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Chapter Text

"Gin-chan... I can do this myself, you should treat your own injuries already..."

"Yes, Gin-san. I could even help her out, so please leave this to—"

Almost robotically, Gintoki slapped away Shinpachi's hands as he continued to treat Kagura's hands. Or trying to treat her hands, that is. His left hand shook as he struggled to hold Kagura's hand firmly.

Kagura stared at Gintoki's injured wrist with worry. Earlier, Gintoki had torn a bit of cloth and tied it over the wound to stop the bleeding, but that was still far from proper treatment. Yet now, instead of letting anyone tending to him, Gintoki only fussed over Shinpachi and her. As if he had no care about his own wellbeing. It worried her, this. This was not the way her big bro Gin-chan usually act. Yet nothing she or Shinpachi could do or say would reach him. Was there anyone who could—

"Gin-san? Shin-chan? Kagura-chan, are you guys here?"

Kagura's ears perked as she heard that familiar voice. She glanced up and looked around, as she caught sight of the older woman at the other side of the room.

"Boss-sis! Over here! We're all over here!" she started to call out as Shinpachi also joined her to get his sister's attention.

×××

The image kept coming back into his mind. That overly familiar smiling face. That overly familiar voice. That overly familiar gigantic presence. It's what often haunted his nightmares every one week or two. The only few times he could ever see them, aside from those other nightmares from the Joui wars, as well as those old bloody memories from his childhood. Yet right now it wasn't a dream. He was still awake. Yet he wished that all of this was just another nightmare...

Go away!, he screamed inside his head as he treated the cut just above Kagura's right eye. Leave me alone!, he screamed again as he tried to focus his mind solely on tending to Kagura's injuries.

But even as he tried to divert his attention towards the cuts on Kagura's hands... the memories kept rushing in. All those little details that he saw from the time that he barely taken note of, started coming back to him with full clarity. Like some broken projector, it started replaying all of the memories of the past recollections without fail... regardless of whether or not he wanted to see them again.

That moment when he came in contact with the man who called themself Utsuro.

Gintoki felt himself shudder at the memory.

That man... was smiling. He was smiling when he rushed down to cut him! As if... that man's purpose there was just...

To see him.

"...you should be delighted, Shiroyasha. Your screams have finally reached the heavens..."

Did that person... come down because of him? Was that shot... a greeting by them to see if he was worthy of their attention? If not because of those other Naraku goons attacking him from behind and him reacting by instinct to use their bodies to shield himself from the blast, he could have really died.

Or was that... also another test from them? To see if he was indeed worthy of the leader of Tendoshuu's attention.

"Gin-chan... please stop? You should let someone treat your injuries... I could do this myself..."

He shook his head to brush off the bad thoughts from his mind, but his hand kept shaking. His left hand.

Earlier, he had used a torn piece of cloth to temporarily stop the bleeding on his wrist after they managed to escape from that man. He thought that it was enough. Rather than worrying about himself, he felt it was better to take care of Shinpachi and Kagura first. They were his charges, after all. As useless as he was, he still had to be responsible for the kids' safety. That was common sense... right?

Yet perhaps... that was not the only reasoning. Being a responsible adult, that is.

The truth is... he was trying to run away.

Staring at the slipshod bandage he placed on his wrist made him realise that. He was trying to run away from facing the reality that he'd finally come to face. That the truth he never thought he could finally find out now, turned up to be something terrible. Even more terrible than he could ever imagine.

"What the hell were you before we met up...?"

"Who the hell are you actually?"

Kagura and Shinpachi started shouting over something, but he could barely hear what they were shouting about. He felt his whole body becoming numb, the air around him becoming cold. He wished that this was all just a bad nightmare, he wished for it so much...!

Did the child he used to be back then sense how much of a monster that person has been? Or did he not? Then again, even back then... he wasn't really quite a normal child himself. That child... who used to be called the 'Corpse-Eating Oni'...

Suddenly, he started realising how his sight had started to get blurry. Gintoki was still staring at Kagura's hand, still trying to get himself to start tending to the cut on her palm, yet finding himself dumbfounded. Without warning, Gintoki felt a warmth on his cheeks.

He glanced up.

Chapter Text

The moment they were picked up by the Mimawarigumi ship, she had been anxious about the safety of her baby brother, Kagura... and especially Gintoki. That man... who tends to push themself too hard—way too hard at times—to the point that they would often be the one with the worst injury by the end of the day. It was something that she never quite got used to... but one that she learned to accept, knowing the kind of person Gintoki was. Someone who would do their utmost best to protect, even at the cost of their own life.

While she had continued tending to the many injured police officers and Joui members; even onboard the ship, she couldn't stop worrying. So as the battle outside still continued, she tried her best to keep a positive outlook and prayed for everyone's safety. Yet once she felt that the battle was over—that the ship she was on had stopped shaking violently—meaning that the battles had ended—she requested to transfer to the ship where Gintoki and the others were on.

So here she was.

Call her silly but like the others, she was also quite protective of the people she cared for and loved. So for her to be this frantic about looking for her 'family members' wouldn't have been surprising. Luckily enough for her, there were several Shinsengumi officers she recognised on board whom she could ask for help. It didn't take her too long to get directed towards the cabin where Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura should be. Some of those Shinsengumi officers also assumed that she could have come to look for Kondou—well, as long as she knew that man was still alive... that should be enough. This mission was originally meant to save that man's and the former Police Superintendent Matsudaira's life, after all, so knowing that they succeeded in achieving that... well, she was fine with that.

Now, if only the people she had been worrying about were also safe...

"Boss sis! Over here! We're all over here!"

"Big sis!"

Otae's ears pricked as she recognized the voices that were calling for her. Her heart became light over relief the moment she saw Shinpachi, Kagura and Gintoki. But then, as she got closer she realized that there was something really wrong. She sat down as Otae was greeted by the worried looks of both Kagura and Shinpachi.

"Oh my... you guys! How could I not worry about you guys when you often come back with injuries like these—!" she started nagging as Otae took a closer look at Shinpachi and Kagura's injuries.

"Boss sis...!" Kagura cried again as Otae finally saw the cut on their hand. The bleeding has stopped—trust the Yato bloodline's healing abilities to kick in for the girl—but she could still see how deep the cut was. Her instincts had been to immediately ask Kagura how they ended up with such a deep cut, but then she realised that someone was trying to treat their injuries. Yet...

Otae finally turned to look at Gintoki. And right away she could tell that something was wrong. Outwardly, Gintoki didn't look as if he had gotten hurt very badly. Yet she knew that he wasn't well.

Because his eyes were blank.

"Gin-san? Gin-san, can you hear me?"

Gintoki did not respond to her voice as his eyes remained blank. Otae placed a hand on his cheek and spoke gently again. "Gin-san?"

×××

Shinpachi stared towards the two worriedly as he wondered if his sister could snap Gin out of his daze. Because if he and Kagura couldn't do it—Gin-san slowly lifted his head toward his sister as Shinpachi heaved a sigh of relief.

Before he could say anything else, his sister immediately barked an order.

"Shin-chan, can you take care of Kagura's injuries?" 

Shinpachi blinked before snapping himself out of his own reverie and shuffled towards Kagura. As he started tending to her cuts and bandaging her hand, he could feel that a part of him had finally started to calm down a bit. Tonight had been such a wild night, and he thought he'd been to the worst battlefield before coming here. To think that earlier, he had some misgivings about allowing his sister to come along to this mission. It was a blessing that his sister was here.

He spared another glance towards Tae and Gintoki.

What a relief, Shinpachi caught himself thinking. Perhaps having his sister come along wasn't such a bad idea. Recalling the earlier... almost inhuman battle scene, he never thought he'd ever see Gin-san being so shaken. That monster—Utsuro—had been nothing like any other opponent that they've ever faced before. And despite that, Gin-san had been the only person who could match up with that monster. Yet even then... if even Gin-san was daunted by that person, how could any of them even try to offer him any words of encouragement or even comfort him in times like this? If even their only source of hope was in despair...

But perhaps Big Sis could do it, he could hear himself thinking again. Even if the two of them often don't get along too much—Gin-san having constantly made fun of his sister's awful cooking and flat chest, and her sister finding many reasons to punch the life out of Gin on many occasions—those two had always been able to understand each other whenever the situation called for it. And his big sister had always been there watching over Gin-san whenever he got hurt—if not Otose-san—so if there's anyone here that could reach out to Gin...

Shinpachi turned towards Kagura before shrugging. 

"Don't worry, it should be all right now," he said to her as Kagura smiled weakly.

Chapter Text

Otae took a long breath of air. That's it, she could do it. How many times has it been until now? Ever since that first night, when Shinpachi called for her and her hurrying over to find Gintoki with a grave injury? That time wasn't actually her first time to see him hurt—but that time was the first time when she had sincerely worried for his life. That time, as she sat beside his unmoving body for three days and wondering if she would never see him awake again. She had pretended that she wasn't worried about him that much when he did and acted the way she usually did to not make him worry about her. But truthfully? Seeing him hurt was unbearable.

She could have tried to stop him all those times, to tell him not to get involved in things that could lead him into dangerous situations but she knew what kind of person Gintoki was. He could never look away from the people who needed his help. She knew that, so that was why she could never stop him from doing the things that he believed he should do. 

What an idiotic man... right?

But that's why she respected and loved him so much.

Otae gently bandaged the left forearm that clearly looked as if Gin had used to stop an incoming blade aimed towards him. And it was almost on the same spot as the wound he got not too long ago. When Gin and the others returned from Iga. She sighed.

"This has started to become a force of habit, hasn't it? Gin-san, you really do need to take care of your body better... you're not a Gun^am," Otae snickered as she hastily wiped a tear from her eye. "You can't treat your arm as if you had a phase shift shield there that you could use..." she added, before cutting the end of the strip of cloth so that she could tie it around the bandaged arm.

Gintoki remained unresponsive to her voice but she knew that he could hear her voice.

"Boss sis..." Otae turned towards Kagura as her heart ached again, seeing her bandaged face.

"Please take a look at Gin-chan's shoulder..." said Kagura as Otae turned back to face Gintoki.

"I'll help you out, big sis..." said Shinpachi as she was unzipping Gintoki's top open. Otae smiled as she let her brother help her, but then she started to frown. There were multiple blade wounds all over Gin's body. But the worst of it; was a vertical cut that was almost slightly above Gin's right collarbone. The cut wasn't too deep, but deep enough to tell her that this cut was not something that happened by accident. Or a near miss. From the direction of the blade mark, she could tell that whoever swung the blade towards Gintoki and making this mark... that person had intended to take Gintoki's head with the strike.

"Gin could have died!" Otae thought in alarm as she let out a faint gasp.

"It's nothing..." Otae turned her eyes towards Gintoki's face as he finally spoke.

"What did you mean that it was nothing, Gin-chan?" Kagura suddenly cried out from behind her. "If I didn't stop that guy's blade... Gin-chan, you could've... you could've—!"

Otae let out a soft gasp...

Ah... so Kagura was the one who saved Gintoki...

That was the reason Kagura's hands were in such bad shape...

×××

"Shin-chan?"

Shinpachi glanced up as his sister turned towards him and showed him a slightly forced smile. "Can you and Kagura ask around if there's anything you can get for us to eat?" She turned towards Kagura as his sister continued smiling at the younger girl... almost unnaturally. "Kagura-chan, surely you should be feeling hungry by now?"

"But Boss sis!" Kagura started to say before Shinpachi pulled her up to her feet.

A part of him had wanted to ask her why, but then Shinpachi recognised that look in his sister's eyes. She wasn't really giving him that request because she was hungry. It was an excuse to get him to take Kagura away from Gintoki.

As expected of his sister...

"Sure, sis..." Shinpachi spoke out. "We'll take a look around," he added, before dragging Kagura away from the two. While remembering to avoid the other injured Mimawarigumi officers and Shinsengumi officers who were also lying around the room, being treated for their injuries.

"Shinpachi! What're you doing?" Kagura cried out just as they walked out into the ship's inner corridors. "This is no time to think about food—" Without warning, Kagura's stomach started to grumble. Shinpachi grinned as Kagura made a face.

"I know. Gin-san can be quite frustrating... right? But let's leave that to Big Sis. Besides, I'm getting hungry too. All this tension in the air can't be good," said Shinpachi as he led the girl out of the cabin.

Kagura shrugged, immediately forgetting her anger towards Gin-san. "Yeah, you're right," she said before linking her arm awkwardly around his. "Let's go!"

Shinpachi laughed. "Kagura-chan, can you still eat with both your hands like that?"

Kagura gave him a fierce look. "Do not underestimate my power, Pattsan!"

×××

After several minutes of wrapping the gauze all around Gin's shoulder and abdomen, covering every single cut she could find on his body... Otae sighed. Just as she was about to run out of them. She picked up a few more Band-Aids and started putting them on the few cuts and grazes on Gintoki's face.

"There you go... you're finally looking a bit more decent," she started talking, not expecting any reply to come from him. Still staring at his face, Otae smiled weakly.

"Gin-san..."

She let out another long sigh.

"Shin-chan and Kagura are not here now," Otae paused, not sure how to word her next sentence. "I—I don't know what it was that you saw back on that island, or who it was that you confronted that made you so distraught like this. But if there's anything that I could do..."

Gintoki started to lift his head to look at her properly. Otae smiled.

"You don't have to pretend to be strong all the time. The kids aren't here right now, so you can just—"

Without warning, Gintoki started leaning towards her...

In an instant, Tae could feel her heart clench.

Chapter Text

"Did you hear the rumours? The leader of Tendoshuu actually appeared to join the fight! And he's a monster!"

"I heard from the guys in the first squad that even Captain Okita couldn't match up to him!"

"That Yorozuya was also something else; he actually managed to land some blows to that monster!"

"Are these guys really the fearsome policemen who guarded Edo or a bunch of gossiping housewives?" Katsura wondered furiously before recalling that a lot of the Joui samurai were also like that. He shook his head as he tried to wade through the many injured people lying about on the decks before heading towards the ship's corridors. Because he had a bad feeling... and he wanted to find Gintoki to confirm his thoughts. And he recalled seeing Leader and Shimura Shinpachi heading towards the other part of the ship with Gintoki.

If not because of his injuries, he could have got himself caught up to Gintoki much sooner...

Katsura felt a hand grab him from behind as he turned around.

[Where are you going?]

A placard with those very words was shoved towards him as Elizabeth gave him a concerned look. And he had been telling them to talk to him properly, Katsura thought angrily, considering Elizabeth had often done that to other people, but they still insisted on communicating with him indirectly like this.

He shrugged. "I just wanted to check on Gintoki, and there's something I wanted to talk about with him."

[You're still injured; I should
be accompanying you.]

Katsura just waved the concerns away. "I'm not dead yet. This meagre injury's not enough to kill me. I should be fine by myself. Go check the rest of the Joui members and see to them if you have free time."

Elizabeth hesitated for a moment before nodding and turning away from Katsura. Katsura smiled as he resumed walking towards the corridors...

×××

When was it that he started to feel comfortable... being in her presence? He couldn't remember now. 

Gintoki just stared at her hands as Otae held his left arm gently, and started tending to his wounds. He continued his musings.

