Work Text:
Author's notes: I may be doing more fics based on CD's like this =)
Dizzy up the Man
Brian/Justin
Pg-13
Summary: Whether Brian wants to admit it or not, Justin has always made him dizzy with love whenever he was around as Justin tried for years to break Brian bullet proof heart. They reminisce over the years, each stage represented by a song from the CD ’Dizzy Up the Girl’ by the Goo Goo Dolls. Each separate paragraph jumps forward, sometimes a day, a month, or a year or so, you’ll be able to tell, and the paragraphs are pretty evenly split between Justin and Brian POV.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian sits in Woody’s, running his finger along the rim of yet another glass of Jack Daniels. The song ‘Broadway’ plays on the jukebox. The words wash over him, though he isn’t sure why until he listens.
“Broadway is dark… heh, yeah more like fucking Liberty Ave” he says under his breath, shaking his head at the man next to him that questions whether or not he was speaking to him. He looks around the bar, realizing that nothing has really changed and wonders deep down when it will. This was the day before he met his sunshine, that fateful night under the lamppost.
---
Justin hears his father ranting again, and his mother trying to tell his sister it’s nothing. He puts on his earphones and lays back on his bed, as ‘Acoustic #3’ plays in his ears. He closes his eyes and decides he’ll go to Daphne’s tonight. Maybe he will even sneak out and head over to that street, with all the gay people, Liberty, he thinks. Maybe something good might happen there. Its doubtful though.
“SHIT” Justin barks, hopping up and grabbing his coat, unaware that tonight will change the rest of his life
---
Brian knows the little shit will come back, not that he totally hates it, but he’ll never admit it. He is a strong boy. Even blowing him off for his prom wouldn’t keep him away. After Michael had pulled him from the rafters, he thought about it, grabbed a suit, and headed out, knowing he’d regret it, though not quite knowing how much at that point. As he starts the car, he hears ‘loves been marred by medication’ from the speakers.
“More like drugs and alcohol” he spits out.
He decides ‘Amigone’ is his new favorite song. He doesn’t realize he will soon hate it, after it was almost ‘too late to face the truth’ and ‘too late to call and say you’re strong’ to Justin after the bashing. Thankfully he was given a second chance.
---
Justin sits on the bed watching Brian as he paces yet again spouting about work and talking about going to Babylon, not really paying attention to the longing looks Justin is sporting and the pleads to stay home tonight. He looks cynical yet beautiful. He could be so sweet one minute and an asshole the next. Justin became dizzy by his constant changes. the songs pour from the open laptop Justin had laid on the floor next to the bed, as it changed, and ’Dizzy’ starts playing.
“Exactly” mutters Justin as Brian wanders to his closet to pull out his ’smuttiest sleeveless shirt’ The songs lyrics are exact. Justin feels like he is drowning in Brian's vanity, his life is a curse, but he is everything to him like he did come down from heaven.
---
Justin loads Daphne’s car with the last of the stuff from Ethan’s place. They drive past Liberty Ave and he sees Brian step out of the diner, following way behind Michael and Ben, Em and Ted, and the girls, looking very lonely. He wants to go to him, to tell him to knock it off and tell him he loves him, but he knows its hard for him with all the pain in his past. And as the voice emanating from the radio says, he wants to bullet proof Brian’s heart. Justin obsessively listens to ’Bullet Proof’ for days to remember Brian.
---
Brian sits in his office, after Justin leaves, professing his want to be with him again, flipping around on the computers radio. ’All Eyes On Me’ starts, a Goo Goo Hour underway, and he feels as though all eyes are on him waiting for an answer. Everyone tells him he still wants Justin and Justin wants him, why cant he pull himself to admit his feelings. Because then he would look weak to all those watching. At least… that’s his excuse.
---
After all the fighting, they are finally together. Justin is cuddled, yes, cuddled up next to his, YES HIS, Brian. He turns on the stereo and pulls Brian, surprisingly easily, to his feet to dance. He sings out the words as he hears them into Brian’s ear.
“A thousand other boys could never reach you, how could I have been the one…” and is silenced by a kiss.
“Because you’re my sunshine” Brian whispers, as they sway to the music and make their way to the bed, pulling off clothes as they go. Their rhythm is right along with the song, which is on repeat, but they don’t care. It is the happiest they have been in a long time.
There was no 'Black Balloon' here, only bright shining fireworks and streamers.
