Work Text:
Kiibo thanked Iruma again, bowing deeply at the waist to her surprise and chagrin, and exited the inventor's workshop. It was almost night, and while Kiibo would usually be found hanging around the dining hall and people-watching, he instead hurried straight to his dorm room, shutting the door quickly and making absolutely sure the door was locked. He had just received a new function from Iruma, one he had been thinking about for a long time. Kiibo placed his bookbag neatly on his small desk, and turned to face the closet mirror in front of him. He stood straight, and stared into his face.
He blinked once, twice. Then, a prickling sensation in the corners of his eyes. He concentrated on this until a single tear formed from his eye, welling up in his brand new tear ducts. It dropped, feeling cool on his artificial skin due to the lack of any kind of body heat. Yes, that is what he wanted. A crying function. Kiibo was created complete with the ability to imitate any emotion. But an imitation was far away from the real thing. He could blush from embarassment and feel hot from anger, but he felt limited in what he could do. He certainly could not cry before today. There hadn't been many instances where he felt like crying in the past, merely a sadness washed over him on rare occasions, but he always felt something was missing. Iruma had questioned his reasoning, in her crude way, for this oddly specific function, and Kiibo merely stated he wanted to upgrade his emotion repetoire. But as he currently stood in his dimly lit room, holding a hand to his face as tears casually slid down his metal cheeks, he could only think back to what started this spiral of thoughts.
An incident had occurred earlier that week. Kaito Momota, a student he was familiar with but couldn't say he knew well, had fallen ill enough to be taken to a local hospital. Saihara had been with Kaito the entire day, according to his classmates. Kiibo would visit Saihara every night, as he decided Saihara was his closest friend and it would benifit him to learn from him. Kiibo did not know the full details of the incident, but he heard that Kaito had survived and would be returning to campus the next day. Seeing as Kaito and Saihara had a close friendship as well, Kiibo thought it would be nice to stop by and bring good news. He entered Saihara's dorm that day, and as soon as he let him know Kaito was safe, he was shocked to see the dark haired boy burst into tears. Of course, Kiibo thought he was hurt in some way, but was surprised to hear that it was over Kaito. Only after Saihara's voice calmed enough to be audible, did he explain he was just crying tears of joy. This notion was new to Kiibo. Sure, his databases informed him humans cried usually due to pain, sadness, heartbreak, and the like. Saihara definitely looked to be in pain or distress, far away from joy. But a positive emotion like joy couldn't be that painful, right? Saihara had laughed a bit at Kiibo's naive question, and while the robot would usually point out this was an offense, Kiibo let it go that time. Saihara had explained he was just too overcome with happiness his friend was going to be okay, while at the same time, being fearful he wouldn't be able to see him again. After a few moments of talking, Saihara claimed he was too tired to continue, and Kiibo left to let him get rest.
And here he was currently, Saihara's thoughts turned over and over again in Kiibo's head. Was there anything he would feel that level of anguish over? To cry tears of joy? He has felt happiness before, wonder and amazement. But they were never so intense to push him to tears. Not that he could cry before. During moments of sadness, he often found himself wishing he could cry. Those times were few and far in between, and he struggled to capture the exact feeling he felt then. In the present moment, these silent tears streaming down his face and running along his cheek grooves did nothing to change his emotion either. It was as if they were never there. Kiibo wiped at them, and willed his eyes to stop crying. They did, but not immediately. Where they were streaming down before, they had now lessened to a trickle. Iruma really made them realistic after all.
The lights were still off in his room, but Kiibo felt too tangled in his thoughts to think of turning them back on and getting any work done. He still stood in front of the mirror, observing himself. It nagged in the back of his mind to not waste time like this, but he didn't want to let these thoughts go just yet. He wondered back to the incident of that week, and Saihara's explanation. Crying... Because a person close to you had a dangerous experience. Should he think about how he felt that day? He couldn't recall feeling sad, it was merely concern for a classmate. He knew Kaito was okay. So he should think about someone else. But who would he pick? Kiibo's mind drifted only a little until it latched onto Saihara. It made sense to him, since he was the person he saw the most of these days, and was the person of interest right now in his thoughts. So he switched the scenario, imagined Saihara's face instead of Kaito's. Saihara being the one in danger. If Saihara was in danger... Or hurt. Or sick, and I couldn't get to him.
Kiibo did not have a heart or a pulse, but something inside him twisted for a split second.
