Work Text:
The first time Jeonghan had seen Joshua, hadn’t actually been his first.
It had happened when Hansol was trying to run away with his soulmate. Despite the chaos that had erupted when Jihoon’s gang had joined the party, Jeonghan had still managed to see the younger male. Jeonghan knew by the second he had laid eyes on the tall, lean and pretty male, that it was him. His soulmate. The only reason he knew, was because they had been soulmates in their previous life, and the life before that, and the life before that, it goes on like that.
Jeonghan’s soulmate mark was not visible in any way, it was something he knew himself, and other people who shared the same kind of soulmate type. He and his soulmate would reincarnate every time they died, only to have to find each other again, in their next life. Though, one wouldn’t always be born in the same time as their soulmate, or have the same age, or be in the same country. It was a wild shot, this reincarnation soulmate thing, and Jeonghan often heard people say, that even though they had a hard time finding their soulmate, they were happy they weren’t a reincarnation couple. In some ways it was actually rather sad, having to live a whole life with another person, only to start over, once they died. But on the other side, you didn’t always find your soulmate, and would have to try again next time around, and somehow it was nice as well. Being able to spend an endless amount of time with the person who meant the most to you, wasn’t all that bad.
This was approximately Jeonghan and Joshua’s fifth reincarnation, and even though they had been through a lot of things together. Jeonghan could mostly remember what had happened in their first, and last life. In their first life they had been confused and unknowing towards their soulmate type, as it isn’t clear in any way, and only when they had met again in their second life, same face, same name, had they figured that they were soulmates. Being a reincarnated soulmate type, was always rather confusing, not only to the person themselves, but to others as well. The only people Jeonghan could remember from his previous lives, was Joshua, and some old friends and parents, but those memories were fading away with time.
The first time Jeonghan had met Joshua, had been a warm summer day in July, in a forest. They had merely been kids at the time, and had met in front of a small tree that had recently been planted, they hadn’t said much, just accepted each other's presence. Though, that memory of Joshua would always be clear in Jeonghan’s mind.
Another image Jeonghan remembered clearly about Joshua, was the last time he had seen him, almost 40 years ago. Joshua had been in the wrong place, at the wrong time. He had ended up in a confrontation in the street, and had been shot. The last thing Jeonghan remember is having to identify the body in the morgue. His pale skin stood in contrast to his dark hair, and he looked so peaceful. Jeonghan had almost thrown up. It either takes a while for a soul to be reincarnated or just a few years, so Jeonghan had been lucky to be born at the same time as Joshua again.
Jeonghan and Joshua had never actually lived a life in peace together, something always preventing them. In their first life they hadn’t realised they were soulmates, and hadn’t even been together, apart from the various amount of times they had stumbled on each other, in pure coincidence throughout their life. Jeonghan should probably have guessed it, with all the times he had met Joshua so many years ago, but he had just deemed himself to be without a soulmate. Their second life had been short lived, as the second world war had caught up to them, and they had both been sent to war, not knowing what happened to the other. Jeonghan could only figure that Joshua had died as well. Their third life, had happened shortly after the second, they hadn’t been born at the same time. And Jeonghan had lived alone, dying in an early age due to sickness. And in their fourth life, Jeonghan had lived on without Joshua for a while, until he couldn’t bare it anymore, and ended it himself.
And now, after all these years of searching, he had finally found Joshua again. Only to find out, that Joshua, didn’t remember him.
---------------------------------------------
Jeonghan had figured when Joshua had looked at him in the middle of the battle. Jeonghan had looked at him with nothing but longing and love, but Joshua had simply pulled his gun at him and fired, twice.
If that didn’t tip Jeonghan off, nothing would.
But that didn’t stop Jeonghan, he was determined to have Joshua remember him, no matter what it would take. They were finally living in the same time, at the same age, and Jeonghan wasn’t gonna let that opportunity pass, memory loss or not.
So a week later, Jeonghan decided to pay Joshua a visit, at his work, at a local coffeeshop.
That proved to be a bad idea.
