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Magnus stood staring at the door that had just been slammed shut for a good thirty seconds before he regained his composure and went after his boyfriend, who had stormed out suddenly. To say Magnus was confused was an understatement. They had been fighting, sure, but he had never expected Alec to just up and leave in the middle of the argument. Things had been tough since they'd gotten back together, and it had put an entire new emphasis on the whole relationships take effort concept.
He had regretted the words the second they left his mouth, because he knew that they would sting. "You're just like your father is with your mother, making excuses for Jace because you don't want to start a confrontation."
Robert was always a sore subject with Alec, seeing as he had not shown any approval toward their relationship since the wedding that never happened. He was never there to show his disapproval, but it was obvious in the way he spoke over the phone and through messages. They usually avoided the subject unless they felt like ranting, but then Magnus had used it as a weapon, which is something that he usually didn't do. That was the thing about being in love: it drove him crazy sometimes.
"Alec, stop," Magnus said, finally catching up to him after sprinting down half the block. He grabbed his arm, but his grip slipped immediately as Alec pulled away. He didn't keep walking, though, which was something. Magnus was glad that they were glamoured and no one could see them, because they would probably look insane otherwise.
"Do not compare me to him," Alec said, his voice rough. He turned around, a glare on his face, and Magnus clenched his jaw, taking a deep breath to stop himself from saying anything else. "I am tired of all of the comparisons. I was compared to Jace my whole life. I was told I wasn't good enough, and this isn't any different. You don't get to say that I'm like my father. I'm right here, putting in just as much effort as you, while he was out there cheating on my mom and tearing what was left of this family apart. I am not like him." His voice broke with the last three words, and tears slid down his cheeks.
If there was one thing that Magnus prided himself with, it was being able to come up with quick responses. But in that moment, staring at Alec's broken expression, he couldn't think of a single thing that could possibly fix the crack that he had certainly opened wider inside of his boyfriend. He had no idea what Robert had done before that moment, but he knew that it had probably been eating at Alec's composure for a while now, just waiting for the right opportunity to burst out. He wanted to catch every single drop of Alec's happiness that fell out of him and save it so that he could return it as soon as possible, especially because he had been the cause of some of the pain that had forced the joy out of him in the first place.
He opened his mouth, hoping something useful would come out, but before he could say anything Alec had turned and ran once more, disappearing among the groups of people on the sidewalk, and Magnus let him. He had learned during their time apart that space was painful, but oftentimes it was necessary. He needed time to figure out what he wanted then, and he did. Alec needed time to calm down, to let go of their argument. They were still trying to mend, trying to come back together after all of the damage had been done to them both mentally and emotionally.
Magnus walked back to the loft slowly, letting what Alec said sink in completely. Robert had cheated on Maryse. That was something that he had never expected to happen. The Lightwood parents were not the most loving or affectionate people, but they did care a great deal about honor, and Robert's actions went against everything he hammered into the heads of his children. He had already damaged Alec beyond repair with the ideals he forced upon him, and then he contradicted himself anyway. It made Magnus want to lash out at Robert, to make him see just how much he had hurt his children.
When Magnus got back to his loft he threw himself into work, distracting himself for a few hours, until he couldn't take it anymore. He was tired of all of the fighting. He needed one night where he didn't feel like the world was ending, or like he needed to keep dragging himself forward inch by inch to stay sane. He needed to hold his boyfriend and just be.
So he decided to do something that he had never done before: show up at Alec's door. Alec had always been the one to come knocking at the loft, always running back to apologize when he messed up. Magnus had never been that person. He could admit when he was wrong, but he didn't go chasing after anyone. Then he had met Alec, and all of a sudden he was clinging to every opportunity to have him, inviting him over to talk and offering him drinks, crashing his wedding.
Alexander Lightwood was the first person Magnus would uproot his life for, the first person who he would follow anywhere without complaint. He wasn't going to let a love like that fall apart because of his stubbornness.
He swung his arms in a circular motion, a portal appearing in front of him, and he stepped through it without hesitation. He waltzed right into the Institute like he owned the place, a smirk on his face, and ignored the glares that the Shadowhunters gave him. He usually made it a goal to piss them off as much as possible, especially now that Alec was the Head of the Institute and could punish them if they acted out.
He dropped the smirk when he reached Alec's bedroom door, however, not wanting to seem like he was amused by anything that was happening between them. He knocked softly, and was met a few moments later by the sight of his disheveled boyfriend. His hair stuck up in all directions as though he had been pulling at it, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and he wore a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants. Magnus was unsure if he had ever seen Alec look so defeated.
Magnus expected him to be angry, to ask why he was there, to tell him to leave him alone, but all he did was grab his hand and pull him into the room. The second the door shut behind him, Magnus was pulled into a tight hug, and his heart thudded painfully as he felt Alec shake in his arms.
"I'm sorry," he said, running his fingers through Alec's hair, hoping it would give him some comfort. "I'm so sorry."
Alec nodded and pressed his face into Magnus' neck, trying to control his breathing, and once again Magnus felt anger rush through him. Everyone always expected Alec to have perfect composure, as if he didn't have his own problems or emotions. He was constantly trying to make up for what everyone else decided he lacked, when in reality he was much more impressive than any other Shadowhunter Magnus had ever met, any other man Magnus had met.
He did everything everyone asked, and it was never enough. He felt like he wasn't enough, and that simply would not do.
"Hey," Magnus said softly, and Alec raised his head after a few seconds, meeting his eyes. Tears were no longer falling down his cheeks, but the evidence was still there, and it made Magnus' stomach twist in pain.
"You are not your father. I know that, and I'm so sorry that I ever insinuated it. Your parents' definition of honor is crooked. You care so much, you are loyal, and you know the difference between what is easy and what is right. It's why I love you so much. You are the most honorable man I know. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." Alec's mouth had slowly slid open until he was gaping at Magnus, and he wondered what he had said to cause that reaction.
"You've never done that before," Alec said, his voice quiet. His eyes traveled back and forth between Magnus' and he had just a hint of a smile on his lips. He was beautiful, and Magnus couldn't imagine being deprived of such a sight now that he had laid eyes on something so stunning.
"I've never done what?" Magnus asked, tilting his head slightly.
Alec shook his head, his smile spreading. "I love you, too," he said, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Magnus'. They stood that way for a while, arms around waists and hearts beating erratically. After all that they had been through, they still managed to send each other's pulses racing.
They were truly meant for each other in every way that two people could be, and when they sunk into silk sheets later that night, it finally clicked in Magnus' head what he had done that had made Alec so happy. He had said "I love you," first. It had never been a conscious effort to keep from being the first to say it before, but there, with Alec's back pressed against his chest and their fingers intertwined, Magnus made it his goal to say those words as often as he could from then on.