Chapter Text
Ray remembered the moment he realized that he had fallen out of love with Abigail.
He was watching her make coffee. It was as if the morning had been taken out of a badly written novel, or a low budget romance movie. There was sun streaming through the window, her hair was lit up and she was gorgeous. Fondness welled up in his chest, and that struck him as wrong. Since when had the love that he used to feel for her turned into this pale imitation of emotion? As of late a lot of things felt unreal, like he was experiencing someone else’s life and watching through his own eyes but up until now he thought that his love for Abigail had been solid.
“Ray,” she said, putting a cup of coffee in front of him. Her face was impossible to read. He lifted the mug, felt the weight and heat of it. He skimmed the pad of his thumb over the surface of the coffee. It was fresh and boiling hot. It burned, but he kept a straight face. He was used to how burns felt at this point. He burned himself every now and then to make sure he was still in reality. The sensation from this new burn brought him to the present, which forced him to focus completely on Abigail.
“What’s wrong, Ray?” Abigail sat across the table from him. “Ever since the Tomb you haven’t been yourself.”
“Mmm,” Ray sipped the coffee. Perfect. Abigail always made a perfect cup.
Abigail’s eyes were the only crack in her mask. They were dark and large and Ray reached out for her hand. She let him take it but didn’t react to his touch. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”
“Talk to me.”
Emil had told him the same thing in the Tomb, kept him grounded, kept him present. Emil’s words were as much as an anchor as the burns from the coffee were. Ray needed Emil, someone to talk and relate to. How could he describe the things that had happened to him in the Tomb to Abigail, or how those things made him feel? More accurately, how those things had stolen the ability to feel from him. He had nightmares most nights, sometimes even when he tried to nap during the day. The lack of sleep was taking a toll on him. His dreams always involved being trapped in a coffin. In the dreams he could hear a priest giving a sermon and people crying. They hadn’t buried him yet. He would scream but no one took notice. He would claw at the coffin lid but it was sealed shut. He would pound on it until his skin split and blood was pouring sticky warm down his hands and his fingernails would tear out caught on the lid’s wood. When he was awake, he was exhausted and anxious. He was suffering and it was making Abigail suffer, too.
“Is there someone else?” Abigail asked in a tone that was usually reserved for things like the weather or asking how one’s day was. Ray almost missed the question because of it.
Someone else. Was there? He had never cheated on Abigail. He could never. He was very dedicated to her. But was there? He looked down at the steaming coffee in front of him. Emil. Emil was the ‘someone else’. He felt like he was going to vomit up his entire stomach. He had fallen for Emil while in the Tomb. Was it real love or just a desperate scramble for someone who could understand him? Ray was not sure at first. They had never been physical together. It was more of an intense emotional connection, but somehow it had bloomed into a twisted sort of dependence, a touch away from love; and then continued to grow until Ray knew he was irreversibly infatuated with the other man.
He knew he had to say something. Abigail was staring at him. She had taken her hand back from his. How long had passed since she had asked the question? Ray felt sweat bead on his forehead. “Emil.” He finally said. “I think I fell for him.”
“The guy you escaped with?” she said in the same conversational voice. Her eyes were now completely masked. Ray couldn’t read what she was feeling.
“I’m sorry.” He said. He sipped his coffee. Perfect. Abigail always made a perfect cup.
She gave him a week to move out.
Victor had given Ray his cell number. He had a few phones; some for his top secret business affairs, others for more domestic uses such as speaking with his daughter about ordinary things or keeping in touch with friends who knew nothing about his work. Victor had given Ray the number for his regular cell phone. It was traceable but he never conducted sketchy business on it. It was registered with an average cell service provider. It could also be used to give him an alibi. Texting or calling on it would make a time stamp show up on his cell record. It was easy for investigators from either side of the law to check out and would probably influence them to rule him out as the man they were pursuing. This was a handy little trick that he used even when out of the country. He would just leave the phone with his daughter and she would continue his cellular activity as normal.
When his regular cell phone rang, Victor expected it to be his daughter but the caller ID was flashing the name “Ray”. Victor looked at the ringing phone in his hand curiously for a second before answering it.
“Ray? What’s up?”
“Emil, where are you?” Ray asked. His voice cracked a little. “Wherever you are, I’ll fly to meet you. I need a place to stay for awhile.”