Joshua had recognised him immediately, Jeonghan could see it in his eyes. But what Jeonghan hadn’t accounted for, was that the rest of Jihoon’s gang worked in the coffee shop as well. Just his luck. Jeonghan knew it would be dangerous, but there was only as much that could stop him. So he had walked to the counter, head held high, as he pushed his long hair out of his face, and in his nicest voice possible said: “Have we met before?”
Earning an unamused glare from Joshua.
The silence between them grew, as Joshua continued to stare blankly at Jeonghan, who continued to smile through the awkwardness.
“Why are you here?” Joshua broke the silence, still looking skeptically at Jeonghan.
Thank God there weren’t a lot of customers in the coffee shop that day, Jeonghan had thought to himself, as he coughed lightly into his hand.
“Okay listen” he started, earning a raised eyebrow from Joshua. “This is gonna sound completely absurd” he continued with a nervous chuckle. “But, we’re soulmates” he finished, looking at Joshua with expectant and slightly worried eyes.
It took a moment for Joshua to answer, but when he finally did, it wasn’t what Jeonghan had expected.
“You are right” he started, a small hope rising in Jeonghan. “That does sound completely absurd, since I don’t have a soulmate, no mark, no nothing, no soulmate” he stated bluntly glaring at Jeonghan, whose heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach.
“So now if you are not here to buy anything, I suggest that you leave” Joshua explained, rather kindly, gesturing to the other workers, or members of the gang. And Jeonghan swiftly left, not knowing how to feel.
Jeonghan didn’t know what he had expected, of course it wouldn’t be that easy, Joshua didn’t remember him. Maybe he was even right, and he wasn’t the Joshua, Jeonghan was looking for. No, that wasn’t the case, Jeonghan knew Joshua’s face, he had seen it so many times before, memorized his cat like eye features, and his soft facial lines. There was no doubt about it, that man was Joshua Hong, and Jeonghan would make him remember. Whatever it would take.
-----------------------------------------------
The next weeks Jeonghan spent at the coffee shop, only brief visits of course, he still had to be careful.
He tried everything he could think of, to make Joshua remember. he told him about their first meeting, and how he had died in their last life, but nothing seemed to trigger Joshua’s memory, and Jeonghan couldn’t understand it.
He had gotten countless of threats from Joshua, saying he would shoot him in the foot, if he didn’t get out of there and stopped bugging him. But Jeonghan was determined, he wasn’t gonna let Joshua slip through his fingers one more time.
Seungcheol had quickly noticed the worsening of Jeonghan’s mood. But had decided not to mention it. Seungcheol was the only one who knew about Jeonghan’s soulmate system, and he figured it had something to do with that. So he let his right hand man figure things out for himself. If only he could so as well.
After two months of endless pestering from Jeonghan, he had almost lost hope that Joshua would ever remember him, and he would just have to wait for their next life. If they were lucky enough to meet.
But then he had gotten an idea, a brilliant idea. This was his absolute last option, if this didn’t trigger Joshua’s memory, nothing would.
Jeonghan had walked into the coffee shop, like he had done every day for the past months, and to his delight, saw Joshua at the front.
Joshua looked up, about to greet the new customer, with a bright smile on his face, only to see Jeonghan and his face faltered.
This hurt Jeonghan more than he would like it to, but he walked up to the man regardless.
“I need you to come with me” he stated shortly, and rather awkwardly, not really having thought it all through.
“Excuse me?” Joshua had asked in amusement at Jeonghan’s statement.
“Listen” Jeonghan started, “As I have been trying to tell you so many times before, you are my soulmate, and in order for you to see that, you have to come with me” Jeonghan said resolutely, looking into Joshua’s brown eyes. The younger looked at him like he was completely nuts, and maybe he was, maybe this was just another time he and Joshua couldn’t be together, but he had to try.
“And as I have been telling you, I don’t have a soulmate, so please, just stop this already, and find your real soulmate” Joshua reasoned, but it only caused Jeonghan to become desperate.
“Please, Joshua, you have to believe me” Jeonghan pleaded the slightly shorter male.
“And why would I do that?” Joshua asked skeptically.
“Just follow me this once, and I promise that I won’t ever bother you ever again” Jeonghan pleaded again, hoping that the younger would oblige to his prayers.
