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So Jared had this hot new girlfriend. At least he claimed he had a hot new girlfriend, because Chad hasn’t even seen her once. Jared said he’d introduce them when the time was right, when Jen was comfortable enough, if their relationship worked out. There was something about them scaring her off or other ridiculous shit like that. But mainly the working out part. So Chad and the others waited. And listened to things. Like when Jared was swearing his head off that in case it didn’t work out they’d just be friends, the bestest of them, and yeah, right. Who ever believed that crap was true? But Chad was still pretty certain she was real. Otherwise who would keep calling Jared when they all hung out?
He was hesitant at the beginning but then it passed, because from the sound of it she was like the coolest chick ever. There was this one time Jared was late and so flustered he didn’t even have enough decency to come up with a believable lie. That’s how they found out Jen woke him up with a blowjob and he just couldn’t leave it like that. A bunch of whistles and catcalls followed that statement. Didn’t matter he was technically the only one responsible for them. Oh, and add Mike to the equation. Tom only patted Jay on the back and congratulated him on the job well done. Chad never had a girlfriend who’d wake him up with a blowjob, no matter how awesome she was. Or when Jared was so excited about the game and it turned out Jen got them two tickets so they could go shittalk each other’s teams and it was the most sickening thing to sit through. Jared going all gooey over Jen liking the Cowboys. It wasn’t really a surprise to anyone, considering she was from Dallas. Which, by the way, was almost the first piece of information Jared threw their way. Hey, and we’re both from Texas, how cool is that? Jen’s Dallas to my San Antonio. It was like they were made for each other, a match made in heaven, blah, blah, perfection. And maybe he was just a tad bitter about all that. Or even a bit jealous. But don’t get him wrong, he was all for Jay and Jen, wishing them the best of luck, they don’t make couples like that anymore. Except it was just so not fair for him to not even have a decent lay when Jared got to wake up to a goddamn blowjob! And the guy wasn’t even looking! They met in a movie rental’s action section! She liked action movies! Fuck his life.
They were at a bar; it was country night. Some guy was strumming his guitar and drinks were half price. Shame Mike couldn’t make it, but it was just as fun with the two gigantors sharing cutesy couple stories back and forth. Jen this, Jen that, Anna this, Anna that. Bleh.
He managed to down another shot when Jared’s phone rang. Huh, almost three hours. It took Jen much longer than he’d expected. Anna called Tom half an hour into their evening.
“Yeah?” Jared said. Their booth was relatively quiet, so he didn’t even have to talk too loud. He listened for a while with an involuntary little smile. “Sure. No, go. I’m gonna be late,” another pause, a laugh. “No, seriously, go. Someone has to watch Misha. Yeah, bye– What? God, you’re the best ever, Jennybean,” he cooed and grinned at the obviously not amused response. “See ya.”
Chad rolled his eyes. See? Why couldn’t he have that? Tom was staring at Jared like he was a god.
“That was Jen?” he asked in awe. “Okay, you’re sitting in a bar at eleven at night and not a single whine. Teach me, master.”
Jared looked like an overexcited puppy. Not unlike his usual self. If puppies were mountain–sized, that is.
“Turns out I got roast beef waiting in the oven,” he exclaimed, as if Jen wasn’t the fucking best already. If there was a competition, Jared wouldn’t even have to participate to be the winner. She cooked, she was a sex goddess, she liked sports, she could sing, she could play, she was a neat freak who didn’t mind cleaning up the mess, she was the most indulgent person in the entire world, and had girlfriends like Misha with whom she could go out after eleven fucking o’clock and party. Or something. And– Hey!
“Hey, is Misha single?” he asked in a stroke of genius, because there was an awesome chance someone as awesome as Jen would be friends with someone equally awesome. But Jared only laughed and it sounded a little too drunk if he had anything to say about that.
“Yeah, if you mean married with a kid,” Jared snorted. Chad cursed. Great, were all the good ones taken? He wanted a Jen!
“Any other friends?” he asked hopefully, gesturing for another set of shots. Damn, this orange shit was good.
“Chris and Steve, take a pick,” Jared looked a bit too smug for his liking. Chad rolled his eyes.
“Any sisters?” he was not giving up. Jared’s eyes widened. Bingo.
“No!” was not the answer he wanted to hear. “No, no, no. No way. I’m not letting you anywhere near Mackenzie. Jen would kick your ass into next Friday and that’s only if you were lucky.”
“Nice,” Tom smirked. “Don’t ever break up, please,” he laughed at Jared’s expression. “Seriously, man. Not a lot of people like that out there.”
“You don’t have to tell me that,” Jared smiled, big and dreamy.
“Ugh, great,” Chad didn’t need to be told that either. Nope, definitely not. “Can I meet Mackenzie?”
Jared only laughed this time.
“Dude, not only Jen, but also Josh wouldn’t let you anywhere near her.”
Big family. Homey. Great.
“Okay, whatever,” he grumbled. Then a question arose. Considering Jared and Jen were already at the nickname stage and all. He opened his mouth and of fucking course the music had to get louder right then, how else. As if he didn’t go through enough. “So, Jare, tell me, my man. When do we get to meet her?”
