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They hadn't been anything - not officially, not really. There'd been looks, touches, smiles... all kinds of little things that meant they'd been on the same page. They'd never talked about it, hadn't kissed or declared their feelings openly, but there'd been something there. Steve had known it since he'd felt relief, hot and bright and real burning inside of him after that first fight in New York, when (thank God thank God thank God) Tony wasn't dead after all. The smile that had crawled over Steve's face when he saw Tony jolt awake after the Hulk's roar felt like he first smile that had been on his face since... since Bucky fell. Tony was loud and flashy, all the worst bits of this 'modern' time combined into one in-your-face package. On him though, Steve liked the look. He'd thought about trying to get to know Tony right away, had almost been brave enough to just ask him out for dinner or coffee or something, but then...
Then Tony had smiled at him, and the expression was so soft. It was warm and patient, and Steve had just known that Tony would wait for him. He could go see this new America to try and wrap his head around it, and Tony would be in New York City when he got back. When they shook goodbye, both their hands lingered far longer than they'd needed to. The air between them had been charged, and he'd almost changed his mind again until Tony had quietly said 'enjoy yourself, Cap - come tell me all about your road trip when it's done'. Tony would be waiting for him so he knew he really could go.
He didn't blame Tony for leaving for Malibu after Steve agreed to temporarily move to DC when Fury asked. Tony's company was important - they were both working hard, but they still saw each other when they could. Those not-quite-dates were some of the things Steve cherished most about the brave new world he found himself in. At the end of them, Tony would always make a mention of how he'd be waiting for Steve. Nothing explicit, nothing that specifically said they were going to end up together, but they'd both had known what it meant. It was almost better than a kiss to say goodbye before they had the time to really be something to each other.
Yeah, maybe he'd flirted a little with the blonde who turned out to be part of SHIELD. And maybe Tony had seemed genuinely hurt by the way Steve hadn't asked for his assistance, but none of it meant anything. He was glad Tony was alright after his brush with the Mandarin... and he was also glad Tony hadn't tried to call him in. Steve would have dropped everything to go help out - he was sure he would have - but having to decide between the man who was waiting for him and the Strike team that he'd thought needed him would have been uncomfortable.
Tony was so good at making sure Steve was comfortable.
Having to choose Bucky over Tony had cut like a knife to the heart, but he'd done it. He'd known that once Tony cooled down, he'd realize that Steve still cared. It was just that Tony would wait and Bucky couldn't. Once he got his best friend's head on straight, Steve vowed to himself that he'd go to the guy who he'd left standing in the wings for so long. Lingering looks and hands that slid down his arm in subtle caresses weren't enough any more. Almost losing Tony had forced him to resort his priorities - SHIELD was gone and Bucky was safe. Sharon was swell and all, but he'd kissed her more because he'd been hurting over Peggy than anything.
Peggy had waited for him too, though maybe not as long as Tony had. She'd known he wasn't coming back, after all, and Tony knew (surely he knew) that Steve would always return. Sharon had just been there, available and willing, and Steve had just needed someone. His guy wouldn't begrudge him that. Not when they'd been so close to being something, not when Steve was finally able to take that final step to turn 'waiting' into 'having'.
The way Tony sent for Bucky so he could help Steve's best friend only proved that. He was willing to help a man who'd been brainwashed into killing his parents because it was important to Steve. It was an admission that he'd been wrong to get so upset in Siberia. He was letting Steve know that he'd taken his letter to heart, had realized that Steve was right, and was ready to take steps towards getting back together. Or getting together for the first time, really, at least in a romantic sense.
As soon as he got to go home, Steve was going to claim his guy. Tony had waited for him long enough.
~.~.~
"-might come straight here, James. We really should stop--"
"C'mon, Tony. We don't have anything to hide. We don't gotta stop being us just because they're back."
Steve had stopped cold at the sound of Bucky's voice, mostly because it was coming from inside Tony's workshop. FRIDAY had refused to tell him that's where Tony was, but he hadn't really needed the AI to tell him. When he hadn't been there to greet the returning Avengers (a woman named Danvers had instead, looking grim and serious and like she packed a whallop), Steve had assumed he'd been busy. Maybe it wasn't the best choice he could have made, but Tony had always had a way of getting lost in his inventions at the worst times. So while Steve was a bit irritated, he was also feeling kind of fond of the genius. He'd even been thinking that maybe he really should have gotten flowers to bring. Nat had sounded more scathing than serious when she'd given the suggestion, but maybe he still should have followed it.