When was it that he started to not mind her seeing him in a vulnerable state? When was it that he started being able to talk to her casually... about anything? Since when did he find this boyish, violent woman... someone whose presence was comforting to him?

"...Gintoki..."

A flash of memory appeared inside his mind. An image of a man with long greyish hair. A man with a gentle face. Who, despite that gentle face and voice... had the strength of a monster that didn't quite fit the image of that man.

Ah... was it because Otae somehow had a similar presence to that man, that he felt comfortable with her?

"—if there's anything that I could do..."

He looked up to see Otae's big eyes staring back at him. This girl, who usually put him through a lot of violence—not that he really minded it—and scolded him whenever he seemed to slack off a bit too much, but for moments like this, she would act so caring to him. Somehow, he couldn't help feeling grateful...

"You know my sword... don't you?"

"You know... that your sword cannot reach me..."

The memory of his last fight just had to reappear inside his mind again. Alongside another... older memory that wasn't as traumatic. 

How could that person... be Shouyou?

"You don't have to pretend to be strong all the time—"

Gintoki blinked as his heart started to ache really badly. He wanted to scream... yet, he didn't want Otae to have to shoulder this burden for him once she knew about it. This heavy burden inside his heart.

Yet...

Gintoki reached out towards Otae before crying on her shoulders.

×××

"You're saying that Yorozuya knew who that so-called leader of the Tendoshuu?"

Okita stopped in his tracks before turning towards Hijikata. "Hijikata-san? You're lucky that I'm not in the mood for killing you tonight. You weren't there when those two fought each other. You haven't clashed swords with that monster even once."

Hijikata snorted. "Heh, as if you haven't tried to kill me any other day..." he turned his head towards Okita. "Seriously, that guy was so powerful?"

Okita rolled his eyes at him. "His speed was unbelievable, it's like he's inhuman! Wait... he is. The Boss landed a good hit on him after China girl and I managed to immobilise him, and that guy still managed to come back, acting as if the attack was nothing. Even when a ship crashed directly onto him, that monster was still alive afterwards!"

Hijikata frowned. "That sounded serious. And you're sure that Yorozuya and that Imai-girl were the only ones who knew that guy?"

Okita nodded. "Yes. I barely caught them talking about it later while we were escaping. I couldn't really catch what they're saying, but there's no questioning it. No, they definitely knew that guy. Even before that monster appeared, Imai had tried to warn China girl and me to escape, and Boss had been able to anticipate that guy's movements almost too accurately to assume that this was the first time they ever encountered each other."

"Then, we might have a new formidable enemy to worry about now. Geez... why do things keep getting more troublesome these days..." Hijikata groaned.

"What... were you two talking about?"

Both of them turned around to find Katsura walking up to them. Katsura cast them a suspicious glance. "What was that the two of you were talking about just now? What new enemy has appeared?"

Okita just shrugged at him. "That's what we're trying to find out right now. Because of what happened earlier... and the shock of seeing Sasaki Isaburou's death, Imai was now unconscious and being treated for her injuries. We would have just interrogated her if she wasn't, but since Yorozuya Boss also seem to know the enemy, we might as well ask him instead."

"You should just go back and recuperate from your injuries yourself, Katsura. This is our business now, you do not need to get involved...", said Hijikata as the two continued towards their destination.

Katsura frowned before chasing after them as fast as he could. His injuries started to bother him again, but he ignored them as he entered the cargo room that the two Shinsengumi officers had just walked into.

"Hey, wait for a seco—" Katsura paused as he noticed belatedly that the two just froze in front of him. Puzzled, he tried to see what it was they were looking at... and then he saw Gintoki with Otae.

"Oh... I've wondered about this before, but I never thought the two were really THAT close," Hijikata started to say.

Okita shrugged. "I've hinted at this before, haven't I? I told you that I'm good at sensing this kinda stuff..."

Hijikata just scoffed at it. "Well, we had a much more important business than to worry about barging into someone's love affair. Let's just fin—" Without warning, someone grabbed his arm and stopped him in his tracks. He turned around to see Katsura giving him a stern look.

"Hijikata-dono... Okita-dono," Katsura started to speak. "Whatever it was that you want to talk about with Gintoki right now, I beg you... please do it later."

Hijikata frowned. "Why? If this was because he's your friend or any of that Joui honour shit, I have no time to bother—"

Katsura continued keeping a firm grasp of Hijikata and Okita, despite his injuries. "I'm telling you... this is not the best time to do this," he said before casting a long look towards Gintoki.

He sighed to himself before dragging both officers out of the room.

×××

Hijikata brushed Katsura off him before giving him a furious glare.

"What's the meaning of this, Katsura? Just because we had a brief alliance before, you can't just order—"

Katsura looked up towards them; his features showed them that he was also being serious at the moment.

"I'm asking you to leave Gintoki alone for now," he said before letting out another sigh. "I know that look from before. And there were only very few times that I've ever seen Gintoki looking like that. Even if you try to approach him right now, I doubt that you'd get anything from him regardless. You might as well talk to me."

"But it's not like you have the information that we were looking for..." Okita started to say, but Katsura cut him off.

"Try me. I had my suspicions too—you Shinsengumi should've at least kept your members from gossiping too much, I managed to grasp on a few earlier. It's why I'm looking for him too," Katsura paused to gather his thoughts together. "Since it made me think of an unlikely situation."

Katsura glanced up towards them.

"You guys should've at least remembered that I'm quite close to Gintoki. Whether the enemy you're talking about was someone that he met during the Joui war... or someone from his past, I should also know them." He paused again as if finding it hard to speak. "If you're talking about the person I'm thinking right now—even if I find it hard to believe it, I would also want to confirm it as much as you do."

Hijikata and Okita glanced towards each other as Katsura continued, "Because if it was that person that you guys met at Kokujou Island, I can't allow Gintoki to face him alone again. I can't let Gintoki carry that burden by himself again."

"Not this time."

Chapter Text

When Gintoki leaned in and wrapped his arms around her neck, she was taken by surprise. Yet, unlike how it usually happened between them in the past, her first thought was not to push him away. Which was interesting considering that last time—even if it turned out that it was just a blow-up doll dressed up to look like him—just the mere thought of Gintoki being intimate with her made her nervous.

Well, it's not like she could afford to push him away now, she mused before letting out a soft sigh.

Gintoki was crying. It was a side that he rarely showed to others if he could help it. For him to have a breakdown like this...

It must have been too painful for him to keep it inside himself.

Otae cautiously lets her arm wander upwards towards the back of Gintoki's neck as she could feel her heart beating faster. There was still a bit of space between the two of them, and she wondered if it would be appropriate for her to pull him closer. But before she could ponder over it, Gintoki made the move first as his arms slithered down and wrapped themselves around her body. Effectively pulling her close against his chest, as Otae felt her cheeks getting warmer. Suddenly, her mind went blank.

That's how much Gintoki's presence overwhelmed her. But then slowly, her ears manage to pick up again his faint sobs that were mostly muffled due to Gintoki's face pressing on towards the crook of her neck. Her heart ached again as she took the chance to caress the back of Gin's head.

×××

Meanwhile, on another part of the ship...

Kagura started to groan as she followed behind Shinpachi. Their earlier food hunt had turned into a volunteer service in which they ended up helping to distribute food to everyone on the ship. Because of that, they weren't able to get back to Gintoki and Otae as quickly as they initially hoped.

Well, more time for his sister to try to make Gin-san feel better, thought Shinpachi. Shinpachi glanced around as he noticed Kagura's discontent.

"Cheer up, Kagura-chan! After we finish with all of this, we'll get back to Big Sis and Gin-san. They'll understand the delay once we explain what happened." He shrugged. "Besides, isn't this what us—Yorozuya Gin-chan—do?"

Kagura moaned. "All I want to do right now is eat. I'm really starting to get very hungry now... and it's not like I could do much with these hands!" she cried before waving her hands at him.

Shinpachi put down the box he's carrying. "What're you complaining about... Kagura-chan? When I'm the one doing most of the heavy work?" He took a bun from the box and gave it to her. "Here, eat this. Let's finish this quickly so that we can get back to Big Sis soon."

Kagura grinned widely before happily biting into the tasty meat bun.

×××

Otae could almost hear the sound of her own heartbeat in her ears. What should I do now?

Despite the cold night, Otae felt warm all over her body. Or more like, Gintoki's embrace was warm. For some reason, it made her wonder who was it that was comforting the other.

Gintoki had stopped crying as Otae thought that perhaps she could use this moment to ask him what was wrong. She started to pull away from him, but then Gintoki grabbed her arm to stop her. Otae glanced up before realising that Gintoki's face started to come closer towards her...

Is this going to be a... k-k-k-kiss?!

Otae closed her eyes in fear, yet a part of her felt exhilarated. What would kissing Gintoki feel like? What would... but then she realised that something was wrong. She opened her eyes to find Gintoki's face still quite close to hers, but now he was looking at her... almost at a loss.

"I-I... I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm..." Gintoki blushed as he hastily pulled away.

Otae felt herself going red, too. "Aah..."

What was she expecting anyway? There's no way Gin would—Otae was about to move away before realising that Gintoki was still holding her hand tightly. She glanced back towards him to see that Gintoki's face had become even redder than before. Not sure it was just because of all the crying earlier or...

Otae's gaze towards him softened.

This idiotic man, could he be...

Now that she thought about it, as much as Gin was often seen flirting around with any random ladies that he could find; it never appeared as if he was really serious about those ladies that he randomly approached. So what if all of that had just been a facade in the past? Just a ruse that he did to pretend that he was all that, yet when it comes to the ones he was truly attracted to, he couldn't—

The thought made her smile as Otae kissed him on the cheek.

The sudden cold breeze made her shiver slightly as she pulled up Gintoki's kimono to cover his body. (Why did she forget to do that earlier? Oh... it's because of what Gintoki did.)

"Wait here..." she said before standing up, feeling a bit silly—like where else could Gintoki go in his current state of mind?—and beating herself up over the rare chance she just threw away earlier. But then, after remembering where they were right now and the fact that the two of them were not exactly alone in this not-quite-small cargo deck, perhaps it was for the best that things turned out that way. Even if at the moment, most of the other people lying around resting weren't quite at leisure to ogle at them, much less see her almost kissing Gintoki passionately in public.

Otae blushed again as the thought crossed her mind.

"What're you thinking, Otae..." she scolded herself before noticing that some of the injured officers had blankets with them, to shield them from the night's cold. Blankets! She should ask around to find out where to take some...

Chapter Text

After being led into a smaller upper deck cabin where Kondou had waited for them, Okita started telling Katsura of his recollection of encountering the leader of Tendoshuu, who called themself the original Yatagarasu. From his initial fight with Imai Nobume, to the moment she got impaled out of nowhere when Kagura stopped their fights; to the moment the enemy made his appearance. He told the man how the combined efforts of him, Kagura and Imai barely made a scratch on the monster. When Okita talked about the surreal battle between Gintoki and that person... and how the person seemed to have an uncanny ability to heal themself in the blink of an eye, Katsura's frown went deeper.

Katsura sighed.

"And I was hoping that it was just a coincidence. That maybe it was just someone who happened to have the same appearance... the same monstrous strength." Katsura glanced up towards the trio. "But what was the likelihood of something like that happening?"

"So... it's true that you knew who it was that we're facing? This new enemy?" Kondou asked as Katsura nodded.

"If it was someone from our past, no one else matched the description Captain Okita mentioned except that person. It's unbelievable... but it's not like any of us really knew that person really well before. Or what he truly was."

Katsura shrugged. "It's like how you'd react if you tried to eat a dragon fruit after so long contemplating whether to eat it or not."

"You thought that you knew how it'd taste, but then you end up not eating it because you're scared that it wouldn't be like you thought it'd be. You put it on the highest pedestal and hoped that the fruit's taste would match that expectation. That dragon fruit was your hero; it shouldn't be anything other than what it wasn't supposed to be. But when you finally do eat the fruit, you realise it tasted a lot different from what you imagined,  and you can't help but feel at a loss. All the beliefs one puts on that dragon fruit... all of that came crashing down. The hero you were looking up to... ended up not being someone you thought they were."

Hijikata licked his lips without thinking and then went red once he realised that he was doing it. He sent a glare towards Okita, who was smiling smugly at him while trying to avoid staring at Kondou, who suddenly had this odd expression on their face; like they would really want to have a taste of a dragon fruit now.

Why did Katsura suddenly talk about trying to eat some exotic fruit out of nowhere? And why suddenly talking about a hero... oh wait...

He shook his head hastily before turning back towards Katsura.

"T-t-then... this person should have a name, right?" he stammered out.

Katsura nodded. "Yoshida Shouyou, our teacher at the Shoka Sonjuku school. Or maybe someone who's merely a copy of him. Still, I can't believe that Sensei would have anything to do with Tendoshuu..."

"Or maybe, it's both?" Okita quipped, before getting an elbow from Hijikata. He made an annoyed face at the taller man before shrugging. "I think I heard Imai tell the Boss while we're escaping, that that man was Shouyou and not them at the same time."

Hijikata kicked him in the leg, this time. "I thought I heard you say that you didn't hear any names from them?"

Okita just waved them off. "I just held my tongue on that, because I'm not sure. Because I thought that I've heard that name before; but after hundreds of manga chapters and anime episodes, you can never be sure, right? And I'm too lazy to dig through that bunch right now." He turned his attention towards Katsura again. "But something that I couldn't understand was... why did Imai say something about... the Boss not being the one who killed Shouyou... but that person did. That Utsuro."

Hijikata did a double-take as Kondou's expression turned serious again. They turned their attention towards Katsura.

"Did Boss really kill your teacher?" Okita asked again.

The man just sighed. "Yeah, you didn't hear wrong. Years ago, in the midst of the Joui War as it reached its peak... Gintoki chose to slay Yoshida-sensei."

×××

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Yorozuya... chose to kill his teacher? Why?

Suddenly, he had an ominous feeling.

"There were two things that I wanted to protect; I didn't want to lose either one of them. But it ended up where if I didn't throw away one of them. I would end up losing both."

For some reason, Yorozuya's words from the time they talked in front of the Shinsengumi HQ came back to mind. Back when he was hesitating over what action he should take: sacrificing their senior officers to protect the Shinsengumi, or endangering his fellow Shinsengumi officers in order to save Matsudaira and Kondou. Contemplating whether or not he should ally with his former enemy—the Joui rebels—to save the two, and going against the very government that he had sworn to serve when he became Shinsengumi's vice commander. Those words had felt ominous to him back then, but he hadn't thought about it too long.

Could it be...?

"What... how did that happen?"

Katsura just shrugged, as if they were just talking about some old topic that they had grown tired of telling.

"The three of us—Gintoki, Shinsuke and I—did not just join the war back then because we were very patriotic. We actually had other... personal reasons to join the war,"

Hijikata frowned as he grabbed a chair to sit. He's been standing too long anyway, so he might as well make himself comfortable.

Katsura continued talking.

"It was to save that man. A few years prior, a group of assassins destroyed our school and took Yoshida-sensei away. Because of that, we vowed to become stronger so that we could take him back." Katsura shrugged at them. "Those people who took our sensei away, we later found out that they were called the Naraku. We heard that those assassins were allied with the Amanto, so we joined the war to save him."

"You said that you guys tried to save Yoshida Shouyou," Kondou asked before recalling another thing that Katsura just said earlier, "...then why did Yorozuya kill him instead?"

