Work Text:
They were fighting again. It seemed to be happening more frequently than it ever had before. Why though? Izuku couldn’t figure it out. They were dating for crying out loud, it shouldn’t be like pulling teeth to get Katsuki to share things with him. If they both wanted to be together, why was it this hard?
Did they both want to be together?
“What’s wrong with you now?” Katsuki growled out, slamming his hand against their apartment wall. He must have realized Izuku stopped paying attention.
“You …want this, right?” Izuku asked suddenly, panicked, but a sudden need to know winning out for the dueling emotions. Katsuki at least had the decency to look startled by the question.
“Do I wan- no shit, Deku! Why would I even be here if I didn’t want this, want you?!” Katsuki was always doing this. Always yelling, never once having a calm conversation about anything.
“Then why don’t you act like it? Why is it every time we’re alone together I feel like we fight?!” Great, now Izuku was yelling. Perfect.
“I don’t act like it?! What’s your excuse?! This isn’t just about me!” Their neighbors were going to complain, again.
“It is about you! You said you would change, but you never did! You never will! This, right now, is proving that! Why is it so impossible for you to just talk to me?!” Izuku threw his hands up, emphasizing the dramatics of it all.
“I am talking, just loudly! Fuck, Deku I’m trying! This is how I talk about this shit!” Katsuki roughly ran a hand through his hair, his eyes wouldn’t meet Izuku’s.
“Loudly? Really? You’re never this loud when you’re with Kirishima, just with me!” Izuku countered. Katsuki gave Izuku the strangest look.
“The hell does he have to do with this?! With us?!” This wasn’t getting them anywhere. Izuku pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I’m just using him as an example! If you can be so calm around him, why can’t you be that calm with me?” Izuku had at least managed to lower his voice a few notches.
“He doesn’t make me feel the way you do!” Oh … oh…
Katsuki seemed to realize what he said because he was already walking closer to Izuku. “No, don’t … Izuku, that didn’t come out right! Fuck!” Katsuki was standing in front of him cradling his face, brushing away tears Izuku hadn’t realized had started falling. Katsuki could be calm around Kirishima. Katsuki could have simple conversations with Kirishima. Katsuki could joke around without starting a fight with Kirishima. . .
Not with Izuku.
“Izuku, please, say something!” For once, Katsuki look genuinely terrified. Izuku shoved him away, harder than he had intended when Katsuki flipped over the couch, but it had created the distance he wanted, needed. Katsuki groaned. In the blur of tears, Izuku realized Katsuki must have hit his head on their coffee table. He took a step towards him, but paused.
He turned on his heels and bolted out the door.
“IZUKU! IZUKU, GET BACK HERE!” He didn’t stop running. The moment he was clear, he kicked off as hard as he could. He’d stay at Tokoyami’s tonight. Katsuki wouldn’t look for him there, at least not right away. He needed space, needed to think, but most importantly he need to evaluate his emotions and what the last ten minutes had shown him.
Was he willing to let Katsuki go?
__________________________
Izuku was sobbing when he reached Tokoyami’s front door.
He sat on the steps of his friend’s porch waiting for when the other would come home. It was late, almost the early hours of the morning. Tokoyami would be patrolling.
This was stupid. They weren’t kids anymore. Izuku needed to face Katsuki head-on about their problems, even their domestic ones. They had come so far after everything they’d been through, and the last few months of dating had been great, so why the constant fighting recently?
They weren’t always fighting. Izuku needed to remind himself of that every once in a while.
Izuku tried to steady his breathing. Focus on one thing at a time. He needed to calm down and think about everything rationally. There was a source of the problem, as well as a solution.
Izuku just happened to be terrified of the solution.
He had managed to stop his tears and calm his breathing by the time Tokoyami returned home.
“Midoriya?” Tokoyami sounded pleasantly surprised.
“Hey, Tokoyami,” Izuku strained. The tone of his voice must have clued Tokoyami in, because the other instantly ushered Izuku inside. Tokoyami made tea while Izuku looked around. He hadn’t been to the house since he’d helped his friend move in, and was pleasantly surprised to see that Tokoyami had finished decorating.
Every room looked just like his dorm room had. Izuku tried not to chuckle.
