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Jon was propped on an elbow as he observed the steady rise and fall of his wife’s naked chest; Sansa, once his sister who had turned up being his cousin. He still remembered vividly the morning he received the piece of parchment where she had wrote everything she learned from Meera Reed, she told him that when asked about it Bran had only nodded with his head without uttering a single word.
It had been Sam who discovered the evidence after a long search in Old Town where he remembered to have read something that might have been about it. Jon would never forget the outraged expression on Daenerys face when she learned that by all intends and proposes he was the true heir to the Iron throne and not only her King consort. His wife had gone mad and since that day her health started to wither away until she passed away a year and a half afterwards of some mysterious disease. Jon was ashamed to admit that before that, he had been thinking of ways of killing her himself; he was not a good man anymore, he had killed his cousin’s husband just because he wanted her to himself and had wanted to do the same to his wife for the same selfish reasons.
When did he become such a monster?
Was his soul completely black now?
He sighed as Sansa’s eyes fluttered as if she wanted to wake up, a small smile tugged at his lips as he took a lock of her red hair between his fingers; the one sin he had blamed himself all along hadn’t been a sin at all for the girl on his bed was never his sister. Though in the great scheme of things it wouldn’t matter for he had committed greater ones.
He wedded Sansa nearly six moons after his wife passed away; a lot of people opposed to the union but Jon had the strength of the dragons who had always answered to him and now he understood why. Perhaps it was the Targaryen blood in him that had made him go mad, perhaps when he died also did his wolf and only the dragon came back.
Sansa had shouted at him, hit him and cursed him a million times over when he told her she was to go south with him again. “I will die before I live in that wretched castle again” She had cried but he had soothed her worries with kisses and soft words and in the end managed to convince her, like he always did.
What hurt the most was to say goodbye to her family; months after her husband died Sansa had to watch her oldest son go to the Vale to be fostered in the Eyre and after they were wedded she had to leave her little Ned behind, their purple eyed son was now to be Lord of Winterfell and had stayed under the care of Arya. Only her beautiful Cat went with them and Sansa had clutched to her for dear life, the first months were hard on them both and he found himself wondering often if he had made the right choice but then things started to change and when Naerys and Aegon arrived the joy came back to the castle; their little twins with dark hair and purple eyes made Sansa reborn and he was grateful to see her smiling once more.
“The way you stare at me frightens me sometimes” The soft murmur of her voice made him come back from his reverie. His lips widened in a smile as he stared into her blue eyes which still shone with traces of sleep.
“Why would I frightening you?” He asked teasingly
“You are too intense and intimidating” She answered as she yawned “I used to think that too when we were children”
A chuckled left his mouth as he thought back on a time that seemed to belong in another life “Is that so? If I remember correctly my lady, you were the intimidating one”
Sansa smiled at him and he leaned down to kiss her lips softly. He knew he had brought so much pain into her life but in moments like this he couldn’t find a single drop of regret for when she smiled at him he felt like he could touch the sky “I was so nasty to you, wasn’t I?”
“Maybe” He answered playfully “But you can spend the rest of your life making it up to me” He took her in his arms then, rolling to his back so she was now resting on top of his chest; her legs intertwined with his as her naked skin caressed his.
“Do you think we’ll pay a price too high for this Jon?” Sansa asked, her tone had lost the playfulness and was now somber and afraid. He hated to hear those emotions on her voice; Sansa was made for sunshine and songs not for the gloomy things that had consumed their lives during so long.
“For what my love?” He asked before kissing her forehead softly
“For this happiness” She answered as she snuggled into his body, her breath caressing the skin of his neck “For the things we did to reach it”
Jon sighed and a little of self-hatred slipped into his soul because it was his fault that she had those fears, he was the one who had wrapped her in his darkness “We’ve already payed for it Sansa” He said “We’ve paid a hard price for it”
With blood and tears; how much they had suffered since that wretched moment when Robert Baratheon arrived in Winterfell, how many things they had lost, how many moments were stolen from them. The gods could curse them all they wanted, old and new ones, he had learned a long time ago that the only way to have something was to take it and it was what he did with Sansa; he was not going to let another chance at happiness slip from his fingers.
He felt her nodding uncertainly against him and tightened his arms around her “Do not think dark thoughts my love” He whispered “Better to think about tomorrow” At his words he felt her relaxing into his arms.
“I can hardly wait to depart” The excitement and happiness in her voice made his heart feel at ease. They were to leave for Winterfell next day to arrive in time for Ned’s eight nameday, it had been two long years since they had seen their little one and Sansa could barely contain her joy. “Little Cat is eager to see the north again and I’m sure the babes will love it as well”
“Of course they will”
Jon closed his eyes as he imagined Winterfell filled with the laughter of his children, Stark laughs again. A deep sense of longing filled his chest as he thought about the snow and the north and all the wonderful memories he had in there.
“I love you Jon” He heard Sansa whisper and opened his eyes to find her staring at him.
“Who is the one with the creepy stare now?” He joked and laughed as she shoved his shoulder playfully “I love you too sweetling” She pecked his lips before resuming her position on top of his chest.
“Can we go back to sleep now?”
“Aye, we can do whatever you like”
Sansa sighed and in mere minutes she had drifted off, Jon remained awake for a few more minutes; caressing her back and wishing for tomorrow to come. Their life was not perfect and too many ghost haunted him but right now at this moment he knew what true happiness was.