Work Text:
It had been weeks since they had shared a bed. The Order had them going on separate missions all the time and they were hardly ever home at all, let alone together. Tired as they both were they couldn’t sleep, unwilling to close their eyes and waste these rare moments spent with each other.
They had just finished making love for the third time that night and their bodies were still damp with sweat as they lay tangled in the bedsheets. Sirius’ head was on Remus’ shoulder, his fingers lightly tracing patterns on the scarred chest, enjoying the feeling of the other man’s hand idly stroking through his hair. This was how it should have been all the time. They were twenty years old, and they were in love and they should be together every single night like this, instead of out fighting, unsure if the other was still alive or if they would come back.
“What’s wrong?” Remus whispered, his lips brushing across the top of Sirius’ head.
Sirius frowned and tilted his head up to look at his boyfriend, not that he could see much in the dark room, the only light spilling in from the window where the quarter moon hung in the sky. “Hmm?”
“You sighed,” said Remus. “And I know something is on your mind.”
Of course he did. Remus could always tell when something was bothering Sirius, no matter how hard the dark haired man tried to hide it and enjoy the moment. Sirius licked his lips, suddenly feeling dry.
“It isn’t fair.” He muttered, the arm he had draped over Remus’ stomach tightened slightly. “It isn’t fair that this is happening and that we have to be involved…” he felt something in his chest tug and suddenly he sat up. “It’s not fair that we’re out there risking our lives when we should be out living them! That we don’t know who’s-” his voice cracked and he swallowed. “We don’t know who’s next to-”
“Sirius,” Remus had sat upright as well and placed a hand on his lover’s bare shoulder.
“I can’t lose you, Moony…” whispered Sirius. “Or James or Lily or Peter…and every day someone else is missing or…or…"
“I’m right here, Pads.” Remus kissed the back of his neck. “You haven’t lost any of us.” Feeling Sirius tense up, realization hit and Remus wrapped his arms around the shorter man, pulling him close. “I’m sorry, Sirius.”
Cursing his inability to mask his emotions, Sirius allowed himself to lean against his boyfriend, nuzzling his face into Remus’ neck and letting out a shaky sigh. “I’m not even allowed to his funeral, Moons.” A small whimper escaped from his throat and he felt Remus press a kiss to his hair. “He was my brother and that bitch won’t even-”
“Sshhh…”
Sirius was silent as Remus repositioned them so they where once again lying down, Remus’ arms still secured around him.
“You know what the worst part of it is?” Sirius said quietly after a while. Remus didn’t say anything, so he continued. “That she thinks he died some sort of Hero’s Death, doing what she thinks is right.” He hoped Remus didn’t hear him sniffling. “And…” He hesitated, unsure if he could bring himself to say the thought that had been haunting him since he got news of his brother’s death.
“What, love?” Remus encouraged, his hand coming to brush Sirius’ hair from his face.
Sirius took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “…I’m almost relieved he’s gone.” He said it in just barely a whisper, and had it been anyone but Remus he was speaking to, they may not have heard him at all. Remus’ heightened senses were a blessing and a curse, so he definitely heard. “Because now when I go on these fucking missions…and I’m fighting these faceless arseholes…I don’t have to wonder if it’s him behind the mask.”
Remus’ breath hitched and his arms tightened, but he didn’t say anything. There wasn’t much he could say.
Sirius forced a cold laugh. “Of course, odds are whoever I’m fighting is still probably a cousin or some sort of distant relative…but at least I’ll always know it wasn’t me that killed Reggie…” he shook his head, no longer caring that he could feel wetness on Remus’ chest from the stray tears that had fallen. He chuckled. “I fucking hate my family, Moony.” He snuggled further into the werewolf’s side, wishing he could melt right into him and disappear.
“They aren’t your family, Sirius.” Said Remus, who’s fingers were trailing up and down Sirius’ spine in a comforting, slow rhythm. “You know that. Your family is here, love. Me and Peter and James and Lil and the baby, when it comes…”
A smile tugged at Sirius’ lips, the way Remus knew it would. Mentioning Lily’s pregnancy was a sure way to get any of them to stop brooding about the evils they were facing and focus on the light, on the future that that baby could bring for all of them.
“Yeah,” Sirius sighed. “I know that. I do, really…but no matter what, even if I’ve been disowned and blasted off the tapestry and I haven’t seen or spoken to the lot of them since I was sixteen, I’m still a Black.” He spat the name out like it carried some sort of plague and he shuddered. He felt bad because they never had nights like this anymore, and he should be enjoying it. He should be happy because he was alive, and James and Lily and Peter were. Remus was alive and here with him, naked in their bed for him to kiss and touch and love.
Propping himself up on his elbow, Sirius pressed his lips firmly against Remus’, determined to get their night back on track. He smiled when he felt the other man’s lips part slightly to allow his tongue in and moaned when Remus’ slid against his own. He suddenly felt very foolish for getting so emotional.
“Sorry,” He muttered against Remus’ mouth, resting their foreheads together. “I shouldn’t have-”
“Marry me…”
Sirius blinked, pulling away slightly. He must have misheard. “W-what?”
There was a moment of stunned silence from both of them as they lay completely frozen and still only mere centimeters apart, breathing in each other’s air. Sirius sat up, almost immediately followed by Remus and they stared at each other.
“Remus…” Sirius said slowly. “Did you just-?”
“Yes.” Remus licked his lips. “I did.” He took Sirius’ hand in his, lacing their fingers together, his eyes glowing like embers in the dull moonlight as they bore into Sirius’. “Sirius Black, will you marry me?”
Sirius’ mouth opened and closed several times before he finally managed to form words.
“Y-you don’t mean that.” He laughed, blinking away the tears in his eyes. “You’re just-”
“I do mean it.” Remus’ voice was firm and unwavering, so much so that it took Sirius aback. “I love you, Sirius. I’ve loved you since we were eleven years old and you left chocolate frogs under my pillow when I was away…and you’d come into my bed when I had nightmares…I want us to be a family, properly like James and Lily. I-” his eyes widened slightly and he scrambled across the mattress to the bedside table on his end, scrambling through the drawer while Sirius looked on, too surprised and confused to say anything. When he came back to sit in front of Sirius, he was smiling shyly.
“I know you think I’m only asking because there’s a war and emotions are high and all of that…and I admit this wasn’t really the way I had planned to ask you, but I promise I planned to…” Remus flicked his wand and wordlessly did a spell that relit the candles around the room that had burned out hours before. In the new, warm, glowing light, Sirius could see that Remus was fidgeting with something in his hands. He felt his mouth fall slightly open as Remus carefully opened the small box in his hands, revealing a simple gold band with a moonstone in the center and tiny diamonds around it.
“Sirius,” Remus said again. “Will you marry m-mmf!” He was cut off as Sirius’ hands came up to cup his face and his lips covered his own. Remus’ arms wound around his waist, pulling him fully into his lap as they kissed hungrily.
Finally breaking for air, Remus grinned up at him. “Is that a yes, then?”
“Under one condition.” Said Sirius, his lips forming a teasing smirk.
“And what might that be?”
Sirius’ nose gently bumped against Remus’ and he brushed their lips together lightly. “I get to take your last name.”
Remus chuckled, reaching to tuck Sirius’ hair behind his ear. “Oh? You want to be Sirius Lupin, then?”
Sirius nodded, grinning widely. “More than you could possibly know.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Remus agreed.