Hijikata cast a look towards Kondou, whose half of his face was now covered in bandages. Part of him was thankful that Kondou posed the question first, yet a part of him dreaded to hear the answer to that. He glanced back towards Katsura.

"We were caught," Katsura started to say, "Well, our group were almost annihilated, save a few of the injured who managed to escape before that... but that was only because the three of us—alongside a few stubborn people—managed to stall the enemy long enough for them to get away."

Katsura shrugged at them again. "As I said... we were caught. Outnumbered by massive odds. To stop Gintoki from continuing to rampage on the battlefield, the enemy took Takasugi and me as hostages."

"The leader of the Naraku at that time... gave Gintoki a difficult choice. It's either to kill Yoshida-sensei... or save sensei and leave Shinsuke and me behind to die. They forced him to choose which one of us should live. So Gintoki made a choice." Katsura let out a big burst of breath as he smiled weakly. "Since I'm standing in front of you right now and you guys already know what happened to Shinsuke ever since... you can already guess what Gintoki did. It's that choice that led the three of us to take separate paths right now. Because of that person's death."

Hijikata frowned.

"I tried to protect both, but that was the same as throwing both away. Even now I dreamed about it, wondering if there was some better way."

It was the same predicament that he had faced before: him having to choose between old man Matsudaira and Kondou's life, or the lives of every other officer in Shinsengumi. Whether he should sacrifice one to save the other. Or save one and lose the other.

Hijikata glanced towards Kondou.

If he hadn't gathered his wits and come here to save Kondou and the old man, the man sitting in front of him wouldn't be alive now. To think that he almost made the same grave mistake as Yorozuya did...

"What is going on? " Katsura spoke again. "I can no longer say that I'm understanding our current situation right now. How could Yoshida-sensei still be alive?"

×××

"Times like this really make me wanna have a smoke..." Hijikata mused to himself as he leaned against a wall. He turned his glance to his side, to a roomful of injured black and white officers.

Aah... don't think even a smoke could help right now.

He thought about the things they had just discussed earlier, on the new things he had found out about Yorozuya's past... and then his thoughts wandered back towards the earlier battle. As well as Sasaki Isaburou's death.

Guess no one was ever excluded from having their own shitty days...

"Come on, Pattsan! We shouldn't keep Gin-chan and Boss Sis waiting too long!"

Hijikata turned his head towards the direction of the voices as he saw the kids who often followed Yorozuya around—Shimura Shinpachi and Kagura—walking past him. He walked up to them.

"What're you two doing here?" he asked as Shinpachi showed him the box he was carrying.

"Distributing food. Hijikata-san... you want some?" said Shinpachi as Hijikata grabbed two buns.

"Might as well..." he said as Kagura gave him another.

"Two buns shouldn't be enough to share between three people, huh? Tell that sadist not to skip any meals," she said as Hijikata accepted the offer. He grinned despite himself. To think that this Yato girl would care about that sadist...

Hijikata bit into one bun and held it in his mouth so that he could have one hand free. He couldn't exactly hold three buns with one hand anyway. He patted Kagura's head gently.

Kagura gave him an odd look as Hijikata took the bun out of his mouth and shrugged.

"You kids take care of that curly-headed idiot-of-a-man leader of yours well. That guy must've had a tough night today."

Both Shinpachi and Kagura looked at him, dumbfounded, but then smiled as they understood the sentiment.

"Of course!" Shinpachi exclaimed as Kagura added, "It's what we always do."

The two left as Hijikata waved them off. He smiled. Back then, he used to wonder why Yorozuya ended up with those two kids tailing them on various misadventures. Because with the kind of life that man had lived, that man couldn't possibly be a good role model to those kids. But perhaps, having those kids by their side was a good thing for that guy. Hijikata sighed.

Aah... he might as well have a smoke anyway.

Chapter Text

Gintoki looked up. "Aah... it's an image of the fleeing Mimawarigumi ship, is it? How am I not surprised?"

Otae just shrugged.

"Well, since we're still not yet back at home, we can't actually put the image of the Yorozuya office here, isn't it? And writer-san couldn't find a better screencap, and she's too lazy to check the manga and colour the cap..."

Gintoki frowned. "Well, I guess this is another intermission chapter that we're doing, huh?"

"Can't be helped. Even when writer-san did have a clear idea of how she'd want to progress this fic, it'll still be a bit of a bother when she doesn't exactly have the inspiration to type the chapter the way she envisioned it in her head. Like she could have imagined how a scene would happen in her head... but then typing a description in writing would be another tricky matter..."

Gintoki glanced at her. "Like trying to describe how the mummified Gorilla would try to pick on his nose in his current condition? Whoa.... I can't imagine how she'd wanna do that. I mean, it's easy to just have a random character commenting on how he's picking his nose at this time... it's another thing to have to describe in words on why he's picking his nose. Or what thoughts he's having while he's picking his nose or—"

"CAN YOU GUYS JUST STOP DISCUSSING ABOUT ME PICKING MY NOSE NOW? It's just so unsettling..." For some reason, Kondou's voice started to resound all over the place. How did that happen?

".... aah, that felt so good..."

...

...

Silence.

"Otae-chan? It isn't just me... is it? That sounded like that gorilla was actually picking his nose right now... wherever he is..."

"Gin-chan? It's not just you..."

A cough. Which was followed by another one right after.

"So..."

Otae sighed. "Do anyone actually wonder if Hijikata-san tried to trick Okita-san by not giving them that extra bun that Kagura-chan told him to give? Because really, our dear writer actually had that scene pictured, but to have to type out that scene..."

"Did Zura have to be really concerned about protecting our intimate moments from others' intervention... cos seriously, that's a bit overdoing it—"

"It's KATSURA! NOT ZURA! And no... who said about me standing guard to protect my friend so that he'd have some private moments?"

Gintoki tensed. That outburst sounded like coming from the ship's PA system... yet it was also possible that it was just a trick. "Zura? You're not hiding around here, are you? Don't you start acting like my stalker, too!"

"What? Me? NO! I'M YOUR FRIEND, NOT A STALKER! W-WAIT... IT'S KATSURA, NOT ZURA!"

He frowned.

"Otae-chan... that sounded like it's coming from somewhere outside of the corridors, right?"

Otae chuckled.

"Just ignore that... as if that would actually affect the things that will appear in the next chapter. Since Kagura and Shin-chan should be getting back to us after the last few chapters already."

"Oh..." Gintoki gasped. "About that... shouldn't we also mention something here, too? I mean, isn't this the real reason why this intermission chapter was supposed to tell our readers? To explain why it's been slow lately? I mean... it's not just because our writer was just too distracted while trying to catch up to the recent Kamen Rider series to actually start writing up the new chapter. Since... the draft was still progressing at that Grammartly site that she used to type her chapters."

Otae chuckled. "Well, since you already said all that, Gin-san, what else could I even add to that? Besides the fact... she's not only been catching up on Built, but the Kamen Rider series that came out before. Hex-Aid... that is. And then there's those few seasons of Baro, both anime series and live action... and fret not, she's also trying to catch up to the latest Gintama manga and anime, since she does need to know if she could make this fic believable and could fit in between the canon plot. But still... that's a lot of distractions, isn't it?"

Gintoki sighed.

"It can't be helped. Even the Gorilla writer had his own period where he would be distracted and could not focus on the current story after all. Even then—oh, Otae-chan... that aside, have you been calling me Gin-chan earlier?"

Otae froze. "W-what? A-ah... no, when did you hear that... G-Gin-san? You must've been hearing things." She coughed, "but anyway, our writer hoped that readers wouldn't feel that she's neglecting this fic. Even when she had posted that new Baro the Animation one-shot a few days ago. That's because she couldn't help it when random ideas popped into her head."

"Well, with that said..." both Otae and Gintoki started talking together, "Please don't lose hope on us, the writer will still try to finish up the next chapter as fast as possible. Thank you, everyone, for your support all these times!"

"Until the next chapter...

"BYE!"

"Of all pictures... did you have to put in THAT one?"

"Ara... Gin-san. That was the best picture of you I've ever seen..."

"Are you sure?"

"Well... it's better than this..."

"Aaaaaaaargh! Anything but that! But... that's actually Zura pretending to be me—wait, that picture was supposed to be from a canon plot that was supposed to happen after our fic setting. Are you sure we could put it up here?"

"IT'S KATSURA, NOT ZURA! And most likely our readers had already read or watched that scene anyway, so you shouldn't worry about that!"

"You heard Katsura-san. And... it's still a better picture of you. Don't you think?

"Well... that's true."

[TO BE CONTINUED]

Chapter Text

Shinpachi smiled to himself, as he was still carrying the box with some leftover buns that remained. Well, some other people who stayed in the cargo room might have also wanted some. And it wouldn't be fair if they just took a few for just the four of them while leaving none for the others.

So since the buns were meant to be distributed around anyway...

Shinpachi felt a tug on the box as he glanced down to look. A familiar pair of hands was trying to reach in to grab some of the buns... sneakily. Well, someone tried to be sneaky about it but failed.

He turned towards Kagura. "Kagura-chan, what're you doing.... and where did you get that bag from?"

Kagura glanced up towards him as she stopped stuffing the extra buns into a small bag she was holding. "Uh? Err.... this? I happened to find it somewhere earlier. Don't worry, it's clean!"

Shinpachi gave her a stern look.

"I'm asking you... what're you doing stuffing all those buns inside that bag?"

Kagura gave him an innocent look. "Gin-chan might get reeeeally hungry. One bun might not be enough!"

"Kagura-chan..." Shinpachi started to say, "...if you wanted to eat more, you could just say it. I wouldn't judge. After all... you've been hurt pretty badly, haven't you?"

Kagura's face went red. "N-no... Pattsan, it's not like that. I really wanna save these extras for Gin-chan! I wasn't going to—"

"Should I do it... or not? Should I really... but that doesn't seem right..."

Shinpachi and Kagura blinked, as both of them turned their heads towards the mumbling voice. As expected, it was Katsura. Yet...

...why was the man pacing around the area and mumbling to themself in front of the cargo room's entrance?

The two of them approached the man as Katsura turned to face them.

"Katsura-san... what're you doing?" Shinpachi started to ask Katsura as the man let out a loud yelp.

"Aah! Shinpachi, Leader! A-a... it's ah, uhm... it's just... err..."

"Zura, you came here to see Gin-chan, right?" Kagura exclaimed, "So what're you waiting here... we should just see them, they're inside. Gin-chan and Boss sis—"

Katsura gave them a look of alarm. "Leader! Wait for a bi—"

Before he could finish, Kagura had already dragged them into the cargo room, followed by Shinpachi. Just as the two youngsters were about to greet their elders, both of them saw the 'problem' that Katsura had been worrying about.

"Unh..."

Katsura shrugged. "As I thought, shouldn't it be better if we wake them up—? Or should we find some other place to..."

Shinpachi sighed. "Forget about it. It's been a tiring night after all..."

×××

He woke up abruptly to find himself in the darkness. And his face had landed on something squishy.

As his eyes started to adjust to the dark (Gin realised that the room they're in was not completely dark but bathed in some kind of dim red lighting), he belatedly noticed that the squishy surface was actually... someone's chest!

Gintoki hastily pulled himself away, somewhat glad that said person was still asleep and not awake. Else, he'd be spotting some new bruises right about now.

"What happened—?"

He tried to move away from his position, yet feeling another bump behind him... not letting him get away easily. He turned to look and—Gintoki made a face. Why is Kagura sleeping beside him? Also... why was her face facing right beside his butt? This girl...

Gintoki blinked. As he adjusted his sitting position—so as to not accidentally press his butt onto Kagura's face—he finally noticed that Shinpachi had slept beside their sister on her right side, while Kagura had huddled beside him. But unlike the two of them, the kids were lying flat on the floor, covered under the extra blankets Otae had set aside for them.

Geez, if the kids came back and saw them already asleep... they should've woke them up. He turned to look at Otae. Gintoki sighed. Or at least, get this woman to lie down to sleep properly!

Gintoki kept eyeing the sleeping Otae.

This woman sure has an odd ability to be able to sleep while sitting upright. Even if both of them had the wall behind them to support their backs, she shouldn't have been able to—but then again he recalled a time, quite long ago when he caught her nodding off many times while still being able to sit upright on her knees so for Otae to even be able to fall asleep in this situation wouldn't be so strange.

He let out a snort.

"Had a good nap?"

Gintoki jumped as the new voice startled him. He turned his head towards the direction the voice came—Gintoki squinted. The red lighting made it hard for him to see clearly.... but was that a silhouette of a person? But that stance... and that flowing hair—!

Gintoki rolled his eyes in the darkness. "Zura, what're you doing? If you've been here all along, you should've woken me up. Or at least moved Otae-chan to a more comfortable sleeping position. If you're embarrassed, you could always get Glasses there to help. Or even this midget hovering near my butt here..." He turned his head towards the sleeping Kagura as the girl started reaching out towards his leg.

Gintoki frowned at her. Is my leg a bolster for you now? , he wondered as he vainly tried to get his thigh free from the young Yato girl's grip.

Katsura turned around to face him in the darkness. "Could we? The two of you had been particularly cosy—"

Gintoki cried in alarm, "Wha-what do you mean—"

"—with each other, it didn't seem proper for us to do anything," Katsura continued talking as if he hadn't been interrupted. He paused, "Anyway, Gintoki... Are you all right?"

The man had gaped at his friend in the darkness, but then decided to sober up. Gintoki just shrugged, "Have you been listening to some annoying gossip again, Zura?"

"No, I didn't," Katsura was quick to deny. "You've been looking so pitiful, even while asleep. So I can't help asking. You're fine now, aren't you?"

Gintoki sighed as he leaned again against the wall behind him. "Not really. And Zura, I'd appreciate it if you don't ask me about it yet."

"If you say so... oh, here's a bun if you want," said Katsura as the man threw one bun towards Gintoki. Gintoki caught it just barely. He frowned as he stared at the now-cold bun.

"And Zura, were you really standing guard for us over there?"

"W-wha—what're you talking about, Gintoki? I'm just meditating!"

Gintoki chuckled as he started to take a bite off the bun. "If you say so."

Omake: Really, sometimes silence DOES convey much more than words could say.

A few hours earlier...

Otae sighed as she slowly backed herself against the wall. She smiled weakly, as Gintoki copied her actions and sat beside her.

She sighed as she eyed the other people occupying the cargo room beside them. Some of those people, either they were Shinsengumi officers, Mimawarigumi officers or even Joui rebel members, had started to settle down... and some even had fallen asleep. To think that not long ago, those same people had been at odds with each other due to different ideas and beliefs on how they wanted the nation to be run. Yet right now, all of them were together on this same ship... and not even caring about their past differences.

But of course, all of those things were long past now. There was no longer a wall dividing them; whether they're police officers or Joui rebels. They're all now fighting on the same side, carrying the same burden. Despite their differences, in the end... all of them loved their nation. And wanted to protect the place that they called home.

Otae turned to glance towards Gintoki. 

Likewise, would she be able to carry that man's burden alongside him? Would Gin even allow it? Otae sighed again.

"Gin-san?" she started to say, averting her gaze from him and just stared blankly in front of her. "Have you calmed down yet?"

