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Chapter Text

It was the night before they started filming the “Hello” music video. They were all nervous because it was the first time they were trying something with a completely different style as a title song. Jonghyun was doing what he always did to relieve his stress: playing games on his computer, headphones on and fingers quick on the keyboard.

Minhyun was passing by to go to his room when he saw the open door. He stopped there for a moment, looking at Jonghyun's profile - that was full-on concentrating on his task on the game –, thinking that it was cute when he had that expression on his face, something that he had seen so many times before, but somehow never got tired of. He would always make fun of him and try to disturb him when he was so immersed in something, but secretly he liked to see that kind of determination on his face.

His initial plan was to go to his room and listen to music until he fell asleep, but he couldn't resist the urge to lay down on his friend's bed and watch him play. He always managed to fall asleep faster the nights he would come to Jonghyun's bed, he liked to tell himself that it was because his friend's mattress was more comfortable and his sheets had a scent that calmed him, but that it had nothing to do with Jonghyun at all.
Minhyun threw himself on the bed, making a fuss out of it, which ended up getting Jonghyun's attention.

"What are you doing here?" - He said with a defeated knowing smile on his face, because he knew Minhyun and his antics too well.

"I'm just going to lay down here for a little bit, you know your bed is better than mine. Privileges of being a leader and everything, I should have gone for that position", he said with a smirk and taking all of the bed's space like he was so used to.

"Yeah right, you wouldn't have lasted a day as our leader", Jonghyun said trying to hold a deadpan face but failing.

"What? After all this time and friendship I gave you this is how you repay me, with betrayal, this is the end of Nu'est", Minhyun said, while throwing pillows at Jonghyun and laughing loudly. "We have to fight to death to discover who is the true leader ".

They kept throwing the pillows back and forth, laughing and having the most fun they had in days.

"Hwang Minhyun, you will not get away with treating your leader like this, come here", Jonghyun said while chasing Minhyun. The brown haired boy didn’t have time to leave the bed before Jonghyun threw himself at him, pinning him on the bed, with his tights firmly securing Minhyun's waist and holding both of his wrists above his head.

"I guess we know who's the real winner now", Jonghyun said with the biggest smile on his face.

Minhyun didn't know if he was out of breath because of how tired he got or because of another reason entirely. He suddenly couldn't look Jonghyun in the eyes and could feel his face getting red. The only thoughts on his head were the pressure of Jonghyun's tights on his sides. It's not like they never found themselves in this position before, but as time went on Minhyun couldn't deny it feel different, he didn’t remember ever feeling the way he felt in that moment with any of his other groupmates.

"Yes, yes, Jr-ie, but don't get over confident, I could take you- I mean, yes...we should sleep now don't you think?"

He dared to look at Jonghyun's face after some time avoiding it and found a confused look and what it looked like a flicker of hurt, but he couldn't trust his judgment at the moment, that couldn't be what he actually saw.

"Yes, of course, if that's what you want. We need to rest for tomorrow's shooting anyways", Jonghyun said while getting off Minhyun's body.

Minhyun immediately felt the loss of Jonghyun's warm body on him and for an instant almost grabbed the other's arm for him to come back, but then realized he wouldn’t have an explanation for doing something like that, so he just let him go.

Minhyun was getting up to go to his room when Jonghyung started speaking once again.

"Hey, do you...want to sleep here today?" - Jonghyun said nervously scratching the back of his head. - "It's ok if you don't want to, I just thought since we have an important shooting tomorrow and you like my bed so much, I... you know", Jonghyun gestured vaguely to nowhere in particular, deciding to stop talking and start changing into his sleep clothes, which consisted of an old loose shirt and his boxers.

Jonghyun didn't even realize Minhyun was staring at him, with adoring eyes and a hint of something like hope and longing, all mixed together with a growing and different feeling Minhyun knew was there but was so scared to acknowledge.

Minhyun quickly shove the sheets aside and plastered himself on his favorite side of the bed (the right one), with his favorite pillow – one he constantly stole from Jonghyun. He got Jonghyun's bear plushie, which he always slept with. All the members knew, but Jonghyun liked to pretend it was big secret. Minhyun laid there with the plushie in his arms, his eyes closed and a small, satisfied smile.