Joshua seemed to contemplate his options. In reality what Jeonghan was asking was absurd, they were from opposing gangs, this might as well be an attempt at murder. But despite those facts, Joshua nodded slowly and gestured for Jeonghan to lead the way. Jeonghan couldn’t hold back the smile that spread across his face, as he started walking out of the coffee shop, Joshua reluctantly following.
-----------------------------------------------------
Jeonghan had led Joshua to a forest. He was aware that the other were scared and uneasy, probably regretting his decision by now, but he hadn’t run yet, so Jeonghan stayed positive.
Jeonghan came to a halt in front of a large tree, Joshua had almost bumped into him. He was about to say something, when he looked up at the tree, and something in his eyes, seemed to change.
They stood like that for a while. Jeonghan looking at Joshua, and Joshua staring at the tree. Jeonghan didn’t want to say anything, so he waited for Joshua to speak, and he almost didn’t hear the quiet words Joshua spoke: “I know this place”
Jeonghan’s eyes widened at the almost inaudible words, but he didn’t say anything, he waited for Joshua to speak up.
“I have been here before, but not like this” he started, taking in a breath “Not in this life” he finished, finally turning to Jeonghan.
“Who are you?” he asked, staring wide eyed at Jeonghan, his mouth open, and thoughts in chaos.
“I’m Yoon Jeonghan, right hand man of the gang leader Choi Seungcheol” Jeonghan started in a calm voice. “About 40 years I was Yoon Jeonghan, the secretary of Fronting ApS” he continued, earning a small nod from Joshua “and 70 years ago, I was Yoon Jeonghan, a man at war, unable to be with his soulmate, Hong Jisoo, you” he finished, looking at Joshua.
Joshua stared at him and took a few steps back shaking his head.
“This can’t be true” he said, “I don’t have a soulmate” he continued in a frustrated voice, “Why don’t I remember you?” he asked looking at Jeonghan with confused eyes.
Jeonghan could only shrug at the question, he didn’t know.
Joshua stared at him for a moment, and then looked back to the tree. Something flashed in his eyes, and he suddenly kneeled down at the foot of the tree, and started digging.
“What are you doing?” Jeonghan asked confused at the sight before him.
“I left something here, help me find it” he stated, not stopping his rapid clawing at the dirt. Jeonghan saw no other choice but to help, and he started digging as well.
It didn’t take more than five minutes, before Joshua pulled out a small box from the earth. A time capsule. He dusted it of slightly and opened it, revealing a letter.
“I suddenly remembered burying something here many, many years ago, but I couldn’t remember what it was” he stated, carefully taking the letter into his hands.
Jeonghan stared at him wildly, he didn’t know about this, at all.
With shaking hands, Joshua started reading out loud:
“To Jeonghan. I am terribly sorry for the short time we have spent together, over all these years. But I hope and pray, that one day we will be able to live together for a long time, not worrying about this whole soulmate ordeal. I am writing this letter, in case we are separated for a longer time, than we already have been. I want you to remember me, and never stop looking, for I will never stop looking for you. Yours truly Hong Jisoo, 1974”
Joshua had started crying while reading the letter out loud, his hand shaking wildly now, and his voice all muffled. Jeonghan wasn’t any better. He couldn’t hold back the tears that spilled from his eyes, and neither the quiet sobs that escaped his lips.
“I’m so sorry Jeonghan” Joshua had started through tears, “I remember now, I remember it all” he stated as he cried into his hands, gasping for air.
Jeonghan had slowly pulled him into a gentle hug, shushing him and telling him it would be alright, slowly rocking them both back and forth in a soothing manner.
Jeonghan had missed him so much. They had never gotten to live long together, but the time they had shared, had been the best in Jeonghan’s multiple lives.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, i’m here now” Jeonghan quietly reassured the man in his arms, as he continued to cry.
Jeonghan didn’t care that Joshua had forgotten him, he remembered him now, and that was all that mattered for him.
“I was shot” Joshua suddenly said, pulling Jeonghan out of his thoughts. “I died unexpectedly, that’s why I didn’t remember” he stated, drying some of his tears.
“What?” Jeonghan asked in confusion. Arms still locked around the smaller male.
“When I died, last time, it was unexpectedly, as in not planned, we didn’t see it coming, and we weren’t prepared, that’s why I lost my memory” he tried to explain further, still looking at Jeonghan.
