Chapter Text
sometimes minhyun wakes up at three in the morning to get himself a glass of water, and sometimes minhyun wakes up at three to the sight of jonghyun, seated in the living room of their shared dorm, shoulders tight and head low, monitoring their stages on the old ipad their company gave them (it was slow, and jonghyun was the only one with enough patience to use it properly).
minhyun wakes to the sight of jonghyun, who practices even at three in the morning, because he believes he is not good enough, not yet good enough, never good enough. then minhyun starts waking up to a jonghyun who smiles and shushes him and urges him to go back to bed because, "i'll be fine on my own", and "minhyun ah, you look tired these days, make sure to get enough rest". when jonghyun is clearly the one with dark shadows smudged harshly below his eyes, the one with the most aches, problems, worries.
and minhyun thinks, wonders, if jonghyun has been taking care of the 4 members of nu'est for so long, who's been taking care of him? so minhyun observes, and minhyun notices things that make his stomach roll, things that make him want to run back to bed and press his face against his pillow, things that make him want to pretend reality isn't real, that nu'est is successful, that they are successful, that jonghyun is happy, healthy. but he can't. he can only note with increasing worry how jonghyun doesn't eat nearly enough for a grown man, how jonghyun passes his portions of meat to minki, eyes gentle, hands gentle. how jonghyun tells dongho not to worry, go to bed, i'll clean up tonight. how jonghyun tells aron to remember that jonghyun will always support him, to put himself first, how jonghyun looks at minhyun and tells him they'll get through it when he looks like he's breaking apart into a million pieces. as the days pass, minhyun grows increasingly desperate.
jonghyun has always been a star, shining brilliantly,
the star nu'est looks up to,
the star nu'est follows,
but these days, jonghyun is fading, and minhyun has no idea what to do.