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"May I join you for lunch, Radek?"
"Of course, Carson. I am afraid, however, that I am almost done - was just about to eat dessert."
"What have ye got there? Cookies?"
"Not just cookies, Carson - Oreo cookies. Food of the gods. Quite possibly the one true contribution to human culture made in America."
"Now, don't be so hard on them - Americans also invented pizza and cheeseburgers. Surely that must count for something."
"Hmm, possibly. But these could be the last Oreo cookies we shall ever see - Sergeant Chung says that there are no more." Radek held one up between his fingers. "Such a moment is to be contemplated with due reverence, and solemnity."
"Don't be such a pessimist, man - we'll likely see home again. Rodney and Major Sheppard will find a ZPM, and then we'll be able to open the 'gate back to Earth." Carson picked at his spaghetti. "At least, I hope we will."
"Well, whether or not that happens is in the lap of the gods, I suppose. Right now, I am interested only in the fate of these Oreos. We have a destiny together, these cookies and I. They will give me a few delicious moments of pleasure, they will supply needed carbohydrates and fats for energy production, and they will be incorporated into my molecular structure, quite likely entirely around my waistline. Ah, how noble that they should meet their doom, that I might live."
Carson was doing his best not to laugh and spray the table with spaghetti. "Do ye often wax rhapsodic about your food, Radek?"
"Only about Oreos, Carson. Please, there will be no more talking now. Reverence must be observed during consumption. Ritual must be followed."
"Ritual? What are ye…"
"Shhhh!" Radek held his index finger to his lips. Carson grinned, ate another forkful of spaghetti, and was silent.
Radek took the cookie he held in both hands, and slowly lifted it to his nose. He took a deep sniff, as if savoring the bouquet of a fine wine. Slowly, a smile curved his lips. "O, ano, muj milácek..."* he mumbled. With a deft twist, he separated the two sides of the small confection, retaining the white sugary filling entirely on the right hand side. As if raising an offering to the gods, he brought the white cream covered cookie to his lips.
Carson was grinning like a loon at his friend. Certain that sooner or later Radek would let him in on the joke, he watched him start to eat the cookie. His smile froze on his face, however, as he saw Radek's tongue dart out and dip into the cookie filling. Just a touch, a flick. The tongue retreated back into his mouth and a smile of contentment creased his face. A small hum floated on the air.
The tongue came back out swiftly, this time to stroke once across the creamy surface and retreat with a slight coating of sugary goodness back into Radek's mouth. Another smile, another hum, and his eyes closed as he savored the larger sample. Again and again, Radek's tongue emerged, touched the white surface caressingly, then slid back past his lips carrying a small portion of the cookie filling.
Carson sat transfixed, not able to take his eyes off of Radek as he treated the cookie like a complaisant lover, murmuring to it, stroking it with his tongue, slowly but surely nibbling it around the edges and consuming it in a private orgy of ingestion.
It was the most erotic thing he'd ever seen in his life.
Carson was suddenly grateful he was still wearing his lab coat, because that was the only thing that was going to make an escape with his dignity possible. It's been too long, he thought. If a friend eating a cookie is enough to make me hard enough to cut glass, I definitely need to get laid.
Radek continued his erotic assault on the cookie, and on Carson's senses. With a few final strokes of his tongue, he stripped the last vestiges of the sugar cream from the chocolate shell. Sighing, he then took a measured bite of the crisp cookie and chewed it thoughtfully. Carson suddenly realized his spaghetti was getting cold. He took a mouthful, chewed, and swallowed.
"So, Radek - is it all right to talk now?"
The scientist smiled at him. "For the moment. Until I eat other cookie."
Carson looked at the lone Oreo lying on the saucer in front of Radek, and decided that discretion was the better part of valor. Looking his watch, he said "Oh, will ye look at the time - I've got an experiment I need to check on. Enjoy your, uh, ritual. Cookie. Whatever." Getting up from the table, he fled the mess hall like the Wraith were chasing him.
Radek watched his friend bemusedly, then reached over and slid the half-eaten plate of spaghetti to his place at the table. Securing a clean fork, he finished up the leftovers - it wouldn't do to waste food. When he'd finished that, he picked up the other cookie and looked at it. Then he wrapped it in a paper napkin, and put it in his jacket pocket.
He would save this last Oreo, for a little bit at least. Say, until supper. Or the next time Carson was around.
* - Oh, yes, my precious