Work Text:
The paperwork had piled up more than she usually allowed it, and the amount she usually allowed to pile up was already a lot to begin with. She sighed as she sat down at her desk, the very same desk that Erwin had sat behind when he was alive. Still she felt like she didn't belong there, even after their successful missions, even after the walls came down, her pressing sense that she wasn't the right person for the job still persisted. So, it was a relief to Hanji when they got rid of the remaining titans and the walls were destroyed. The Corps was disbanded, and while Hanji was relieved about that fact she was also a little scared. She didn't know what she was supposed to do with her time, after she got through all the backed up paperwork, that is.
She drummed her pen against the desk, staring absentmindedly at the document she was supposed to be filling out and then realizing that Eren Yeager's name was at the top of it. Her breath caught in her throat as her mind flashed back to that day, the day that he had died in her arms. He had just stared up at her, his emerald green eyes holding the same ferocity, the same bravery, they always had. He had been a mess when she arrived, and her heart had broken in two at Mikasa's request.
Help him Hanji! Please!
But in the end she'd been unable, and she was sure that would haunt her for the rest of her life, and life was a lot longer now than it used to be. She took a deep breath as she saw his name in black ink at the top of the page, but she couldn't bring herself to look at the rest of it. She knew what it was, his death certificate, signed and dated by the coroner at the hospital that Reiner had taken him to even though he had been long dead when he'd arrived.
“I'm so sorry, Mikasa...” She whispered to herself. That had seemed to be her new mantra, but she couldn't say it to the girl herself. She knew Mikasa probably didn't ever want to see her again. She'd failed her, and that was something that Hanji couldn't face. It irritated Levi to no end that Hanji wouldn't come to visit them, but she couldn't bring herself to look his raven haired counterpart in the eye, or even be near enough to her to feel the radiating sadness that Levi had described to her. So, she stayed away, and Levi visited her in Mitras when he could.
She was surprised to hear a knock at her door, then, and looked up to see the very man that she'd just been talking about striding through it. The cool air of confidence and the aloof attitude that he'd always had following him as he stopped, arms crossed, in front of her desk. He looked at her for a moment before speaking, sizing up what kind of mood she was in, no doubt.
“The baby is coming soon.” He said, not dancing around the topic he'd come to discuss. Hanji smiled widely at the thought that Levi would be a father sooner rather than later. Something that she never thought he would be, but things change.
“I'm happy for you.” She said somewhat quietly, her usual energy drained from a long, restless night.
“We want you to be there when it does. No one lives around us. No one with medical knowledge, at least.” His eyes flicked to hers only for a moment, and she could see his cool facade cracking to show the anxiety underneath.
“We?” She asked deliberately. The fact that Mikasa had asked for her by name was a bit hard for her to believe.
“Yes, we. Mikasa doesn't hold anything against you, Hanji. I've told you that a thousand times before and I'll keep telling you until you get it through your incredibly dense skull.”
“I don't know, Levi...” She said, doubt clouding her features. She wanted more than anything to be able to help the two of them, if for nothing more than to make that worried look leave her best friend's face. She just didn't know how she would be able to face Mikasa, not after letting Eren die.
“Hanji, you have got to stop blaming yourself for his death.” Levi said suddenly, as if he could read her mind.
“Eren...” She said, thinking about denying what he'd accused her of, but it was no use, he could always see right through her.
“There was nothing you could have done to save him. I saw what kind of shape he was in when I got there that day. No amount of medical knowledge or titan healing abilities could have fixed that damage. It was his time to go, just like it was Falco's time and just like all the other people that died to get us to this point. Don't let it be for nothing by sitting around moping about the past when you have a future.”
“Levi...” She was at a loss. The hard truth was that he was exactly right. There really was nothing she could do but try to ease his passage when she'd gotten to him, but it didn't take the sting out of Mikasa's words that she still heard rattling around in her head. Help him, Hanji! Please! She shook her head visibly at the thought.
“So please, come on. Mikasa's about to pop. She could literally be having this kid right now while I'm here and she would never forgive me for missing it. Gabi is there but you know she would flip her shit if Mikasa started going into labor. So get your shit and let's get on the fucking road. Stupid four eyes.” He mumbled, casting his gaze to the corner of the room.
“Fine.” She said, tossing the pen she'd been toying with over her shoulder and letting a wide smile spread across her face. The first genuine smile that had graced her features since the war had ended. She was vaguely aware of the way that Levi was grimacing as he looked around the messy room, in no way up to his standards of cleaning, as she shoved some extra clothes and medical supplies into a duffel bag. She'd practically been living out of her office for the past few days, so everything she would need for a trip to the countryside was there already. She was nervous, but Levi had done enough reassuring to convince her, at least for the moment, that Mikasa wouldn't punch her lights out as soon as she stepped foot through their door.
She saddled her horse and mounted up, following Levi out of Mitras and through a few other cities before they reached a more open area where they could gallop. She knew he was in a hurry to get back, his protective instincts over Mikasa were probably humming, driving him wild with every moment he was away with her. She enjoyed watching the two of them interact, studying the tenderness in Levi's touch when he made contact with her. She was so used to him being angry and violent that seeing him touch someone with such gentleness was almost surreal.