So he hadn't been surprised to hear Tony in his workshop; what he had been surprised by was the presence of some guy named 'James'. He didn't even connect that to Bucky until he'd heard his best friend speak - hearing him talking to Tony was extremely jarring and kind of upsetting. Steve hadn't been upset at all not to see Tony when he stepped back onto the compound's soil - he'd just figured that Buck wasn't ready to be around so many people. But now... now it seemed like they'd been together and had maybe intentionally skipped his homecoming. He felt his stomach sink and a cold ball of hurt curl up in his chest - his best friend and his guy hadn't been there to welcome him back.
But maybe they'd been working on Bucky's arm, he tried to tell himself - not that it was really working. Maybe some kind of maintenance had been needed, and they'd had to do it just then. Tony and Buck were working together on his arm or Buck's mental state - that's why they were an 'us'.
Steve needed that to be why they were an 'us'.
"Listen, Cold Snap," Tony sounded amused despite the command in his words, and something in Steve was aching even if he didn't know exactly why. "I'm not saying we have to go into hiding or pretend we're just friends or anything like that." 'Just friends'... that could mean anything. Anything at all. Maybe they were... were best friends, which would hurt but be bearable. He could understand that even if he didn't like it. Or maybe they were bitter enemies? It didn't sound like it, but... but they could be. They weren't... Tony had been waiting for him. "What I am saying is that maybe we don't rub it in anyone's face before they've settled in."
"'N I'm vetoing that, so."
"You don't just get to veto things, my darling snow bunny. That's not how this works."
"Prove it," his best friend countered, making Steve's heart sink to about the level of his shoes. That was Bucky's playful, flirty tone of voice - he wouldn't use that on a bitter enemy or a new best friend. He oughta turn the last corner and let them know he was there. He should barge in and demand they explain themselves. Steve should go and ask Tony why he'd stopped waiting, why he'd started ignoring the 'something' that was between them, and why the fuck he'd dragged Bucky into the middle of it. "When it comes to dumb decisions you're about ta make, I get veto power. You get veto power when I'm bein' dumb. 'S fair."
"Ugh. If you say so, Cold Snap. Veto powers all around. So... to clarify. We're gonna just--"
"Keep cuddling on the couch for movies, keep bitching fondly at each other when we're in charge of cooking dinner, and go right on kissing whenever the hell we feel like it."
Steve hadn't fainted for anything other than injury-related reasons since the serum, but he still recognized the warning signs when they hit him. His vision tunneled as tingles cold enough to hurt shot through his limbs. Everything sounded distant, the world falling away and leaving him reeling. He didn't realize that last bit was literal until he slammed into the wall and went down hard, didn't realize he was gasping for air until he was dangerously close to passing out. He fought his lungs and emotions, doing his best to take deep, even breaths - he was not going to faint. This had to be... it was a misunderstanding. Maybe... maybe FRIDAY had told them he was coming and they were playing a prank. Maybe his world wasn't really crumbling under his feet.
The fact that neither of them had come running when he'd fallen undermined that theory though. And why hadn't they? If Steve could hear them, then they had to have heard him. Unless... FRIDAY had been incredibly curt with him, bordering on rude. Maybe she'd piped the conversation from the closed workshop to where Steve was, just to hurt him. He shouldn't be so surprised that another of Tony's AIs was kind of evil.
"-go up for dinner," he heard when he managed to zone back in to the conversation. "I think it's Rhodey's turn to cook, so it's going to be amazing. Especially if Hope helps, since she's a lot better with vegetables and other junk like that. My sour patch can make a mean piece of meat - stop giggling, fuck, are you twelve? - and he's great with baking, but vegetables defeat him. To the point where it's embarrassing. He cried over some zucchini once. I mean, it was right before this girl that he looooooved was coming over for dinner and it was finals week - which was a lot of fun at MIT in the engineering department, let me tell you. A lot of people cried. I never did, but that was mostly because I was drunk or high pretty much twenty-four-seven. Finals are pretty much a non-issue when you're that fucked up. Still aced all of them though, because I am a genius. Anyway, Rhodey wasn't as blissfully transcended from this mortal coil as I was, so he was freaking the fuck out about passing his finals. So I guess it was more than the zucchini that made him cry, but still. Ever since then he's pretty much avoided vegetables like the plague. Is zucchini even a vegetable though? I think I remember that it's like tomatoes and cucumbers - I knew the tomatoes one, but finding out cucumbers are technically a fruit blew my mind, let me tell you."