She waited for him to answer, but hearing none, she continued to talk. "Did something happen back on the island?"

Silence again. Then again, after what had happened before... Gintoki might be feeling awkward towards her. The man had never cried like that in front of her before, and while she used to see Gintoki at his worst moments... this was the first time she saw him like that. While she didn't mind seeing that side of him, to Gintoki...

"If it's hard for you to tell me about it, you don't have to force yourself. I'll wait... until you're ready to tell." Otae let out a long sigh. "But please, don't let me wait too long. You might think that it's better to keep everything bottled up inside yourself, but Gin-san... you're no longer alone. If there's something that bothered you... there's always someone you could talk to."

Otae gave him a side glance. "You don't have to bear all the hurt by yourself..."

She shrugged. Somehow, after saying all that aloud... she couldn't help being self-conscious about it. Regardless of how it sounded cool when she said it. But then again, Gintoki had always been there for her during the times when she didn't realise that she needed him to set her straight. Not just during the time she had decided to marry into the Yagyu family (despite the fact that Kyuu-chan and her were both women), but there was also the time when Hajime-san came back to the dojo. Heck, Gin even risked his own life trying to save her when she was about to be taken away after offending the new shogun...

Gin had always been there when she needed his strength. How could she not do the same for him?

Otae suddenly felt something weighing on her shoulder, followed by a sensation of a wavy tuft of hair brushing her cheek. She let out a gasp.

"I'm sorry... Otae-chan. And thank you."

She smiled. 

Good to know that she could at least do this much for him.

Chapter Text

"I came after hearing a rumour of a corpse-eating oni, would that be you?"

"Aren't you a cute oni instead...?"

Gintoki let out a small sigh of relief as he sat down on his usual spot. As usual, no one ever dared to continue chasing after him once he reached this place. Then again, if they wouldn't step foot at this place... why even bother chasing after him from the start? Since they should already know that he always ended up running to this place each time.

Honestly, why do they even care about some stolen food offering that they've left behind themselves? Why do they even care if anyone wants to steal those food offerings? As if the dead people inside those graves would eat those offerings. They can't anyway... since they were dead.

He has only just taken a bite from the onigiri that he got when a hand suddenly pushed his head down from behind. A man's voice suddenly spoke out from behind him, asking if he was the one who was called the corpse-eating oni by the people around here. And the man went as far as to call him a 'cute oni'.

What a ridiculous thing to say. He never imagined anyone would ever say anything like that about him before. 

A monster child, that's what everyone has always called him. 

Of course. Unless the child had been a monster, how else would he be able to keep on surviving alone by himself as everyone around him were massacred without mercy? If the child had not been a monster, how else was he able to defend himself against the many executioners that tried to finish him off with swords twice his height?

As if the child's silver hair and crimson eyes didn't already amplify the fact that he was indeed... a monster.

Somehow, as his existence started to become known to the people from nearby towns... the child began to become known as the 'corpse-eating oni'. No one ever dared to approach the child, fearing that the 'oni' would come to kill them and consume their flesh. Nobody ever thought that the 'oni' that they have grown to fear was actually just a small hungry child who only managed to survive by raiding the food offerings left at the graveyards.

It's been a long while since he encountered anyone up-close. At least, until this man arrived. Gintoki immediately jumped away from the man.

The man had appeared harmless at first glance, but his instincts told him otherwise. He could smell the same scent that he recognized from the monsters he encountered before. This man was a dangerous one.

He gripped the hilt of the long sword that he kept on his side before slowly unsheathing it in front of the man. The man asked if he took his sword from a corpse. As he thought, this man was not an ordinary person. Usually, he was able to scare off random strangers from approaching him whenever he did this. It was enough to scare off petty thugs or thieves who might think that they can bully a kid like him, just because of his small stature. 

Pity, it didn't work on this guy, he thought as Gintoki gave a soft snarl.

"A single child stripping corpses to protect himself, is it?" the man spoke again. "That's impressive. However, you no longer need that sword."

The man started reaching towards their own sword as Gintoki eyed them warily. "A sword that's only swung in self-defence while fearing others, should be thrown away..."

Suddenly, he could sense a different aura from the man—Was that man planning to kill him?—as he prepared himself for battle. To his surprise, the man suddenly threw their sword towards him as Gintoki barely caught it with his hands. The weight of the sword alongside the one he had been holding almost made him topple onto the ground.

"I shall give you my sword. If you wish to learn how to properly use it... then come with me."

×××

Kagura glanced up towards Shinpachi, as the three of them stood still in front of Gintoki and Otae... who were already sound asleep, while nestled against each other.

"Ne... Shinpachi. Should we... just let him off this time? It's not like he meant anything bad or whatever."

Katsura also turned his attention towards the kids as his thoughts started to hover around the two. Time really passed by so quick. He could barely remember the time when he first started seeing the kids hanging around Gintoki and their freelancer job. Wait, how old was Shinpachi's sister again? Since he was aware that Otae-san worked at a cabaret club she should've been at least old enough to drink. (Or else we would have gotten in quite a bit of trouble with the PTA from the early on!) How old was she... exactly? He tends to forget about it because Otae-san did look old enough to know the ways of the world et al—heck, I bet most people wouldn't think much about this unless they went back to read all of the data in the character sheets but—wait, since he and Gintoki were around the same age plus-minus a few months, oh...

(Come to think do people care a lot about big age gaps between couples? Because I don't think fans of Gintama care too much about that, do they? It's not even THAT big too.)

"Umm... Shinpachi-kun, how about we all just—"

Shinpachi's body shook slightly. "How could I even do anything to that bum over there now? Especially with him looking so pathetic like that, falling asleep with tears still streaking down his cheeks."

Katsura snorted to himself as he glanced back towards his old friend. 

"Yeah. He really did look quite pathetic... didn't he?"

×××

"Shouyou... what were you like actually, before we met?"

He was back at the old shrine he shared with Shouyou, which doubled as the Shoka Sonjuku School of Bushido. As usual, at the end of the day... after all of the other kids were finished with the lessons for the day and returned home, the two of them fell back into the usual routine that they have whenever they were left alone by themselves. The usual sparring lesson between them, as Gintoki would try to once again attempt to defeat Shouyou in a swordfight—To which, it always ended up with him falling in defeat.

"As someone who used to be called the 'corpse-eating oni' in the past, I think you should be able to understand this. Whether it was a monster or a child of a monster, they were all the same."

"They are both inhuman beings that are only born within a bloody pool of sin."

Aah... it was this same old conversation again. Was he now inside a dream? A sweet dream... where he was back to being his younger self, and Shouyou—was still the same person that he used to know.

"... a monster's sword cannot cut another monster..."

If this was really a dream, he wished that he would not have to wake up from it. Compared to the other dreams that he used to get, this was not quite as bad or terrifying. In which, this actually... suited him just fine. Even if this was only a dream, at least the Shouyou who was with him right now... was the Shouyou that he was familiar with.

"Haven't you been paying attention to what I was saying?"

Suddenly he felt as if a cold hand had caught hold of his heart. This wasn't part of the conversation that he used to have! What Shouyou used to say to him, after that last line—!

He turned his head as suddenly he found himself standing in front of Shouyou. The man gave him the usual mysterious smile that they always wore every time their fights were concluded so abruptly... 

"I said..."

"...that your sword..."

Even as Shouyou was speaking, the air around them started to grow colder and colder. And the warm surroundings around them also continued to fade away... as the light also turning into darkness. Eventually, what used to be the dojo that he used to live in... turned into the rocky terrains that were abundant all around Kokujou Island. And the all-familiar Yoshida Shouyou, who had been standing in front of him changed into a stranger that he barely even know.

Even the voice...

...has become as cold and hard as steel.

As Utsuro's blade touched the edge of his neck, all of the memories of the last battle started rushing into his mind before Gintoki was rudely being pulled out into reality...

×××

Katsura turned his head towards Gintoki. 

"But really... don't you want to talk about it? To tell you the truth, I already kinda figured it most of the important bits... but it would've been better if I could hear it directly from you—"

Katsura bit his lips. "Gintoki, that guy you fought with—that leader of the Tendoshuu—was that man really...?"

Gintoki hastily swallowed the bun that he's been eating as he snapped at his friend. 

"Cut that out already, Zura! What was it that you don't understand when I said that I didn't wanna talk about it?"

Katsura let out an exasperated sigh. "Alright, I get it. It was something unimaginable to think about. Yet, shouldn't we still talk about it aloud for us to make heads or tails about it?"

Gintoki just scoffed at it. "Why are you telling me that? Even now I couldn't quite believe it..."

"Still, you're such a lucky guy." Gintoki glanced back towards Katsura as the man had turned their glance elsewhere. "Because you've been looking so miserable, these people had insisted to stay by your side to comfort you."

Gintoki followed Katsura's gaze as he stared at the sleeping forms of Kagura, Otae and Shinpachi. He smiled weakly.

"Aren't they quite the clingy bunch?" he sighed. "But I guess, thanks to them... I got to see a nice dream for a short while. Though that didn't manage to last long."

Katsura gave him a sympathetic look. "Well, if you still need a shoulder to cry on... you can always look for me. I won't mind lending my shoulder to you." He got up to their feet as Gintoki hissed at his friend.

"Who on earth would want to cry on your shoulder, you idiot! And where are you heading off to now?"

Katsura let out a soft chuckle. "I heard that that Imai girl had woken up so I might as well try to get something out from her. Or maybe not, since she might still be in mourning."

"Ah well, whatever... might as well get some air while I'm at it."

Gintoki smiled weakly at his friend as he watched Katsura's retreating back disappearing into the dark hallway. He leaned back against the wall as he thought back about the dream he had earlier. 

That old memory from his childhood...

He and Shouyou used to spar together so often back then. Shouyou really... kept their word to him about teaching him how to use a sword properly since the day they first met. It was mostly just the basic forms though, Shouyou never tried to teach him their sword style. That bit he picked up from the man from all the sparring sessions they had back then.

"A sword that's only swung in self-defence while fearing others, should be thrown away..."

"I shall give you my sword. If you wish to learn how to properly use it... then come with me."

He thought about the man he fought on Kokujou Island last night. The man Imai Nobume said was both Shouyou and Utsuro.

"You know this sword, don't you? That must be... from the many memories of defeat..."

It wasn't something that he could truly be proud of. But thanks to the many sparring lessons that he used to have with Shouyou—even if it always ended up in defeat—was what allowed him to be able to keep up when fighting that man who called themself Utsuro. Even then, if it wasn't for Kagura and Sougo helping him out... he would have already died by now.

So was this what Shouyou meant about cultivating his own swordsmanship and to stop imitating theirs? Because they knew that using the same sword against them would not benefit anyone?

He shook his head frantically.

What kind of a plot twist was this? Has Shouyou taught him to use a sword properly... while anticipating a day like this to come for him? How could that be possible?

If that man was really Shouyou, how could he really defeat them when that man kept coming back up no matter how many times he cut the man down? Was he fated to have to cut Shouyou down every time he had to meet that guy? How was that fair?

Certainly, you wouldn't be so cruel to me as to lay such a heavy burden on my shoulder like this, would you?

Answer me...

Shouyou!

Chapter Text

"Toshi... did either him or I really have to die? Was there no other way?"

"Instead of just black or white, couldn't I have worked with him to bring out a different colour?"

He thought that he'd at least try to check on Kondou for a moment. But after hearing that conversation between the two highest commanders of the Shinsengumi, he changed his mind.

Gintoki took out his cellphone—the third one that Sasaki Isaburou had given him—after he'd thrown away the second and broken the first. He rarely even used the phone to contact anyone else, and now the person who always texted him through this phone will no longer...

He stepped out to the ship's deck to find Katsura standing by themself nearby. Gintoki made a face at his friend. 

"I thought you said you wanted to see that Imai girl..."

Katsura just shrugged at him before nodding their head off towards their right. Gintoki followed their gaze as he saw Imai Nobume standing by herself on the front deck facing the bow. Has she been standing there all by herself, all this while? He tried to recall the events of the other night as they were about to make their escape from the Tendoshuu's ships. Imai... had been so devastated as they could only watch helplessly while Sasaki Isaburou fell into the dark void.

He glanced up as the sky began to lighten.

Looking at Imai right now, he couldn't help thinking about the day he had to kill Shouyou to save his friends... more than a decade ago. While the circumstances had been different, Sasaki—like Shouyou—had sacrificed their life to protect the people they loved. And for Imai, to be able to survive thanks to that man's sacrifice... the sorrow that she was feeling at this moment... must be so unbearable right now.

Like how he felt back then, after having to part ways with Shouyou in the worst way possible.

"I have faced so many defeats in battle in the past and escaped with my life. But this defeat had truly left a bitter taste in my mouth."

Gintoki turned his glance towards Katsura as he snorted at them.

"Why? Aren't you glad to still be able to survive? Or did you start becoming fond of that Sasaki guy now?"

Katsura scoffed at Gintoki. "What nonsense are you talking about now?" he snapped before glancing back towards Imai. "It's just... I can't help being reminded of that day. It was the same as right now, the defeat we were forced to face back then. After that, all three of us ended up heading towards different paths."

Gintoki turned his head back towards the same direction, as now he could see Sasaki's little brother walking up towards Imai.

"It'll be fine. We'll all be fine, we'll get over this defeat and get back on our feet in no time. You, me, us... them. We'll get over this." 

Gintoki let out a long sigh as all of the Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi members from the ship they're on; as well as the ones on the other neighbouring ships, started to gather on the top deck. Tae, Shinpachi and Kagura also decided to come out to join them.

"The enemy... was really strong this time as well. But those guys, as we have ever since then, should be able to overcome this obstacle and get back on their feet. They'll get stronger, I'm sure of that. As we will too. This defeat shouldn't last too long."

He smiled weakly. "One day... we will win for sure. So that all of the sacrifices that were made so far wouldn't be in vain. It's the only thing left we could do now in order to not disappoint the people that we've lost."

Katsura nodded to himself.  "Yeah..."

As they looked on, Imai Nobume started taking out something from her jacket as she seemed to be doing something that they could not see. But then she raised her head up and threw out something that she has been holding. It was too far for him to see clearly but from the way the light was reflected from the object she was throwing, he assumed that it must be her cellphone. The same type as the one Sasaki had given him.

Kondo immediately raised their hand in a salute.

"Pay your respects to the Commissioner-General!"

Kondo's voice boomed as everyone—regardless of whether they're in black or white uniforms—raised their arms in silent salute.

×××

Months have passed since then... and so many things had happened. As the remaining members of the Mimawarigumi and Shinsengumi went into hiding alongside Katsura's men to recuperate and heal themselves, the city of Edo also started facing a drastic change. It was inevitable, he supposed, considering that it involved two of the major police organizations that had been supporting the government. Obviously, such a revolt would've shaken the Shogunate to its core, especially when only recently the new shogun had taken over the administration.

Even when he had been directly involved with the many chains of events that led to this predicament, it still felt surreal.

Gintoki had never really been interested in politics, even back when he was younger—yet ironically, he's been involved in many incidents that directly affected the nation. Looking back, it seemed so unbelievable that a nobody like him has managed to achieve so much without actually intending it. Honestly, unlike Zura or Takasugi... he wasn't really such an impressive character. Even though he was the main character of Gintama, compared to other main characters from other series... he was still lacking so much. Aside from his ability to fight, of course. Like seriously, have you seen any other main characters who were so unmotivated and unimpressive like him? Unless there was some battle that he needed to win at all costs, he was just an overgrown bum who could barely keep himself—his two charges and a big dog—well fed at the end of the day.

