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Angelica had to get to Elizabeth.
The sea was hell. The carriage ride was hell. Her entire journey had been a nightmare. But now none of that mattered because she made it to New York in one piece. She needed to see her sister as soon as possible. Elisa wasn't strong enough to shoulder this burden all on her own. So Angelica was prepared to do for her. That's what sisters were for.
She nearly tripled over her feet in the rush to the home.
The bags in both her hands were a strain to her arms and back. She should have allowed the foot boy to take them in. But she would not complain because she had no right to do so. Any problems she endured -no matter how big or how small- needed to be pushed aside so she could focus fully on taking care of her younger sister and her nieces and nephews in this trying time.
"Elizabeth!" She called into the seemingly empty house. The suitcases dropped to the wooden floor with a loud thud. "Eliza, honey, I've arrived."
There was a shuffling near the kitchen area. Angelica prepared herself to see the torn version of her vibrant Eliza. She steeled herself against the tears that begged to make an appearance. She needed to be brave enough for the two of them. Dear lord, let her be brave enough.
"Angelica?" A voice she hadn't anticipated hearing clouded her mind.
So appeared Alexander Hamilton rounding the corner into her direct line of sight. The stains and wrinkles of his suit told a tale of being worn for days consecutively. Dark locks of hair laid stiffly around his shoulders. Twisting in odd directions from the root. The bags under his sullen eyes were as large as the ones she carried in. Even in the pitiful state, Angelica couldn't bring herself to sympathize.
This was the man who stole her sister's heart just to destroy it. The man who promised to love, honor and cherish Elizabeth in front of many witnesses. The man who'd given a sacred part of himself to another woman. A woman vile enough to use herself to blackmail powerful men. A woman who'd never love him as Angelica would. Eliza! A woman who would never love him as Eliza would.
"Alexander." She tilted her head. Regarding him with all the disgust she held inside. "You are a mess. Look at you." Her arms opened in invitation. With a deep sigh of gratitude, he rushed to her. Only to be stopped in his attempted embrace by her own hands.
"Angelica?" He wasn't touching her. But he was close enough to feel her.
"How are you feeling?" Comforting fingers ran through his filthy hair. Soothing out the knots.
"I feel absolutely horrid." He leaned into the touch.
"Congratulations." The sour slip of tongue caused him to stiffen. Questioning eyes searched hers. "Take how you're feeling right now and multiply it by a thousand. Then you would get half of the torture my sister is enduring."
"B-But-"
"But nothing!" Her hand yanked out of his hair. Collecting a few strands as it did. His wince went ignored. "You have done some idiotic things in the past, Alexander. But this tops the list. Can you even fathom, in that twisted little head of yours, how stupid that was?" Pushing past him, she fully entered the house. Warily, he circled to face her. Gaze following her as she paced. "Truly you didn't think this life altering decision through. It's like you woke up and thought what is the stupidest most horrendous thing I can do today? And then you did it. Just stupid, stupid, stupid!"
"I had to!"
"You had to?" She spit back. Laughing without a trace of humor. "Let's review, shall we? You took a petty rumor being whispered by no more than two irrelevant souls. And refuted it by confessing a disgusting affair to the world. An affair no one accused you of! Can you be any more stupid?"
"I'm not stupid." Alexander defended childish. Stupidly. "Those rumors could have destroyed me had they been whispered in enemy ears."
"You are always so afraid of what these alleged enemies will do. Yet time and time again, you are an enemy to yourself. You're the only one you lose to! You are your own arch nemesis. You've destroyed your life more grandly than anyone who hates you could hope to. And why? So Thomas Jefferson couldn't do it first?" She paused to glare at him. "I asked you a question. Were you worried of Jefferson finding out first?"
"Yes." Eyes askance. Tone chipped.
"Never in his life could Jefferson even dream of destroying you this widely. You think you're so smart. Always assuming you're the most intelligent in the room. And then you go and pull something like this. Thomas would never!"
"I am not he." Alexander muttered too low for her ears. Well, almost.
"Do you know why he succeeds as he does? Why he can do whatever he wants without consequence?" His lips moved to answer the rhetoric question so she cut him off. "He doesn't dignify these damned school yard taunts with a response! So yes, congratulations to you for doing what no one else could."
"Angelica, please stop."
"That legacy you care so deeply about has been redefined. No child of yours will shoulder it with pride. You stupid-"
"It was an act of political sacrifice!" He snapped. Voice ringing in her ears.
Angelica's feet halted in their assault of the floor. She approached him. Each step in his direction menacing. Her face was but a breath from his. Close enough to spark the kiss they'd never gotten to share. Something that used to fill her sweetest dreams now repulsed her. Alexander repulsed her.
"Don't you speak to me of sacrifice, Alexander Hamilton. You know nothing of sacrifice. I married a man I could never love. I moved to a place across the sea; away from all friend and family. I passed each wretched day with only your letters to suffice for the love I left behind in America. All in the name of sacrifice. Sacrifice for my sister. Sacrifice for you. I jeopardized my union for our coded letters just to keep you satisfied. You and Eliza, the two people I love more than my own life, is who I let my world revolve around. And for what? For it to all end at this? You took my sacrifices and you burned them to ashes."
His eyes darkened. Angelica remembered her sister's recent letter describing her disposal of their letters. It must still be a soft spot for Alexander. Good. But she wasn't finished.
"You wrote constantly to me of how your heart laid beside you every night in my sister. How your soul was across the ocean with me. Had you not the time to tell me that your manhood rested with a third party? Congratulations, Alexander, on being lucky in that area as well. Because my heart and soul both belonged to you. From the moment our eyes met that night. Even now, with hate flooding where the blood should be in my veins, they are yours."