Victor glanced out his apartment window. He was renting a beautiful penthouse suite under a fake name. Funnily enough, he was in the same city as Ray. It hadn’t been a conscious decision to stick around after escaping the Tomb, it was just convenient. “Where are you?” Victor countered.
Ray gave him the address for his house. He had the majority of his things packed. Abigail was not home. It had been two days since their conversation over breakfast and she had been spending as much time as possible out of the house. Ray was sitting in the front foyer of the house, bags beside him and head cradled in one hand.
“I’ll be there soon,” Victor hung up. What was wrong?
Ray was surprised that Emil was in the same city. He had figured that after their escape he would return to Europe. ‘Emil’s been so close this whole time and I never knew.’ Ray’s heart was pounding. Emil— no, Victor, that was his real name, was coming to pick him up. It was hard for Ray to switch the names in his head. He had known him as ‘Emil’ first and had fallen for Emil, not for Victor. It was true that they were the same person, the name didn’t really matter, but Emil was what always stuck in Ray’s mind.
Fifteen minutes later Victor’s big SUV pulled up into Ray’s driveway. The house was a large mansion in the rich part of town; Ray made a lot of money and could afford it. Victor switched the engine off and got out. He walked up to the front step, tiny stones crunching under his shoes, and knocked on the door.
Ray opened it. They stared at each other in silence. Victor had a large grin on his face, Ray had no expression. EmilVictor suddenly grabbed him in a hug and pushed them both into the foyer, swinging the door shut with a kick. Ray gasped as he was crushed by the other man. Victor’s eyes held laughter and concern in them. “What happened?” Victor asked when he released Ray from the hug.
“Abigail and I broke up,” Ray said, waving his hand at the bags sitting off to the left. “She gave me a week to move out. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go until I pull myself together. I didn’t know you were here already.”
Victor shrugged. “I needed a base of operation, somewhere to re-establish myself. This was just the most convenient until it’s safe to go back to Europe.”
Ray nodded. Victor scratched his beard and gave Ray a quizzical look. “Why the break up? Can I ask?”
“Uh,” the dark haired man dropped his gaze for a brief second, and then looked back to EmilVictor. “She just didn’t get what happened to me in the Tomb. It’s hard to get back to normal. I wasn’t giving her what she needed and deserved.” He couldn’t tell EmilVictor what he really felt. He was far too embarrassed. Despite his strong feelings towards the other man, he had no idea if they would be returned.
Victor had a keen eye and sharp intuition. He noticed the faint flush that crept across Ray’s face, he had felt the anxiety and craving in the hug they shared, he had felt a spark fly between them when they touched. He even caught sight of small burn scars that dotted the inside of Ray’s forearm. Victor wanted Ray. He had wanted him ever since the Tomb. And now he wanted more than anything to save him. There had been something special between them, something that sprouted while imprisoned together. Victor was not ashamed of his desire for men because he felt it equally for women. Whether Ray felt the same way, or was simply wanting companionship, it didn’t really matter. Victor knew that he would do everything he could to put him back together and help him heal. There were deep wounds left on both of them from the Tomb. Survivors were crutches for other survivors and Victor was the stronger of the two.
The air was heavy. Ray was reluctant to get his bags and toss them in EmilVictor’s vehicle. Part of him hoped that Abigail would want to work it out but a blunt voice in his head told him it would never happen. Abigail knew him too well. Once Ray felt one way, it was virtually impossible to influence it. That’s why it was so hurtful to her for him to have fallen for someone else. She knew that there was something about Emil that was very unique for Ray’s feelings to have changed so dramatically.
Warm hands stroked his face. Ray blinked and saw that Victor had stepped close to him. Their faces were almost touching and then they were. Victor’s lips were against his and the tip of his tongue was gently opening his mouth. Ray started to shrink back but Victor held him there. One hand moved to grip the back of his neck and the other was wrapped around his waist. Ray’s mind was reeling with an explosion of thoughts. Emil no Victor no Emil no EmilVictor is kissing me his body is solid he’s real this is real I’m feeling again warmth there’s warmth there’s love is this love is this desperation is this anxiety is he my fix is he the solution to this problem how can I escape do I want to escape I don’t want to escape I want to be a part of this I want to be a part of him his hands are warm when did I become this I’m pathetic I want to be strong again I want to be me I want to be his what happened to me yes this is perfect Abigail was perfect but this is perfect now—
As if Victor could sense Ray’s mixed emotions, he stopped the kiss. He leaned his forehead against Ray’s. “Get your bags. We’ll go to my place.”