Tony babbling had always been equal parts annoying and endearing for Steve; listening to it just then sent pain lancing through his heart. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed it, or the sound of tinkering and electronics that so often provided background 'music' for the man's happy tumbling of words. He wondered if Bucky really listened, or if he tuned in and out like Steve had always done. He wondered if Bucky appreciated it, or if he only found it annoying.
He needed to see them.
"So I think zucchini might fall into that same 'why the fuck isn't this a vegetable' territory," he probably should be tuning Tony out as he tried to stand, but he couldn't quite make himself. "Probably botanists all through history have been conspiring to drive us all crazy with their nonsensical classifications."
"Not all of us," Buck interjected as Steve regained his feet, still using that playful tone of voice that he hadn't heard in over seventy years. "Just you. Even at the dawn of science, people were lookin' for ways ta piss you off. You specifically."
"Whatever, Evergreen. Just for that you're sleeping on the couch tonight."
"Even if ya do make me, you'll just join me a few hours later anyway. Better not - you're old enough that your back won't be happy about it."
They kept teasing each other while Steve made his wobbly way to the workshop. Once he turned that last corner, the conversation suddenly cut out - FRIDAY had been letting him hear it. Like it had been in the tower, the workshop was surrounded by what looked like clear glass. It was actually something else, something stronger... but Steve couldn't remember what it was. It had been one of the babbling sessions that he'd tuned out. So he couldn't hear them anymore, but what he was seeing more than made up for it. Tony wasn't quite facing him, sitting at an angle with one of his hologram... things in front of him. He was working diligently even as his mouth moved, because he was good enough at what he did that he didn't always have to focus his full attention on it. That was normal and what he was used to seeing - if that had been all he was seeing, Steve would have finally known that he was home and ready to make Tony his.
Instead, he was sitting in Bucky's lap, so clearly at ease that it had to be something he did often. Both Bucky's flesh arm and a metal one were wrapped snugly around Tony's waist, and Buck had his chin hooked on Tony's left shoulder. He was looking at whatever Tony was working on with both interest and some understanding, like maybe he'd really listened when Tony had explained what he was doing. The scene would have been heartwarming and beautifully domestic if it hadn't been between Steve's best friend and the guy he'd maybe left waiting for just a little too long.
Tony never noticed he was there... but Bucky was another story. His eyes suddenly cut to Steve's, the look in them hard and cold - they were the eyes of the Winter Soldier, and for just a moment he was terrified for Tony. What if the efforts to counter decades of brainwashing hadn't been as successful as they'd thought? What if Bucky wasn't really Bucky? What if he hurt Tony? The thought didn't last long, however, because the expression melted into one that was pure Bucky Barnes. It was sly, shit eating and full of smug victory - he had to know how much Steve wished he was sitting where Bucky was. He kept eye contact as he pressed his mouth to the side of Tony's neck; it made the genius's eyes flutter, but it wasn't enough to stop his hands. Bucky tried again and then again, until Tony - still not looking up from his work, so he still didn't know Steve was there - lightly swatted at him.
Bucky still had his eyes locked on Steve's as he ignored the swat and ran one hand possessively up Tony's chest. The other started to skim downward, but Steve resolutely refused to think about that. He had to watch as Bucky bit down on Tony's neck, probably sucking hard enough to leave a mark, one that wouldn't let anyone forget that Tony was Bucky's. Steve wanted to taste the gasp the gesture drew from Tony's lips, and he felt something in him crack when he realized that he wouldn't ever get to. He wanted to feel the way Tony had arched, then melted back against Bucky's chest. He wanted to be the one gently taking Tony's throat in his hand, wanted to be the one using his hold to turn Tony's head and draw him into a hot, messy, demanding kiss.
Steve wouldn't ever get to have any of those things, because he'd left Tony waiting for too long, and Bucky had swooped in to steal it all away.
Once he'd stumbled almost blindly to his room, he stayed there for the rest of the night. He didn't need to see the pair of them at dinner, or watch them cuddle up to each other during the movie the whole team planned on watching after. Steve didn't want the constant reminder that he'd lost out, again, because he'd assumed he would have the time later to savor it. He just wanted time to process this latest lost, come to terms with it as best he could, before he had to interact with them. Steve wanted a night to himself before he had to deal with the pitying looks from his teammates. He wanted one last night before he had to admit to the world how badly he'd fucked up when it came to Tony Stark.
