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Sighing contently, Leah looked at her notes from the research she had done. She was nothing, if not thorough with her research, it was one of her most noted selling points. Now, in Dubai for location scouting and to get her bearings, she had spent the past three days doing what she had needed to continue her next book, the most awaited of her series to date. It was delayed, of course, by alterations in her life, she had planned to start it last year, but last year came with a severe curve ball, her marriage fell apart, and she lost her best friend. They had drifted, or so they cited in their joint statement. He was busy with film after film while she wanted to be at the book launches and her love of fact checking meant she went around the world for it, so that they were seldom together. In one year they spent a bare six weeks in total together, and when they came together after three months apart, they had realised they had changed, not personality wise, there they were as independent yet comfortable as ever, but their routines had altered, they were not able to align themselves as they had the four years of marriage before. When they realised this, as well as realised that they were not going to get any better any time soon, they were forced to admit it was not going to work. It hurt, but she accepted it and moved on, it was not like she could do anything to change it. Swirling the wine in her glass, she felt someone’s gaze on her and looked up, nearly dropping the glass when she saw who was standing across the room from her.
Tom had come to Dubai because he needed to flee London, everything felt so claustrophobic, as though it was crushing in on top of him. He had finally started house hunting again, the house having been sold in preparation for the divorce, the papers for which were waiting in Luke’s office to be signed. When he stated they had been dropped off, Tom felt as though someone had crushed his chest in. Divorced, at thirty-six, he had always thought he would be thinking of having children with his wife by now, if not having one already.
That had been the plan when he and Leah had gotten married, she was two years his junior, they got married just after her thirtieth birthday, they had planned to start a family after two years, but his schedule got busier and her books exploded onto the world stage, earning TV and movie rights, the publisher offering her incredible money to do another two. Their marriage got left behind. The day she sat in their shared home and looked at him sadly, the words they had swapped during an argument over the fact he had not done his washing before she returned from a book launch in South Africa, she was jet-lagged, he was tired from learning lines, nothing said was vicious, it was more of a passing comment “You’re just in the door and this is starting, I was fine before you came back”, the words came out while his brain was still thinking of other things, but it was the beginning of the end. She clearly did not want to fight for it. He hoped they would talk through their issues, but they never did, she simply slept in the spare room for a few hours before grabbing some things and leaving again. The next time she came back, she said she was only collecting things before heading away for a while, then after that, that perhaps it would be best to sell the house, she didn’t want it.
She had grabbed most of her things, her gaze falling on the smaller room to the side of theirs, it was going to be the nursery, that had been the plan, it turned into a storeroom instead, for suitcases and other such things associated with their jet-setting life of two professionals, no sign of a baby. They had not been intimate for months before. She had made a comment about the time she had wasted. That stung.
His impromptu trip to Dubai had been by fluke, he went to the airport, a bag in hand and asked for the next flight anywhere. When the girl had said they had Manchester, Rome or Dubai, he declined the first because it was too close, he was about to say yes to Rome, but something, something he had no idea what it was, told him to take Dubai, he did not know why, when he arrived, he felt as though the hotels suggested, though extravagant, were not what he wanted, instead he chose a smaller, yet still fancy hotel on the outskirts of the city. When he came down for his dinner and entered the lounge, he was shocked to see who was there, sitting there with a keycard on the table in front of her, Leah, his….no longer his Leah. He walked forward, smiling to himself at how peculiar a circumstance it was.
Leah looked at her ex-husband coldly, she did not want him to come over, she prayed he would take a hint and not annoy her, but the cool manner he sauntered forward, one hand in his jeans pocket, the small smirk on his face told her he was coming over and he was going to sit opposite her, ruining her wonderful break. ‘Thomas.’ she stated formally.
‘Hello, Leah.’
‘Fancy meeting you here.’
‘What are the odds?’
‘What indeed?’
‘What brings you to Dubai?’ He asked, toying with the sleeve of his shirt, causing her to curse him. Leah had always been mesmerised by his ability to make even such a simple act seem so tantalizing.
‘Research, for the final book, you?’
‘I needed to get away,’ he stated with a chuckle. ‘How is it going, the book I mean?’
‘Well, I am going back via Egypt to complete my research and then I will begin.’
