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The last thing Jason wanted that night was someone banging on his front door. He never wanted anyone banging, knocking or otherwise lingering in the vicinity of his doorway.
The real problem with having a semi-permanent residence in Gotham was that it was like handing a signed invitation for the family to show up unannounced and uninvited. There was never a good reason for it; either they wanted to annoy him or something had gone up shit creek without a paddle and they needed the extra muscle that Red Hood could provide.
Somehow being on okay terms with Bruce had unleashed the figurative hounds and now he had siblings who wanted to bond dropping in at all hours of the day or night.
Bond.
With him.
“We know you’re in there!”
Tonight it was the goddamn terror twins.
Jason made them wait a full five minutes, tuning out the repeated banging on his door, before finally heaving himself off the couch to go answer the door. He leaned his shoulder in the door frame to keep them from sneaking in and raised an eyebrow. “Can’t you use the window like a normal person?”
“Funny,” Steph said, shoving at his shoulder and frowning when he didn’t shift even an inch. “Come on, let us in already. We’re going to be late.”
“Not my problem.”
Cass lingered behind Steph’s shoulder. She gave him a smile that telegraphed that they had plans for him; ones he wouldn’t like. Jason considered slamming the door in their faces and booking it out onto the roof. The two of them were dressed up and wearing heels, there was no way they could catch up.
“Don’t,” Cass said, shaking her finger at him. “You promised.”
“Uh, no I did not.” Jason frowned. “I think I would remember making such a terrible mistake. My life is full of them, I’ve had practice.”
Cass rooted through her purse and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She handed it over, smile widening.
Jason gingerly took the paper and unfolded it, wrinkling his nose when he recognized his own handwriting and the IOU he’d scrawled out the last time he’d beseeched Cass to run interference between him and Dick when they’d been fighting like dogs and Dick had wanted to hash it out.
Could that guy not just pretend these things never happened like the rest of them? Repression was the family specialty, after all.
Jason licked his lips. “I was body-snatched when I wrote this.”
“Unless you have a signed medical certificate from Alfred, I call bull.” Steph shoved him in the shoulder, leaning her weight against him. He held his ground for a few seconds before, with a sigh, shrugging and leaning back, stepping away from the door and gesturing the two inside.
“So, what are you two dragging me into this time?” He grabbed his jacket off the back of the couch and shrugged it on, giving into inevitability.
Cass smiled. “Fun.”
***
‘Fun’ turned out to be forcing Jason into a new suit and then going out to dinner at a swanky restaurant, the three of them seated at a table with direct eyeline to one Bruce Wayne, out on a date with some socialite.
Jason took some degree of comfort in the fact that Bruce’s fake smile looked like it was about to crack down the middle and had since the three of them had sat down and Steph had casually ordered them a three hundred dollar bottle of wine.
“It’s disgusting, I don’t understand rich people.” Steph scrapped her tongue along the bottom of her teeth and pulled a face, pushing her glass towards Jason. “Shouldn’t expensive alcohol taste better?”
“It’s wine, I don’t know what you expected.” Jason grimaced and handed the glass over to Cass, the only one of them who was actually drinking. “It’s not going to suddenly taste like something else entirely.”
“You’re just saying that because you hate wine.”
“Newsflash, Steph, so do you. It’s your own fault you ordered it.”
“Not true! Maybe I only hate cheap wine.” Steph took another look at the wine, which Cass was swirling around in the glass. “Yeah, okay, it was a fool’s hope, but my mother always said not to knock something until you tried it.”
Cass giggled, a flush high on her cheeks.
While his date was distracted by the menu Bruce gave the three of them a hard stare. Cass waved cheerfully back while Steph smothered laughter into her napkin. Jason stared at the ceiling and pretended he didn’t know any of them.
“Why are we even doing this?” Jason asked, once the girls had composed themselves. “I mean, sure, giving Bruce shit is fun and all, but what’s ruining his date going to accomplish? Give him five minutes and a bat signal and he’ll ruin it himself.”