Jonghyun was at the other side of the room smiling at the cute sighting in front of him.

"I'll take that as yes?" - He said while going to his side of the bed.

"Yes, but only because of your bed", he said opening his eyes, and getting surprised by how close Jonghyun's face was. Minhyun thought that he shouldn't get as surprised or even as nervous as he was because of the situation, they've known each other for years, for God's sake, he just needed to chill and be normal. Piece of cake.

He soon found out it was easier said than done. It seemed like Jonghyun's gaze could see everything he had ever thought of him, like he was looking at his soul. Part of him wanted to just close his eyes and pretend nothing was happening, but the other part wanted to look at Jonghyun's beautiful eyes for as long as he could, forever even.

That thought put the staring contest to a stop, he couldn't believe he thought about Jonghyun like that in front of him, so close to him. It was a dangerous game.

"We have to sleep so I can enjoy your bed", he said with an awkward laugh, "I'm gonna go turn off the lights, ok?"

He went to turn off the lights without looking back, afraid of what he could see on Jonghyun's face. He came back to the bed quickly, with Jonghyun's plushie still in hand.

"Ah, do you want your bear back... I know you like to have him close to you", he said, with no signal of mocking in his tone like it normally would have.

"No, no, it's ok. You can have him for tonight, I know you're as nervous as me for the shooting.” - Jonghyun said with a sweet and low tone.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Minhyunie, I'm sure. What is mine is yours and all that- I mean", he paused, "We live together and share everything, all of us. That's what I mean", his voice getting lower and having an uncertain tone that made Minhyun feel weird inside, but he decided it was best not to push it and ask something, not in the state he was today, not sure of what he could end up doing or saying.

"Ok, good night Jr-ie. You're gonna do great tomorrow."

"Yeah, I hope so. You too, you always do." - Minhyun could almost hear Jonghyun's smile and that thought alone made him smile too.

They didn't change positions and continued to face each other in the dark, but now with their eyes closed. Minutes passed – what felt like an eternity for Minhyun – and he decided to do something. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but he couldn't go to sleep without asking, it was bothering him too much. Maybe it would help with his confusing feelings. Deep inside he knew it was more than that.

"Jonghyun?"

"Yes?" - Jonghyun's voice came to him, as calming as ever.

"Are you awake?"

"Well, if it's not me talking to you right now there's something very wrong."

Minhyun knew he had that stupid smirk on his face, that one he got when he managed to be a smartass.

"Hey!" - Minhyun held the plushie with one of his hands, managing to hit one of his shoulders with the other.

"Ouch, that hurt Minhyun-ah, be careful with your strength."

"You're so- Stop making me laugh", he said trying to control his laughter, "You're unbelievable."

In no time they were laughing. They could be so easily entertained together; it was one of Minhyun's favorite things about their relationship.

The laugh died down and Minhyun felt like it was now or never.

"Are you nervous about... you know, the thing?"

"The thing?"

"Yes, you and the girl and everything", Minhyun said already feeling embarrassed, wanting to take what he said back and pretend he wasn't asking about it.

"Ah, the... I", Jonghyun feel silent for a moment.

"It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, I was just curious", Minhyun hurriedly said, wanting to reassure Jonghyun.

"No, it's fine I... I'm just embarrassed about it, that's all", Jonghyun whispered.

"Have you ever, you know... kissed some- a girl before?" - Minhyun asked, tripping over his words. Honestly, he didn't know why he was pushing the subject so much, it just felt wrong to not know more about it, it's not like he thought about the kiss since they received the scripts, he was just worried about Jonghyun. Or so he told himself.

"No", Jonghyun said so fast and softly, that if they weren't alone with no sounds around them, Minhyun wouldn't have heard.

"Me too" - Minhyun said as fast as he could. His breathing was suddenly a little heavier than normal. - "I didn't either, I mean", he had the urge to make it clear.

"So we're both probably bad at this whole kissing thing, I guess", Jonghyun laughed, clearly embarrassed.

"Yeah, I think so", Minhyun could see part of Jonghyun's face because of the light that was coming from the window. He was desperately trying not to look at his lips, but this whole kissing talk was making it really hard not to.