---
As the Pink Posse winds down and everyone is accepting, or at least isn’t crying anymore over, the death of Vic, another cheap shot, curveball, torturous hell arrives that everyone is thrust into, or at least Brian, as Justin watches him, sees the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breaths, having just finished the soup he forced him to eat after yelling at him for throwing him out. He goes over to the desk, and lets it all wash away, realizing Brian was scared, and pained, and alone. He lets the tears fall, after letting it sink in that his lover, the man he wants to be with more than he has ever wanted anything, has cancer. He puts his I-pod in and lets the tears roll down his cheeks as it starts where it left off “…extra pale, oh you’re so frail now…”
He tears the earphones out and throws them onto the desk, pulling his knees up to his chest. He remembers walking in to find Brian asleep listening to it once while he was out with Cody, and he almost cried when he realized it was on repeat, that that was how Brian saw him now. ’Extra Pale’ was a sad song in his book.
---
“Full Forever… yeah, of bull” Brian says as he turns off the CD player. He didn’t think Justin left in spite, but he knew he was all alone, though he didn’t deserve it. Justin deserved everything, he wanted everything and Brian was afraid to give it to him, or as Michael had put it, he was an aged party boy who really didnt deserve Justin. He was right. Justin deserved to have someone in his bed now, not Brian. Granted Brian was really kicking the guy out of bed, and he WAS a meaningless trick, but Justin… oh how could he have been so stupid. But he wouldn’t ask Justin back, because he knew he deserved better than he could give him now. It must have been the masochistic side of Brian that made him turn the radio back on to hear the ending of ’Full Forever’, but he listened to every word.
---
It was a few days later, who knows what time, or what station, when he broke his radio after puttering around for an hour or two or twelve hating the loneliness only to be burdened with the words of ‘Hate this Place’. He really did, without his love, without his, how did it go, "...Sweet charade" Only it wasnt a charade. He did love Justin, he knew Justin knew it, so why couldn’t he just say it. But what Brian didn’t know was that across town, Justin was listening to the radio, the very same song, wishing Brian could hear it so he would come to his senses.
---
Brian couldn’t thank god enough for sparing his sunshine from that bomb, and Justin was grateful for those three little words that Brian had finally uttered. They both found it crazy when Brian proposed, but Brian was very much serious, much to Justin’s disbelief. When they stepped into the Manor, later named Britin, Justin was gob smacked and blown away. After Justin agreed, Brian went over to the little old radio and turned it on to, god forbid, he had never done it before, but, ‘set the mood’, not that it needed any more set. It only picked up one local station and out came ‘Slide’. It was Brian’s turn to serenade Justin, singing sweetly.
“…put your arms around me, what you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful, aw, hey, ya wanna get married, or run away…“. Brian stopped when Justin put a finger to his lips.
“Anything, as long as its with you baby” he said, kissing him softly. They made love for the first time that night, at least, the first time for BOTH of them.
---
It was almost a year after Justin had left for New York when Brian was listening to the radio on his way into work. Justin knew his schedule and called the radio station, requesting the song ‘January Friend’ be played at a specific time.
“This next song was requested from New York City, to Pittsburgh’s hottest man, your sunshine wants you to know how he feels, and hopes you feel the same, here’s to you Mr. Kinney…” and the song started.
Brian almost swerved into oncoming traffic, and had to pull over. He listened… his sunshine wanted him, wanted to be with him, didn’t want to be in New York anymore. He had wanted him to try in New York, he never said he HAD to stay if he didn’t want to. He was enough of a success, he could work from Pittsburgh. While Brian was trying to convince himself in his head, his hand already had Justin’s number dialed and the phone to his ear.
“Hey b…” Justin started, but Brian cut him off
“I want you too, come home sunshine” he said.
---
The two men thought about these things as they stepped onto the dance floor for their first dance as husbands, the gang standing in a circle around the floor, huge sunshine-like smiles plastered on their faces. They had actually asked for a performer as well as a DJ, and called in a personal favor to get a well known band. They looked great in the suits similar to the ones they chose for their first engagement. The white, red and gold all around the hall looked stunning and the food looked too good to eat. However, nothing was as breathtaking as the two men in the middle of the floor, swaying to the band that was expressing the men’s love in lyrical form, a love that would last forever.
And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breath is your life
And sooner or later its over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight
And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’ d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you cant fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you’re alive
And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
-
Years later, between the men’s gravestones, grew two Iris’s, intertwined and blooming every spring and lasting through summer and autumn, no matter how cold it was. The sunshine helped make them two of the most beautiful things in Pittsburgh.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Songs from the CD Dizzy Up The Girl by the Goo Goo Dolls, song names are in ‘…’
Final song and lyrics ‘Iris’ by the Goo Goo Dolls from the same CD
Below is a link to a playlist. the songs are in order according to the parts. "Iris" is even live to be more authentic =) Open it in another window or tab and listen while you read. Just copy and paste, or click the link if you can =) Make sure you change songs as you come to each seperation so they go along (but the songs names are in the paragraphs they go with so no worries)
http://www.imeem.com/people/vVm0wUs/playlist/6b4HKJBr/dizzzy_up_the_man_music_playlist/