“I would never question a visit, but I feel there is more to this than just a friendly hello,” Tokoyami began, setting the tea down on the kitchen table.
“No, just in the neighborhood, excuses either,” Dark Shadow chimed in, appearing before Izuku.
“I . . . we . . . Kacchan and I got into a fight,” Izuku admitted, shoulders slumping.
“From what I recall, you both usually fight,” Tokoyami attempted a joke. “Though, if you have come to me, and not Todoroki, it must not be too serious.”
“Kacchan won’t come looking for me here, not right away. I needed some time to think about a few things,” Izuku explained. Tokoyami kept a lingering worried gaze on Izuku as they drank their tea. Izuku could feel himself fidget under the pressure of the look.
“Midoriya,” Tokoyami began.
“Yes!” Izuku jumped in his seat.
“You may talk, if that is what you need. You are my friend, and I am here if you need me,” Tokoyami said, Dark Shadow giving a thumbs up.
Izuku broke down.
“The fight wasn’t even that important. I can’t even remember how it started, but . . . we’ve been yelling at each other so much recently. We both said some hurtful things, but I’m just so tired of all the yelling. I want him to be able to talk to me, we’re dating, we should be able to have a heated conversation without it always needing to be followed with a noise complaint. I just snapped. I’m starting to wonder if dating was even a good idea for the two of us, if we both really want that. It may have just been better to stay friends, at least then we didn’t have to go to bed mad at each other,” Izuku’s mouth was running a mile a minute. He knew he was ranting, and avoiding the topic that he really needed to dig deeper into and analyze, but he was scared.
He was scared of what he thought he needed to do.
“I asked him if he wanted this, us, to be together. He started yelling about how of course he did, how he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t, but his actions went against everything he was saying. Why would he sound so mad about us being together if he wanted it? He hasn’t changed at all since school, and I told him that. He screamed about how it wasn’t just him, but me too. He said he was trying. I got angry and accused him of being unable to hold an actual conversation with me,” Izuku paused. Tokoyami gave him all the time he needed.
“I . . . brought up Kirishima,” Izuku admitted. Tokoyami raised a brow, but held no other outward reaction.
“Kacchan’s always gotten along so well with him. He’s able to have real conversations with Kirishima, and they never seem to argue or fight,” Izuku took a breath. “I was only using him as an example, but Kacchan’s response . . . hurt. He said it hadn’t come out right, but how was I supposed to take it? I shoved him away without saying anything, then left.”
He doesn’t make me feel the way you do. Izuku’s mind echoed back at him. Izuku focused back on the present.
“I didn’t know Kacchan had such strong feelings about Kirishima. If Kirishima can make Kacchan happy, then I,” Izuku started to hiccup, his words cutting off.
Dark Shadow brought over a box of tissues from the counter, while Tokoyami continued to look at Izuku with an unreadable expression. Izuku blew his nose and tried to calm himself down again.
“May I say something?” Tokoyami asked after a moment.
“Please,” Izuku responded.
“I do not believe Bakugou is the type of person to do anything he doesn’t want to. If he says he wants to be in a relationship with you, then I would be under the impression that he means that,” Tokoyami paused, seeming to gather his thoughts. “You mentioned that he said he was trying. Would that be in the context of Bakugou trying to develop a healthy form of communication with you?”
Izuku shrugged, honestly not really sure.
“You mentioned that Bakugou’s response had hurt, whatever he said regarding Kirishima. What was it, if you don’t mind,” Tokoyami said delicately. Izuku knew he didn’t want to upset him.
“Kirishima doesn’t make Kacchan feel the way I do,” Izuku muttered miserably. There was a long pause, before finally, Tokoyami took a deep breath.
“Midoriya,” Tokoyami said seriously, “I apologize if you do not want to hear this, but I do not believe you are being entirely fair.”
Izuku balked.
“Me?!” Izuku shrieked.
“Yes, now I admit that I was not there for the argument, so I do not know the entire story, however from what you have told me, you are not giving Bakugou enough credit,” Tokoyami began. “He has admitted to trying to better himself for your relationship, he was willing to listen to your argument and accusations and did not disagree with them. He simply stated, albeit shouting, that both of you needed something to work on. You were the one to bring up Kirishima and Bakugou answered honestly. From what it sounds like, you spent the entire conversation accusing Bakugou without listening to what he was saying, and in that lies the problem.”
