After such a prolonged and high exposure to the Xanax, the doctors had wanted to avoid sedating him and consented to Justin’s continued presence.
Once the doctors had assured them that Brian would be fine, Justin had convinced them to let him take Brian home. Brian would be much calmer waking up in his own bed and not in a noisy hospital. Cynthia had arrived at some point and between the two of them they had gotten Brian back to the loft and into his bed. Not once had either of them mentioned the rest of Brian’s supposed who the secretary had decided against contacting after hearing the animosity in Justin’s voice.
“No more walking away,” Brian mumbled against Justin’s throat a few minutes later.
Gently easing Brian’s head back so that he could see his face, Justin kissed him, first his lips and then his forehead. “I won’t happen again. Not even if you try to shove me off Mt. Kinney a million fucking times. I won’t walk away. Ever.”
“Good,” Brian sighed, his warm breath flowing over Justin’s skin. “Didn’t mean it anyway.”
“I know you didn’t,” Justin whispered, figuring that Brian was falling asleep again from the way his speech slurred towards the end of the sentence.
Sure enough, within minutes, his breathing had evened out and Brian was sleeping once again. It wasn’t long before Justin joined him, both of them sleeping through the failed attempts of their family to unlock the front door.