Tom laughed, ‘Do you remember when we planned to go to Egypt, how many times did we cancel and rearrange?’
‘Eleven times.’ Leah recalled, she had been so excited to try and get to Egypt, she had wanted it since she was a child, she planned it time and again, but each time, something came up, ten of the eleven alterations were due to something in Tom’s schedule, she had felt bitter about that.
‘Yes.’ Tom sensed his ex-wife’s lack of joy at that memory. He noted the wine in her hand and frowned. ‘A Sauvignon Blanc?’
‘Yes.’
‘You always said you found the taste too strong.’
‘I did, I guess I got used to it in the end.’
‘When did that happen?’
‘The night of our third wedding anniversary.’
‘Did we drink it that night?’
‘I did.’ She swallowed sadly, ‘I don’t know what you did when you went to the after-work party, the one I asked you to skip because I had something planned for us.’ Tom tried and failed to swallow a lump in his throat. ‘I drank the whole bottle, waiting for you to come home, well, I waited until half ten, then I rang you, I could hear your workmates in the background, laughing, joking…’
‘Lee, I’ so sorry.’
‘It doesn’t matter now, does it?’ She smiled bitterly.
‘It does, I am sorry Leah, I treated you terribly.’ His eyes showed his remorse, the sadness in them conveying his feelings. ‘Why…?’
‘Why what?’
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
‘By then I stopped trying. I swore that was the last time I would try, I would leave it to you after that.’
‘After that, you were to South Africa, even though you had said before you wouldn’t, it was too long away apparently.’ He recalled the time.
‘I got offered more money then, and for you to come, but you didn’t come home until all hours, the next day you told me you were going to work with Branagh on Hamlet and would be too busy for the wedding we were supposed to go to, so I thought, be home and lonely, or go see somewhere new, go be someone somewhere else.’ she explained. ‘Then I come home, after what can only be described as a traumatic trip and see the laundry I need to do, I made one simple comment about the washing machine and you stated you preferred it when I was gone, that, I found out, was my limit.’
‘What happened in South Africa?’
‘I was held up, at gunpoint on the way to the airport.’ His eyes widened, having never heard that before. ‘He fired a shot right past my ear to show me he was not joking, my bracelet, my earrings, my wedding ring, all taken. I was so worried what you would say when I got back since it was your grandmothers…’
‘That is why you never gave it back. Oh, Leah…’ he sat across from her, as she had predicted, taking her hand. ‘I am so sorry, I never knew.’
‘You weren’t to know.’ she stated factually, pulling her hand back. ‘So, where is your little….did she not come with you?’
Tom swallowed in discomfort. ‘It was never like that. I was at one of those parties, what used you call them, “meet and greets” with directors and the like, she just kept coming over, we got photographed together, but I never did anything with her, and then she turned up a few places I was, I never wanted her there, Luke had to have her given a sharp word to by her PR.’
‘No better man.’ She commented.
‘I never…’
‘It is none of my business Tom.’ She cut across him. ‘How is the family?’
‘Good, Mum was in London recently, they are all asking if I have been talking to you. Needless to say, your favourite niece misses you.’
Leah bit her lips together at that. She missed Tom’s family almost as much as she missed the happier days of their marriage. His niece always had so much time for her, it hit her harder than she thought it would when he said that. ‘I miss her too.’
‘Leah…’ He was shocked to see tears in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Still haven’t stopped apologising for everything I see.’ She smiled back.
‘No, not when it is my fault.’
‘It wasn’t your fault Tom, you were married to your job, I was foolish to try and expect you to juggle that and me. I knew I was never going to be your first love, I should never have put that pressure on you.’
‘I…’ Tom realised then that she did not blame him completely, he had thought she had, but clearly, she shouldered a lot of the blame herself. ‘I was the one to ignore you, I...I never even realised, not until you left. The way I spoke to you when you just arrived home, not being there when you asked me to be…how you lasted that long is noteworthy.’
‘We were just not made to be.’ she shrugged, downing the last of the wine in her glass.
‘Do you really think that?’ Tom felt hurt by that, ever since the day they first saw each other, he knew she was perfect. He reached over and picked up the bottle and poured her some more wine.
‘Are we celebrating our fourth anniversary?’ she challenged.
‘We’re not divorced yet.’ he reminded her.