“But I-“ Izuku was cut off by Tokoyami raising his hand. He wasn’t finished.
“Did you ask Bakugou what he meant by his answer? Did you ask him how he feels about Kirishima?” Tokoyami challenged.
“No,” Izuku whispered.
“Instead, you shut down and ran away from him because of it,” Tokoyami reached over to gently hold Izuku’s hand. “Bakugou has always been loud, always screaming, that isn’t what’s bothering you. You have known him the longest, have seen him change and know he is capable of it, so what are you really worried about, Midoriya?”
Izuku gulped, hard. This was what he was afraid of.
“I . . . I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to wake up one day to find he’s back to thinking about me as a useless Deku that is so far beneath him that I’m not even worth the time of day. My admiration for him was never enough to be his friend when we were kids, what if my love isn’t enough to keep him? I don’t want to lose him to anyone else,” Izuku sniffed, fresh tears falling. Tokoyami nodded, seeming pleased that they had reached the root of the problem.
“You know what you need to do?” Tokoyami asked. Izuku nodded. He needed to talk to Katsuki, really talk to him, about all of this. Dark Shadow collected their now empty tea cups as Tokoyami stood. “I would normally suggest discussing this with him right away, however it has been a very long and emotional night for you. You are welcome to stay and get some rest.”
“Thank you, I appreciate this,” Izuku spoke honestly.
“We’re friends,” Tokoyami shrugged it off. He showed Izuku to the guest room and the two bid each other good night, even though the sun was just beginning to rise.
____________________________
“IZUKU! IZUKU GET BACK HERE!” Katsuki’s throat burned, head threatening an oncoming headache.
“Fuck!” he hissed. Standing, Katsuki raced out after Izuku, only to see him jumping away at full power. Well, shit, Katsuki would never be able to catch him. A string of curses followed Katsuki back into their apartment. He stormed to the kitchen, rubbing his arm roughly against his eyes to ward of his tears, he yanked open the freezer. He pulled an ice pack out for his head before digging his cellphone free from his back pocket.
“Pick up, you shit,” Katsuki growled, listening to the phone ring three times.
“Why,” Eijirou groaned over the phone. “Dude, do you even know what time it is?”
“Izuku’s gone,” Katsuki cursed at the hiccup in his voice.
“What happened?” Eijirou was awake now.
“Fuck, I don’t know. He seemed upset when we got home and just out of it. Something’s been bothering him for a while and he just won’t fucking tell me! I couldn’t take it anymore so I pressed him for an answer,” Katsuki hesitated. “He asked if I wanted this. He seriously looked me in the eyes and asked me if I wanted to be with him, as if it wasn’t fucking obvious! He got mad and started flipping out about how I haven’t changed and I yell too much, which is bullshit! I yell all the time, he fucking knows that!”
Katsuki took a breath.
“He brought you up,” Katsuki wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about this.
“Me? I’m not even there, what did I do?” Eijirou had the balls to be laughing.
“Izuku said something about how I’m calmer around you, and not him. I . . . answered in a really stupid way. I know he took it wrong because he started crying and then he pushed me away, and he’s gone, Eijirou. He shoved me over the couch and bolted out of the apartment,” Katsuki huffed, tears filling his eyes again. He’d really fucked up this time.
“What did you say?” Eijirou sounded worried.
“I told him you don’t make me feel the way he does,” Katsuki admitted.
“If Midoriya was upset, yeah I can see how he took that the wrong way. I feel flattered that he’s jealous of our friendship, dude,” Eijirou tried to joke.
“He has nothing to be jealous about! You don’t make me feel shit, it’s like talking to a fucking wall with you,” Katsuki growled. “Fuck, what do I do? I just wanted to know what was bothering him, not get in a fight. I’m tired of fighting with him. I don’t want to fight with him anymore,” Katsuki admitted.
“Did you tell Midoriya any of this?” Eijirou asked.
“I . . . well . . . he should just fucking know! We’re dating, aren’t we?” Katsuki was getting flustered. He wasn’t good with explaining his feelings about Izuku to Izuku. He already had a difficult enough time processing everything that Izuku made him feel, let along putting it into words.