It was surreal... everything around him, really. Like how much has he changed from the first chapter and episode of Gintama until now? As of right now, he was no longer just a simple bum who lazed about mindlessly on the streets of Kabuki-cho... while reading the usual Jump magazine that he always kept up with.

Suppose there was no way for him to get his hands off everything after all that has happened. With the Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi gone from the streets of Edo, someone needed to step up to take over the empty spot that remained.

So that there would still be someone who will watch over the people of Edo while those people were away...

×××

"I'll gladly take the booze, but I don't recall ever doing you a favour."

"Oh, you did. Your faulty brain may have forgotten, but I remember. I'll never forget."

"Even if I did, you repaid me a long time ago. I'm the one who got help recovering something he'd forgotten."

Hijikata turned his head towards Gintoki, who was also about to leave the shop. He smiled weakly.

"I guess, there are still a lot of things about you that I didn't know... huh? Even someone like you must have some kind of a painful past, that shaped the kind of person you are right now. I wish that I could get to know more about you than I already did."

Gintoki raised their eyebrows at him. "Ara, what's with this sudden change of tune? Are you already starting to miss me? What's with that kinda strange talk? As if we wouldn't see each other again after this."

Hijikata just shrugged at them. As Gintoki continued to stare at him, he sighed.

"The things you've said to me before... about the things you wanted to protect. Something similar has happened to you in the past, hasn't it? I heard about what happened to your master."

Gintoki frowned at him. "Where did you hear that from? Did Zura told you about it?"

Hijikata nodded.

Gintoki started scratching the back of his head in response. "Damn it, Zura! As usual, that guy really likes to run his mouth around unnecessarily..."

A smirk appeared on Hijikata's face as Gintoki had a sudden urge to want to punch it off that smug face.

"So what was that forgotten thing that you said you've recovered?"

Gintoki chuckled. "As if I'd tell you what it was..."

×××

"I'm back..." he drawled softly as Gintoki placed his umbrella at the corner of the entrance.

"Welcome back!" came the unexpected reply as Otae's voice greeted him instead of her brother. He let out a sigh after looking at her.

"So... you're here, huh?"

Otae slowly nodded to him as she smiled apologetically. "I couldn't inconvenience Kozenigata-san any longer than necessary; it didn't feel right to me. So I decided to return here."

He just shook his head.

"Hey... Shinpachi? Are you still here?" Gintoki hollered loudly as said glasses boy poked their head out from the kitchen.

"Yes, Gin-san?"

"Has Kagura-chan come back yet?"

Shinpachi just shrugged at him before shaking their head.

"Not yet. She told me that she was going to see someone earlier."

Gintoki nodded his head in acknowledgement. Just as he had gone out to check on Hijikata, Kagura must've wanted to see that Okita kid first before they left.

Because seriously, how could they let those guys leave without saying anything to them? 

Gintoki started scratching his head again. 

"Well, tell her when she gets back that I'm heading off to Zura's place later. It's up to her if she wants to join me or stay here instead..."

"You're leaving?"

Gintoki turned his eyes towards her as he shrugged. "Since you're already here, there's no way that I can stay at this place any longer. While the higher-ups might've already forgotten about the less important stuff, I'm still a wanted man. It'll be too dangerous for you if I continue to lie low over here."

Otae clenched her fist before hurriedly grabbing the sleeve of Gintoki's kimono as he was about to turn and leave.

"Can't you stay here a bit longer? You only just came back, you can't just walk out again! At least have some tea before you go out."

Gintoki cast a brief glance at the room she came out of and spotted a tray with a teapot and some cups lying in the corner of the engawa.

"It looked like you already had some before I came. Shouldn't you have had enough tea already?"

Otae smiled at him weakly. "Well, there's no harm in brewing some more..."

Gintoki cast a long look in Otae's direction before sighing again. Guess she wouldn't let him leave this place without having her say first.

×××

Tae sneaked a glance to her side as Gintoki remained quiet by himself. Was he angry? She was aware that the reason he had made her stay with Kozenigata-san during the past few months was that he wanted to keep her safe from harm. But she came back now, without informing him first... fully aware that she might as well endanger herself once again by going back to her home.

"Are you... mad at me?"

Silence. And then she heard his breathing as Tae slowly let go of the breath she was holding.

"Why should I? This is your home... so of course, you can go back here whenever you want."

Tae cast him another glance again. He seemed fine now, though Gintoki wasn’t the kind of person who would let his emotions show on his face. Even if he showed some expressions, no one could really tell if those were truly what he felt or if he was faking it. Because Gin-san could hide his real emotions so well.

She thought back about the time when both of them were in that lower deck cabin of the Mimawarigumi ship. The Gin-san from that night had looked so vulnerable to her. So much, that she couldn't afford to act too mean to him like she usually did.

Back then, she told him that she would wait for him. If there was something that was burdening his heart and he couldn't tell anyone about it, she told him that she could try to lend an ear and share the burden with him. If it was hard for him to open up to her, she told him that she would wait until he could find the courage to bare everything to her.

She said all that to him for sure back then... though she wondered if Gin-san actually listened to all of it. And even if he did, would Gintoki even want to let her share the burden inside his heart? After all, it wasn't as if the two of them were actually THAT close. Why would Gin-san want to share his burden with her—heck, she didn't even know what Gin-san truly thinks about her.

Tae let out a small huff.

Why did she even have to worry about this naturally permed idiot? As if the idiot would even appreciate her worrying so much about him.

"Did that gorilla come over to visit you today?"

She turned her attention towards Gintoki again as the man kept staring elsewhere. Tae shrugged.

"Yes, he did. You'd think he'd start acting more mature to match his age, but again, that guy came sneaking around like some abandoned trash someone forgot to throw away."

Gintoki started to laugh. "Heh... but I suppose that guy has been behaving well today, seeing that this place was still intact. Then again, that wouldn't have been a good way to say your farewells."

"So what have you been doing today, Gin-san?" Tae asked as Gintoki shrugged.

"It's been raining all day. Would there be anything much for me to do? Ah, but I did send off a certain mayora-maniac earlier, so it wasn't really a complete waste of time."

Tae smiled at him weakly. 

"I guess that means Hijikata-san was in good health. Then, how about you? You didn't even come to visit Kozenigata-san ever since you left me there, and I haven't seen you for the past few months, so how have you been doing? Have you been doing well?"

Gintoki let out a soft chortle before running his hand over his hair. "Aside from having my name back on the Shogunate's wanted list, how 'well' would you expect me to be? Anyway, you could have asked that brother of yours about me if you were really that concerned. Since Shinpachi had been checking on you on a periodical basis."

Tae gave a long sigh.

"I'm doing fine... anyway," said the man, regardless.

Tae bit her lips. Well, that's a far as she would ever get from him. Since it would've been rude for her to try to press Gintoki further. Has he been eating well? Has he resolved the things that had troubled him back then? Have his injuries healed completely? He didn't get himself hurt even more, did he? But suppose she could only take a wild guess.

As she thought, Gin-san wouldn't have wanted to share his burden with her. He wouldn't—!

"Ne, I suppose that you've never gone out of Edo when you were younger..."

?!

Gintoki raised his head as he cast a faraway glance at the night sky.

"...so you probably wouldn't have heard of the rumour of a corpse-eating oni."

Chapter Text

"...I suppose that you've never gone out of Edo when you were younger, so you probably wouldn't have heard of the rumour of a corpse-eating oni."

"There was this place in the countryside. Words had been back then, there was a huge massacre that happened in the valley nearby. Some said that it was a battle between two factions of samurai of different beliefs, and some said that there was someone important who had been assassinated over there. Regardless, so many people had been killed at that place. Afterwards, people started saying that an oni had appeared there. Supposedly, the oni was born from all of the malevolent spirits that died at that place, so people try to avoid going there so as not to be killed by the oni. That was the corpse-eating oni."

Gintoki snorted to himself. "It was quite a well-known rumour at the time. But then again, around that time... you're probably still very young or not even born yet; so by the time you're old enough to travel around to even hear about it, people would've already forgotten that such a rumour even existed." Gintoki turned his head towards her as he spoke, and their eyes met each other's gaze.

He could feel her gaze boring into his soul. She must be wondering why he started talking about this. Why should he even tell her about it? This particular detail of his past, which even Zura and Takasugi weren’t aware of. Not entirely, at least. 

"A corpse-eating... oni?" Otae's voice was slowly repeating his words. "What—who was that? Was it an actual oni?"

Gintoki smiled weakly before shaking his head at her. "No. It was just a child. Just a lonesome child who had nowhere to go... a lone survivor of a massacre who has no choice but to become an oni."

He dared to sneak a glance towards Otae as the young lady patiently waited for him to continue talking.

"Otae-san, would you be able to imagine it? Being alone by himself, not having anyone to seek help from. There was no one by his side... unless you could count the restless spirits of the dead. Everywhere he could set his eyes on had been nothing but dead bodies... to the point that he might even consider sinking his teeth into those rotten meats to keep himself alive. Otae-san... do you think that child was a monster? To be able to survive at such a scary place."

Otae didn't answer immediately, and he could understand why. There was too much morbid imagery in the things he'd just said, and someone like her wouldn't have been able to imagine how anyone could have been caught in such harsh conditions. Seriously, how could anyone understand what it was like unless they've experienced such things themselves?

It's strange to refer to himself as a third person, but some things were better off touched from a certain distance. If possible, he wanted to bury those memories in the farthest corners of—

"Poor child..." Gintoki's heart skipped a bit as Otae's voice broke through his line of monologue. "...was there no one who came to save him? Can't he leave that place? Certainly, there must be someone who tried to help that boy?"

Gintoki bit his lips. "There WAS someone. But that person didn't appear to that child until quite some time afterwards. Until that time, that child had to fend for himself alone in that valley of death. There were too many monsters around him, so the child picked up a sword to fight them off. Even as the sword started to chip and break into pieces, that child couldn't let it go and continued to slash at the monsters that tried to kill him." He sighed. "Do you think that it was funny that some people thought that the child was an oni?"

Otae shook her head at him. "I don't think that it was funny. More like... it was sad."

"Gin-san..." Gintoki turned to stare at her face as Otae gave him a sad look. "That child... was that who you used to be?"

He smiled at her weakly.

"Yeah, that was me."

×××

Tae slowly took Gintoki's hand into her own as she traced her fingers over the lines on his palm. Just when she thought that Gintoki's life wasn't already harsh enough... she had to learn more of his past that not many people could know.

Appearance could really be deceiving; no one could have imagined that someone as carefree as Gintoki could hide such a sad and painful past.

"You really had it tough... isn't it, Gin-san? But did you really end up eating corpses to stay alive?"

Gintoki snorted at her. "Nonsense! No matter how hungry I got back then, I wouldn't have been able to—" He started running his hand on the back of his head as Gintoki started scratching the back of his ear. "I stole food offerings left on some random graves or shrines to eat at times. Or just about anything that I could find. Food is still food, and even stale or bad ones were better than rotten corpses."

He could hear Tae's soft chuckle beside him, even before he could finish his words.

"Was that why, even until now, you had the bad habit of taking and eating food left at the altar?"

Gintoki snorted again. "Well, it's not like the dead would stop me from doing that."

He sighed. "Anyway, back then, I had no place to go... so even when the dead bodies were still lying around unattended, it's the only 'home' I ever knew. If that person hadn't appeared in front of me that fateful day, I probably wouldn't have left that horrid place."

Tae glanced up to look at him as Gintoki sighed again.

"I couldn't recall any memories of my real parents or what they looked like, but I remembered that man's face vividly. The person who took me away from that valley of the dead... Yoshida Shouyou."

He lowered his gaze as he started staring at the ground before him. "He was like a parent or an older sibling that I never had or knew. More than just a saviour, a mentor... Shouyou was like the first-ever family that I've ever had."

Gintoki took in a long breath. "Back then, I never questioned it much. Even when the man seemed to be hiding something about their past, even though their outrageous strength was suspicious (that guy's even stronger than me!)... because it was Shouyou, it didn't matter. Shouyou was the first person (second person actually, the first person had died not long before they met, so no need to mention that other guy) who treated me with kindness... so as long as we're always together, it was enough for me."

Gintoki heaved a long sigh.

"I made a promise to him back then. That I have to protect everyone and keep them safe. It's the last promise I made to Shouyou before he was taken away from me."

Gintoki shrugged as he turned his glance towards Tae.

"Back on the ship, you asked me what it was that troubled me so much while we were all at Kokujou Island, right?"

Tae nodded.

"Would you believe it that the leader of that enemy we barely escaped from, that night, was that very person who was almost like a real father to me?"

×××

Shinpachi let out a small sigh before handing a third carton of grape juice to Kagura. The young Yato girl just took it from him before poking a straw into the carton and drinking from it.

"Are you all right now, Kagura?" asked Shinpachi. 

The girl in question made a horrid face at him.

"How do you think I'd feel... after hearing all that about Gin-chan?"

He sighed again. "I thought I wouldn't be surprised anymore if we ever get to find out more about Gin-san's past. As we already know quite early in the series that Gin-san had been orphaned at a very young age. But I couldn't imagine... that his past had been so violent. Not just because he used to fight during the war, but during his childhood too—"

Shinpachi frowned suddenly. "But I guess that kinda explains a bit about him. Like how his personality changes completely during an intense situation, from a laidback guy to a fearsome (and sometimes crazed) warrior when facing some strong enemy. Sis also used to mention that his sword skill was really wild and random; like you can't exactly pinpoint which style he was using..."

Kagura immediately elbowed Shinpachi in his ribs. "Was that the only thing you thought about after listening to all that story? Honestly, I'm disappointed with you."

She hastily wiped away the tears that had streaked down her cheeks without warning. "I feel so bad for Gin-chan. I feel awful now for eating too much and complaining about the food at him every day!"

Shinpachi smacked Kagura's head in response. "WAS FOOD THE ONLY THING YOU COULD THINK ABOUT?"

Kagura kicked his butt instead. 

"But you know... Pacchi, do you think that this was the reason? Why Gin-chan always like to eat very sweet stuff?"

Shinpachi glanced towards Kagura, as the girl shrugged. "Because he never got to eat those sweet foods and beverages when he was little? Or maybe because he used to eat food that had lost its taste, so nowadays he gets really cranky whenever people try to take away good food from him? Or the fact that he tends not to care about WHAT he eats whenever we went really broke to buy any food?"

Kagura nodded. "I swear from now on I won't make a big fuss over Gin-chan and his strawberry milk! Gin-chan can have all of the strawberry milk that he wants if that can make him happy. Not just that, I'm gonna stop fighting with Gin-chan over food again. Or at least not as often as I used to. Mami is gonna make sure that Gin-chan won't ever get starved like he used to as a kid!"

Shinpachi chuckled at her (Kagura's logic was always so amusing) as he patted Kagura's head gently. 