Was that joy to the point of crying? No, Kiibo shook his head to himself. There was no way he could feel that in this pretend scenario. He thought back to Saihara that day. Kiibo decided yes, Saihara might cry after receiving that news. It was only human to do so for someone you are close to. It was written so in Kiibo's database. What wasn't written however was tears of joy or relief. So he wondered back to the scenario he had created, and back to that twinge in his chest. Saihara being hurt was definitely not a pleasant thought. But he quickly amended it, making pretend Saihara recover. He would return to school, and Kiibo would be happy to see his best friend safe. Kiibo didn't have to close his eyes to imagine this, but did so anyway, imitating what a person would do. He could feel a stray tear or two from before slip out of his eye as he closed it.
So, he would meet Saihara again. But this time, it was after not being able to know if he'd ever see Saihara again.
If he could never see Saihara again...?
Another twinge in his chest, and Kiibo took a shaky breath without needing to. No, he had no use for breathing, but was programmed to in order to be as human as possible. So Kiibo never focused on his own breathing until now. That feeling - he could not pinpoint it but his chest definitely heaved. He fought against this surge of new emotion in him, one he couldn't quite name yet. A small notification in his system caught his attention, alerting him to a rise in body temperature. That didn't make sense to him, seeing as he had no database entry for rising temperature in humans when faced in this kind of situation. Well, he caught himself. The situation was not real in the first place. Yet somehow, he felt himself feeling affected in a way he couldn't put words to. Just because he thought about never seeing Saihara again. As uncomfortable as he felt having to dwell on that unpleasant thought, Kiibo ultimately decided it would benefit him by pushing him closer to seeming human. These were thoughts humans had as well in the first place.
He forced himself to think back on the scenario.
Of getting news that Saihara was...
Of not knowing what to do.
What would he do? It couldn't be true, Saihara was-
This time, a whimper escaped his lips without meaning to. Kiibo opened his eyes, he hadn't remembered closing them so tightly, but his eyes definitely felt the strain. A part of him felt intrigued he had this feeling, but a larger part of him was starting to feel alarmed. No... He definitely didn't want to dwell on these thoughts anymore. Maybe he could learn about the different causes of crying in humans another way that wouldn't require him to think about... that. His dear friend was fine and well in the real world, so there was no reason to ever think of those kinds of twisted scenarios. Kiibo reassured himself yet still harbored doubt, which was definitely a new thing. Nothing of this sort had ever crossed his mind before. It was new, but the sudden fear and mixed emotions he felt started to overwhelm him. He knew it was irrational, all evidence of his memory banks and logic pointed him towards the fact that currently, Saihara would be in his own dorm, studying for classes the next day as Kiibo should be doing right now. Yes. He was fine. Fine and well.
So why did he feel such fear from a simple thought? Why was he suddenly second guessing himself? The robot gazed at himself in the mirror, feeling frozen, and turned on a dime to rush out of his dorm. He nearly tripped over the threshold of the door, where he usually would be cognizant of such things. Only one thing blared in his mind, as clear as an alarm: Was Saihara safe?
Kiibo could pinpoint the emotion he felt as he hurried down the stairs to Saihara's floor. Fear. Born only from a simple thought he had. His mind brought up the symptoms he would feel if he was human. Hammering heart. Shaking limbs. A cold sweat. Kiibo could feel none of these, lacking the equipment to do so, but the emotion was still present, forcing that thing, that seemingly empty space in his chest to tighten and squeeze. The hallway lights were a blur as he zeroed in on Saihara's door. He knocked without thinking, then called out his name frantically. No response. Immediately, his level of fear tripled. Was it his fault? It couldn't be, that was illogical. He didn't do anything. Or, did something happen? Kiibo sensed the core temperature alert in the back of his mind again as his thoughts battled each other, overwhelming him. He did not want to break down right now. What if he couldn't get to Saihara in time? What if-!
Kiibo spun around on a whim, ready to search the whole dormitory and the whole school if he had to, filled with the need to make sure Saihara was okay, when he bumped into the very person he was thinking about. Saihara startled, taking a step back as Kiibo took two strides forward and collided into him. The two tumbled to the floor, Saihara yelping as Kiibo accidentally lay his whole weight on him. Saihara quickly apologized, pinned underneath the heavy robot who was currently burying his face into the front of Saihara's uniform. The dark haired boy was familiar with Kiibo's bouts of embarrassment and he idly patted his head while reminding him he was running out of space to breathe. But to his shock, a wail escaped the robots mouth, and Saihara froze.
