Chapter Text
"wow," Sans said as he ate, "who knew deep fried donuts could be so tasty."
"YES, THE EXTRA GREASE CERTAINLY ACCENTS THE SITUATION, DOESN'T IT?" Papyrus chided in a positive tone. He looked down at Frisk, the small human, and looked concerned for a brief moment, "B-BUT THIS IS AN EXCELLENT ESTABLISHMENT FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY! I THINK TAKING KIDS TO BARS BUILDS CHARACTER!"
"heh, paps," Sans shook his head at his bro. "it's not just a bar. it's a grillby."
"OH. MY. GOD." Papyrus shot up from his seat. "HIS NAME IS A PUN!?"
"relax, bro," The shorter brother chuckled. "you can be pretty hotheaded sometimes."
"UGH." Papyrus sat back down in his seat. "IN ANY CASE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRISK!" He pulled out a large present from seemingly nowhere. It was in green wrapping with orange ribbons. "I HAVE A MOST EXCELLENT GIFT FOR YOU, FRISK. TRULY, MY FINEST WORK YET..."
Frisk happily nodded and accepted the gift. Unwrapping it, they pulled out something truly special from the box. It was a small statue of Papyrus, except with huge biceps flexing. They smiled up at Papyrus.
"TRULY, YOU ARE GREAT, FRISK," Papyrus looked a little sullen. "I AM SO SORRY I COULDN'T RETURN YOUR AFFECTIONS THAT ONE TIME WE AGREED TO NEVER SPEAK OF AGAIN. HOWEVER, AS ALWAYS, I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU!" Papyrus stood up suddenly once more and looked incredibly nervous. "ANYWAY! I AM LEAVING! IF YOU NEED ME I'LL BE NOWHERE AT ALL!" With that he jumped out of the restaurant window.
"my bro is quite a catch," Sans mused as he dipped a deep-fried donut into ketchup, causing Frisk to gag a little. Sans munched away at the donut while a familiar spider girl walked up to the table. She wore a brown and orange uniform and held several trays in her hands.
"Ahuhu~ long time no see," Muffet giggled. "I thought I just saw that tall, handsome milkshake here a moment ago."
"it's cool, muffet," Sans waved his bony hand at her. "don't pretend you didn't see him jump out that window. just put that repair on my tab."
"Of course, Sans," Muffet nodded. It seems this wasn't the second time Papyrus had ever ejected himself via window. With a free hand, Muffet plucked a sprinkled donut from a tray and handed it to Frisk with a smile. "Tell him I said hello~ ahuhuhu~" She walked away giggling.
Frisk gave Sans a perplexed look.
"oh, what was that about?" He chuckled. "well, i'd say its a long story, but since its your birthday and i didn't have time to get ya anything... consider this embarrassing story about my brother to be your gift, kiddo."
Frisk nodded eagerly.
"well... it all started when..."
my bro paps was out one day, doing a delivery for undyne. ya see, he really wanted to join the royal guard, and she really didn't like having to file paperwork. so after my brother wore her down and convinced her he could be in the royal guard...
"ALRIGHT NERD, JEEZ! I WILL TRAIN YOU! NOW GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP!!!" Undyne shouted at the top of her lungs.
"AYE, AYE... CAPTAIN..." Papyrus nodded sleepily at her and collapsed on the spot.
... he started doin' her favors like going to the king's castle and filing away reports about things like music complaints, flexing complaints, and stuff. the first time he ever walked to new home, he got totally lost. my bro is pretty good with directions, but for some reason he just can't seem to wrap his head around hotland or the core. those places are super mystifying to him. as a result, he ended up at- you guessed it. muffet's place.
"THIS TUNNEL SURELY LEADS TO THE KING'S CASTLE. IT SIMPLY MUST!"
huh? what's that, kid? you got to the king through that cave? heh, that is like the off-road way to get to that castle. luckily muffet didn't fight you. what's that look for?
"I AM WALKING INTO THIS TUNNEL NOW, SANS!"
woops. sorry, bro.
"IT'S ALRIGHT, SANS... IT CAN'T BE EASY TO NARRATE A STORY AS GRAND AS THIS!"
you said it bro. anyway, like i was saying: he walks into muffet's place. its pretty dark in there, so he can't see that well. he walks and walks, but as he starts walking slower and slower - yeah, exactly. he keeps walking, and gets caught in muffet's web... in more ways than one.
"Ahuhu~ Dearie, welcome to my parlor," muffet said to him. papyrus stopped being able to move right about the time she descended from the ceiling. "You look awfully thirsty, wouldn't you like to have a nice drink?"
"E-ER, YES," papyrus said completely cool. cool as a cucumber. "I-I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A DRINK. ER, I SEEM TO BE ALL TIED UP AT THE MOMENT?"
"Aw, my sweeties took a liking to you, they like... your taste in fashion?" muffet was probably talking about my bro's clothes. before he had that battle body, he mostly just wore sweaters and stuff. mostly stuff from the dump.
"THANK YOU, SPIDERS," papyrus nodded to the small spiders that crowded around his feet. "I CAN TELL EVERYONE IN HERE APPRECIATES GREATNESS."
"Ahuhu~ that's right, we do... We hope you will stay with us for a light snack?"
"OF COURSE! IT WOULD BE RUDE OF ME TO REFUSE!"
papyrus accepted the spider's offer. she fed him her cheap donuts and spider cider. he usually doesn't like sweets, but muffet was so nice to him he felt like he couldn't refuse. you know how my bro is. he told me before that they were like nothing he ever tasted. they were...
completely disgusting.
"O-OH, H-HOW WONDERFUL... THEY TASTE SO GOOD THAT I MIGHT THROW UP!"
"Really~? No one's ever complimented my cooking before... I'll give you a discount, dearie~ ahuhu~"
"D-DISCOUNT?"
you see, paps fell into muffet's web, heh. she caught lone travelers looking to avoid midday traffic and tricked them into paying for her donuts. something about freeing the spiders left behind in the ruins? anyway, she was doing a bait and switch operation. tricking people into becoming customers, and as you could guess most people ponied up the cash. however...
"LOOK, MISS SPIDER LADY PERSON-"
"You can call me Muffet, dearie."
"MISS MUFFET, I CAN'T PAY YOU ANYTHING-"
"Oh?" muffet got right in paps face and tried to be scary and wily. "Why is that, skeleton?"
"I-I... I LEFT MY WALLET IN MY OTHER PANTS!"
i have no idea why paps lied to her, but he did. truth was, we had no money. i could barely afford to pay our rent. but he lied to muffet anyway. she had her spiderlings check his pockets and found his wallet. he didn't notice cause she started to stand behind him. she looked through it and saw he was dirt broke. also his wallet probably smelled pretty bad cause it was from the dump too.
so you have papyrus, walking around in garbage clothing with no money. muffet usually made a habit of roughing up people, but not my bro. for some reason, she secretly tucked his wallet back into his pocket and smiled at him, winking that big eye in the middle of her forehead.
"Dearie~ for your compliment and for keeping me company, the meal is on the house."
"OH... OH! THANK YOU, MISS MUFFET."
"muffet released my bro and even packed him a few of her pastries. and you know what? my bro even ate them all. whenever friends of ours gift him food he doesn't care for, he just pretends to like it and tosses it... but he actually ate all of muffet's stuff." Sans recounted to Frisk who nodded along excitedly. "so that's the end of the story."
Frisk grunted and gave Sans an exaggerated look. He took a swig of soda and chuckled.
"oh, i guess that doesn't explain why he would jump outta a window at the sight of her." Sans rubbed his chin. "how about another time, kiddo? i gotta take you back to tori's place."