"I... thought about asking a hyung, but that would be too embarrassing, so I'm just going to suffer through it, I guess. It must not be that difficult, right? I mean, it's just lips on lips, right?" - Jonghyun spilled nervously. Minhyun could see him gripping the sheets from the corner of his eye, which made him even more certain of how nervous the other was. And then, he made a decision. A dumb one, he thought, but if it was going to help he had to do it, right?

"I guess." - Minhyun closed his eyes, trying to convince himself out of his stupid idea.

"Maybe we could..." - Why was it so hard? They were friends, it shouldn't be so hard.

"Could what?" - Jonghyun's whisper felt even closer than it was before. With his inner struggles, Minhyun didn't even realize how close they really were.

"Practice." - His voice came out as barely a whisper. If Jonghyun didn't hear it, he could probably just pretend he didn't even say it, yeah maybe it would be for the best, Jonghyun wouldn't want to do such a thing.

"Yes..."

"You don't even have to answer, I know it's inappropriate and- Wait what? Did you say yes?”, the incredulity and almost broken tone was clear in his voice to whoever heard it, but thankfully only Jonghyun was there to see him this vulnerable.

"I did", he had his hands on his face, rubbing it, which made Minhyun want to take them in his. And he did. He couldn't believe he was actually doing something like this, but he did.

His hands were colder than normally, which made him even more self conscious of what he was doing, averting his gaze from the face he loved so much to look at. In the passing moment these thoughts were taking front in his mind he felt the other's hands squeeze his, a little signal that it was ok, he was safe there. It always managed to amaze him how even in these moments, when he was offering help, Jonghyun managed to comfort him and be the reliable presence he was since the first moment he met him.

He used all the courage he had to look directly into Jonghyun's eyes.

“It's gonna be fine, we're just practicing. It's no big deal, right?” - Jonghyun said with a hint of uncertainty in his voice, but at the same time clearly trying to make the moment more comfortable.

“Yeah, what could go wrong besides us both being terrible at it?” - Minhyun was looking at the other's face, looking for a signal that they shouldn't go through with it, but he could only find a welcoming expression, as much as he could, in the level of darkness they were. He gave him a smile and decided it was time.

Still holding Jonghyun's hands in his, he started to close the already minimal gap between then. He though he saw a smile form in the other's lips moments before their mouths met, but he didn't have time to think about that. It was a different and weird sensation, more than everything he had ever felt, he could feel how soft Jonghyun's lips were on his, how they molded into his, leaving a weird sensation in his stomach and a happiness he didn't know how to control. At first they just stayed there, lips touching without moving, eyes closed and expectation of what could come next.

They separated their lips after a few moments, looking at each other and almost laughing, not even believing they were really doing that. Minhyun thought that now that they were already doing this it wouldn't hurt to ask.

“How did it feel?” - He asked shyly, not knowing if that was the right question to ask.

“I don't know... it’s different, I think we should try again... maybe. Only if you want, of course”, Jonghyun said, rushing the last words.

“Of course I wa- I... uh, it's good to practice more.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They were looking at each other, like there was nothing besides the both of them, in that moment, discovering something new. This time it was Jonghyun that got close first, closing his eyes. Minhyun remembers thinking the image of the other getting close with his eyes closed was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He immediately felt embarrassed for having such sappy thoughts, but he knew it was true, after all, he had thought Jonghyun was handsome since their first day together.

The moment their lips touched again was different from the first time, they already knew how each other’s lips felt and now they were starting to get more confident. Minhyun started to move his lips experimentally, tasting Jonghyun's, and the other soon followed his movements. Suddenly he felt the other putting a hand on his waist while the other cupped his face, caressing his cheeks. Minhyun never understood what people were talking about when they mentioned butterflies in their stomach, but in that moment he realized what it meant. He could feel his insides being warm and fuzzy, and everything felt like a dream he would have at night and completely forget once he woke up. But it wasn't a dream, it was real and he wanted to keep kissing Jonghyun's soft lips until he couldn't find air anymore.

His lips molded perfectly in the other, tongues sliding easily in each other’s mouths. Jonghyun tasted like the strawberries they were eating earlier and somehow an entirely different taste he was sure belonged to Jonghyun only. Before he realized and could stop himself he let out a soft moan, barely audible, but he was sure it could be heard from the distance their bodies were from each other. He suddenly stopped their “kissing practice”, looking alarmed and not knowing what to do.