Chapter Text

"Years ago, the man called Yoshida Shouyou started a small temple school near one of the villages that we passed through. It was a dream of his to start one, he used to say. At times I found that logic hard to believe. Because he didn't seem like the kind of person to start a school teaching bushido out the blue. And he looked as if he was on the run, yet had the time to pick up a lost kid and travel the whole country at leisure. And it wasn't just any other orphan kid that he picked up, but one some people thought of as a child of a monster."

Gintoki snorted. "After I decided to join Shouyou on their journey, we ended up going to many places in the country. Never stopping by at one place for too long before leaving again. And then one day he said, 'Ah, this looked like a good place for us to stay. Let's start our school here', that weirdo." He shook his head. "Can you imagine him just going around without a plan... and one day he saw this nice empty place with a big pine tree and thought to himself, this is it!"

He smiled. "But that's so like Shouyou."

"I shall give you my sword. If you wish to learn how to properly use it... then come with me."

Gintoki recalled the first time he met Shouyou.

"The very first comment he made when we met was that he thought that I was a rather cute oni. The second was about the long sword that I was holding back then, which he said I no longer need. Because he said that a sword that was used in self-defence while fearing others should be thrown away. Can you believe that old fart? Over there I've been protecting myself on my own from bad guys and wild animals, and he said that I should throw away the sword that I've held on to survive?"

Tae let out a soft giggle.

"That person must've given you quite the first impression. That said, aren't we getting sidetracked right now... Gin-san?" said Otae as Gintoki shrugged. 

"You gotta give Miss Writer a break once in a while. It's hard to try to repackage all of my past backstories we got from the Kokujou Arc and have me attempt to tell another person about it without getting distracted by something else. And it doesn't help when half of the time the effort of pouring time into finishing a new chapter didn't seem to be appreciated by people who just responded in the comments with cries of 'updates' and 'more'! I mean, a person just wracked their brain on that last chapter, can you please appreciate the hard work they've just finished and not just ask what happens next right away?" Gintoki rolled his eyes. "We're lucky that she's actually trying to push for another chapter rather than putting up another filler intermission chapter."

Otae's eyes widened. "Oh, did she actually think about doing that again? But then again... we always did it this way, didn't we? Like once a while, we get some bits of backstory given to us and even when we weren't shown to have talked or told someone else about it, the rest of us tend to act as if we already knew of said backstory. Even when we might not."

Gintoki nodded.

"Right. Which really is quite tricky to try to figure out what to do, I mean, didn't you read the last chapter title?"

Otae hastily nudged Gin. "Yes, I'm sure everyone should understand that now... (please tell Writer-san to take care of herself), so can we get back to what you were talking about? You said... that the enemy that you encountered at the island turned out to be the person who once saved you."

Gintoki blinked at her before nodding his head. "Yeah, right..." He sighed.

"Shouyou used to tell me this... that I shouldn't copy their way of using the sword. The sword of a monster cannot kill a monster, so he wanted me to use the sword of a human." Gintoki thought back to that moment when he fought Utsuro.

"That time, while I was fighting Oboro, I could sense that something terrible was coming. And then one of the Tendoshuu ships fired towards me, so I hastily grabbed the two Naraku who tried to jump me at that time as my shield. I barely evaded the shot with my life, and once I could break myself free from the rubble, I went back down to join the others to fight Utsuro."

"Everything had happened too quickly for me to process what happened, but that person somehow seems to know me. All the while when I was fighting him, it felt as if he was toying with me. That Utsuro's speed of movement was quite fast, so without thinking, I countered with the technique that I knew could keep up with it. I didn't expect that the person would be able to counter my attacks so easily—no, the only other person who could do that was Shouyou. But unlike Shouyou, that person had no intention of stopping their blade from cutting me down."

"From now on, you will swing that sword. Not to cut down your enemies. Not just to cut away your weaknesses and protect yourself. But to protect your very soul."

He thought about what Imai Nobume said to him as they tried to escape from Utsuro and reunite with their allies. She said something about that person being Shouyou and not at the same time, and how it was Utsuro who killed Shouyou and not him. Did she mean... what he thought she said that time? Did Shouyou... have multiple personalities inside of them? Was that why, at times when he was younger, whenever he used to see Shouyou spacing out the man seemed to be a different person.

He remembered how his younger self used to ask Shouyou about who they really were prior to their meeting, and Shouyou always tried to change the topic to something else. So has Shouyou been hiding this secret from him all this time? But then... all that talk about him needing to use his sword as a human and not to fight as a monster, did Shouyou say that to him because they wanted to protect him from Utsuro? Was that why Shouyou kept telling him to become stronger than them with his own skill? So that, should they disappear and Utsuro appear in their place, he could protect himself from that monster?

"Gin-san?" 

He could feel someone holding his hand gently as Gintoki turned his head towards Otae.

"Something wrong?" she asked again as he shrugged. 

"It's... nothing. I was just—" Gintoki raised his hand as he caressed Otae's cheek without thinking. 

Now that he thought of it, he hadn't thanked this girl properly after that night on the Mimawarigumi ship. That time when he had been feeling lost and it seemed as if he was falling into a deep void, it was Otae who had pulled him back to salvation. If she hadn't been around back then...

"Thank you, Otae-chan. Regarding what you did... that night. I can't really express how grateful I was that you had been there..."

Otae stared at him in confusion. "W-What're you talking about so suddenly, Gin-san?"

"That time... when I was lunging towards Utsuro, he was smiling. When I got close enough to take that mask off that guy—when I saw that face, I got really... really scared. If not because Kagura and Sougo managed to distract him for a moment, I would've already been killed by that person."

Tears started pooling in his eyes as Gintoki blinked them away.

This was nonsense! There's no way that Shouyou would really try to kill him! That was Utsuro... not Shouyou. Goodness, he thought he got over that dilemma already! It's just the face that was the same...

If he had never met Shouyou that day... if a child of a monster hadn't followed the bigger monster and lived together at that one place... would Naraku have found his master and taken them away?

If he hadn't allowed Zura and Takasugi to stray too far from him and let them be caught by the enemy... if he actually tried to think up other ways to save those two without sacrificing Shouyou...

Would Shouyou still be around now and not that Utsuro?

Without warning, Otae's fingers brushed over his cheek as she wiped away his tears that kept falling. 

×××

"Ah, sorry..." Gintoki gasped as he started pulling away from her. Again, like before, she could see a hint of pink on his cheeks after being so close to her. She grinned at him before pulling him towards her into an embrace.

She couldn't tell whose heart had been beating faster than the other as Tae kept a tight hold on him.

"O-Otae-chan? W-what're you doing?"

Tae grinned. "Ara, Gin-san. Didn't you say just now that you're glad that I was around to comfort you last time?"

"B-b-but that... this was different—!"

This time, she could tell that his heartbeat was faster... as Tae reached up to feel his pulse on his neck.

"C-c-can you let go now... Otae-chan? W-what if... S-Sh-Shinpachi... comes here?"

Tae laughed at him. "You don't need to worry about that. Shin-chan and Kagura-chan already went out quite a while ago."

The rhythm of Gin's heart rate immediately changed as he started to calm a bit. "Why are you doing this, Otae-chan?"

"Weren't you crying just now? So I thought that I should give you a hug."

Gintoki slowly pulled away from her as he gave her a bewildered look. "Otae-chan... do you like me?"

She laughed again. "Gin-san, what a silly question you're asking..."

"I mean..."

"If I said yes, if I really REALLY do like you... Gin-san, would you accept my feelings?"

"Otae-san..."

Confused frown gradually turned into a serious look. But before Gintoki could say anything else, Tae cut him off.

"If you think that I said this just to use you to get Kondou-san off me (again), that's not the only reason. If you're worried because you didn’t have a proper job or because of the age gap between us, don't think too much about that. Is the big age gap really that important? It's only nine years after all... and I'm not really a minor."

Gintoki eyed her wryly. "Otae-chan... weren't you the one who said last time that I'd be the last person on earth that you'd choose to marry? (Somewhat... I can't really remember what you've said before, but that's the gist of it.) And you used to say that you preferred the me from when I lost my memories last time. What was that about my eyebrows being close together or something? Don't deny that! I've gone back to recheck the old episodes! You even made a point to say that you disliked a cat person, and I AM a cat person! I've even turned into one last time! Twice even, if you count Dozaemon!"

Tae felt her cheeks burning hot. "Why did you have to remember all that old stuff? Anyway, if I said that I liked you, then just accept that I liked you! Does it even matter about the little things? And even if I did say that I disliked cats, did you forget about Dozaemon-san? Fess up, you also liked me a lot! Flat chest or whatever!"

"Why do I even need to confess? Besides—wait a minute!" Gintoki pushed her a bit before standing up on his feet. "Was our conversation supposed to escalate into this? I thought that this scene was supposed to be a lot 'calmer' than this!"

Tae just shrugged. "Just forget about that old plan, it's all in Miss Writer's head anyway. And with us fighting so heatedly just now, she ended up forgetting most of it anyway." She sighed. "Both of us were too tsundere to actually be involved in a normal romantic relationship anyway."

Gintoki rolled his eyes at her. "Tsundere? You're more like Yan—!"

Without thinking, Tae raised her arm to prepare to slap his face hard as Gintoki winced and closed his eyes in fear. But at the last moment, Tae pushed him back to sit on the edge of the engawa before proceeding head-on to slam her mouth squarely onto Gintoki's. Immediately, Gintoki's body froze in shock.

Tae smiled victoriously (honestly, Miss Writer... haven't you teased people enough on Chapter 5?) as she tried to deepen her kiss. But just as she barely had a mouthful of Gin's lips, the man slowly pulled his face away from her.

Gintoki's face was already flushed deep red as he tried to act as if he was annoyed with her for the surprise kiss. "C-calm down, woman! What're you trying to do?"

"This is what suits you best."

Gintoki blinked as Tae leaned closer to him before wrapping her arms around his neck. "Smile. Or be angry with me. I didn't like seeing you cry or be sad. It's fine for you to act the way you always do." She shrugged. "Of course, there will be times when you can't help feeling so down... so whenever that happens, please don't just keep it to yourself. If there was no one you could talk it out with, you can always find me."

Tae suddenly felt a pair of hands sneaking up to her as Gintoki pulled Tae to sit on his lap. The man smiled at her. "You really worked hard to try to cheer me up, Otae-san. And I thought I'd already played it cool after sending off that Mayo Vice Chief on their trip this evening. You just had to throw away all of my efforts to act like I'm over the shock of seeing that scary person into the trash, is it?"

Tae smiled sweetly. "Well, how else could I get you to tell me about your past? And honestly, can we continue what we're doing just now so that we can finish this chapter already? This is getting long enough!"

Gintoki rolled his eyes at her. "Seriously, are we THAT desperate to get people to comment more on this fic? As if such forced fanservice would work!"

"We can still try... and you don't really have anything to lose from this," said Tae again as she captured Gintoki's lips. And this time, she felt less resistance coming from Gintoki as both of them deepened their kiss.

To what seemed like an eternity later, both of them pulled away to catch their breaths as Gintoki held Tae closer.

"Honestly, this better work—!"

"Shh... Gin-san, don't spoil our readers' imagination."

Chapter Text

"Unh... umm..."

If possible he wanted to look up, but it's hard... don't you think? I mean, after that embarrassing attempt on the last chapter...

It's so hard being serious for too long, right? When your character was more often treated as a gag character and in between that you suddenly went serious, that felt weird. Right? And even when you wanted to go back to being funny, things don't usually come out well also. For example, in your head you're doing this funny thing and you're amused at yourself (and of course you need to laugh at your own self before trying to make other people laugh.) But it's so hard, being spontaneous is hard... being funny was hard, especially when your fingers were not completely in sync with your brain. Like, get over it! Enough fumbling with your fingers, Gin-chan! I know that your fingers are fat but you can do it... ah!

"Gin-san? Are you all right?"

Gintoki looked up without thinking, and there it was... Otae-san's face on max zoom! Aah... after getting exposed to the sight for too long (even more than Gin-chan normally would), it felt weird. What is this? Gin-chan being scared of getting cooties from a gorilla woman? But no! I mean... for this particular gorilla woman, perhaps the prospect of getting cooties from her shouldn't really be so bad for him—oh no, oh gosh! What am I saying—?

"Gin-san? Are you really fine?"

Gintoki blinked before looking down on himself as it started to register in his mind that he was struggling in vain just trying to put his boots on. What was he... a cherry boy now? Why was he acting like some bashful teenage boy to this gorilla woman—

"Gin-san? It's fine that you wanted to keep talking in your own monologue now, but we still have to get on with the story..."

Gintoki turned his glance towards Otae as he hastily put on his boots. Properly this time.

"Ah, I'm sorry—Gosh, how many times have I said that in this fic and Miss Writer's other earlier works? I need to stop doing that!"

"And Gin-san?"

"Huh?"

"Stop typing your own narration and let Miss Writer continue with this chapter."

Heat came back on Gin-chan's cheeks as he put away the cell phone he was holding.

Yes, I know! This was the last addition! 

×××

"You don't need to walk me out, I can leave by myself—"

Tae quickly slipped into her slippers as she hurried towards his side. "It's all right. After all, this chapter would be the last one where I'll make an appearance. I should be making full use of it in any case." She sighed.

"What a shame... our attempt at giving fanservice at the end of the last chapter didn't quite work the way we wanted."

Gintoki immediately turned towards Tae in alarm. "Otae-chan? C-can we drop that subject already? We should just forget that it ever happen—"

Tae cocked her head to the side. "Should I have been a lot more daring and shameless earlier? Should I just grab Gin-san's butt cheeks with both hands and squeeze them as hard as I can, like that time when I saw that abominable thing on your chest the day Gin-san had turned into Ginko during that Dekobokko Arc?"

Gintoki immediately felt shivers running through his spine as his eyes kept focusing on Otae's hands that now seemed to already be in the middle of crushing someone's imaginary butt. Blood and heat rushed into his face as he squealed at her in alarm. 

"Can you stop that, Otae-chan? Can we already stop talking about this topic? You're starting to scare Gin-chan, Otae-chan!"

"Ara?" Otae turned towards him, looking so innocent. "What're you talking about now—and why are you clutching on your butt as if you're afraid that it might drop off you any moment?"

Gin immediately held his hands out as if he was suddenly poked with an electric prod. "Ahahaha, what? I wasn't doing anything—Gin-chan wasn't doing anything like that? Why are we suddenly talking about grabbing my butt?"

Tae flashed an evil smile—yes, he definitely saw that! Don't even try to deny it!—before reverting back to her innocent demeanour.

"Oh? Gin-san? Weren't you aware of how deliciously plump your butt has been all these times? I swear that no one sane would take a look at your butt and wouldn’t want to molest it even once! They were so alluring... Gin-san's butts. It reminded me of this K-drama I watched called Bottam*, where this aunty was commenting about how the main character's butt was massive and their chest was firm. It gave me this same feeling when I look at you... It made me want to hold you tight when you appear glum!"

Gintoki stared at Tae in fear as he wrapped his arm around himself. 

"O-Otae-chan? Are you alright? Why are you like this—seriously, you're scaring me—I didn't remember you to be this perverted for anyone? H-have you been abducted by aliens in between the chapters without me realising? Has Sacchan brainwashed you without me knowing?"

Tae grinned.