Cass shook her head. “Not about ruining.”
His sister didn’t seem inclined to say more and Steph was busy flagging down another waiter and ordering something ‘more palatable’. Jason eyed his butter knife and considered throwing it at Bruce just to get them all kicked out and end this nightmare early. Bruce was texting, had been since the three of them had shown up, so if he timed it right he might get him to drop the phone in his bowl of soup.
Cass cleared her throat, narrowing her eyes at Bruce. “It is vengeance.”
Jason rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes. “What? What did he do?”
Cass pursed her lips.
“Good luck trying to get it out of her,” Steph said, finally swivelling around in her chair. “I’ve been trying for a week with no luck. I think she’s embarrassed.”
Cass turned her glare on Steph. “No.”
“It must have been really humiliating if Cass is being closed mouthed.” Jason directed his gaze back to the ceiling. “She’s normally so verbose, a real blabbermouth.”
“I will beat you both up.”
“I’m your little brother, you’re not allowed to beat me up,” Jason replied. “I’ll tell on you. Beat up Steph.”
“Excuse me, Cass is banned from beating me up.” Steph rubbed her jaw and pouted at Cass. “Anyway, now that—oh shit, abort mission.”
Cass inhaled sharply. Jason directed his gaze towards the door and winced. Striding towards them, raising one hand to wave casual acknowledgement at Bruce, was Dick Grayson. He was smiling.
Jason’s chair scrapped sharply against the floor as he got to his feet. “Fuck you both, I’m out.”
The girls were quick to follow, and Jason was pretty sure that Bruce had his head in his hands as the three of them booked it out of the restaurant with Dick on their heels. Served him right for...whatever it was he did.
“Foiled again!” Steph had Cass by the hand and they were both clumsily running in their heels. Steph looked over her shoulder and slowed, forcing Cass to stop with her. “He’s not following? Guess Bruce just wanted him to chase us off. Rude.”
Jason shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Well, it’s been real, but I’m going home now that my obligation is fulfilled.”
Shadows shifted behind the girls and Cass twitched. Dick draped an arm over Steph’s shoulder and grinned as she shrieked.
“What was all that about?” Dick winced when Steph elbowed him in the side. “Do we not like whoever he’s dating? Because I gotta say this is giving me flashbacks to Jason that one time he—”
“Shut your damn mouth, I did not do that.” All three of them were giving him skeptical looks. “Whatever it is he was going to say I did, I know for a fact it’s a lie.”
“It was adorable.”
“It didn’t happen.”
“You’re wrong, I distinctly remember it.”
“You’re wrong. You weren’t even there.”
“Do you both even know what the other is talking about or have you progressed to just being immediately contrary?” Steph asked, looking between them with eyebrows raised. “Because I gotta say, this shit’s adorable.”
Cass sighed and untangled herself from Steph, stepping forward between Jason and Dick. “Fight later. Vengeance now.”
“Oh, this was your idea?” Dick asked, smiling wider. “Is this because of—”
Cass glared at him. “Hush.”
Dick held his hands up. “Okay, okay. Sorry I interrupted, Cass. I was curious, it’s not every day Bruce sends an SOS like that. I should have known it was you three ganging up on him.”
Jason crossed his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He means we’re the scariest members of the family, of course,” Steph said, waving at him airily, dressed in a pink dress that had actual frills. “Anyway, interrupted or not, I think this was a successful completion to phase one.”
“Phase one?” Jason asked.
Dick snorted. “Oh boy.”
Cass nodded firmly. “Phase one.” She pointed at Dick. “You will help with phase two.” She spun and fixed Jason with a glare as he tried to backpedal away. “Little brother, don’t move.”
Jason held his hands up and sighed. “Fine, whatever. Sign me up for more shenanigans.”
Cass turned back to the restaurant, shaking her fist at it. “By the weekend, vengeance will be mine!”
Steph shook her head and stilled Cass’s fist. “Okay, calm down, Disney villain.”
Jason sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
Why the hell had he reconciled with these people again?