“Dude, we really gotta work on your communication skills,” Eijirou sighed. “Remember how I had to drill it into your brain that you actually had to verbally ask out Midoriya, or else he wouldn’t know it was a date?”
“Yes,” Katsuki grumbled.
“Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got to do that with everything from now on. That’s what dating means, man. You talk to your partner about your feelings,” Eijirou explained.
“He just . . . he just makes me feel so much. Shit, it’s embarrassing to talk about it,” Katsuki groaned. He was never good at this relationship stuff, but . . .
Izuku was worth it.
“How do I talk to him without making an ass of myself?” Katsuki asked.
“Well, don’t yell. That’s the easiest way for you to start in the right direction. Don’t yell your feelings at him, say them to him. You need to learn to let him in, man. Midoriya is a guy that’s all about feelings and sharing them,” Eijirou seemed to have an idea. “I need you to imagine something,”
“The hell do you think you are, my therapist?” Katsuki barked, adjusting the ice pack.
“Shut up, you’ll get a better idea of how Midoriya feels, I promise,” Eijirou started. “Just think, for a minute, what it would be like if you weren’t allowed to be physically anywhere near Midoriya.” Katsuki bristled. That was not a thought he wanted to have right now.
“Don’t fuckin joke around with-“
“You feel that? You just got angry, didn’t you?” Eijirou sounded like he was smirking. Katsuki didn’t honor his friend’s attitude with a response.
“Now, think about if Midoriya was the one not allowing you to be physical with him. No hand holding, no hugs, no sex, no nothing,” Eijirou rambled. Katsuki felt his stomach drop, his back tense, and his jaw clamp shut. This was not a good feeling. Katsuki craved being close with Izuku. Hell, the entire year after graduation when they hadn’t been living together had been torture for him, but for Izuku to be the one to not allow him to be near him.
It hurt.
“Your point,” Katsuki spoke through gritted teeth. He’d called Eijirou to come up with a solution to fix his fight with Izuku, not make Katsuki feel worse about it.
“That’s how Midoriya feels, because you won’t let him in emotionally. My guess is, he feels like that all the time with how stubborn you are,” Eijirou finished.
Katsuki paled.
Izuku felt like this all the time? Izuku had to deal with this gnawing, crushing sensation all the time? No wonder he’d yelled at Katsuki and stormed out.
Shit, Katsuki was a terrible boyfriend, wasn’t he?
“How do I fix it? He can’t feel that way, I don’t want to make him feel that way. I’m supposed to make him happy, not this,” Katsuki chocked. He rubbed his face with his free hand, tossing the ice pack onto the coffee table. He’d collapsed onto the couch.
“Simple, dude, you need to let him in. Talk to him about how your feeling, ask him about his emotional needs. You have to work on communicating your emotions, not just showing them,” Eijirou offered. “Think you can manage?”
“Shut up,” Katsuki said sharply, but there was no malice behind it. “It’s too late to go hunt him down now.” Looking at the clock, he groaned.
“Do you have any idea where he is?” Eijirou asked.
“He isn’t at Shouto’s, round-face, or glasses,” Katsuki said confidently. “Those are too damn obvious, and he’s too upset with me right now to let me easily find him.”
“So?” Eijirou pressed.
“He’s at Tokoyami’s place. He’s the only one close enough that Izuku would trust, and Izuku would think I wouldn’t fucking know him well enough to figure out his shitty plan,” Katsuki grumbled, rolling his eyes at how predictable Izuku could be.
“You sound pretty confident,” Eijirou was laughing again.
“I’m his boyfriend, I better damn well know where he’d go when he’s that upset,” Katsuki snapped. He paid so much attention to Izuku, much more than he’d ever admitted to anyone out loud.
“You should go pick him up in the morning, you two need to talk about this,” Eijirou paused before hanging up, “and I mean talk.”
“I know. I’m not losing him, ever,” Katsuki glared at the wall. He meant it.
“Glad to help, let me know how it goes,” Eijirou chirped. Katsuki grunted to alert the other he’d heard before the line went dead. Katsuki let out a heavy sigh, glance moving to the time on his phone. If he sent it now, he might catch the other before they went to sleep.