"What? Weren't we talking about getting more readers interested in reading and leaving comments and kudos on this fanfic? I mean, when it comes to giving fanservice, we shouldn't take the matter too lightly. Fanservice is really a serious business! As we already realised from the last chapter."

Gintoki covered his face with his hands, feeling almost on the verge of wanting to cry. "Oh my god, please save me..."

"How about it? Should I just make a grab for it now? It's our last chance to make another memorable Gintae moment on this fic!" said Tae excitedly.

"Please, Otae-chan—!"

Without any warning, the front gate suddenly started to open as Shinpachi poked his head inside. Gintoki heaved a long sigh of relief. I'm saved!

×××

Shinpachi stared at his two elders as Kagura silently nibbled on her sukonbu.

"Sis... Gin-san? What're you two doing?" he asked as both Tae and Gintoki stood up straight to face them.

Tae laughed nonchalantly. "It's nothing serious, Shin-chan! It's just that... there was a BIG spider on Gin-san's butt just now, so I was trying to catch it!"

Shinpachi turned his attention towards Gintoki as the man also started to laugh their concerns away.

"Ah, yes... I was about to get on my way when this big SPIDER came out of nowhere!"

Kagura let out a long sigh as she cocked her head towards them. "So... Boss-sis, Gin-chan... did you guys manage to get any result from your fanservice—?"

Instantly, Gintoki started to scream.

"AHH! Kagura-chan, where did you hear about such a thing? Gin-chan doesn't approve of this way of talking! There wasn't such a thing at all! Don't even keep such a term inside your head or even attempt it!"

"Ara?" Shinpachi made a face at them. "But I thought I heard you guys arguing about it fifteen minutes ago. Your voices sounded like you're arguing from the backyard, and then you got quiet. If not because I could hear you two coming out towards the gate, I'd think something really bad could've happened tonight!"

Gintoki hurriedly waved his hand at Shinpachi. "What something 'bad'? Nothing like that would ever happen..." He sneaked a glance towards Otae before turning his attention back towards the kids.

"Anyway, we weren't talking about doing anything like fanservicing just now..." he let out a cough as he noticed Kagura looking at him in disbelief. "But we HAVE been concerned about something else. I mean... obviously, the concern was valid—especially for Otae-san—since this chapter would be the last in this fanfic where she'll be making her appearance."

That immediately caught Kagura's attention as the little girl hurried towards Otae's side. "Oh, right! That's awful, we really should do something about it. Boss-sis, let's grab Gin-chan's butt togeth—!"

"WOI!! HOLD ON TO YOUR HORSES! SPARE MY BUTT FROM ALL OF THIS! Also Kagura??? Did you hear that—have you been listening to everything that was happening here earlier? You acted like you haven't noticed anything funny happening, but you have, right?"

Shinpachi hurriedly pulled Gintoki away from the girls as he tried to calm everyone. "Maa... maa... I'm sure this is all just a huge misunderstanding—but did I hear this right, Gin-san? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MAKE MY SIS WANT TO GRAB ONTO YOUR BUTT?"

"AAAH! SHINPACHI! PLEASE, NOT YOU TOO!"

×××

Otae gave them a smile as she placed a hand on Kagura's shoulder. "Take care of yourselves at Akihabara, don't forget to eat and work hard! Also, Kagura-chan... remember to watch over Gin-san so that he wouldn't get into any kind of trouble. If any of you get hurt, please don't hesitate to call me for help."

Gintoki scratched his head in annoyance. "You really don't have to worry too much about me. It's not like I intentionally want to get into trouble. And why are you treating me like some kid—" he turned his attention towards Shinpachi before continuing, "—also Shinpachi, call me first before you head over later so that I can pick you up. Since Zura already offered his help to us, I don't want to endanger him and his men as well by you blindly trying to find his place. Especially with the Shogunate being on high alert right now..."

Shinpachi just shrugged at him. "Don't worry about me. I'll be sure to be very careful when I come over tomorrow."

"Then see ya..." Gintoki started to say before his eyes turned back towards Otae. "Take very good care of yourself."

Otae nodded slowly as Gintoki turned around and dragged Kagura along with him. Kagura gave Otae a long stare before wordlessly waving her hand towards her...

They barely walked past an intersection before he noticed something odd. Gintoki stopped before looking down towards Kagura. 

"Kagura-chan, Kagura-chan... why was your hair wet? Have you been playing in the rain all day today?" Gintoki gasped. "Have you been sitting in front of the gate with Shinpachi while being drenched top to bottom? In the cold? I thought I raised you better than this, my dear girl!"

Kagura rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't make a huge fuss, it's just my hair that's still damp. I've already changed out the wet clothes at the Yorozuya office."

"So you did play in the rain, didn't you?"

Kagura responded by digging her nose and flicking a booger at him. "It's not really my fault. Sadist really wanted to have a short spar, and I have to go all-out on him."

"Heeeh... so how's that teeny sadist now? Has he recovered from his injuries?"

"It didn't look like they were getting any worse, so it should mean that he's getting better. But Gin-chan, he kept whining like a baby as if he's the only one with injuries... what a wuss."

Gintoki snort at the image. So that brat liked their Kagura that way, huh?

"Try at least to give him a break, not too literally. Not always get to meet someone tougher than me in battle. The kid should be fine with those other guys; we won't have to worry too much about them."

As soon as he finished speaking, Kagura made a pouty face at him.

"Who said that I was worried about that sadist? So Gin-chan, what else happened between you and Boss-sis earlier? Did something nice happen?"

"Pfft! Mind your own little business!"

Chapter Text

"Everyone! Tonight is a glorious night for us to have a fresh start. Finally... after so long, our Ace... Sakata Gintoki, our beloved Shiroyasha has returned to us! With him with us, the future where we will topple the corrupt nation will come sooner than we could have dreamed before!" exclaimed Katsura happily as the rest of the Joui rebels joined the cheer.

Gintoki shrugged off Katsura's arm from his shoulders. "Cut that off, Zura! The only reason why I'm here is that I needed a place to stay for a while. Don't you suddenly wanna turn me into your new ace or someth—"

"But of course! Even when you say so, the one who had played the major role in many of the recent events involving the country was—" 

Gintoki started to cover Katsura's mouth forcefully as he tried to disperse the crowd that had been gathering in front of him.

"Whatever... I'm just tired. So you won't mind if I just make myself at home right away, yeah?" he waved Katsura off before turning to Kagura. "If you want, you can go explore the place for a while, but don't stay out too long."

With that, Gintoki walked inside the small shop lot that Katsura's group had turned into their new secret hideout. As he passed by some boxes stashed at the corner, Gintoki noted the old wanted posters of his from back during the time that tincan Kintoki had been taking his spotlight and tried to run him down.

It's interesting that Zura hadn't thrown them out yet.

Katsura cast a long look at Gintoki's disappearing back. He sighed. At least now he would be able to feel at ease, knowing that Gintoki was nearby.

×××

"Otae-chan... ten years ago, I did something terrible that I really regretted doing. I... with my own hand, have used my sword to behead my master. The very person that I wanted to save with all my might, the person who had been the closest thing to a real father to me... I killed him with my own hands."

"You see, I made a promise to him. That I'll protect our friends, protect everyone for him. But I didn't really manage to do that. In order to save him, everyone had gathered for my sake... to help me out. But rather than achieving our sole mission and purpose, I let my friends die at the enemy's hands. Instead of protecting our friends, I bury them instead."

He found himself choking with pent-up emotions as he thought about the past Joui war that he used to take part in.

"Instead of saving Shouyou, I ended up having to kill him with my own hands so that I could save the remaining two friends that I had left. Of course, back then, I wasn't aware that my master was someone who was an immortal... so I wouldn't have known that my choice at that time might be something that Shouyou would've wanted me to make. But because of what I did that time, the Shouyou whom I used to know has disappeared... and was replaced by a cold-hearted monster who was the complete opposite of him."

Gintoki turned his head towards Otae, who had remained quiet throughout his explanation and listened to his words patiently. Somehow, just having her by his side as he opened up about things that he had always kept bottled inside was comforting. He sighed.

"The fact that I was the one who cut down my master always killed me inside... so much, that I wanted to die. But I couldn't kill myself... since that would make him sad. So that's why even when I was caught by the shogunate and sentenced to death, I never really tried to escape. Even when the bakufu executioner at that time set me free at the risk to his life, I didn't feel any more alive afterwards. That's how I used to live... before I met you guys."

"That said," Otae suddenly spoke, "...that kind of thinking, you no longer feel like that anymore now, do you? Because all these times, whenever you pick up your sword to protect everyone dear to you... you always cling to your life to the very end. Even when your body was hurt all over, you never gave up on your life as you fought on. And your eyes that usually looked like a dead fish on any normal day, seemed so full of life during those times."

Otae turned her face towards him as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Anyway, I was glad. That despite what happened in the past, you continued to live until now and were able to meet me and everyone. Even if you haven't been able to protect as many people as you wanted during those times ten years ago, because you were here now... you're able to protect so many people. Not just in Kabukicho, in Edo and so many other places."

"I couldn't imagine what the world would be like if you weren't around to protect us."

Gintoki thought about the things Otae had told him back at her place. What has he done in the past to deserve someone like her? But what she said that time did hold some truth. Because of the people he met after Yaemon-san set him free, starting from Otose to every single person he has met to this day... he found new reasons for himself to keep on living. And even when he never planned for it, he ended up gathering people who started to care for and love him as part of their family. He... who never had any family from the very beginning, yet now had so many people who loved him so much.

People who loved him...

His thoughts went back towards Otae (honestly, Miss Writer really fooled him into thinking that we're no longer going to talk about Otae in the coming chapters, and what was he doing now?). He thought about how gentle she had been as her lips captured his and explored his entire being. With every kiss she gifted him, it caught his breath away. He could still remember the taste of her lips and how her every touch warmed his heart and his entire existence. It felt as if his soul had been saved from a dark void...

"What're you doing there by yourself, Gintoki?"

Gintoki yelped as he looked up to see Zura walking into the room. He felt his cheeks burning as he turned his face away. "It's nothing... mind your own business!"

Honestly, he needs to keep what happened between him and Otae a secret. If Zura, or even worse, that gorilla stalker found out about this, he would see no end to that guy making a big fuss and bothering him to no end!

He shrugged as Zura sat down on the floor beside him.

"Thanks, Zura. For letting me and my kids stay with you and your people here. I never thought that I'd have to resort to depending on you of all people, but I really appreciated the help."

Zura slung his arm over Gintoki's shoulder as he grinned happily. "No problem, Gintoki! And it's not Zura, it's Katsura!" Zura let out a smirk. "After all, we're the last remaining hope this country has now; we need to support each other in times of crisis."

His friend turned to look at him. "Also, I wouldn't feel at ease if I didn't at least do something like sheltering you at this small place here."

Gintoki glanced at his friend. "You idiot, are you still worried about me?"

Zura frowned at him. "Of course! And I'm no idiot, I'm Zura! I mean... I'm Katsura!"

Gintoki chuckled softly.

Shouyou's last request to him resounded back inside his head as his mind went back to thinking about Utsuro.

"Zura, I know that you meant well, and I know that you'll keep on worrying about me no matter how many times I've told you that I'm fine. But thank you anyway." He looked up towards his friend. "If you really want us to have that talk you've been asking me about last time, I'll do that if you really want it."

Zura placed a hand on his shoulder before getting up on his feet. "Then, we'll do that later. You can rest here for the time being."

Gintoki smiled at his friend as he grabbed his Toyako from his side. Looking at the wooden sword, he was reminded of the long sword that Shouyou used to give him a long time ago.

"I'll be back very soon."

He bit his lips.

Of all the things for him to suddenly remember about Shouyou, it had to be those particular words. Gintoki placed his Toyako over his shoulder as he leaned on the wall behind him. He closed his eyes as Utsuro's smiling face flashed into his mind...

Shouyou... when I heard you say that to me back then as those people took you away, I never thought to see you come back to me like this, he thought painfully as Gintoki held his wooden sword tightly.

He had been so deeply in thought that Gintoki hadn't noticed Katsura peeking their head into the room again, checking on him with concern etched on their forehead.

×××

She glanced up towards the big gate in front of her. Kodokan Dojo. This was the residence belonging to the Shimura siblings, who had a close relationship with Sakata Gintoki. This was quite a decent place...

Without warning, the gate in front of her started to open as a young woman walked out through the gate. The woman let out a gasp as they turned around and saw her standing still behind them.

The woman frowned at her. "Aren't you... Imai Nobume-san?"

Nobume blinked at them in confusion. "Do you... know me?"

Otae just shrugged at her. "You probably didn't remember me from before, but we met briefly last time on the Mimawarigumi ship. My name's Shimura Tae."

"Oh," the realisation just hit her. "You're that other woman who got on board back then. You came with the Yorozuya..."

Tae nodded. "Why are you here? Are you looking for Gin-san?"

"Yes. Is Sakata Gintoki here?"

Tae shook their head at her slowly. "You just missed him. He already left here to head to Katsura-san's hideout last night." 

"I see... well, I'll be on my way then," said Nobume as she excused herself. Tae hastily grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving.

Tae took out a small slip of paper from the inside of their inner sleeve before giving it to Nobume.

Nobume glanced down at the paper as Tae explained. "Gin left this to me in case I needed to contact him. You should keep it, since I've already remembered the address anyway."

"Thank you..."

"Don't mind it too much. Please stay safe, Nobume-san."

"You too, Tae-san."

Chapter Text

He thrust his shinai to his left, before being parried to the right. He thought that maybe he could find an opening if he made a feint and lunged at them from above (it worked on Shinsuke, three times out of four, so he thought that it might work!), but his attack was easily blocked, and Gintoki found himself thrown out on his back. 

"Oww!" he started to groan as Gintoki picked himself back up. He rubbed the sore part on his right, where Shouyou's shinai had hit him. "Damn, not yet."

He forced himself to his feet as he refused to give up. "My sword isn't broken yet!" Gintoki summoned all of his remaining strength again as he shouted towards his master.

"One more time! Shouyou!" he shouted as he lunged towards Shouyou again...

"You nearly had me there, Gintoki..."

There he goes again, trying to convince him that his earlier attempts at defeating them actually made some progress. That he was actually able to get close enough to get past his master's defence, when actually... he never managed to score one hit. Ever!

"Sensei, where exactly did you say that I got near to?" Gintoki barely worded out his annoyance at the man beside him. His head was still sore from the two hits he received, and his cheeks still throbbed that he could barely open up his mouth to speak clearly. How the hell did Shouyou mean about him getting closer... when Shouyou didn't even get any scratches from him.

"Over there..."

"Could you be more specific?"

"As I thought, it's really around there..."

Gintoki rolled his eyes. What did he expect to hear from this idiot?

"Shouyou. What should I do so that I could become as strong as you?" he started to ask in earnest. "I have never lost a fight until I met you, not even when I was fighting against an adult. You're not just like any simple adult guy... you're more like a giant."

Shouyou turned their head towards him as the man flashed their usual elusive smile at him.

"You're wrong, Gintoki. Actually... I prefer to be Hanshin."

"Sensei, are you listening to me?" Gintoki snapped as Shouyou's lame jokes annoyed him again. "I'm saying that I've never seen a monster like you anywhere!"

He sighed. "Before we met, what were you doing by yourself? Who the hell ARE you, actually?"

Shouyou shrugged at him.