"Angelica." A cold hand cradled her cheek. "I had no idea. You should have told me. I-I thought- that night." This sudden loss for correct words was out of character for a man so vocal. "That night you banished me to Eliza."
"This one's mine." Angelica didn't realize she spoke the words until she heard Alexander's confused,
"What?"
"That's what she said to me the moment she noticed you." The words were unforgettable. The memory of the night as clear as one just days ago. "This one is mine, Angelica. We haven't yet spoken yet my heart craves him." There was a story telling quality to her voice as she recounted the conversation. Soft... dreamlike. Her mind wasn't in this room. Her mind was at the dance floor of the ball. The night she just might regret for the end of her days. "I had no idea she was speaking of you. There were dozens of soldier boys flinging themselves our way. Trying for just a moment of our attention. How could I possibly know she'd fallen for the man I wanted more than my next breath? Then she pointed you out in the crowd. I'd heard my sister speak interest in many boys before you. A hopeless romantic, Peggy and I coined her. But I'd never seen her look so helpless. I knew she wouldn't be happy until she had you."
"But what if I wouldn't be happy until I had you?"
Angelica's eyes narrowed dangerously. From so close, Alexander could see the transition in them. His hand was snatched away from her face.
"I know my sister as I know my own mind. You will never find her trust or kindness in another woman. Not even myself. You have been blessed with the best wife on this Earth. Don't you ever forget that! My sister loved you and I made sure she had you. Your happiness be damned!"
"And what of your happiness?" He challenged. "Should that be damned as well?"
"Of course." That answer was easy. "I will alway choose my sister's happiness over my own."
"We could have been perfect."
"Don't you dare pretend my sister didn't grace you with all things. She loved you beyond measure. She married you when you hadn't a cent to your name. When so many other eligible suitors were banging at our door for her. She lowered her living standards. She waited for you earnestly through the war. She held your children. She cooked, she cleaned, she encouraged and she obeyed. Which part of that wasn't enough? How were you withstood any amount of happiness with Eliza by your side?"
"S-She didn't challenge me as you did."
"And for that you made a public fool of her? Were you so desperate for the challenged of a woman that you took comfort in one who'd rather use you than love you? How stu-"
"I refuse to stand here and be called stupid by you once more in my home!"
"I refuse to call you anything else!"
"I was so sure." He had the gull to look disappointed in her. What a laugh. "You of all people would understand what I was trying to do. When I got news of your arrival, I thought someone with a mind so similar to mine would be on my side. Would see the light I was trying to conceive from the darkest of situations. I had faith in you."
Angelica scoffed. "I did not come here for you. I would never take your side on this. Why would I possibly stand with a man heartless enough to not only ruin my sister, but brag to the world about it?"
"Brag?" The word outraged him.
"I knew you could never be satisfied; You told me as much when we met. So I desperately threw myself into you. Giving you some of the best parts of myself in the hopes it would keep you content with what you already had. How foolish of me! The night you laid with that woman and soiled your family's home, you broke both hearts you were gifted with. Not just Eliza's. You remember that! My heart is just as shattered. But unlike my darling sister's, the world doesn't know of mine. At least I get to grieve in peace."
"I don't know how else to say I'm sorry to everyone!" He threw his hands up in a grand show of frustration.
"You can start by making a real sacrifice. Everyone doesn't matter. Each choice you make from now on should be in the interest of Elizabeth and only Elizabeth. You give my sister the best life. You will fix what you broke in her, Alexander Hamilton. And for once in your life you will do it with more than just your pretty words."
"I will do everything in my power to make this right for her. If it takes my dying breath, I will make myself worthy of her love again."
"You were never worthy of her love to begin with." Angelica suddenly remembered her purpose in coming. And it had nothing to do with talking to Alexander. Though berating him did sooth a bit of the tightness wound up in her. "Where is my sister?"
"She's taken the children to church."
"You didn't see fit to join her?" The lift of an eyebrow was all it took to make Alexander bow his head in shame.
"No."
"Of course not. You'd burst into flames on entrance." Her shoulder collided roughly with his when she reached for the door. "I'll join her."
"You're still in your traveling clothes. You need a sponge, a meal and a dress. When all is done, Eliza will be back before you step out." She considered it. Knowing he was right but refusing to agree with him. "Get some rest. You must be tired from your journey."
"Exhausted." Admitting it to him was annoying. "I shall go make home of the guest room."
"I shall take your bags."
"I have them!" Her fingers gripped the handles before he could bother. "Alert my sister of my arrival if I am not awake to do so myself."
On her turn to leave, Alexander took hold of her wrist to stall her. "I promise you I will heal what I broke in Elizabeth." His face closed in on hers. Bringing back the closeness they shared during the exchange of bitter words. "Shouldn't I also heal what I broke in you?"
Angelica's head shook vigorously. They were closer than before. Much too close. Their lips almost brushed at her movement. "I'd rather be broken than to concede to you and make myself no better than the woman you invited into my sister's bed."
With those cutting words, she stalked down the all. Determined to keep her balance against the weight of her cases on her arms as she stalked into the spare room. Dropping her bags and slamming the door behind her.
Finally alone, she allowed herself to grieve. Eliza wasn't here yet. She had time. Angelica would sooner die than sob in front of Alexander. Or let him hear her. For the first time since she heard the news, she could tend to her aches. Crumbling to the floor because her legs had given up, Angelica let herself break down. Selfishly shedding tears of a lost that was not hers to begin with. Her nose burned behind her face. The torn expression was buried in her trembling hands. Silencing her to the best of their ability. Audible cries were for his wife. Elizabeth. Because of her failure to keep her happy, Angelica didn't deserve the satisfaction.