Chapter Text
Longing.
Warmth ran up his fingers as his eyes slowly became clear again. The harsh eyes of the Winter Soldier began to fade away with every blink of his eyes. Slowly the man that was coming forward was becoming all too aware of his surroundings. The crackling of the fire that had been started in the building with the spark from metal on metal. The deafening scream of the alarms.
Rusted.
Soon the feeling of blood made him look down. Red was staining the metal arm. It ran over the lines and joints. Blue eyes still mixed with the eyes of the Winter Soldier moved to search for the source of the blood. The face of the man he didn’t want to see came into view. Closed blue eyes that would hold no light to them if they opened. No. No. He could save him. He had to…
Furnace.
Bloodied hands did their best to stop the bleeding. He couldn’t let him go. Steve. He wouldn’t and he couldn’t let him go. He couldn’t let this be what separated them. How could he? He couldn’t let this happen to Steve. He needed the man more than the world needed Captain America. The world could live without Captain America but he couldn’t live without Steve. After everything they had been through together this was not how this could end.
Daybreak.
The harsh eyes of the Winter Soldier were finally fully gone as the world came to a halt for the man coming out of the fog of a past life. The world was still rushing. Bucky was back and he had to look down at what he had done. He had to face the reality. Steve was gone. Tears stung the eyes of the one left behind. As they fell from his cheeks, he was facing the reality that this was how it happened. This is how he lost Steve.
Seventeen.
The fog started to lift, leaving Bucky’s head swimming. His eyes looked around and saw the chaos that was surrounding them...him. He had done this. No. No the Winter Soldier had done this. Someone had brought him back into the hell that was the soldier, the machine. He was back now though. He lifted Steve into his arms, the shield falling from the limp arms of Captain America, of Steve Rogers. A loud clang sounded. Bucky clenched his jaw hearing the sound. Using his foot he kicked the shield up to his hand and laid it to rest on the chest of the fallen man in his arms.
Benign.
Weak legs took him outside. They wouldn’t find the fallen man inside that building. Right before clearing the rubble he gave him one last kiss. There were no words for this. There was nothing he could imagine saying that would be enough to explain the feelings happening deep down. Exiting the building he put Steve down on the steps. Before the smoke cleared he had to run. Looking down at Steve he felt his heart shatter. He had gotten him back and built a family with him. They had a son. They weren’t just super heroes. They were so much more than that. They were so much more than anyone knew. One thing was very clear though. Bucky was but a ghost as the smoke cleared. He left the area in a sprint.
Nine.
Hydra was behind this. Bucky knew that much. There was anger mixed in with the sorrow. Anger at what Hydra had done to him so long ago. Anger that they made sure that this was the mission that was completed. Before heading back to the tower he had to outrun any media that would point at him as the criminal. The Winter Soldier was not going to be forgiven twice. Sure as hell not now that he had killed America’s idol. But there was some unfinished work to be done, and he sure as hell wouldn’t leave it unfinished. Hydra would fall and it would fall for good this time.
Homecoming.
Bucky kept going till he knew that he wasn’t being followed. As soon as that was clear he started his way back home. Back to his son. God his son. How could he break the news to Ian? Sam...This day was meant to be just a quick recon mission for the two of them. They were headed somewhere. Where? Bucky racked his brain trying to figure out where they were going to. It was just a...it was a mission. That building that he walked out of was the museum. Hydra alerts were going off there and they were sent to check it out. It wasn’t far from home and yet it felt like the farthest place possible now as he made his way back to the place he had called home, without Steve.
One.
Ian was now left with one parent. How Bucky wished he could change that fact. What had happened to Steve was coming back to him, slowly, as he made his way back home. It was like a switch was flipped. He attacked Steve and they went at it. Steve didn’t fight back. He never would. There was no time to get the words out of his mouth to stop the Winter Soldier. It was over quick. Simple. Now though, Ian was down to just him. He had no idea how to be a single parent.
Freight Car.
Where did that leave him? He was alone in the world without his best friend and partner, the man who’d been with him since childhood. He had a son that he didn’t know how to parent alone. He was the cause of Steve’s death. While America mourned, there was still work to be done. There was a little boy at home that was watching the tragedy unfold. Then, there was Sam who was shocked just like the rest of the world. Bucky stepped into his home and watched the rest of his world start to crumble. There was no easy way to tell your son that his daddy was dead. There was no easy way to deal with the aftermath of such heartache. Bucky was lost and there was no man on the end of the line that could pick him up again. Bucky was fighting this battle alone in hope he could survive.