"As someone who used to be called the 'corpse-eating oni' in the past, I think you should be able to understand this. Whether it was a monster or a child of a monster, they were all the same." Gintoki frowned as he recalled the faint memories when he used to still be inside that valley of death, alone by himself.

"They are both inhuman beings that are only born within a bloody pool of sin. And a monster's sword cannot cut another monster..."

Shouyou turned their attention towards Gintoki again. 

"That's why Gintoki... you need to stop trying to get stronger by imitating me. I have no intention of teaching you my sword, either. You need to grow stronger than me by using your own sword, the sword of a human..."

...

Yes... that was what Shouyou used to say to him. That was why, day by day... he continued to keep practising on his own, to find his own style of swordsmanship. Even if he has to do it without Shouyou's help—even when the man initially told him that he would.

"I expect great things from you..."

Those words from Shouyou, had always been what he held dear in his heart. So even when he had no interest in fighting for the country, for whatever glory that could have come afterwards... he continued to fight!

"So someday hopefully..."

Suddenly, Gintoki found himself back on Kokujou Island... battling the monster that looked like the master whom he used to know and loved dearly. That monster rose back up towards him, looking up as they spoke to him with their cold voice.

"...you'll come at me to cut down the monster that I am."

Somehow, everything around him started to fade into black and white as the man—no, monster—in front of him refused to fall dead. He couldn't believe it; why wouldn't the monster die already? No matter how many times he swung his sword towards that monster, it seemed as if it did NOTHING to that monster!

"It's too bad..."

The monster took hold of the blade of the sword he was holding, as somehow, the blade started to corrode into rust and fade away...

"Didn't I tell you this? A monster's sword..."

"Your sword... cannot reach me."

Gintoki lifted his head towards the monster, as the monster started to smile. Rather than giving him the usual fluttering feeling that he used to feel whenever he saw those same smiles directed to him, THIS monster's smile... only left him feeling full of dread.

The monster lifted the sword they were holding as the monster slammed down the blade onto his head!

×××

Gintoki woke up with a start—as he gradually realised that everything was actually just part of yet another of his nightmares. He hadn't gone back towards the time of his childhood, practising his swordsmanship with Shouyou—nor has he gone back to battling a pointless battle with the monster Utsuro, with no end in sight. So he hadn't actually been impaled by—

"It's just a dream..." he told himself as he tried to gather his wits again. But then, as he closed his eyes to calm himself, he couldn't help feeling that there WAS something on top of his head. He opened his eyes again.

There was something 'familiar' about that off white thing in front of his eyes, as well as the odd pressure that kept pressing on top of his head...

There was no Utsuro's sword that currently threatened to slice his head apart right now. Yet there's still another 'sword' that tried to do the same thing to him!

Gintoki grabbed the wooden sword that he kept by his side as he did what anyone in their right mind would do when caught in this kind of ridiculous situation—!

×××

It turned out that she didn't really need Otae-san's directions to try locating the place where Gintoki and the rest of his friends were hiding in Akihabara. Because she could just follow the sound of chaos, and she would immediately be directed towards the person she was looking for. As expected, no matter what situation was pushed towards that lot... those guys would never stop from being such a rowdy bunch. No matter where they ended up going to...

She picked up a flyer that fell on the road before looking up at the loud bunch a few metres in front of her.

Nobume sighed in amusement as she watched Gintoki arguing with Katsura and his kids over some nonsense while attracting the attention of every nerd and weirdos that were hanging out on this particular street. She caught the sound of phone keys being pressed as Nobume turned around to see a random nerd starting to call someone on the phone.

She started to walk calmly past those people nearby as she swiftly executed her expert swordplay. Cries of random nerds and weirdos started to increase from behind her as Nobume sheathed her sword. She continued to approach the rowdy Yorozuya bunch.

"Excuse me, I'm here because I saw the flyers..." Gintoki and the others stopped arguing as they turned their attention towards her.

"Yorozuya Gin-chan Akiba Branch... do you mind if I make a request?"

They hastily fled towards a quieter area as they barely evaded catching the attention of the patrol officers who had been patrolling nearby. Nobume sighed.

"Looks like you'll need to relocate again, Yorozuya-san."

"Right back at you," said Gintoki in return. The man smiled. "I would've thought that you'd left Edo long ago..."

×××

"I've got my own job to do... as Sasaki Isaburo's comrade, as well as one of Shouyou's pupils."

Honestly... what was it that people expected him to do? After everything that has happened so far, do people still expect him to know what was it that they should do regarding everything?

That said, to think that while they were having their own crisis—to attempt to rescue the former Commissioner-General and Chief of Shinsengumi from being executed—Takasugi's group were also facing their own crises, trying to preserve their lives while being chased out by the whole of Harusame. 

So that guy still hasn't recovered from that injury back then? But then, Takasugi did get hit on their vital organs by that guy...

Was Takasugi dead now? But there's no way that guy would—if anyone should claim the rights to take that guy's life, that person should be HIM. Sakata Gintoki! No one else should be allowed to claim Takasugi's life other than him! That guy should still be alive somewhere; they must be! There's no way that Takasugi would be defeated like this!

"Who the hell ARE you actually?"

That said... to think that only now he got to find out the things that Shouyou had always been hiding from him. Was the reason why Shouyou always avoided answering his questions directly and giving him way too many lame jokes because Shouyou didn't want him to know about this? Was that why Shouyou told him not to imitate his sword style, and why that man told him that they would not teach him their sword?

Because Shouyou didn't want him to learn the sword techniques of a former leader of Naraku?

He sighed.

Then again, how could that fool even tell a mere child about such dark secrets? Even when that child was not just any normal child? When the child in question had been the corpse-eating oni?

"As someone who used to be called the 'corpse-eating oni' in the past, I think you should be able to understand this."

"They are both inhuman beings that are only born within a bloody pool of sin. And a monster's sword cannot cut another monster..."

But perhaps now he could understand Shouyou even more than how he used to. Perhaps now he could understand the reason why that person said their thanks to him, even as he was about to cut them down in order to save his friends.

Yet...

What was it that he was supposed to do now? What was it that he was supposed to do as Shouyou's disciple?

How could he attempt to cut down a monster with the sword of a human... when this child of a monster doesn't even know what it means to wield the sword as a human?

×××

"If Takasugi was alive, what would he say about this?"

Gintoki resisted the urge to turn around as Katsura continued to speak behind him. Because of course, aside from him... Zura must have also been shocked to hear about the things that had been said about Shouyou.

"If he were to find out that our teacher was the one who created this world, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find this shocking."

"But it's also true that a part of me thinks that this makes sense."

Gintoki bit his lips. As expected, only Zura would be able to compose themself calmly like this... even after receiving such a shocking revelation.

The man continued, "Yoshida Shouyou was a bright light that shone upon us. But looking back, that vacant look he would sometimes have in his eyes might have been him staring at the giant abyss of his past."

So Zura did notice that. Guess he wasn't the only one who thought of Shouyou as a beacon of light that shone into his life. Then again, the same should be said about Takasugi.

Still, those beacons of light of theirs... most likely were a lot different from his beacon of light.

"I may never know why he spent years in the Naraku, and then left it and started the Shoka Sonjuku school. But I do know that the person who smiled at that school back then, was undoubtedly our sensei..."

"And I do know what I ought to do now as Yoshida Shouyou's disciple."

Gintoki thought of that day when he first met Shoyo, and all those subsequent days they had spent together before Shouyou decided to start that school of theirs. And his mind inevitably summoned back the memories of him encountering and clashing swords against Utsuro...

"Zura, that's not Shouyou," he finally spoke as he sensed that his friend was about to walk away.

"A monster's sword cannot cut down another monster..."

Gintoki recalled the words that Shouyou used to tell him before. Back then, he thought that Shouyou was only talking about the two of them when it came to their skills in wielding the sword. That he wouldn't be able to defeat Shouyou if he only imitated the sword techniques that Shouyou used. But the more he thought about it, perhaps Shouyou was also talking about themself.

A monster's sword cannot cut down another monster... meaning, Shouyou's sword cannot cut down—!

"It was something else, something not even Shouyou could defeat."

He thought about the dream—nightmare—that he had earlier. If that dream had truly conveyed Shouyou's intentions to him that he had never realised before, then it could be possible that Shouyou really DID wish for him to cut them down with his sword. That 'thank you' from before... was that it?

But back then, the only person he had killed with his sword was Shouyou. Not Utsuro.

"Shouyou died back then... that's what Takasugi would say."

Indeed... that's what that guy would've said.

"I see. Even so, Gintoki..."

"...this time it was my turn to do something. I cannot make you cut down our teacher again."

He could hear the soft pitter-patter of Zura's footsteps as his friend finally left him. Gintoki sighed as he remembered what Oboro had said while they were at Kokujou Island.

"Shiroyasha. No matter how many times you cut him down, you can't escape... the karma you took upon yourself back then."

"So someday, hopefully... you'll come at me to cut down the monster that I am."

Gintoki chuckled mirthlessly.

Honestly, Zura... do you really think you and I had any choice on who would be the one to carry the burden of everything?

Chapter Text

Gintoki finally stepped out of the building as he was greeted again by Nobume.

"So... have you decided on what to do? Would you accept my request?" asked the former Vice Chief of the Mimawarigumi as Gintoki just shrugged her off.

"Why did you care so much about what I wanted to do? Besides, that Matako girl already refused to accept my service to find that brat Takasugi."

Nobume just shrugged. "There was still Katsura to consider. Didn't that guy already make his decision?"

Gintoki rolled his eyes at her as they parted ways. He snorted at himself. "What's that got to do with me?"

He had barely taken a few steps away as Nobume spoke again. "You better make up your mind fast. I doubt you'd be able to get off this planet if you hesitate for too long..."

He just brushed those words aside as Gintoki continued to be on his way...

Because seriously, what was it that everyone expected him to do? Just because it seemed as if he was the only one amongst them who knew Shouyou the longest—even when that's probably not really true—did it appear as if he had all of the right answers on hand?

All these times, he had ended up facing a lot of things... a lot of them involving him needing to make some very important decisions which may determine whether or not someone should live or die. Yeah... he had faced a lot of those kinds of situations and overcame them in his own ways.

Did that make people believe that he could always make the right decision all the time? Because right now... right now, he just wanted to hide somewhere and let someone else take the lead instead.

Couldn't he just do that?

Yet it seemed that fate already had some plans set in store for him as Gintoki heard his name being called. He turned around to see Shinpachi running frantically towards him.

"Gin-san! It's an emergency!" cried Shinpachi as the boy rushed towards him.

"What is it, Shinpachi? Did the patrols find out about where we hid?"

Shinpachi shook their head. "It's Kagura! She said she's going back to the office to get her things, she said she wanted to follow those Kiheitai people to find her brother!"

Gintoki almost swore aloud as he rushed back towards Kabukicho. Shinpachi followed the man along as they met up with Sadaharu on their way back to the office.

×××

Gintoki could barely restrain himself as the three of them reached Otose's bar. He motioned for Shinpachi to be quiet—as Sadaharu seemed to also understand his concerns—before carefully walking up the stairs towards his office. He sighed to himself, as he stared at the many police lines that were taped all over his office door before slashing them all down and getting into his office.

Sadaharu and Shinpachi also followed behind him as Gintoki marched straight on towards his desk. His eyes caught a glimpse of an envelope left on it. Upon close watch, he could see the words [Leave Letter] being written on top of the envelope.

"That idiot..." he said softly as he picked up the envelope, "She didn't have to write this crap. The Yorozuya no longer—"

"The Yorozuya isn't done yet," Shinpachi suddenly spoke out as Gintoki continued staring at Kagura's letter. "I'm definitely coming back here. That's probably what she wanted to say."

"Gin-san..."

He bit his lips.

"You don't have to say anything. I no longer know what to do anyway."

Gintoki thought about the Shouyou he used to know, the things he heard about the man from Nobume and what Zura said to him before leaving. "About what should I do as his disciple, or what should I do as their fellow comrades..."

He pulled out a drawer from his desk and took out an envelope and his writing utensils as Shinpachi followed suit. After writing similar words on his envelope as the one Kagura had left prior—he didn't even bother putting in an actual letter inside them—he placed his envelope beside Kagura's.

"But there's at least one thing that I DO know right now... on what we should do as the Yorozuya."

He sighed softly, as he saw Shinpachi leave their own leave letter... and even helped Sadaharu with its own 'letter'.

"This is a special break. You guys can either take a trip to space or wherever you want. But, no matter what it takes, we'll be coming back here. All three of us and one animal."

Gintoki turned around to leave,  and that made him notice the mess all around him as everything inside his office had been turned upside down. Cleaning up this place later would've certainly been such a bother.

×××

Gintoki let out a sigh as they finally reached the port, with the main Kaientai ship already in the middle of boarding its passengers. His eyes were automatically drawn towards Tatsuma as the man seemed to have also noticed his arrival. And he could see Zura about to get in as well, before turning around and giving him a look of horror from afar.

Honestly, that idiot...

Thankfully, he managed to find Nobume again and get her to help him catch up to Zura before it was too late. Since the remaining Kiheitai people had already left the port, the only other way for him to get off this planet would be to get on Tatsuma's ship.

Relief washed over him as he saw that the big Kaientai ship in front of him still hadn't left yet. Gintoki gave a side glance towards Nobume, who had been standing nearby.

"Thank you... for guiding us towards here."

He never thought that he'd be thinking this, but Nobume was really such a reliable ally. 

"You should hurry up and get going. Nobunobu has already caught wind of our movements. I'll take care of the things here. Go figure what else to do afterwards on your own."

Shinpachi turned around towards her.

"Nobume-san..."

"Can I ask you one thing?" Nobume spoke again, as she ignored Shinpachi's presence. "Did you come here as Shouyou's disciple... or did you come here as Takasugi's comrade?"

Gintoki smirked to himself as an answer immediately appeared in his mind.

"We're only doing what the job had requested from us."

Because Nobume was the one who had come looking for them and made the request. Because the more he thought about it, Nobume's request just made it easier for him to decide on what to do... without having to dwell too much on what it was that he's supposed to do for Shouyou... and Takasugi. 

"Can I ask you something?" he asked in return, "Were you helping us out as a disciple of Shouyou... or were you doing this as Takasugi's comrade?"

It just made him wonder... after all. He doesn't usually question the motivations of his clients whenever he accepts any job requests, but since the current 'jobs' hit him way too personally at the moment, he needed to have at least some kind of justification or reasoning to solidify his resolve to get on with this thing.

Because it just made him wonder. Whether this matter was just plain business to her or that, like them, Nobume had another reason for wanting him to help out in finding that one-eyed brat...

"You just looked the same..." Nobume said plainly to him, "...as how that foolish man used to look to me."

Gintoki turned around as he stared at Nobume's face. The girl smiled. 

'That man'? Did she mean to say... that she was doing this because he reminded her of the late Sasaki Isaburou?

The three of them turned around as they parted before Nobume let out another sigh. "Isn't it stupid?"

Gintoki snorted to himself. Stupid? Well... you might as well sum it all like that.

"Yeah... both you and me."

Guess this was his cue to stop running away from the things that have scared him right down to his core. It's time for him to gather his courage back again and fight back.

He has been lost long enough, hasn't he? Time for him to redeem himself.