“Do you want to stop?” Jonghyun asked, still with his hand on Minhyun's cheek. His hand felt warm and like silk on his skin, it helped him to be calm and confused his heart at the same time.

“I think it's better if we sleep now don't you think? It's getting pretty late and we have to shoot early in the morning and we can’t go looking like we haven't sleep, right? I mean, we don't need to give the make-up noonas extra work to cover our dark circles and everything. Have you seen them? They're tired, Jonghyun-ah, and we are their kids that never shut up and stay quiet and let them work, they probably plot to kill us every day, it's what I would do with us and—Hey! Why are you laughing? This is a serious issue and...” His mouth was suddenly covered by one of Jonghyun's hands while he couldn't stop laughing.

“Minhyun-ah, stop, I'm gonna wake up the whole house if you don't stop. What are you talking about? We don't even bother them that much” - He said between laughs, with his eyes squeezed. Minhyun couldn't help but notice how cute he looked like this, even if he was making fun of him. The sound of his laugh echoing in the dark room, filling the whole space, like it belonged naturally in the world. The world wouldn't be complete without it.

Minhyun shook his head to get out of the trance caused by the other laughing.

“Ya! Stop making fun of me!” - He said, punching Jonghyun's arm lightly and letting his laugh go free too. The laugh everyone said he had and that he never admitted to.

“Don't punch me, you're the one saying nonsense” - Jonghyun said, putting his tongue out like he was a little kid.

“They love us, you know that. Specially you”

“Specially me?” - Minhyun had a puzzled face, wondering what was different with him.

“Yeah, because you're special.”

“Ok, but how?”

“You just... is, Minhyunie” - Jonghyun lifted his hand and for a moment it seemed like he wouldn't do anything but then he put his hands on Minhyun's fringe, brushing it lightly with his fingers. He closed his eyes automatically, enjoying the feeling of the other boy's hands on his hair, going back and forth, light like a feather.

When he opened his eyes he saw a peaceful expression in Jonghyun's face and realized how his calmness made him forget how nervous he was before starting his ramble about the make-up noonas. Jonghyun lowered his hand to find one of Minhyun's and they slept like this: bodies close, intertwined hands.

Minhyun's last thought, when his guard was all the way down, was that it would be so nice if Jonghyun also thought that his hands belonged there, warm and enveloped by his, like they were the most precious thing somebody could hold. He deserved to be held and loved and Minhyun was starting to think he wanted to be the one to do it.

Chapter Text

“You're staring.”

“What?!”

“You look like a kicked puppy.”

“No, I don't.” - Minhyun said, giving an offended look to Minki. - “I'm just watching the shoot like everyone else.”

Minki gave him a knowing smile, like he knew exactly what was happening. He always knew somehow, and always left people surprised, and a little annoyed sometimes, by how observant he was, quite like Minhyun was feeling right now. Damn Minki and his observation skills.

“Yeah, whatever you say. Just remember you can talk to me, ok? I can't guarantee I won’t make a little bit of fun of you but...” - His signature cheeky smile was present for a moment and then his expression softened changing to one of understanding. - “I'm gonna listen and try to help”.

Minhyun was staring at his friend, not knowing what to say. How could anyone notice anything when even he didn't know what was happening? It couldn't be that obvious, right?

“It's ok Minhyun-ah, you don't have to say anything, I'm just reminding you so you don't get trapped alone in that little head of yours.”

“I... ok, thank you” - He said taking one of Minki's hands in his and squeezing, hoping to convey how grateful he was to have him by his side. The blonde boy suddenly pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tightly.

“So you can do skinship with me whenever you want and I can't? Is that how it is now? - Minhyun said trying to fake annoyance.

“Shut up and accept my affection, you punk!” - He said, pinching Minhyun's hips and making him jump a little. Which, of course, made Minki laugh in satisfaction.

“I know you need it right now” - A more serious tone appeared in Minki's voice again, while he rested his head on the taller shoulders, staying there for a few moments.

Minhyun thought in that moment that he couldn't have been luckier than he was. He found his four best friends (one of them, maybe more than that) - who came from different places – all in the same group and he was so grateful he could rely on all of them. Underneath all the teasing and playfulness, they all cared about each other deeply and that was one thing he was sure of in life.