“What?” Jared squinted. He didn’t hear him. Oh, his wonderful life. He sighed and leaned closer over the table.
“I said: when do we get to meet Jen, since you guys are practically married anyway?!”
His friend seemed to consider that for a while.
“Well,” finally he said. “We were going to barbeque this weekend. You could stop by.”
“Awesome!” Tom let out an excited cry. “At last, man!”
“But it’s only fair if Jen invites friends over too,” Jared warned. Chad hid a smile. That’s what he was hoping for, actually.
“Of course,” he faked seriousness, nodding. “Only fair.”
Jared beamed for the rest of the night. Anna called Tom at least three more times. Jared was left unbothered. Lucky bastard.
“Chad! Come on in!” Jared swung the door open after one knock and instantly ripped the six–pack out of his hands. “Imma put this in the fridge. Jen’s in the garden, taking care of the steaks.”
Chad smiled and followed Jared inside the house. He always liked it. Didn’t really have too many opportunities to stop by, though, since it was horribly far from his apartment and Tom’s house. But he guessed it was worth the trip since he was fucking finally going to meet the famous Jen.
“Tom and Mike are already out, harassing my lover,” Jared stated with a crooked lovesick smile. “Feel free to join.”
“Duh,” he rolled his eyes and sprinted towards the half–open glass door, not even looking back. Here we go, Jen. Get ready for The Chad.
When he made it outside he spotted his friends in the company of a guy he didn’t recognize. He was flipping meat over the fire. But there was no sign of Jenny anywhere. Or any female company at all, really. Maybe she went back in the house. There were two more unfamiliar guys sitting at the wooden table with beers, talking to each other.
“Hey, ladies,” he slid over to his friends. “Hi!” he greeted the stranger. “I’m Chad,” he extended a hand. The guy grabbed it and wow, was he pretty. So Chad wasn’t exactly like Jared, swinging both ways, but he could certainly appreciate male beauty. And wasn’t there enough of it in that one!
“So you’re Chad,” the guy nodded with comprehension. “Jared talks about you a lot. Good to finally slap a face on the name. I’m Jensen,” he had a really nice voice. Deep, smooth.
Chad found himself nodding politely. Then he furrowed his brow.
“Talks about me?”
“Yeah, sure,” the guy chuckled and poked the steaks carefully, inspecting their state of readiness.
Chad felt his brain do a little flip, then freeze.
“Jensen,” the guy looked up, eyes shining green in the faint porch light. Green eyes Jared was drooling over. “Jensen. Jen. Oh, my God! Oh, God! You’re Jenny?!” he shrieked.
Too much air, not enough time to process it. The guy – Jensen, Jen! – stared. Then grimaced.
“It’s Jensen, really,” he assured. “I don’t even know why I put up with the Jen crap from him. But Jenny? Seriously?”
“But– You’re a girl!” yeah, way to go, man! Get stuck on that!
“What?” Jensen looked at him. Chad was pretty sure he saw vague amusement flicker in his eyes. Mike and Tom were shaking with silent laughter, the bastards.
“You knew?” he screeched their way. “And you didn’t tell me? You fuckers! All this time! Why? Why?!”
“And miss this?” Mike wheezed finally.
“What’s going on?” Jensen furrowed his brow, confused.
“You,” Chad pointed a finger at his chest. “You were supposed to be a girl!” he accused.
A short pause. Then an uncertain, “Sorry?”
Tom and Mike were all shits and giggles again, idiots.
“What’s funny?” Jared came up to their little group with a stupid grin plastered on his face, plates in hand. He handed them to Jensen along with a kiss. Fucking Jensen, not Jenny, not Jen, not Jennifer or any other shit like that. No, Jensen. He was jealous of a man. He had a hard–on for a guy! And yeah! No friggin’ wonder! Jensen was perfection personified. Except for the extra dick between his legs and no boobs on his chest. Fuck. Fuck dammit. He officially reached his ignorance limit. How could he have missed this?! Even Mike knew, for crying out loud!
He saw the incredulous look Jensen graced Jared with and Jared’s happily oblivious expression. He was just about to stomp on his foot for being an unclear little shit when they heard a doorbell.
“Girls are here,” Jensen steered Jared back towards the house.
Chad stopped mid–kick.
“Girls?”
“Danny and Gen,” Jared answered on his way inside.
“Seriously, people?!” Chad threw his hands into the air, defeated. “What’s with the names around here?! Is it even friggin’ possible to be more obscure?”
Mike snorted. Chad narrowed his eyes at him, then turned to Jared’s goddamn boyfriend.
“And this time you’re absolutely sure they’re girls?” he wanted a guarantee.
Even though Jensen was still a bit out of the loop, he nodded like it was a stupid question. Chad didn’t appreciate his intelligence being distrusted, but he couldn’t ignore that the situation just became promising.
“Are they single?” he inquired innocently, avoiding eye–contact.
Jensen cleared his throat.
“Well,” he started, but before he could answer, his gaze slid over Chad’s shoulder. Chad spun around and witnessed two of the hottest chicks he’s seen in a really long time walk out of the house. They were holding hands.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”