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1
“…And so apparently Ensign Travis HEARD about the whole thing, though I’m not sure how, and she was really upset because she liked the lieutenant too, but he never even noticed because he’s been so obsessed with Lt. Waterson, and that’s where it gets really interesting. Travis went and talked to Waterson about Danvers’ crush on him, and said something akin to ‘I just want him to be happy’ but DANVERS apparently had a crush on TRAVIS the whole time and…” Sylvia trailed off.
Her and Michael’s shared bedroom lapsed into silence. Sylvia clutched her arms tight to herself, bringing up her knees so she could curl up into a ball on her bed.
“And what?” Michael asked from her own bed. She was facing the wall, laying down, so Sylvia could only see the back of her head.
Sylvia’s head shot up as she watched Michael. For a moment, she thought she might have hallucinated Michael’s words, but then Michael turned onto her back, looking at Sylvia with one eye opened. “I didn’t think you were listening.”
Michael looked away, guilty. “I…kinda wasn’t.” Sylvia’s heart fell. “But you can keep talking anyway if you want.”
Sylvia brightened, but was hesitant. “I don’t wanna keep you from sleeping.”
Michael shrugged, turning back around. “It’s better than just listening to the engines hum. It’s too quiet on this ship.”
Sylvia bit her lip, but slowly unfurled. “And so when Hanson found out what Travis had done, she brought all three of them into the same room and LOCKED THEM IN promising not to let them out until they’d all ‘discussed it like adults.’
2
“Burnham, have you seen Cadet Tilly?” Stamets asked, not looking up from his console.
Michael raised her eyebrow, as was perfected by her life with Vulcans. “I’m not sure.” Truthfully, Sylvia had left before Michael had woken up that morning. She thought she’d be here already.
“Well, would you find her, please?” Stamets said, “She’s supposed to be assisting me today with the spore drive.”
“I can help if you need—“ Michael started, but Stamets cut her off.
“Help by finding her, please.” And he was off.
With a combination of the computer’s help and Vulcan logic, she tracked down Sylvia to a storage closet. She was surprised to find it was locked, so she knocked. “Tilly? Are you in there?” she asked. No response. “Tilly, Stamets is looking for you.”
The door opened with a ‘whoosh’ and she was faced with Sylvia brushing off her uniform and desperately wiping her red-rimmed eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she stuttered out, “I’m coming…I—“ Michael stopped her, stepping into the storage area.
“Computer, lights,” She said. She made her way to the back of the room for the utility replicator. “One glass of water, cold, and a cloth napkin.” With a simple buzzing, the replicator produced the items, and Michael picked them up, dabbing the napkin into the water and handing it to Sylvia. “Hold it to your face. It will help take down the redness.” Sylvia nodded, lifting it and doing as instructed. “What happened?”
Sylvia sniffled. “It’s…it’s nothing…” She said. Michael waited, patiently. “It’s just…sometimes its too much you know. Like, I’m having just an ordinary day and boom! Emotions, all of them, at once, and I’m not even sure what I’m feeling. And its just overwhelming and I can’t handle it and I’m SUPPOSED to have a handle on it, you know? I went through starfleet training alright, and I can usually handle myself, but still, sometimes its just…it’s just…BOOM.” She buried her face in the napkin, her shoulder’s shaking with tears. “That…that must sound pretty weird to a Vulcan.”
The corner of Michael’s lips turned up. “You know I’m not technically Vulcan, right? I thought the ears gave it away.” Through the sobs, she heard Sylvia chuckle. “Tell me about it.”
Sylvia peaked over the napkin. “Stamets is waiting,”
“And he can keep waiting.” Michael said. “Talk to me.”
Sylvia sniffled. “It’s just…sometimes I feel like I just don’t deserve to be here. Like, maybe I just got lucky, or the Academy took pity on me or something, and I don’t feel like I belong…”
She talked and talked for what must have been half an hour until she ran out of words. Michael pushed the cup on her, and when she was ready, offered a hug. A hug which Sylvia took gratefully.
3
“…Once a mutineer, always a mutineer.”
“…only a matter of time…”
“Lorca must be out of his mind to trust…”
Michael chewed her food sullenly. Sylvia came and sat across from her. “Hey! Why so glum.” Michael shrugged her shoulders.
At that moment, the Ensign down the line whispered loud enough for them to hear, “I hope /I/ never have to work with her.”
Sylvia looked between the Ensign and Michael’s hard expression. “Did I ever tell you about my friend T’lek?” Michael shook her head, “Oh my gosh, she was WILD. I mean, she was a Vulcan, so she was always this really specific kinda wild where she did all this stuff with a completely straight face and then explained her reasoning with the most messed up logic. It drove our instructors up the wall….”
Sylvia kept talking loud enough Michel couldn’t hear any of the whispers.
4
“Have you ever been in love?” Sylvia asked one day out of the blue.
Michael raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“Sorry…” Sylvia said, “It’s just…what is it like? Do you know?” Michael shook her head. “Oh…sorry. It’s only my brother is getting married and all his talk about his fiancé really got me thinking, you know? I asked him about it, but he only said ‘you’d know it when you feel it’ and like, sometimes I think I feel it, but sometimes I don’t and it’s a really complicated thing to…sorry, it’s…it’s just something on my mind.”