His friend managed to distract him with his support for a few moments, but once he had to go back in the waiting room to get his make-up done and he was alone again, watching Jonghyun and the actress prepare to start the scene, he came back to reality and the jealousy and confusing feelings he couldn't scape of. At the same time, he couldn't help but worry about his friend, who was clearly struggling with the situation, looking more nervous than he had ever seen him.

Jonghyun lifted his eyes from the script for a second and looked directly into his eyes, smiling nervously. He knew the black haired boy was trying to say he was okay, always trying to be the rock of their group even when he himself was struggling. Minhyun gave him a thumbs up, with the brightest smile he managed to show in that moment and mouthed “Fighting Jr-ie, you can do it!”.

And then, in what seemed like seconds (at least in Minhyun's mind), the recording was starting, the director was yelling action and the well-known (after so much practice) melody of “Hello” was playing. He held his breath when Jonghyun and the actress were about to kiss but both of them started to laugh before they could even start the kiss. They looked good together - he had to admit - and maybe his friend would prefer to be with someone as pretty and nice as her and well, a girl, not a boy in the end of puberty like him, with clumsy limbs and an even clumsier way of communicating.

The filming started once again and this time Jonghyun looked more determined to make it, after talking a bit more with the girl. The song started and they went for the kiss, eyes closed (which made Minhyun remember of just a few hours ago when he saw that with his eyes, so beautiful and so close to him) and it finally happened. Minhyun fought the urge to turn his face around, afraid that someone would notice how jealous he was. He knew the way he was feeling was stupid, after all it was just an acting scene of a few seconds and his kisses with him were very much real. But so was the pang in his chest when he thought about never kissing him again, that maybe that was his only chance.

He was so immerse in his sad thoughts that he didn't even realize when the director said it was time for the next scene and Jonghyun had to call him.

“Hey, are you up here?” - He pointed to Minhyun's forehead, smiling.

“This is method acting Jr-ie, I'm already in character”

Jonghyun laughed like what he said was the funniest thing in the world and he naturally smiled. How could he not? His favorite person was happy for a few seconds because of him.

“Let's go, she's waiting for us.”

“Ok” - He was trying to analyze his friend expressions for a moment and decided it was better to ask. “Are you still nervous?”. Minhyun reached for one of Jonghyun's arms, caressing lightly, trying to give some comfort and seeking some for him too if he was being honest with himself. Touching Jonghyun had always calmed and grounded him like no other thing or person would.

“Not anymore, I'm with you now. Let's go!”

Minhyun was dumbfounded and didn’t know how Jonghyun could say that with such ease and innocence. He could feel the sincerity in those words and he wanted to know, more than anything, if they meant what his heart wanted, but they definitely didn't have time or privacy for anything like that now, so his only response was to grab the other's hand and walk to the filming spot. He knew it would be weird and hard, but the warmth of Jonghyun's hand and words were soothing enough for now.

They got in position for the kiss scene to start again. This time Minhyun had to hug the actress while Jonghyun kissed her and that woulnd't be exactly easy for him, but in the end he had to follow what the script said no matter what his internal struggles were. The second he hugged her, he felt Jonghyun approaching his back, his chest hitting his back lightly because he was even more clumsy when he was trying to act cool, and as always the younger one couldn't hold his fond smile.

The scene started and Minhyun could feel the fingers that were holding the girl's head and brushing his cheeks at the same time. It lasted for only about 30 seconds and their lips barely brushed but he couldn't help but feel suffocated in that moment, like his destiny was having Jonghyun's fingers barely grasp his skin while he slowly lost him to the circumstances of their lives as idols. As soon as the filming stopped he went to get some water and saw that Dongho was around watching and waiting for his turn to film. They immediately started to talk and joke around as they always did and Minhyun didn't look back afraid of something he didn't even knew how to name, missing Jonghyun's confused (and almost hurt) expression behind him.