~.~.~
It didn't take long for Steve's team to realize they'd all fucked up when it came to Tony... at least in the eyes of his new team. They were all unnecessarily protective, throwing off glares and putting themselves bodily between Steve's team and Tony. Wanda wasn't allowed within a few feet of the genius... which she wouldn't have minded at all if it wasn't for the fact that Vision stuck almost as close to him as Bucky did. If they thought they detected even a hint of 'old behavior' (they felt the original Avengers hadn't treated Tony well and wouldn't let Steve explain that that wasn't true), they were quick to point it out and demand they change. Sam was adjusting alright, but Clint had left after a week of it and Wanda only stayed because of Steve. Nat had abandoned them too, but only to return to the new incarnation of SHIELD; when her job had her interacting with the Avengers she was cautious and careful in a way that she hadn't been before. Steve just felt lost and defensive, and he didn't understand why they all thought Tony had been treated so badly.
Tony seemed oblivious to most of it, and he wasn't sure if he was thankful for that or not. He didn't often have two words to spare for Steve, and they all had to do with the Avengers. Gone were the lingering looks and the sweet smiles. They didn't touch anymore, didn't share intimate dinners that were just for the two of them, dinners where they spoke softly and easily with their feet intertwined. Tony was done waiting for him - Steve got the feeling he'd stopped waiting a while ago and he'd just been too willfully blind to see it. There wasn't that spark of something between them anymore, and they weren't even friends. They weren't anything.
He wasn't anything to Bucky anymore either. Steve had been too bewildered by his best friend's relationship with Tony to reach out right away, and when he'd started trying he'd been rebuffed at every turn. Bucky didn't even want to be called 'Bucky' anymore - anyone that wasn't Tony or Spider-Man had to call him 'James'. Tony had a slew of nicknames for him, most of them relating to winter, while Spider-Man (a kid named Peter Parker who got mad if anyone talked about that even when he was out of the mask) pretty persistently called him 'Cold Snap'. He'd tell anyone who would listen that he'd been the one to come up with the name and that Tony had stolen it. James would just smile and ruffle his hair whenever he was around to hear the story.
Whatever he was called now, Bucky had made it pretty goddamned clear that he didn't feel like they were best friends anymore. He didn't seem to like Steve at all, actually, though they still worked well enough together in the field. Every once in a while, Steve would catch a glimmer of the Bucky he'd known in the curve of his smile or the sparkle in his eyes; sometimes those little things would even last a day or two. But then Steve would accidentally say something or do something that would make Tony give a pained smile and withdraw, which would put him right back to square one. Because no matter how protective the rest of the Avengers were, even Colonel Rhodes had nothing on Bucky.
At first Bucky had stuck to Tony like a burr, and even four months later he was only a little better. Wherever Tony was, 'James' was right behind him, being sweet and tender with his partner while looming like a thundercloud over almost everyone else. Well, he seemed to have decent relationships with the newer Avengers, especially Spider-Man and Hope van Dyne. So the new Avengers got smiles and sly comments, received the occasional clasp of the shoulder or other casual touch, and they were allowed to be near Tony without Bucky's constant and oppressive presence. Steve actually suspected Bucky of enlisting the other new Avengers to watch after Tony whenever he was absent, because he couldn't think of a single instance where any member of his team had been left alone with the genius.
Bucky was watching them, and if they overstepped whatever lines he'd drawn, he was not shy about kicking their asses.
He'd broken Clint's arm during a sparring session, which was a large part of why the archer had decided he was done. Steve found out later that Clint had been ranting at Tony and when Tony had tried to leave, Clint had grabbed his arm hard enough to leave a bruise. While Bucky had only growled and physically removed him then, he'd exacted retribution the next time he'd faced Clint in the ring. That same week, during a team training exercise, he'd jumped onto Sam's back and torn his wings to shreds; they'd dropped a good ten feet to the ground together, scrapping the whole way. Neither of them had broken anything, and a grim Sam had apologized the next day for talking shit about how long it was taking Tony to upgrade his equipment.
Wanda refused to spar with him or participate in training scenarios that he was a part of. From the intense, threatening way he looked at her and his tendency to play with knives in her presence, Steve didn't really blame her.
