Chapter Text
Yosuke saw that familiar, enticing flash of silver and quickly swerved his bike to the side. He couldn’t believe he’d actually taken his bike, couldn’t believe his heartbeat had been erratic since he’d received that text: Can you come meet me at the riverbed? I have something important to tell you. Come alone.
Luck blessed him for once as he didn’t crash, actually parking in a way that was kinda cool. Yosuke yanked his headphones down to his neck and hastily started towards Souji, his mind racing. What the hell could possibly be going on? He wasn’t sure why he was so eager to find out; or, at least, he wouldn’t admit to occasionally being aware of those flickers of want going through his subconsciousness… Anyway! Whatever it was had to be something huge: otherwise he wouldn’t have tried to make sure that Yosuke came alone. (Though what the fuck did Souji think he’d do, bring Teddie? Eh, who honestly gave a fuck considering what was about to happen?)
“Hey, partner!” Yosuke greeted him with a wave and a wink, the standard Yosukian greeting.
“Hey.” Yosuke’s eyes widened at his nervous tone; the smile he was offering him was strained, and his cheeks were dusted with the kind of pink you’d see on chibi anime girls confessing to their crushes. What the hell…?
“So, what’s going on?” The brown-eyed teen was getting a bit nervous; dragging this on would be too much for him to take.
“Um… sit down.”
“Uh, okay.” Yosuke awkwardly obeyed.
After a few moments of extremely fucking awkward silence, Yosuke added, “So, are you gonna sit down too, or…?’’
“Oh! Oh, yeah.” And then he plopped down next to him, his eyes on the ground.
What the fuck…?
“Souji…?”
“I’m sorry, I’m just… nervous.” He cleared his throat, dragging his hand through his hair. He looked about as flustered as someone who had just walked in on an orgy between his other siblings. What was going on…?!?
“Just spit it out.” Yosuke pressed, moving so that Souji had no choice but to meet his eyes. “You know you can tell me anything. After all those times you were there for me… I’m sure as hell always gonna be here for you, man.” He couldn’t help but remember the last time they’d been here together, when they’d got into a “fight” and Jiraiya had transformed into Susano-O. Was Souji about to confess something to him…?
Oh, why was his heart racing like this…?
“Uh… Okay. Th-... Thanks… Okay.” He relaxed ever so slightly, finally meeting Yosuke’s gaze of his own will. “You can’t tell anyone, okay?”
“You know I won’t.”
“O… Okay. Okay.” He buried his hands in his pockets; Yosuke could see them fidgeting even through the cloth. He couldn’t help but get excited in response; this was the only time Souji had ever been nervous… And what could it be that he was so nervous about…? “Please don’t freak out, okay?”
Souji waited for his nod before he pushed on.
“Yosuke… I’m going out with Kou.”
Whether he would admit it or not, Yosuke had been expecting (and hoping for) something… very... ur… well, something about himself. And Souji. He’d been (secretly but positively) 100% sure that those words would come out. So when they didn’t, it took his mind a moment to realize this, then even longer to grab onto the words Souji had actually voiced and that had made him such a wreck. It took several long, long moments for it to sink in, and when it did-
“What the fuck?!?”
Souji looked as if he’d been slapped. “I.. I knew you’d be upset-”
“Oh, come on, drop it. This is some bullshit, fam.”
His expression seemed oh, so fucking pained in response to Yosuke’s words. “Yosu-”
“Look, I know you’re joking, man. And it’s actually really lame. And that’s coming from ME, so you’re DEFINITELY doing something wrong.”
Now it was Souji’s turn to sit there flabbergasted for a minute as he tried to process what was going on. “You… You actually think I’m joking about this?”
Yosuke snorted. “Come on, dude, just drop it.”
“Why would I joke-”
“Because most people would find it funny, but frankly, that kind of shit’s just really really REALLY gross. So I guess it was supposed to be amusing when I fell for it, and then Kou jumps out and… I dunno, throws some balls at me or something.” He craned his neck, scanning for the purple-haired boy. “So where is he?”
Souji’s gaze returned to the ground. “He’s out telling Daisuke. We… didn’t want to lie about it to everyone, definitely not… our friends… But we’re only telling the… the t-two most important people to us.” He shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry, I never should have told you…” He looked and sounded like he was about to cry, and that was enough to make Yosuke start to doubt this was some prank.
“Souji, don’t… Wait. Did you say I’m the most important…?”
He didn’t answer.
“Nanako…”
“She’s my sister. But you’re my partner.” He said it so honestly, so confidently, it honestly hurt Yosuke’s soul. “Plus, Kou trusts you, too.”