‘I have my paperwork waiting for me when I return home.’
Tom’s smile fell, it hurt to hear her so willing to sign it. ‘So do I.’ He admitted slowly. ‘You never asked for anything.’
‘I don’t need anything, Tom. It was not a marriage for money. I got the ring back, by the way, last month, the cops in Johannesburg found it in a pawn shop. I will have it sent over with the paperwork.’
‘They got it back for you?’
She laughed. ‘No, they informed me where it was, I had to buy it back myself.’
‘How much?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘How much, Lee?’
She rose from the table. ‘It doesn’t matter. Goodbye Thomas, have a pleasant holiday.’
‘What about your wine?’
‘Finish it, I had enough for tonight. You saved me from an incredible hangover, thank you.’
Tom watched her leave for a moment, drinking some of the wine in the glass after she left, noting it was his one that he adored, one she had bought him on many occasions when they were celebrating something. He polished off the glass and put it down, noting she had left her room key in her rush to leave. Picking it up, he read the room number and chuckled, it was the same floor as his, not too far away from his room actually. He wondered to himself what were the odds. Getting to his feet, he went after her, knowing that even with the head start, she would take a while to get there. Turning the key over in his hand, he frowned, written on the back was her name, but not Leah Williams, as he assumed it would be, but Leah Hiddleston.
When he went to get out of the elevator, he felt something collide with his chest, looking down at the brown hair he chuckled. ‘You forgot your…’
‘Yes, thank you.’ Leah stood back. She held out her hand for the card.
Tom gave her a smile and handed it over. ‘Why are you Hiddleston?’
‘Because I married you.’ She replied.
‘But still…?’
‘We’re not divorced yet.’ she quoted as she turned and began to leave. ‘Thank you. Tom.’
‘Lee, wait.’ he rushed after her.
‘What Tom, what could you possibly want.?’ her exasperation blatant. ‘I came here to relax and get information for the book, I didn’t come here for this.’
‘What is “this”?’ Tom asked.
‘I have no idea, but I don’t want it.’ she stated. ‘I am getting on with my life, I am very busy, I don’t need the setback of dealing with all this again.’
‘All what?’
‘Us, this.’ she stated. ‘I know I am not ready to be around you yet Tom, so please, leave me be.’
‘Lee…I’m…’
‘Jesus, if you say sorry one more time Tom.’ She growled. ‘Sorry means nothing. Sorry doesn’t repair what we were and it doesn’t take it all back.’
‘I want you to know I am sorry though.’ He stated. ‘I am sorry I was a terrible husband, that I left you down, that I made you feel like I didn’t respect and love you.’
‘It doesn’t matter, it’s over now. At least we never got round to having those kids we planned.’ she gave a bitter smile at that. ‘It made it easier.’
‘Did you…?’
‘Of course I wanted them, Tom, I wanted them more than I had sense to want them. But it’s not like it is going to happen now, is it?’ her eyes were filled with tears again. ‘I am in my mid-thirties, going through a divorce, working to a deadline to finish a book that is to follow two Booker Prize-nominated prequels, when and where am I supposed to find time to get back on that horse?’ she stated, shaking her head slightly. ‘I left it all too long.’
Tom looked at her, heartbroken. He knew that as much as she wanted to succeed at writing, so too did Leah want to be a mother. She never hid that from him, she would get her career and then have her family, at least two, but she wanted to have one before she hit thirty-five, she wanted to be a “middle-aged” mother, she had jokingly called it, to have had her time as a younger free woman before settling down to children, yet not being an older mother, she wanted to hit a comfort zone in the middle, that, she felt, worked for her personally. The collapse of their marriage had taken that particular dream from her. ‘You’ve still time.’ he offered pathetically. ‘You could do it alone if you really wanted, I know it is not what you really wanted, but it is still doable.’
The look she gave him said everything. It had never been what she wanted, she wanted her children to have both parents, that was just her personal choice. ‘I can’t, not now.’ She forfeited. ‘I rolled the dice and it didn’t go as I had hoped.’ she shrugged. She turned and headed back to her bedroom again with the keycard in hand.
