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“I’m sick of not mattering to anyone!” She shouted, fists clenched at her sides as tears streamed down the young woman’s face. “I-I’m so tired of bending over backwards for thankless people who couldn’t give a shit about me or what I have to go through…”
Her voice grew softer, as did the pinpricks of light in Sans’ eyes.
He wanted to reach out to touch her shoulder, try to show that he was there to support her, but she shrank away and hunched over in her frustration with a shuffle of her feet.
“I work so hard for others and for what? To be barely noticed? To be coming home alone every day and night of my life? To never have time to pursue my passions or goals in life? To wake up every day and hate myself as much as everyone else did back when I was a kid?” Air caught in her throat, cracking her words. “All of that… All of the strife, hatred, depression, anxiety… And yet I get nothing back.”
Sans felt his soul waver within his chest, swearing that if it were possible, it would be shattering at her words. He knew that feeling of hatred all too well. Ever since coming to the surface, he and his brother, their friends as well, were cast out and tossed from apartment to apartment until finally finding a place to call home. He was beginning to think that they shouldn’t have broken free in the first place after seeing so many terrible humans.
But, after meeting her, something changed within him and suddenly, the world seemed a bit brighter.
“...babe,” he spoke, cursing himself for sounding so weak. “i know it’s hard but trust me; it gets better.”
“When?”
Her sudden answer jarred him, blinking, though it wasn’t like she would see it.
“When does it ever get better?” She finally turned to him, allowing him a full view of her misery. Usually, she was either smiling or giving a small glare here and there for his terrible puns. Now, her eyes were red and face stained with tear-trails down her cheeks and dripping down her chin. “I’ve done my waiting, over fifteen years of it. So, when in hell’s name does it ever get better? Huh?!”
The young skeleton stood there in shock for a moment, struck by the desperate plea for answers in her tone. She was beyond broken when he arrived here in the neighborhood. She just… never showed anyone this side.
He had come to realize that the smile he had thought was so genuine when they talked, when they shot puns and jokes at each other like playful weapons of minor destruction, was just a mask; a facade to hide a crumbling reservoir of hope as time crawled by. He couldn’t have known, no, but he couldn’t help but feel semi-responsible for not being there more.
Had he… Had he been a bother to her? Or was he a potential distraction from her pain? He prayed it was the latter as he finally buckled down and took a step towards her, a spark of understanding and determination in his eyes. Only a breath’s hesitation separated the time it took for him to lift his hand and take hers into his grasp, nimble fingers clasping around her shaking hand to ease her mind.
“hey,” he murmured, thanking his lucky stars that they shared the same height as he rested his forehead to her own with soft breaths. He suppose that was his silent way of trying to calm her racing heart and stave her tears. “i’m sorry for not knowing of this sooner…”
A rather pitiful, and wet-sounding, sniffle came from her as he lifted his free hand to wipe at her cheeks. The slight jolt beneath his touch didn’t even phase him.
“Y-you couldn’t have known…” she muttered softly, her eyes closing in distress.
“true but doesn’t mean i can’t feel bad.”
For once, a soft snort echoed between them and a faint smile tugged at her lips. “Heh, you sound like me when I try to comfort someone…”
“well, this time it’s your turn to be comforted. you can only do so much, kiddo.” he spoke softly, closing his own eye sockets to savor the quiet air around them.
She seemed hesitant about that statement, pulling back to carefully wipe at her face and partly turned from him with a shaky breath. “I-I’m fine… Just a lapse, that’s all.”
“no good trying to play it off, you know…” he pointed out, reaching over to gently grasp her favorite plush from the couch where they had been binging the whole third season of her favorite crime drama before she reached her limit. He still didn’t understand what brought it up but he wouldn’t ask; not when she was finally soothed again. “lion to me never turns out well.”
Glancing his way, the grin on his face making her facade falter, she sighed. “Yeah, I know. But, when that’s all you’ve known, changing it on the fly never works out.” she shot back, scowling a bit before plopping back on the couch with a tired look in her eye. But, on the brightside, the tears had stopped and a calm came back to the apartment.
It felt only natural to sit down again next to her, resting an arm on the back of the couch over her shoulders comfortingly. “eh, never tried it but will now.”
An arched brow. “You know I was kidding, right?”
Sans put the plush in her lap and restrained the urge to sigh happily at seeing her hug it to her chest, smiling instead as he answered. “tibia honest, I thought you were being serious.”
“Hey, if you’re gonna make jokes, at least stay on the same topic.”
“aw, and here I thought that one was humerus.” He grinned a bit more at her soft groan though eased when she lightly hit his arm. “yep, that’s the one.”