:I’ll be there in the morning to get him: Katsuki sent Tokoyami the text. He hadn’t expected the quick response.
:You two seem to have much to discuss. I hope you both work it out: Katsuki read the message, tempted to ask how Izuku was, but he already knew the answer. He’d leave it at that for tonight. A few hours of sleep, an hour to figure out what the hell he was going to say, then off to Tokoyami’s to pick up his boyfriend and apologize.
_____________________
Izuku felt uncomfortable. He was cold, his nose itched, and the mattress he was laying on was lumpier than usual. Shifting, Izuku reached out to pull Katsuki closer to him to provide a bit of warmth, only to grab at nothing. Groggily opening his eyes, the unfamiliar room brought back the memories of last night and the early morning.
He’d gotten into a fight with Katsuki, a big one.
Izuku had thought about what Tokoyami had said last night, and could see his point. He hadn’t really been listening to Katsuki during their argument, he’d been afraid to. Izuku needed to apologize for that, and the two of them really needed to have an honest conversation. Rubbing his eyes to rid them of sleep, Izuku stood and fixed up the bed from how he had moved about in his sleep. He hadn’t really gotten much rest.
Yawning, he made his way out of the guest room and down to the living room. He wasn’t sure if Tokoyami had woken up yet, but if he was, the two of them could possibly get something to eat before Izuku made the trek home.
The low rumble of voices from the kitchen dashed his plans.
Katsuki was leaning against the counter, listening to Tokoyami discussing something about his recent patrols, while the two of them sipped at to-go coffee cups from the bakery Izuku really liked. Katsuki had bags under his eyes, his clothes were rumpled, and he was holding his cup a bit too tightly. Izuku was nervous he was going to break the cup, it wouldn’t be the first time. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he took a step forward to stand in the doorway.
“Good morning, Midoriya,” Tokoyami’s voice cut through the tense silence.
“Morning,” Izuku answered, possibly too quietly. Katsuki didn’t say anything. He was just looking at Izuku, most likely getting a reading on him the same way he had just done with Katsuki. Slowly, Katsuki turned and picked up a third cup, holding it out to Izuku as a silent peace offering.
They wouldn’t be talking in the middle of Tokoyami’s kitchen.
Izuku couldn’t fight off his smile if he’d tried. He took hold of the cup, fingers brushing Katsuki’s slowly on purpose. The coffee was appreciated, Katsuki being here more so. Izuku took a small drink from the warm beverage. His body responded with an alert mind and his nerves waking up. The slight hint of almond that Izuku tasted on his tongue threatened to bring about another smile.
“We should head home,” Katsuki began, “when you’re ready. We still have some time till the train.” Katsuki’s voice was low, rumbling, but Izuku couldn’t place if it was the threat before a storm. Taking another sip from his drink, Izuku nodded.
“I had promised to call Tsuyu before she set out today. If you both will excuse me,” Tokoyami said, leaving to venture further into the house. Izuku felt bad, since this was Tokoyami’s home. They shouldn’t be chasing him out. Izuku continued to drink his coffee, wondering if the beverage alone was going to upset his-
Katsuki’s hand gently nudged Izuku’s shoulder, getting his attention. Turning, Izuku saw Katsuki holding out a small bag towards him.
“You’re going to get sick if you don’t eat,” Katsuki pointed out. There was a look in Katsuki’s eyes that Izuku couldn’t fully read, and his body was too tense. Katsuki was on edge. Oh . . . right . . .
“Thank you, Kacchan,” Izuku said sincerely, the first words spoken to the other since Katsuki had said his response. Katsuki’s body melted into a much more relaxed position. The earlier conflicting emotion leaving his eyes for now. Izuku reached into the bag and pulled out a muffin. The two of them stayed quiet after that. This wasn’t the place for them to talk, not really. They needed to be at home to really talk about last night and hash everything out. Izuku was just glad that Katsuki was here.
Katsuki had come to get him.
Izuku finished off his muffin and chugged the last few sips of his coffee. He tossed everything away in the trash; no point being a rude houseguest for Tokoyami.
“Ready?” Katsuki asked, voice hesitant.
