Chapter Text
"Shinsuke."
Bansai's voice is calm when Takasugi pulls him on top of himself. It reminds him of the way Sensei would admonish him when he did something he knew was wrong. "Shinsuke," he'd say, his voice infinitely gentle, and Takasugi would feel so much worse than if he had just yelled at him.
He knows he shouldn't do this. He remembers what happened back then, his mouth filled with Sensei's name while his heart was already betraying him, forsaking him for other people just because they were near, sharing meals and having fun at brothels while Sensei was rotting in some damp cell for their sake. He remembers how his weakness and selfishness killed the only person who gave him a world to live in.
He doesn't know why Bansai does it, tries to be a voice of reason when Takasugi gets drunk and pretends he's even drunker just to quiet that voice down.
(That's a lie. He knows it's for his sake, and when he inevitably gives in and allows himself this once more, the guilt is more bearable. Bansai won't let him lose sight of what he needs to do this time. )
He grips Bansai's shoulders and captures his lower lip between his teeth, harshly biting on it before sliding his hands up to Bansai's neck and clashing their lips together.
There are times when he goes against Bansai on purpose, just to enjoy the sight of displeasure etched across his features, feel the heat of those warm eyes narrowing down on him, his lips pressed together in a disapproving frown. This isn't one of those times and it's not how Bansai reacts.
The way Bansai looks at him when he breaks the kiss is too knowing and Takasugi hates it, so he averts his gaze, closing his eye. That way he doesn't have to wonder if maybe Bansai is just fucking him out of pity instead of some misplaced sense of loyalty.
Soon they'll both be dead and none of this will matter, he tells himself as Bansai slowly pushes into him, and his hands travel from his thighs, over his hips, up his sides, making him squirm until he can't take it anymore.
There is no escape from his wretched existence yet, but for just a few short moments, his mind is blissfully blank.