There was silence for a good fifteen minutes, the television continuing on its conquest to keep them entertained, though he was pretty sure both of them were not exactly paying attention anymore after that.
A single glance toward her told him that she was either lost in serious thought, her half-lidded gaze on the lion in her lap, or was fighting the urge to sleep. He, too, could use a nap but it wouldn’t exactly be a good idea, rude or not, to sleep over unexpectedly so he would keep his peace about it. “hey, wanna sleep?”
It seemed like a mix of the two was his answer, the jolt beside him snapping her attention to him. After a moment, she nodded though seeing her bite her lip made him pause.
“what is it?”
Shifting, she swallowed. “Papyrus is probably going to be worried, hm?”
“pap? he’s always worried but a quick text will calm him down. Why?”
“D-did you wanna crash here? I-it’s kinda late… and the streets aren’t exactly safe now.”
Especially because I’m a monster… he thought, knowing that was where that train of thought was headed. He could easily defend himself but with that damn ordinance to not use magic above ground in public, it could get tricky even if they lived across the street.
Speaking of… Just how long have I been over here? he thought, glancing at the digital readout on the cable box.
Thinking on it, Sans eased himself into a casual smile. “if you’re alright with it, sure. i’ll try not to jump your bones or anything.” Laughing at her deep-set blush, he ruffled her messy long hair. “sorry to disappoint ya, kid.”
“T-there’s no disappointment!” she snapped quickly though couldn’t make eye contact.
They had gotten closer than just neighbors over time, clearly, so that route wasn’t exactly unattainable but he would be damned if he made the first move and ask. He knew that usually, in human relationships, guys were the ones to initiate most of the time but he didn’t want to force himself upon her or ruin the friendship they had spent months kindling. He appreciated her kind heart and amazing sense of humor too much to jeopardize it for his own desires.
“relax, i’m just pullin’ your leg.” A swift wrap of his leg around hers for a short tug made her squeak, jumping to her feet and almost falling over the coffee table had he not snagged her jacket.
Letting out a sigh, Sans straightened her out and stood as well to drape the blanket over the back of the couch as she shuffled towards her bedroom. He could tell that somehow, their talk had eased something in her; her shoulders not nearly as tense and her head just a bit higher.
“hey.”
The young woman paused, hand on the doorway and the other to her chest as she turned to him.
“get some good sleep. i need you ready and able to stand more of my puns.”
Ah, he loved hearing her laugh and it was refreshing to hear after bearing witness to her breakdown. He never wanted to hear, or see, that ever again.
“Y-yeah, I’ll try, bonehead. I know your puns are made to into-rest.” she shot back, earning a chuckle.
“not bad for someone who had been doubting herself earlier.”
She blinked, lowering her gaze with heated features. “W-well, it’s hard not to cheer up a little after hearing such punny jokes…”
A faint blue tint appeared, this time making Sans be the one to look away. “yeah, well…” he stuttered, clearing his throat into his hand subtly. “what’re friends for, right?”
“Mhmm… Friends…” She almost sounded offended at the term but soon gave a wave before disappearing into the bedroom with a word of good sleep, the click of the door giving him privacy there in the living room.
Unceremoniously, the skeleton fell back on the couch to stare at the ceiling though frowned inwardly. A quick text to his brother calmed the panicking ex-royal guardsman, swearing to get him back somehow before wishing him a good night. Resting the mini-brick on the table, he laid back once more. He knew that he could have done more, and yet… what else could he have done?
Spending the good half of the night worrying about her, he finally let it ebb away at hearing her soft snores beyond the door by the couch. It was reassuring that she was resting, but he still feared for her mental health.
He knew that those scars will not go away easily and it was only a matter of time before they resurfaced, causing doubt and anxiety to manifest into another blowup but what then? What if it was at her workplace where no one could help or out in public where she’d be embarrassed for feeling that way? Just thinking about it made him clutch the front of his hoodie in anguish for the young woman.
How long had he known her? A couple months? And he was already feeling this way for her… One might even think he was falling for her...
Sans did care about her. A lot. Maybe more than just a lot. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t want to stay here and make sure she was alright over the next few days. He was just concerned about what that path would take them. Ugh, why is being a good neighbor not enough…
Shaking his head, he ran a hand down his face with a grunt of annoyance.
In the end, he snagged the blanket and curled under it with his back to the TV to drown it out, using it as background noise like when Paps would watch MTT specials. Exhaling, he closed his eyes and tried to silence his inner demons to get some semblance of sleep before the morning. If he knew Papyrus as well as he thought he did, he’d be over here first thing to check on the both of them and make sure they weren’t doing anything un-neighborly.
A soft chuckle emanated from the couch just before Sans finally passed out for the night.