By the time they'd reached the small but homey cabin that Levi and Mikasa had built the sun was already setting over the horizon. She was tired from the ride, but she dismounted with a spring in her step regardless. They took the horses to the stables before Hanji followed Levi inside. He had been right about Mikasa, her stomach was enormous, making it difficult for her to do anything but sit on the couch she was presently sprawled out on. Their gazes locked but Hanji turned hers away almost instantly. She didn't sense any hostility there, but it was still hard for her.
“Hanji!” She heard Gabi's voice from the door that was under the staircase and saw the dark haired girl bounding toward her, embracing her before she knew what was happening.
“Gabi, you've grown! I bet at least five inches since I saw you last!” Hanji smiled as she patted the top of the girl's head. She couldn't help but think about Reiner when she saw her. She had known, in the back of her mind, what Reiner was really planning to do when he left. That fact was only cemented in her mind when he didn't return. It had been almost a year since then. She shook her growing grief before she looked to Levi, who was now sitting on the couch staring at Mikasa.
“So, Levi says Mikasa is gonna have the baby soon!” Gabi said, excitement clear on her face. “Are you here to help?”
“Yep. Levi asked if I would come and make sure everything went smoothly.” Hanji answered, again meeting Mikasa's gaze. She mustered up the courage to speak to her. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I want this brat out of me.” She said, her tone of voice and words reflecting something she thought Levi might say. She smiled at that as she moved a bit closer, taking a seat near her.
“That's usually how it goes this far along.” Hanji smiled as she looked at the enormous belly Mikasa was sporting. “In fact, have you two considered the fact that there might be twins in there?”
Levi and Mikasa's eyes went wide while Gabi just looked completely excited and hopeful.
“Say that again, four eyes, and you won't be conscious when the baby does make its appearance.” He said the word 'baby' with the kind of inflection that said it's singular for a reason, and she laughed at how worried the two of them had seemed. They stayed up talking for a little longer before Hanji's exhaustion started to show.
“Mikasa doesn't use the bed right now, it's too hard to get up the stairs, so we'll be fine here if you wanna go up there and rest.” Levi said, nodding toward the bedroom at the top of the stairs. Mikasa had dozed off on the couch in a somewhat uncomfortable looking sitting position, so his voice was hushed as he spoke.
“Are you sure?” Hanji asked. “I wouldn't want to take your bed from you.”
“You know I don't sleep there anyway. I'm fine in the chair down here. I don't want to leave her alone...just in case.” He tried to keep his usual carefree look about him, but Hanji could tell that he was worried just by the way he gazed at Mikasa from the kitchen as they spoke.
“If you're sure,” She said again with a questioning glance. He looked at her and nodded before turning his watchful eye back to the raven haired girl asleep on the couch. “If anything happens come and wake me. She really is very far along, it could be any moment.”
“Yeah, just go get some rest.” He urged as he left the small kitchen and made his way back to the armchair in the sitting room. Hanji climbed the stairs, stealing one last glance at them before she entered the bedroom and closed the door behind her. The room was immaculate, untouched for who knows how long. She almost felt bad for peeling down the sheets on the perfectly made bed and crawling into it, but she was relieved when her head hit the pillow. It had been close to forty-eight hours since she'd had any sleep, and she could feel the impact of that immediately. She let her eyes flutter shut as sleep overtook her.
oOo
She was there for three days before the labor started, but it was evident when it had. She'd been outside tending to her horse when Levi rushed out the door to the porch and yelled her name so loud that she could hear it all the way at the stable. She rushed back inside to see Mikasa on her knees on the floor, gripping the coffee table in front of the couch so hard that she thought it might splinter and crack in her hand. Hanji rushed to her side, easing her back to lean against the couch before she looked to Levi.
“Go get some blankets and pillows to put on the floor, we need to make her as comfortable as possible. This isn't going to be easy for her.” Hanji said as another contraction ripped through Mikasa and she screamed, setting Levi into motion. He came back with as many soft and fluffy things as he could find, arranging them on the floor of their sitting room and helping Mikasa to lay down. He sat behind her, a pillow pushed up against his chest to make her more comfortable as she leaned on him. She grasped his hand with the same ferocity she'd had on the table.
“Alright, Mikasa, this isn't going to be easy, but I'm right here to help you. We'll have that little guy out of there in no time.” Hanji said, trying to sound reassuring as another contraction shook Mikasa to her core. Levi looked terrified as he sat behind her, watching as Hanji positioned herself between Mikasa's legs.
“Ughh, just get it the fuck out of me!” Mikasa had screamed, her voice laced with the pain that she was no doubt feeling. Gabi had been at Sasha and Conny's house, but she burst in the door just as Mikasa let out another shrill scream. Hanji looked back at the wide eyed girl as she took in the situation.
“Holy shit, it's happening!” She'd said in shock. Levi scowled at her but couldn't really lecture her for her use of language since he was pretty loose with the amount of expletives he used around her. “Wh-what do I do? How can I help?!”
