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Shiro stirred in his sleep, his eyes staying shut but his mind working again. He moved his arm, feeling that Keith was still beside him, probably fast asleep. Keith slept much deeper than Shiro; he wouldn’t wake if Shiro moved a little
Shiro was about to turn his head to the other side and try to go back to sleep when he heard a little voice break the silence of the night. It was just a murmur, as though Keith was simply talking in his sleep, having conversations that were just his imagination. But then Shiro felt a light touch tracing over his collarbones, undoubtedly Keith’s touch. Again there was a murmur, this one a little more clear to Shiro than the previous.
“Why… be… you?”
Shiro remained still. Keith’s fingers made little circles on the tops of Shiro’s pectorals.
“You’re so strong…”
Shiro smiled in his head. Did Keith do this a lot? Touch his muscles and compliment him? It was kind of cute and silly.
“How did you get to be so strong?”
Training, Shiro thought as he felt Keith’s fingers run over his shoulders, barely grazing the skin. Lots and lots of training.
“I wish I was strong…” Keith ran his fingers over Shiro’s bicep. “Why can’t I be strong?”
If you wanted to get stronger, we could train together.... I’m sure I could cook up a routine for you.
Keith shifted positions so his arms were crossover Shiro’s chest. He rested his head on his arms and felt the stubble on Shiro’s chin. “You need to shave.”
Shiro tried not to chuckle. Keith was funny when he was sleepy.
“You’re such a man…” Keith continued running his fingers over the prickly hair on Shiro’s face. “Why can’t I be a man like that…?”
That comment caught Shiro off guard. What was Keith saying? Why was he talking like that?
“Why do I have to be so small? You’re so big and tall and strong… I want to be like that…”
Keith’s hand moved to Shiro’s fringe, fingers running through it and spiking it upwards. Shiro could feel Keith’s breath tickling his lip and his weight being placed on his chest.
“I just want to be normal. I don’t want to feel bad all the time.” Shiro’s felt his hair being moved back and forth. “I wanna be like you - strong, confident, talented, handsome.” Keith let his head fall to the side. “But I'm just me…”
Shiro desperately wanted to wrap his arms around Keith and tell him he is perfect in every way, but somehow Shiro felt as though Keith would not want him to hear the words he was saying. They were private thoughts that Keith wanted to keep inside but couldn’t, so he let them out when no one could hear him.
“Why me, Shiro? You could have picked anyone to love, and you picked me.” Keith’s hand went limp and trailed down Shiro’s cheek. “You picked the runt. A weak little wimp. Did you feel bad for me? Pitiful? Sympathetic?”
Keith could feel some tears starting to wet his eyes. “All I do is cry and make poor choices. I can’t control my emotions. I can’t fight like you. I can’t do anything right and you can do everything. You don’t lash out and you always know what to do. You’re such a good leader and everyone likes you…”
Keith’s fingers went back to idly tapping on Shiro’s chest. “Maybe I should be the one to leave Voltron instead of Lance.”
How could you say that? Shiro thought. You’re amazing and able. No one is going to leave. Not Lance, not you.
“I’ve looked up to you so much and for so long. Why am I still the same? Why do I still crumble under the pressure? Why can’t I just be more like you?”
Keith mushed his face into his arms and Shiro’s chest to keep from crying loudly and possibly waking Shiro from the slumber he thought he was in. Shiro casually wrapped his arms around Keith and tightly held him, resting his cheek on his head. They laid still with each other, Keith’s breathing slowly easing as he fell back asleep, but not without shedding a few tears. It would be a lie to say that Shiro did not do the same.