Kiibo's hands were bunched up in Saihara's coat as they pressed the fabric tightly against his face. What could only be described as crying noises were now echoing in the empty dorm halls. Recalling how Kiibo did not have the ability to cry, he was both amazed and worried to feel a growing wetness along the front of his coat, as the robot's shoulders shook with each sob. Before he could begin to figure out what exactly was happening, Kiibo let out another wail. Saihara decided it was better to figure out this kind of thing inside the dorm where no one could hear them or interrupt. It proved difficult to get Kiibo to stand up and walk into Saihara's room only a few feet away, the poor boy completely overcome with emotion.
Saihara closed the door behind him once they entered, Kiibo still clinging to his front as if he was the only thing keeping him standing. The tears hadn't stopped by then. Saihara observed that it really did seem like he was crying, just as a person would, complete with shuddering breaths and realistic tears. Each time he breathed in though, it would make what he could only describe as a glitch noise. He thought it would have been cute if Kiibo wasn't so distressed at the moment, and pushed that thought away guiltily.
"Kiibo... what's wrong?" he offered, grabbing his wrist as the robot covered his face, still crying.
"Nothing- Nothing is wrong," Kiibo replied, voice quivering.
"Something is obviously wrong. Please... Tell me. If you'd like, or are okay with sharing," Saihara quickly amended. Kiibo pressed his black fingers to his eyes, as if to manually stop the flow of tears, but he spoke again through them.
"I... I was scared. I was scared something happened to you," he said simply, in a low voice, completely avoiding eye contact. Without meaning to, the coils under his skin heated up in embarrassment. That definitely wasn't the feeling he was hoping on experiencing.
The two were situated on Saihara's bed, and Saihara scooted closer to Kiibo. He was frowning, bringing his own hand to Kiibo's face. The robot wanted nothing more than to clam up under his facemask, but allowed the other to wipe at the still falling tears. "Scared of what? Nothing happened to me. Did someone say something?" His expression suddenly darkened. "Did Kokichi say something? You have to tell me."
"No, no one said anything, um..." His face reddened, and he resisted the urge to wave his hand away at the ever annoying alert about his core temperature. Too many emotions were happening. The crushing, unfounded fear of earlier mixed with current frustration and embarrassment threatened to make their presence known by sending more tears down Kiibo's face, as he hiccuped and broke into a sob again. How could he explain something so stupid to Saihara now? He suddenly wanted to get up and leave, regretting even coming.
Meanwhile, Saihara was at a loss. Kiibo was very obviously shaken, scared of something happening to him? What it was exactly, he had no idea. Instead of ruminating on the cause, he made his first priority to comfort the smaller boy. There never was a time he felt Kiibo understood such things as fear, but it was all too apparent now. It was probably overwhelming him. Saihara wrapped his arms around Kiibo, rubbing his back soothingly as Kiibo buried his face in his shoulder. Saihara whispered 'it's okay, it's gonna be okay,' wondering if Kiibo was even registering his voice. But, after some time, enough to make Saihara's entire arm feel damp from the other's tears, Kiibo broke away from the embrace and quickly rubbed his knuckles at his eyes.
"I apologize. I am so sorry, I don't fully understand what happened. Forgive me for this outburst, I didn't intend to get so carried away-"
"It's okay, don't apologize," Saihara replied softly. For all the crying Kiibo just did, his eyes weren't red at all. That made sense seeing as how Kiibo probably had no blood vessels. If it wasn't for the glistening on his cheeks or the distraught expression, it would be impossible to tell he was just crying his poor heart out a few seconds ago. His electric blue eyes never looked up as he tried to compose himself, and Saihara allowed him a few moments before he spoke again.
"I just want to know exactly what happened. I really... don't feel happy seeing you upset, and I feel sad seeing you...sad." Saihara chose his words carefully, knowing Kiibo always took everything so literally. It came out awkward, but had the intended affect, because he could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of Kiibo's lips.
"I understand your concern, and it makes me happy. I think. I have been feeling a lot of emotions in the past twenty minutes so it's hard to..." He trailed off.
"It could help to talk about it. That's what people do when they feel upset." Saihara placed his hand on Kiibo's shoulder. "It's like how you helped me out on Monday, when you kept me company?"
"A-actually, that's what happened to me..." At Saihara's shocked expression, Kiibo frantically waved his hands. "Don't misunderstand, nothing actually happened, I was simply recalling that day. I'm sorry. I'm finding it hard to think straight at the moment..." While he tried his hardest to compose his thoughts, Saihara excused himself for a moment to reach for the nightstand beside the bed. He handed a tissue to Kiibo. "You wipe your eyes with this," he instructed. Kiibo dutifully swiped the tissue across his face, not unlike someone polishing a plate, and Saihara struggled to smile or acknowledge how he found Kiibo's inability to understand simple things so endearing. But he refrained, and Kiibo clutched the damp tissue in his hand as he heaved a deep sigh.