Steve hadn't escaped unscathed either. He was allowed to disagree with Tony and challenge his plans, but only if he had a point, a real reason for doing it. He learned quickly that yelling got him punches that were a little more vicious than usual, and if he got in Tony's face during the heat of the moment he was likely to end up with a few cracked ribs the next time he faced off against Bucky. Once - just once - he'd tried to talk to Tony about everything that had happened alone. With some deft maneuvering he managed to corner Tony without anyone else around. He hadn't wanted to frighten or hurt the genius... he'd just wanted them to clear the air. He'd wanted to know why and when Tony had stopped waiting. Steve hadn't realized that Tony was shaking like a leaf and flinching away from him, hadn't seen the panic in his eyes or registered that his breathing was too hard and too fast. It wasn't until Bucky came storming up to them, expression dark and furious, that he'd realized that he was scaring the shit out of Tony. He'd backed off fast, but it hadn't saved him from Bucky the next time they sparred - he'd ended up in medical, nursing a couple of broken bones and needing some stitches despite his healing factor.
All in all, Bucky was making his position incredibly clear. He wasn't putting up with any 'bullshit' being directed toward Tony, and he wasn't afraid to take their blood as payment for every bit of suffering he thought his partner went through.
That's what Steve had thought for a long time, anyway. He'd been sure it was Bucky, because Bucky loved Tony and wanted him happy and safe. Maybe he wouldn't have gone to such extremes, but if Tony had been his Steve would have tried to secure exactly those things for him. And Bucky'd been through hell since his fall - it wasn't surprising, not really, that he'd resort to methods that bordered on brutal to make a lesson stick.
Three months after arriving though, Steve realized it wasn't Bucky at all.
Fighting - even while training - brought out what was left of the Winter Soldier. So where Bucky was quick to help Tony escape from uncomfortable situations, the Winter Soldier was intent on making them pay for causing them. Bucky might snap and snarl and verbally confront them, but the Winter Soldier was happy to make them bleed instead. Tony wasn't just dating Bucky. After everything that had happened in Siberia, despite the way the Winter Soldier had killed his parents, Tony had accepted the Winter Soldier's presence in his life.
More than accepted, actually. Tony never avoided his partner when he was more Winter Soldier than Bucky. In battle situations, once the fighting was over, he always went right to the Winter Soldier, touching and talking until they were both reassured that the other was alright. Tony never shied away from Bucky's more violent half, and Steve wondered how and why that had happened. He wished he knew why Tony could be so willing to let the Winter Soldier touch him, kiss him, but shut Steve out so completely. It was like he thought Steve was somehow worse than a brainwashed assassin, and it was bewildering and infuriating. He hated watching Tony cuddle the Winter Soldier until what was left of Hydra's monster felt the situation was safe enough that he could retreat. He hated hearing Tony babble joyfully at the creation that had murdered his parents, hated the way the Winter Soldier would almost smile as he indulged Tony's every whim. He hated how jealous it all made him, and he hated that even the worst part of his former best friend got more of Tony than he could ever hope to have even on his best day.
Steve had taken for granted that Tony would wait for him forever. He'd thought the unnamed, unspoken thing between them would last through whatever life threw at them. He had genuinely believed that the way they looked at each other, the way they both knew they could have something, would be enough to keep Tony happy to wait until Steve finally managed to get around to paying Tony actual attention. He'd been grateful that Tony hadn't done anything that would take his attention away from more immediate, more 'important' things.
He'd been such a fucking idiot.
Maybe he didn't know the details of how they'd gotten together. Maybe he didn't know exactly how hostility had turned to acceptance and then love. He had no idea what had taken them away from being enemies and put them into a relationship that seemed to make them both flourish. What he did know was that it had happened because Bucky had been there. He hadn't shunted Tony off to the side or chosen to make his priorities elsewhere. Bucky had been right there, giving Tony his time and attention instead of offering only a nebulous 'someday, maybe' while so many of his actions had caused Tony pain. Bucky had offered Tony something real, something concrete, and Steve couldn't blame him for taking it. Even when jealousy raged inside of him, threatening to turn him bitter, Steve finally understood why Tony had stopped waiting for him.
Good things were supposed to come to those who waited, but those 'good things' had to actually appear at some point. Tony had waited for him for years, and Steve would have been content to make him wait even longer. Hell, the only reason he'd even thought about trying for something more was because he'd lost everything again. That had scared him into wanting something real with Tony - if their stupid 'civil war' hadn't happened, he'd probably have made Tony wait until the day one of them died in battle.
Tony had waited enough, and Steve had lost another good thing to time.