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I had brought it up several times, the fact I wanted to hunt on my own. Go different places, see different things. Maybe take a break here and there and just be my own person for a while, not worrying about whether or not the world was ending or saving someone's life. They both just laughed and told me I wasn't going anywhere until the day after we had killed a nest of vamps in Tennessee, they walked into my room as I was packing and Sam scrunched his eyebrows as he looked down at Dean. Who was shaking his head.
"Where are you going?" Dean asked and I sighed, zipping the bag as I shoved my feet into my boots.
"You were serious about leaving?" Sam asked and it almost seemed sad, honestly I had had the biggest crush on him for years but it didn't seem he wanted me in that way too, and maybe that was the reason I was leaving really. I didn't honestly know but I just wanted to be alone, if he didn't love me the way I loved him then I couldn't stand to be around him all the time. I had made it perfectly clear, so clear even Dean knew. I had made him swear not to say a word though, made him promise on his mom's grave.
"Yeah, it's time." I said and he left the room, Dean rolled his eyes and hugged me tightly.
"I'm gonna miss you kid! You know you're always welcome if you want. Love ya kid!" He said and hugged me again, I sighed and hugged him back.
"Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"Can't breath." He unwrapped his arms from around me and I laughed softly as I fixed my shirt. I walked out of the room and Sam was standing there at the door, his head turned the other way so I couldn't see his face.
"You're really leaving?" He asked and I sighed, touching his shoulder as I stepped closer to him. He hugged me for a long time before I pulled away and he turned so his back was to me, something in his voice was different. Something I hadn't heard except when he talked about Jessica's death.
"I'll miss you Sammy." I whispered softly and went to step away, he cleared his throat and sighed loudly.
"Please, don't go."
"Sam I told you, I---"
"Yeah I know, you have to get away. But I'm begging, don't go. We need you--I need you." He said and looked up at the sky, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"Look at me," He didn't turn so I grabbed his arm and tugged at him, "Sam, look at me." He took a deep breath and slowly turned, his cheeks were wet with tears as he looked away and toward the streetlight that was casting light onto us.
"Sammy, listen to me. You will be fine, I swear to you you guys will be fine without me for a while. It's not forever Sam, I promise I'll see you guys again someday. For some reason." He opened his mouth and then closed it again, he couldn't speak so I reached up and whiped the tears from his cheeks.
"Goodbye Sammy." He looked down at me as another tear met my thumb, I stood onto my tip toes and kissed his cheek before grabbing my bag from the floor and tossing it into the backseat of my car. I got in and cranked it up before waving to them, Dean smacked him on the back of the head and told him something before I drive away. Dean and Sam waving in my back glass, fading into nothing as I drive and drove. Three years later and all fifty states had become my backyard, I heard from Dean and Bobby every now and again but never Sam. He never called or even shot me an e-mail, not once in three years. I was back hunting again, going wherever I was needed until I got the phone call that ruined my life. Bobby was dead and Dean thought it would be better for me to be there when they burried him. I drove and drove but they were halfway across the country and I didn't make it until the day after they gave him his hunter's burial. I pulled up outside the motel they were staying at and knocked on the door, Sam pulled it open a moment later and I smiled as he saw me.
"Heyya Sammy." I said and he smiled back but something was off about him, he didn't hug me or even touch me and the smile he sent me was half-assed. I stepped into the room and dean hugged me just as tightly as he had when I left so long ago.
"Hey kiddo!" He said and ruffled my hair, same old Dean.
"I'm gonna go get some food, be back in a bit." Sam said and left the room, not a word to me.
"What's up with him?" Dean only shrugged his response.
"Taking Bobby's death pretty hard." He said and I nodded, understandably so too we all were. I spent a good three months with them before I decided it was time to go again.
"You're gonna leave again? You just got here!" Sam said as I told him away from his brother, he had been distant the whole while toward me and it pissed me off honestly.
"What do you care Sam? You've barely said three words to me since I got here! I thought maybe it was just Bobby's death but," I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "but that was months ago and you're still being a dick." He sighed, that must have hit home because he backed away from me slightly.
"Go, I don't care. You're going to leave whether I beg you not to or not so just go, but this time. Don't bother coming back, you'll just leave me again." He said and I scrunched my eyebrows but threw my hands up and shook my head.
"Whatever Sam, just--whatever!" I said and was walking away when Dean stepped in front of me.
"Sam, come here." He said and I sighed loudly, he walked over to stand next to me and I looked up at him as Dean spoke.
"Tell her," Sam looked up at him angrily before looking away again, "tell her or I will. So help me God, I will break my promise and I will tell her." He threatened and Sam nodded.
"Fine I'll do it just go, go away." He said and Dean squeezed my shoulder and left, closing the door to my room behind him.
"What is he talking about?" I asked, still kind of pissed but happy he was talking to me. Like actually talking in actual sentences with more than three words.
"There's something I gotta tell you, it's why I haven't been talking to you much. I've been trying to distance myself because I knew you'd leave again." He paused and I opened my mouth to say something before he held his hand up to stop me, "please let me finish first." I nodded and he took a deep breath before looking away from me again, his long hair falling around his face.
"Go on Sammy, just spit it out." I said and he looked down as I leaned against the hood of my Mustang.
"I'm, it's just that--I don't want it to ruin anything between us."
"Sam, spit it out."
"Fine, I love you." I was silent for a moment or two, he was lying to me. Dean had told him and he was playing a cruel joke on me so I'd leave again.
"Very funny Sam, how funny is that of you? How could you do this to me? After all that we've been through?! You would do this to me?! How could you be so heartless, how could you--"
"Woah, I'm lost. I just told you I loved you and you're gonna call me heartless?! Who's the heartless one, a simple I'm sorry but I don't love you Sammy would have been a lot nicer."
"You're lying! You don't love me! You--" He captured my lips with his and I stood there like a kid, like I didn't know what I was doing.
"How's that for not loving you?" He asked and I scrunched my eyebrows at him, I was confused. He loved me?
"Wh--I don't under--you-- I don't quite--how could you--why didn't you tell me?!" I stumbled over my words as I thought, my mouth finally catching up to my brain.
"Because you don't love me back, why would you? I mean look at me! I'm the picture boy for messed up lives for Christ's sake!" He said and I slapped him across the face, he went silent and looked down at me.
"What the actual hell?!" He asked and I rolled my eyes.
"Don't ever put yourself down like that again, I won't have it!" I said and he sighed, looking at his feet as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He went to speak again before I grabbed his shirt and snatched him down to my level, kissing him like I would never see him again. He was hesitant but he stepped closer and placed a hand on my cheek, cupping my face as I kissed him with all of me. He pulled away from me an inch or so, looking down into my eyes with knitted eyebrows.
"Does this mean you love me too?" He whispered and I rolled my eyes, nodding.
"I love you, ya dork!" I whispered back and he smirked widely, kissing me again until I was out of breath and then kissing me more. I heard the room door open and Dean chuckled happily, we pulled away and realized we'd gotten quite the gathering with all the shouting. They all smiled at us before going back to their rooms, he smiled back down at me before kissing me one last time. Then he was pulling away as his face went all serious again.
"Stay, stay with me." He whispered and I nodded, smiling as I let my lips move across his again.
"You're never gonna be able to get rid of me again, Winchester. Don't you worry about that." He laughed softly and held me to his chest, this--this right here. This is what I was searching for, I didn't need to travel the world because I had already found the most wonderful sight in the world. Sam's loving smile as he looked down into my eyes. Complete perfection.
--THE END--