All of them could feel some sort of awkward atmosphere when they went home that night. Minhyun and Jonghyun hadn't looked at each other since they wrapped their filming in the morning and it wasn't like Minhyun didn't want to talk to him and look at every little spot of his face, but he felt that if he did that now all of his walls would inevitably come down and that was a scary thought. They remained like this during dinner and up until they when to sleep. He could hear the other three whispering amongst themselves trying to figure what was happening between their leader and him but he decided to ignore his surroundings, he was just going to go to bed and tomorrow would be a new, and better, day - he was sure of it. He was in their hall, going to his room when he heard his name coming from the person he couldn't deal with right now, who at the same time he just wanted to hug while pretending everything was ok.

“Minhyunie, can you come here? Can we talk?” - His voice sounded a little broken, like it was hard for him to say those words.

He froze in his spot, thinking about how he couldn't resist this (or any wish the other made) and that he wanted to hear his voice when he giggles instead of that broken one. He entered the room so slowly, looking at Jonghyun sitting on the bed, with his head was facing down, his feet wiggling like they did when he was nervous. Minhyun knew this and it broke his heart that he might be the cause of it. He sat beside him and put his hand on Jonghyun's, which was on the bed. For a moment he thought that had been a mistake - that it was too soon - but then the dark haired boy looked up, his hand still in the same place, with sad eyes but not rejecting his touch. He breathed a little more relieved and started talking.

“I'm sorry” - They both said at the same time, ending their sentences with a confused look on their faces.

“What are you sorry for?” Jonghyun asked still not taking his eyes of him.

“I shouldn't have ignored you the way I did today after filming. You even helped me be more calm before it and I didn't even look you in the face afterwards. I'm sorry, Jonghyun-ah, I just panicked and I didn't know what to do or what to say and...” - He stopped suddenly, realizing he was about to reveal more than he intended to.

“No, I'm sorry for not going after you or trying to find out what was wrong, I probably did something and I understand if you don't want to talk to me right now, but I just couldn't go to sleep without talking to you. I would be a bad leader if I let that happen, wouldn't I?”

“No, oh my God. You did nothing wrong, I promise you” - He squeezed the hand he was holding, trying to comfort him. “I just got scared and started overthinking and I shouldn't have shut you out because of it and… to be honest with you, it felt awful. Baekho wouldn't even laugh at half of my jokes, I need you for that job.”

Jonghyun smiled at him, even though his eyes were watering. It felt good to see that smile directed at him after a torturous day without it. Minhyun lifted his other hand to the older's face, not resisting the touch he craved so much.

“I missed this” - He said, with his hand on his cheek.

“What? Me letting you get away with any joke? - Jonghyun was still smiling, his cheeks starting to be a pretty pink because of the touching.

“No, your smile.”

“You don't need to say that to cheer me up” - His head lowered and his feet started to wiggle again.

“Hey, look at me” - The younger one put the hand that was on his cheek on his chin and gently lifted up his head.

“I would never lie about that, ok? You know how much I appreciate your smiles and I need to say one more thing. You have never been a bad leader and you wouldn't be now because you didn't go to me right away, not everything is for you to carry and certainly no me being an ass”

“You weren't being an ass, I-”

“I was and I want you to accept my apology if you can” - He didn't even realize he had been caressing Jonghyun's hand for some time and for a moment he looks at their intertwined hands and then back at the elder’s face. He saw that he was following his movements with a curious look on his face, but neither of them commented on it.

“Ok, I accept your apology but... what were you scared about?

“Us.”

“Us?”

Minhyun knew that if he said something now there was no turning back, but he did it anyway, with his heart almost coming out of his mouth and his hands slightly trembling.

“Hey, it's ok, you don't need to say anything if you don't want to.”

“No, I want to. I... I kept thinking that I would lose you if kept having the feelings I have for you and in the end I would hurt you and myself, because I can't have you and that wouldn't be fair for both of us and I could never hurt you like that while you're giving me so much. Your friendship is too important to me for me to let my stupid feelings get in the way but I just got so scared of losing you slowly and... of seeing you with other people and it suddenly hurt too much. I didn't even know I felt like this until two days ago but then I kissed you and I understood everything, every single moment we've ever had made sense. and I know maybe it would be better for us and the group if I never said anything, but I might be selfish after all. I have to keep something, whatever you want to give me.”

“You have me.”

“What?” - Minhyun whispered, afraid of having heard wrong.

“You know, I was afraid the reason you were avoiding me was because you realized how much I like you and it freaked you out.”