“Gabi, stay out of the way!” Levi said, his usually cool demeanor cracking under stress. She shrunk back a bit at his words but she didn't let them get to her.
“Gabi, if you think you can stomach it you can help me.” Hanji said, half turning her face toward the girl and smiling a bit. “Go grab some towels and some warm water.”
Hanji knew good and well that was just a way to keep anxious fathers busy during a delivery, but she watched as Gabi sped off after the requested items anyway. Mikasa panted out strangled breaths as she laid against Levi's chest, still gripping his hand harshly. He didn't seem to mind, though, he was focused on smoothing back her hair, trying to make her as comfortable as possible in her given state, and Hanji couldn't help but smile at the thought of her long time friend being a father.
The contractions were very close together now, and Hanji knew that the baby would be making its appearance very soon. She winced at the sound of Mikasa's screams as contraction after contraction ripped its way through her body until she was holding the screaming baby boy in her hands and Mikasa's legs dropped almost as soon as he'd made his appearance. A strong, healthy baby boy, just as Hanji had thought. Gabi had come back with the towels and water and Hanji used them to clean him up, swaddling him in a blanket after she'd helped Levi snip the umbilical chord and laying the restless little bundle on Mikasa's chest. She was exhausted, but she smiled down at the baby with tears clear in her eyes.
Hanji looked at Levi as he settled back into his position behind Mikasa and she could see the pride beaming in his eyes as he gazed on his new family. It was a look that Hanji wasn't used to seeing on him, but it suited him. She smiled at them before looking to Gabi.
“What do you think?” She asked as Gabi turned her head toward her.
“That was...” Gabi stopped, and Hanji knew that Gabi felt much the same way that she felt the first time she saw a baby come into the world.
“Beautiful, amazing...a little gross.” Hanji laughed a bit as Gabi nodded.
“Well, congratulations on your new little brother.”
Mikasa looked up at Levi then, for the first time since the grunting baby had been placed on her chest. A tear slid down her face but he wiped it away with his thumb as he looked at his new son.
“What do you want to name him?” She asked as she cradled him gently against her.
“Eren.” Levi said resolutely, and Mikasa burst into uninhibited tears. Hanji wasn't sure if Mikasa was happy or distraught from what Levi had said to her, but she smiled all the same when Mikasa only nodded.
“Do you want to hold him, Gabi?” Mikasa's voice sounded weak and tired, but there was a motherly affection in it that she had no doubt mastered during the year the young girl had been living under their roof. Gabi only nodded and Levi took the baby from Mikasa and walked over to Gabi as she sat down in his armchair. He placed baby Eren gently in her arms and her eyes lit up as she looked down on him.
“Alright, you two bond with new baby, I'll help you get cleaned up, Mikasa.” Hanji said softly as she reached out a hand and helped her to her feet. She slung the exhausted girl's arm over her shoulders and put her own around her waist as she helped her to the bathroom and let her sit against the wall as Hanji drew a bath for her. “You did a wonderful job.” She said, looking back at her with a smile.
“I didn't think I could do it.” Mikasa said, and her words were genuine.
“You're stronger than that.” Hanji helped Mikasa undress, all of the new mother's inhibitions had dissolved with her exhaustion, and helped her into the tub. Hanji couldn't help but still feel a pang of regret for the past, for not being able to save Eren, and the name they'd chosen for their new son brought up the overwhelming need to apologize. “Mikasa...I'm so sorry for...”
“Hanji, don't. I don't need your apologies. I know what you're going to say.” Mikasa said as she let her eyes close, relaxing into her bath. “You couldn't have done anything for him...and I don't want you feeling guilty. Levi tells me what the two of you talk about when he goes to visit you.”
“I...” Hanji was at a loss for words. She wasn't quite sure what she was about to say, but it had dissolved on her tongue before she could get it out.
“Thank you, Hanji. For everything.” Mikasa smiled weakly at her, brushing her sweat matted hair off of her face. Hanji only smiled and continued to help Mikasa clean herself up, feeling better about her life than she had since the war ended.
Hanji helped an exhausted Mikasa to the bedroom at the top of the stairs and came back down to the living room to find Levi holding the new baby Eren, Gabi had run to Sasha and Conny's house to tell them the news, and Levi was still gazing at the little bundle in awe. She smiled as she realized that this new life had already changed her best friend for the better, and she couldn't wait to see what happened next. Levi looked up as she entered the room, and she swore she saw a smile on his lips in the dim light.
“She's resting.” Hanji said, answering the question she knew was in the back of his mind. “I'm sure she'll be asleep for a while.”
“Can you fucking believe this, Hanji?” Levi asked, looking back down at his son. “How did we live to this point?”
“Beats me, but at least we're here.”
“You know we'll need you to visit more often now that he's here.” Levi said, looking up at her again. “We don't know the first fucking thing about what we're supposed to do.”
“You know I'm always just a phone call away, Levi, and Sasha and Conny can help when I'm not here.”
“I think Mikasa and I would both rather have you here.” He said, a softness to his voice that made him almost sound alien to her. It made her smile nonetheless.
“Okay, Levi. I'll be here for all of you, always.”