“I-I should thank Tokoyami, for letting me stay,” Izuku motioned back down the hallway towards Tokoyami’s room. Katsuki nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
“Take your time. I’ll be at the door,” Katsuki comforted. Izuku smiled faintly again at the concern coming from Katsuki. He didn’t want to push Izuku, but Izuku didn’t want to push Katsuki either.
“I’ll be right back.” Leaving that to settle with Katsuki, Izuku made his way down the hallway. “Tokoyami,” Izuku called, faintly knocking on the door. A few moments later the door opened, Tokoyami was looking at Izuku expectantly.
“Clear everything up, talk things out. I know you can do it. Let me know when you both have things settled,” Tokoyami smiled a bit. It was encouraging.
“I will, thank you for everything,” Izuku said, bright smile and honest eyes.
“Any time,” Tokoyami looked towards the front door. Izuku nodded.
He wouldn’t say he jogged to the front door, just moved a bit quicker than a casual walk to meet Katsuki by the door. Katsuki just watched him, clearly not wanting to do the wrong thing in this situation. Izuku felt happy, but guilty as well.
“Let’s go home,” Izuku said. The two walked to the train station a small distance apart. To the outside world, it wasn’t any further than the length of a finger, but to Izuku, it felt like a gorge. Katsuki was always close, if not holding hands, then pressing their shoulders together or looping an arm around Izuku. It wasn’t helping that they hadn’t spoken since leaving Tokoyami’s house. The awkward tension was back, neither of them knowing how to break it.
Thankfully, the train was busy. This meant that the two focused on finding a place to stand, and made sure not to bump into the other passengers. It allowed a moments reprieve from them both not knowing what to do about the other. However, the close proximity wasn’t helping Izuku. He was standing in front of Katsuki, holding the railing above him to steady himself. The warmth radiating off of Katsuki was a comfort he wanted to indulge in, the distance begging to be closed. Was Katsuki being distant because he was mad? Was Izuku supposed to read into this as a warning for the conversation to come?
The train rocked, passengers shuffled, and Izuku fell face first into Katsuki’s rumpled shirt front. Instantly arms were around him, holding him steady and in place so he wouldn’t fall further and injure himself. Izuku shifted his weight so he’d be able to stand on his on, but he made sure he didn’t pull away while he moved. He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to be as close to Katsuki as he possibly could, for as long as he could.
He didn’t know how much longer that would be.
Bodies shifted around them returning to the cramped, but unclaustrophobic, environment. Izuku brushed his nose along the collar of Katsuki’s shirt, his hands gripping the front of the fabric like a vice. Katsuki’s arms flexed, and for a moment Izuku feared he was about to pull away.
Katsuki buried his face into the juncture between Izuku’s neck and collarbone, nose running along his jaw. Izuku was being pressed closer into Katsuki, snug within Katsuki’s strong embrace. Izuku felt the air against his skin as Katsuki released a heavy sigh. Izuku released Katsuki’s shirt and moved one of his hands to cup Katsuki’s cheek. The other slung around Katsuki’s hip, slack, but familiar.
“When we get home,” Katsuki’s gruff voice reverberated through Izuku’s chest. He had a hard time suppressing the shiver traveling his nervous system. “We’re going to talk about this. No yelling, no running away, just a real conversation about the shit we need to deal with.”
“Promise,” Izuku wished his voice hadn’t sounded so breathless.
“Promise. Just,” Katsuki’s lips traced the column of Izuku’s neck. “let me hold you,” he begged.
Izuku would rather die than say no.
The train continued, the two of them oblivious to anything beyond the span of Katsuki’s arms, both sole focused on the other. Izuku lazily traced patterns against Katsuki’s strong jaw to keep a familiar peace between them. Katsuki didn’t sound mad, and he’d promised they would talk.
That was a good sign, right?
The intercom signaling their stop was the only thing to break through their small little barricade. Katsuki slowly stood, shifting to return the distance, but Izuku intertwined their fingers without moving away. Katsuki squeezed Izuku’s hand, leading the two of them off the train. They still didn’t speak as they walked, but their hands allowed the two of them to settle. With neither of them pulling away, it gave the other comfort.
Izuku almost laughed when Katsuki dug out his keys and kicked their front door open, same as always. Katsuki flicked on the living room light and the two removed their shoes. In the safety of their own home, they let go of the others hand. The two sat on the couch, not far apart, but not how they usually would, and prepared themselves for their conversation.