Yosuke was now watching the ground too; apparently the shitty dirt by the shitty river in this shitty town was some shitty good entertainment today. “Look… You’re not joking, right? Because if you are I’m going to be majorly pissed.”
“I’m not.” The silent seconds melted into silent minutes. Tension so thick it was palpable, soundlessness so loud it was deafening, until Souji interrupted it with the quietest, most pitiable whisper Yosuke had ever heard: “Please don’t hate me.”
Hearing him sound like that… It felt like he was being stabbed. “What- no! Ugh, I could never hate you, Souji!”
Souji looked back up at him hopefully. “So you’re okay with it?”
Apparently Yosuke’s discomfort was clear on his features despite how hard he was attempting to hide it, as Souji winced. “Fuck, I knew you wouldn’t want to hear this…”
“Fuck? Damn, Souji, I’ve never heard you cuss like that before!” Yosuke attempted to break the tension but he gave up as he saw Souji’s expression sour further. “Look, Souji. I won’t hate you, no matter what crazy shit you do.”
Souji didn’t comment on the fact that his best friend had just implied his boyfriend was some “crazy shit,” like dating Kou was the equivalent of vandalizing the school or shoving puppies into the TV on a foggy day. “Th… Thanks, Yosuke.” Souji knew Yosuke well enough to realize he was trying, and for that he was definitely grateful.
He nodded awkwardly. “No matter what, we’re always partners, okay…?”
“Okay…” After another pause, he added, “But you can’t tell anyone. Not Chie, not Yukiko, not Rise, and oh God please don’t tell Nanako-”
“But I can tell Kanji, riiiiight~?” At this Souji gave him a hint of a smile, and Yosuke felt a rush of satisfaction (Souji didn’t actually think it was funny, but he’d do anything to make things be semi-normal again after this.)
“Please don’t.”
“I know, I know.” Pause. Pregnant pause. Yosuke-couldn’t-take-this-anymore pause. He made a big show of fishing his phone out of his pocket and checking the time. “Oh, crap! I’m sorry, I should have been helping Dad out at Junes ages ago.” He got to his feet without looking back. “See ya later, partner!”
“Bye.” Souji answered softly, feeling his heart sink. He’d told Kou everything Yosuke would say about Kanji (leaving his name out, of course) but Kou had insisted that he and Souji and Yosuke and Daisuke would always be friends no matter what, and they needed people to know, both emotionally and strategically because Yosuke and Daisuke could help cover for them, and he didn’t want any rifts between them from lying and then finding out, so it’d definitely be better telling them now.
God, Kou was such a dumbass.
Ping! Souji swiped out his phone, reading Kou’s message: How’d it go?
It went okay. Daisuke?
He got a reply almost instantly: GR8! Did something happen w/ Yosuke tho?
Souji sighed, then went ahead and replied: No, of course not.
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Yosuke was pedaling like his life depended on it, like if he strained the fuck out of his legs he’d focus on that instead of the billions of thoughts rushing through his head.
Souji was a queer…? What the fuck?!?
He couldn’t go to Junes. There was no way in hell he could pretend to be normal after… that. Before he knew it, he found himself carelessly throwing his bike at the summit of the hill he’d shown Souji so long ago, or at least what felt like so long ago. Trudging upwards, he felt his legs ache, felt his mind ache.
Souji. Respectable, perfect Souji is a faggot. A part of him that he didn’t want to acknowledge was quite satisfied to finally feel like Yosuke himself had done something right while perfect Souji had fucked up (though he’d sooner confess to that twisted pride and feel like an asshole than… that other thing he felt and feel like a girl.)
As his thought cleared somewhat from the rush of cool air breezing in at the summit of the hill, he realized that, yet again, Souji had brought out that… envy inside of him. But why? He wasn’t jealous of him, he didn’t wanna date Kou!
Then… did that mean that was jealous of Kou…?
Yosuke slumped down at the top of the hillhell, buried his face between his knees, and screamed the word “fuck” over and over and over and over…
His throat stung. Yosuke stopped, sitting criss-cross and glaring down at the tiny shapes of Inaba below him. “What the fuck, Souji…” Yosuke grumbled, hugging himself tightly. How could Souji not see how fucked up this shit was? Guys didn’t want to fuck guys!
Thinking about it now, Souji had never really seemed to enjoy it all that much when Yosuke would joke about Kanji’s sexuality. Had he been… like this all along without Yosuke realizing it?
And why would Souji even tell him this, anyway? Why was he so disappointed Souji had told him that instead of…? What was it he’d wanted Souji to say? And why was it that, despite how repulsed he was, he was still happy that Souji had said he was the most important person to him?
Yosuke shoved his headphones back on, somehow successfully drowning out his thoughts with the music.