Michael nodded, “No, I get it,” She said. Sylvia blinked up at her, an odd sparkle in her eye. “It’s…a confusing emotion. My father always told me I shouldn’t be thinking about it. But that wasn’t really helpful.”
“Right?!” Sylvia said, excitedly, “Why is all the examples so clichéd? I mean, what’s my point of reference even? They say I’m just supposed to ‘know,’ but I DON’T know! Maybe I’ve already been IN love but no one told me what it felt like so I didn’t know! I don’t know what most of my emotions are most of the time. Is that strange?” Michael shook her head. “I just…feel like it’s strange sometimes…”
5
“Sir,” Tilly said, her voice wobbling, “I…have to take responsibility. I was at that station, and…I thought everything was working perfectly. I’m still not sure what went wrong.”
She did her best not to wilt under Lorca’s gaze. “So.” Lorca said, “You’re telling me not only were you responsible for a mistake at a critical time in battle that nearly cost the lives of this entire crew, but that you can’t even recognize what the mistake WAS?”
“Captain,” Stamets swooped in to rescue, “She was working under me. Any mistakes that happen with the spore drive are MY responsibility, and I will deal with the consequences.”
“I’ll make sure that you do.” Lorca said, swooping out of the room. The moment the doors shut, Stamets went to help with repairs to the drive, and Sylvia shook like a leaf where she stood.
“Hey,” Michael said softly, “It’s all right. We made it out, no one got hurt. It’ll be okay.” Sylvia shook her head, staring at a spot on her console. “Talk me through the problem.”
At first, Sylvia remained unresponsive. Michael put a comforting hand on her shoulder, sending a shock through her system and making her gasp. “I…” she muttered, “I, um. I started it up here, like I always do.” She said. “I put in the sequence. The…the memory banks show that the sequence was right, I don’t understand I—“
“Hey, hey.” Michael said, squeezing her shoulder. “Deep breaths, okay.” Sylvia nodded, doing as instructed. “Now, one step at a time, okay?”
Sylvia nodded again. “First, I checked to see if the spore levels were okay. It had been too heavily concentrated yesterday, so I compensated, thinning it out, but today the computer said the levels were green. Then, I connected the transfer, still keeping a close eye on the levels in case anything popped up. There was a quick energy spike, so I cut out the power and restarted it and—“ Her head snapped up, thinking. “Of course, the nebula we passed the other day! Wait a minute…” She typed into her console, waiting for the results. “Yes! The nebula we passed was attaching itself to the spores we found and confusing our readings! Some of the particles must have latched on and confused the computer, so when I compensated I was actually flooding the chamber with too much and it overloaded! Yes!” She punched the air beaming, “It wasn’t me!”
“That’s great!” Michael said, “Now you—mmf!” in jubilation, Sylvia grabbed Michael’s head and kissed her full on the mouth.
Michael’s eyes went wide as dinner plates as the revelation of what she’d done…was doing…slowly dawned on Sylvia.
“Oh, oh my god I’m so sorry,” Sylvia mumbled quickly backing away, “I’m sorry I’m sorry, I can’t believe—oh my god I—“
There were mutterings around the room. The other engineers watched, having been alerted by Sylvia’s exclamation, and interested in the kiss.
Clutching her mouth, Sylvia darted out of the room and down the hallway.
+1
Michael ensured that Stamets was informed about Sylvia’s discovery before making it down to their shared room.
She was surprised to see Sylvia packing up her various belongings. “What are you doing? She asked, pulling Sylvia out of her reverie.
Sylvia jumped at the voice, but refused to look Michael in the eye. “I, uh…” she said, “I just. Um. I’m applying to transfer rooms. ‘Cause. You know. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, after…” She lowered her head and turned her attention back to packing.
“Isn’t that a bit dramatic?” Michael asked. Sylvia didn’t look up. “I thought you couldn’t room with anyone else.” That gave Sylvia pause. Michael only needed one more argument to seal the deal. “You know, you’d have to apply to Captain Lorca directly…”
Sylvia looked up in fear, and Michael felt guilty. “I…” she swallowed, “I’m just…I’m so sorry. I tried so hard not to make things awkward and you were always SO patient with me and I told myself not to let my feelings get in the way, because my feelings ALWAYS get me in trouble and I always just act on them without thinking, but I thought, THESE feelings could get me in a lot of trouble, you know, and I just…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t expect you to return my feelings, obviously, and either way I shouldn’t have KISSED you that’s just textbook sexual harassment, oh my god, I could get fired, maybe I should get fired? I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t even be TALKING about this oh god, I’m making it all about myself, when it’s really about you, you’re the victim here, and I’m just…I’ll do anything I’ll stay out of your way if you want and…god here I am putting the pressure on you again, no pressure really! Really, honestly, you should just tell me to shut up, and I’ll do it, I’ll—“
“Is that what you want?” Michael asked, calmly, but with a note of humor she couldn’t hide in her voice.
“Yes! Yes please do, I know I’m annoying you and you don’t deserve—“
She was unable to speak anymore as Michael shut her up with a chaste kiss on the lips.
Michael pulled away, a blush evident on her cheeks. “Was that okay?”
“I—“ Sylvia stuttered out, “I—I’m…I’m…”
“Speechless?” Michael supplied. Sylvia nodded rapidly. “Would you like me to shut you up again?”
Sylvia couldn’t nod fast enough as Michael swooped in to press their lips together.