Tom felt guilty, she had made it clear what she wanted from the start, and never pretending otherwise. So much so, there was a particular night when it came to a head, and she stated clearly that if he wanted something different, to say it then, before it went on any longer, when he said he too wanted something similar, she had stayed and it blew up in her face. If he had not been so selfish, perhaps they would have already begun that family, would they be in Dubai with their child or children to get information for the book. He swallowed, feeling hurt at the idea of what could have been. ‘Leah.’ he looked up and realised she was halfway down the hallway and rushed after her.
‘Tom, just leave me alone, please.’ she pleaded when he caught up to her again. Realising that they were at his room, he pulled out his keycard and opened the door, gently trying to coerce her in with him. Unsure why she was allowing herself to be brought into the room, Leah followed him in and stood there, noticing he still wore the same cologne, one she had gotten him by accident, not picking up his favourite, which, it turned out, was an even nicer one. ‘I just want to go back to my room. This...this is too hard.’
‘Answer three questions for me, please. Do you hate me?’
‘No.’
‘Do you still love me?’
She did not reply for a moment. ‘Tom…’
‘Do. You. Still. Love. Me?’ He repeated, staring into her eyes to find the answer.
‘It was never about not loving you.’
‘I ran away from us,’ he admitted.
‘So did I. I could have made a lot more of an effort.’
He leant forward and gently pressed his lips to hers. As soon as he felt she was not pulling away, he pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes. ‘I…’
‘Let me guess, you’re sorry?’
‘No,’ she frowned. ‘No, I will never be sorry for kissing you, I will only ever be sorry for the times I didn’t kiss you when I should have.’ he brushed his nose along her face, a tantalizing habit of his that she adored. The habit she felt angered by when he used it in films, feeling it was between them, but knew that it gave a more intimate feeling to some of the character’s situations, so she never mentioned. Their kissing intensified and before long, they were only half dressed and breathing heavy from it. ‘Lee, he unbuttoned her pants and slipped his hand inside. ‘Can we…?’
‘Condom.’ she stated.
‘I haven’t...not since we…’
‘I’m not on anything.’ she stated clearly. Tom pulled back. ‘I haven’t been on anything for over a year. The night of our anniversary, I had stopped my injection a few weeks before. After we separated, I didn’t see the point in going back on it.’
‘Why did you come off it?’
‘I stupidly thought we could work on the children thing, I thought it would bring us back together, thank God that didn’t happen.’
‘Were you going to tell me that night?’
‘Obviously.’ She scoffed. ‘I…this is stupid.’ She began to tie the button of her pants again. ‘I’m sorry, Tom.’
‘Lee, no…’ he pulled her back to him. ‘You still wanted a family with me?’
‘Yes, I told you, Tom, not loving you was never an issue.’ she bit her lip as she looked back at him again.
‘I was an idiot.’ he leant down and kissed her again, with even more passion than before. ‘I should have come home from the set and pounded you senseless.’ he declared between kisses.
She did not argue, instead, she found herself unbuttoning his shirt. When he went to take it off, she pressed a hand to his chest and shook her head. ‘Leave it.’
‘Yes Ma’am.’ He grinned before he kissed her again.
*
During the night, Tom watched his ex-wife sleeping against him, as she used always sleep before, as though she never left his side. He thought about what had transpired that evening, how, by sheer coincidence, they were in the same hotel, in the same city that neither had ever mentioned wanting to spend time in, in the same country, in fact, he knew from her previous two books that Leah had not mentioned Dubai much at all, simply in passing in them, so for her to be there was a shock to him.
‘You are thinking loudly.’ She commented from her favourite nook on his chest. Her shoulder tucked under his arm.
‘Where does this leave us?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Was this the final time that you wanted to get out of your system or are we…do we…?’
‘I don’t know.’ she decided to be honest.
‘Do they have the Morning After Pill here?’
‘I don’t know, I guess I should have checked that before.’
‘If they don’t?’
‘My next stop is Egypt, I’m not sure they have it either.’
‘So you could…?’
‘If I am?’ she looked at him fearfully.
‘I am not going to repeat my mistakes, Lee,’ he promised. ‘I am here for you, I’m just sorry I lost you to realise it.’ he kissed her again, pulling her up so she was on top of him, his hands sliding down her body. ‘I still love you.’ he stated firmly, ‘I never stopped.’ she leant down and kissed him, the same as she had the day of their wedding, chaste, but hoping that it conveyed her emotions.
‘