Jeonghan could only nod in response to the youngers words, hugging him tighter to his chest. He was slightly in shock at what had just happened, but also eased that Joshua remembered him. He had longed for the man for so long, and knowing now, that they could be together, made Jonghan relax. As long as he had Joshua, everything would be fine. They would just have to work around them being in opposing gangs, then everything would be alright. Jeonghan was sure of it.
---------------------------------
Jeonghan had been wrong. Both him and Joshua were the right hand men for the two leaders, and having to betray them, and run away like Hansol and Seungkwan had done, was something none of them could do.
Jeonghan and Joshua, had somehow managed to keep their relationship, rather discreet. But they were running out of ideas. No matter how much they wanted to be together. They just couldn’t do that. They were members of two different gangs. With gang leaders that hated each other, just to make matters worse. They wouldn’t be able to live a normal life with each other, even if they tried. And it pained Jeonghan to tell Joshua, but he already knew as well. Life had never been kind to them.
Surely they would reincarnate when they died, having to find each other again. But what good did that do, when the changes of them not even being born in the same timeline or country, were out there. Jeonghan hated how his soulmate type was one as complicated as this. Always forgetting most of his older life, but never Joshua, it was distressing, he was growing tired of it. But he also knew, that this wasn’t the life that was meant for them to enjoy together. He didn’t know when that life would come, but this wasn’t it, and he found it better to end it sooner than later.
He didn’t want to betray Seungcheol, not at all. Seungcheol had been the only person to actually see some kind of possibility for Jeonghan, when they had met on the streets many years ago. Jeonghan liked his job, but he was also desperate to finally find his happiness. He knew it would come one day, but Jeonghan had never been a patient man, and he was growing tired of the endless pain, that surrounded him and his soulmate.
He knew Seungcheol would understand, someday. Right now, probably not, but this was Jeonghan and Joshua’s decision, and Seungcheol would definitely be alright without him. He was certain of that.
So that was why, Jeonghan one fine afternoon had met up with Joshua in another coffee shop, and said: “I have an idea, but you are probably not going to like it” earning a confused look from Joshua, as he sipped his iced americano.
“Shoot” He said, earning a displeased grunt from Jeonghan at his choice of words.
“If we die now, we will be closer to actually living a life, where we can be together without trouble, like last time” Jeonghan explained, avoiding Joshua’s brown eyes.
Joshua had put his cup down, and folded his hands under his chin, drawing in a long breath, before finally saying: “I have been thinking the same thing” in a calm voice.
This caused Jeonghan to snap up and look at the man before him with wide eyes.
“Really?” he managed to stutter, not believing his own ears. Joshua merely nodded as he took one of Jeonghan’s hands in his own, squeezing it slightly.
“Yeah, I’m tired of this too Jeonghan. Just for once, I want to be happy, no matter how long it may take” he stated, gently stroking Jeonghan’s hand with his thumb.
“Let’s end this life” he stated boldly, looking into Jeonghan’s wide eyes, searching for hesitation, but he found none.
----------------------------------------------
A few days later, they met in front of the tree, they had first seen each other by, so many years ago. The earth in front of it was still soft, because of their digging a few months ago. “It’s rather nostalgic, isn’t it” Jeonghan asked, taking Joshua’s hand in his, squeezing it.
“Very, it’s been a long time since we first were here” Joshua responded, looking up at the large tree before them. Its green crown spreading out above them, it was a Beech.
“A really long time” Jeonghan stated, chuckling slightly.
“Around 100 years?” Joshua asked wondering, looking to Jeonghan.
“Something along those lines” Jeonghan responded, shrugging, he had stopped counting a long time ago.
“It’s kind of ironic, don’t you think? I don’t even like green” Joshua stated, earning a small laugh from the older.
“A little, but we’ll come back here again” Jeonghan stated resolutely, as he digged down into his pocket, for the small flask of cyanide he had brought with him.
“Definitely, even with all this green” Joshua joked, once again causing Jeonghan to laugh, only this time his laughter evolved into small hiccups, and he soon found himself crying. Joshua quickly pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back soothingly. They had decided that poison had been the best way to this. It was clean and neat, almost painless, not anything gory, that was how they both liked it.