“No, I would never... I mean - yes, I freaked out, but not because of that. I... You're sure?”

“Of course I'm sure. I have been since I saw that skinny kid from Busan coming into the company. Since the first time I heard you sing and I didn't even know anything about you, but I heard your voice and it was my new favorite thing, and last night when we kissed... It felt like I had been waiting forever for that to happen and I feel so guilty that I want this...” - He gestured vaguely between them. “Because what kind of leader am I if I let this happen? But I just couldn't not do it. The moment you asked, I couldn't refuse”.

“Do you want to stop whatever it is that’s happening now?” - Minhyun asked, knowing that he would accept whatever Jonghyun said in that moment, because he could never be an extra burden to all the pressure he was already under.

“I want to say yes, I really do, because that would be easier, but in the end it wouldn't. I'm being confusing, but what I want to say is... you have me and that won't change, you have me now and you'll have me tomorrow and the day after that. I'll laugh at your awful jokes” - He said with a fond smile, tears spilling for his eyes.

Minhyun caught some of the tears with his fingers and did the first thing he could think of. He hugged him. A hug so tight and so full of love that if someone said he would feel what he felt in that moment someday he would laugh and say they were lying or trying to make fun of him. It turns out it was possible. He felt everything at once. Peace. Longing. Sadness. Happiness. Anxiety. But most of all he felt love, the love he had been feeling all this time as a friend and a whole different kind. His heart was beating even faster, but this time he let the other feel it, not afraid of letting him know how he made him feel.

“We can figure it out as we go, I know it won't be easy and there's so many things we need to think about but you have me, and Ren, Minki and Aron hyung will help us too, you know they will, we're family. I'm scared too, but please don't forget that wanting what you want doesn't make you a bad person or a bad leader, you're the best leader we could ever have, you're... the best person I could ever have and that won't ever change.”

“Thank you, Minhyun-ah, what would I do without you?” - He looked up to him, drying the remaining of his tears.

“You would still be you, the amazing you.”

“Stop flattering me, my head is gonna grow three sizes.”

“Hey, I'm being romantic! You love it.”

“No, I don't.”

“Stop lying to me” - They both started laughing because of their silliness, like the always did, and suddenly they were lying in bed looking at each other and smiling.

“Do you want to sleep here tonight?”

“Are you trying to seduce me, Kim Jonghyun?” - Minhyun raised an eyebrow, doing his best not to laugh.

“Shut up, I'm not” - A pillow was suddenly on his face and Jonghyun's face was pink for the second time that night. Minhyun decided he liked that color and wanted to see more of it.

“But, yes, I want to, even if you kill me with pillows.”

“Ok, I will try not to” - He said with a smile that meant he wouldn't, and that he would probably win in a possible pillow fight. Well, that would be a fight Minhyun would gladly lose.

They were in bed, with the lights on this time. Neither of them said it, but they couldn't get enough of each other's faces now that they knew their feelings were reciprocated. They were facing each other, just admiring every feature again and again.

“Can I ask you something?” - Minhyun said, with a hin of uncertainty in his voice.

“Yes, anything.”

“Were her lips soft? - He whispered.

“You're still jealous?”

“No, I'm not I just... ok, I am, she was pretty and everything else.”

“Yes, she was a pretty girl and her lips were soft but I just couldn't get you out of my head the whole time, I kept remembering our kisses and how soft your lips are” - Jonghyun said lowering his gaze, clearly embarrassed. “My head was screaming ‘Minhyun’ the whole time, look what you've done to me.”

“I've done something right, apparently.”

“Don't sound all proud, you brat.”

“I have the heart desired by millions, I should be proud.”

“You're not funny, I'm gonna kick you out” - He was betrayed by the laugh that came immediately.

“So, since you actually think I'm funny and not being kicked out” - The older one pushed his chest playfully. “Can we keep practicing that kiss thing, I don't think we quite get it yet” - A mischievous smile already on his face.

“As long as you want” - He answered with the biggest smile on his face.

“Well, then. It's going to last for a really long time.” - He was already closing the gap between their mouths to taste the sweetness and magic he would never get enough of.

In that moment there was only Jonghyun and Minhyun. They had each other, and that could get them through anything.