"I was thinking about something that alarmed me," he began. "At first, I was simply wondering about the action of crying." He pointed to his face. "Iruma had just installed a crying function for me. I had asked for it. I went to my room, and... I thought about things that could make one cry, to test it out, and I had come to that frightening thought. If something were to happen to you, what would I feel?" Kiibo kept his eyes still fixed towards his lap as he fiddled with the tissue in his hands, very aware of Saihara's gaze boring into him. "Um... I got frightened. I rushed to your room, and believed that something truly happened."
"So... how do you feel now? The same as before?"
"No... I actually feel h-happy that you're safe." Saihara could see Kiibo's eyes well up with tears again. With his gaze turned down, he spoke with a quivering voice. "So why do I feel so distressed? I can't understand."
"Well... I think anyone could feel frightened from thinking that. It's normal, so don't worry about that. Usually the emotion a person has after finding out good news is relief. You feel relieved right now."
"Relief can cause tears?"
"Yes, I guess you could say that. Everyone's different."
Kiibo found himself sighing again, purely from his own feelings than from the need to breathe. "It's confusing. I thought about how you would feel in a scenario such as that."
"... and you thought about me? Instead of Kaito?" Saihara supplied once he figured Kiibo wouldn't continue. The robot nodded slowly. "I am not saying Kaito is lesser than you. Yet, my emotions intensified when... I thought of y-you. As soon as I thought that, I became frozen with fear. I ran to see you. I almost fell. I just had to confirm you were okay."
Saihara began to feel his own heart ache a little from thinking of how Kiibo cared that much. For him, specifically. Here he was, crying on Saihara's bed from relief that his friend was safe. It was heartachingly sweet.
"Well, now you know I'm okay. There's nothing to worry about. I just have to ask... Why did you get a crying function installed?"
There was no embarassed blush or anything on Kiibo's face. Rather, his expression fell a little. "I wanted to be able to experience all ranges of emotion, and I found myself lacking in the ability to express sadness. I never thought about being sad. It's not a positive emotion so I do not dwell on it. Yet, seeing you like that made me wish... that I could better understand that side of human emotion. I let myself think those horrible thoughts until I could produce tears. And I succeeded."
"I'm very sorry you have to see me in this state," Kiibo continued, and began to stand up from Saihara's bed. Saihara reached for his arm to prevent him from leaving, and held on tightly.
"Hey. I'm glad you came here. I can't really imagine what it's like to feel those emotions for the first time. But like you were there for me, I'm here for you. So just... If you feel that way again, you can visit me." He began to feel a blush across his own face now. "I don't want you to feel that way again. You don't have to force those emotions. And anyway, you're fine the way you are."
"...The way I am?"
"Uh," Saihara struggled. "You don't have to make modifications to yourself just because you feel...lacking. I promise you aren't lacking. You're just yourself... Ah, I can't explain it well." Saihara found himself to be flustered as Kiibo was before. Kiibo was still standing, but he had his arm clasped in Saihara's grip. His sensors were telling him the boy's temperature was rising slowly.
"Thank you, Saihara. But I think it's the right course of action. I learned new things today thanks to this addition to my body. I was thinking of having more done so I could come closer to being human!" And just like that, the cheery expression that Saihara always saw on Kiibo's face returned. Gone were any traces of crying.
"I'm glad to hear that." Saihara stood as well, moving to hold Kiibo's hand. The robot let out a soft gasp as Saihara pulled him into another hug. "Please come see me again if you feel that way. Okay?" he said, softly into his ear.
"O-okay. Yes, I promise, Saihara. Would you do the same for me?"
"Always." Kiibo practically melted into the embrace, both boys blushing profusely.
"Ah! It's late isn't it," Kiibo shouted, pulling away quickly. "You need at least eight hours of sleep to feel rested. Don't let me get in the way of something that important!" It felt like a hasty excuse to him, but Saihara didn't press any further, and let him walk away.
"I won't." Saihara gave a small smile to the robot as he made his exit.
"Goodnight, Kiibo."
"Goodnight...Shuichi." Kiibo quickly slammed the door behind him as he said that, and Saihara's smile widened. He was too cute.
Way too cute.