“I’m sorry,” their voices overlapped each other. Izuku couldn’t help his chuckle, Katsuki rubbed the back of his neck.
“Is it alright if I go first?” Izuku asked, not wanting to have his guilt weighing him down anymore. Katsuki nodded, giving his undivided attention.
“Last night . . . became very heated. I apologize for starting the argument, for accusing you of things that aren’t true, for having my own insecurities pushed onto you, and, most importantly, to not listening to what you were saying, or your side. We’re partners, we’re supposed to talk and listen to each other about everything, and I haven’t been doing a very good job of it,” Izuku spoke calmly, not wanting to let emotions get high. Izuku nodded towards Katsuki.
“I really suck at this, the talking thing, to you,” Katsuki began. “I’m sorry that I can’t properly talk about my emotions without letting them take over the conversation. I’m sorry that I upset you and I want to work on that, I want to get better about it. I don’t want another night like last night, Izuku.” Katsuki paused, taking a breath. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I want to understand what you’re feeling and why last night happened. If we figure that out, we can move passed it.”
Katsuki grew quiet. They both knew what they needed to discuss next, but neither knowing how to begin.
“A-about Kirishima,” Izuku stuttered out. “What did you mean by that?” It was now or never. Katsuki took a long moment before answering. Izuku feared the worst, but he wanted to listen. He owed it to both of them to listen.
“I phrased that really stupidly, I’m sorry I wasn’t clear enough about what I meant,” Katsuki admitted. “I don’t have emotional outbursts around him, because he doesn’t make me feel the same emotions that you do. Talking to Eijirou is the same for me emotionally as talking to the damn wall,” Katsuki paused again. “Talking to you, especially about you . . .I,” Katsuki became flustered. Izuku watched in fascination as Katsuki’s face began to tint pink. He’d never witnessed such honest embarrassment from the other before, except maybe when they had first agreed to start dating. “You make me feel so much, Izuku, all the time. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to me how many emotions you can fucking draw out of me from the dumbest shit you do. Fuck,” Katsuki rubbed his face roughly. “You’ve always done that, and I’ve always sucked at dealing with it, so it just comes across as anger and yelling because that’s what I’m comfortable with,” Katsuki hesitate, “but you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to be yelled at when what I really should be doing is just telling you what the fuck I’m feeling. I’m going to work on it, I want to work on it, because that’s how we stay together.”
Izuku’s tears were a fountain.
Katsuki looked at him in blind panic. Izuku tried to communicate but sounds were about the only thing he could manage at the moment. Katsuki went to reach for him, but he waited. Izuku rubbed his eyes furiously and moved closer to the other, tucking his feet under him to lean against Katsuki.
“S-sorry! I’m j-just hap-happy,” Izuku took a bit to calm down enough to speak. “I was so afraid you were going to break up with me.”
“Why?” Katsuki’s voice startled Izuku. He’d hardly heard it, and it was right in his ear.
“I . . . it’s part of the problem that started last night,” Izuku began. “I’m just . . . scared that I’m not enough. One day you’re going to think of me the same as you used to and leave me. I’m sorry, but it’s been bothering me for a while now. We’ve been fighting more frequently and I was so scared that you were starting to hate me again. I,” Izuku paused to look at Katsuki, “I don’t want you to leave me behind again. I’ll work on it, I need to. If I keep doubting, then that isn’t fair to either of us. I’m sorry I got jealous of Kirishima’s relationship with you. It wasn’t fair, and I know that now. We are a different relationship and I need to remind myself of that, but,” Izuku smiled, “what you said made me really happy. I want to stay together too, Kacchan.”
They had moved closer as Izuku had been speaking. Noses touched lightly with the slightest breath.
“I love you, nerd. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to,” Katsuki whispered against Izuku’s lips.
“I love you too, Kacchan,” Izuku responded. “I say, you aren’t going anywhere.”
“Izuku,” Katsuki rubbed his nose against Izuku’s jaw.
“Hm?” Izuku was distracted by the movement.
“Let me kiss you,” Katsuki cupped Izuku’s jaw as he pleaded.
“Always.”