Jeonghan still felt sad. There were no guarantee, that they would meet up right away in their next life, if they would even meet at all. This whole system was so out of line. Jeonghan just wanted to be happy, like all the couples he saw walking down the street with their soulmates. Why couldn’t he have that? Sure, him and Joshua weren’t the only people with this kind of soulmate type, but everyone he had ever encountered with the same type as him, had cursed it and would do everything to have another soulmate type. Jeonghan completely understood them. He just wanted Joshua to be by his side, but life was against them. And they were driven out into this mess again. Even though they were fine and lived in the same time, this life, their professions and affiliation were against them, and they had no other choice, if they wanted to be together.
Joshua had started crying as well, Jeonghan could feel it in the small jerks his body did, and he hugged him tighter. They stood like that for a while. Just crying, hugging each other, not knowing when they would be able to even see each other again.
Jeonghan was the first to pull away to look at Joshua, only to pull him into a kiss. Despite having known each other for so long, they had never kissed before. Life always getting in the way. Jeonghan was gonna remember this moment forever, as he slowly pulled away from Joshua’s warm, soft lips.
They didn’t say anything as they took the poison. They just slowly laid down in front of the huge Beech, hugging each other close, never breaking eye contact, as the poison slowly started to work. The last thing Jeonghan saw, was Joshua’s peaceful face, eyes closed, inches from his own, before he closed his own eyes, and everything turned black.
They were surely gonna meet again. Someday.
--------------------------------------------------------
It had been 80 years, since that fateful day. Jeonghan still remembered it all, and he had devoted his life to find Joshua, once again. Luck hadn’t exactly been on Jeonghan’s side, for the past years. The life after the one they had committed suicide, they had been born in different countries. Jeonghan had no way of ever getting to where Joshua was in the states, because he was a lowlife farmer, with almost no money, in Korea. The life after that, Joshua had become a famous actor, while Jeonghan was situated somewhere in a hospital, battling countless of diseases, unable to reach out to him. The life after that, Jeonghan hadn’t been born in the same time as Joshua, and he had only figured that, when he had been born again, in 2075, realising, a lifetime had passed again. A thing had occurred to Jeonghan through his many lives, the two of them, had always died, rather young. Whether it was because of a disease or an accident, they never reached past 30, sometimes not even 25.
This time though, Jeonghan had luckily been born in Seoul, healthy and from a well family, and he had gotten to live his life in habitual places. He was determined to find Joshua, and for once, not die in a young age. But where to find Joshua, had been a mystery to him. He hadn’t had any clue, of where the other male could be, or where to look for him. So he could only hope that Joshua was born a normal human being, for once, and looking for him as well.
This time around Jeonghan was an artist, a normal human being, without any affiliations to gangs or the likes, he was living a normal life, and only hoped, that Joshua did the same.
Despite the other lives he had been through after that time, he still remembered Seungcheol and the gang, rather clearly. Something about that period in his life, just didn’t want to leave him. And when he had learned that Seungcheol had had to split the gang up, he had felt a small sting of regret, for not being there for his friend.
Jeonghan had spent the most of his day looking for Joshua, once again, without luck. Right until he walked past a coffeeshop, with a glass wall. There he was, sitting in a chair, drinking his iced americano and reading a magazine. His clothes fitted nicely, and his brown hair was slightly slicked back. He looked exactly as he had done every other time Jeonghan had seen him. He looked normal. Jeonghan had finally found him, there, right in front of him, sat Joshua, looking like everything was as it should be.
Jeonghan had reacted solely on impulse when he flung open the door to the coffeeshop, earning looks of confusion from some of the other customers. But he didn’t care, he only cared about Joshua.
The latter had also looked up from his magazine in confusion to the loud noise, and Jeonghan had watched as his eyes had grown two sizes with shock.
Every kind of fear Jeonghan had had of Joshua not remembering him again, had disappeared as soon as he had locked eyes with the younger.
“You remember” Jeonghan uttered slowly taking a few steps towards Joshua.
Joshua’s face relaxed as he slowly nodded and said: “How could I forget” chuckling slightly to himself.