Chapter Text
Watching Kyanna play with her son never fails to brighten Beli's day. It’s always a puzzle to decide which of the two is having more fun – the little boy on his make-believe adventures, or the doting mother who gets to dream them all up.
"Whoosh! Here comes Spaceman Phily, blasting off on the rocket ship Mommy!"
With a squeal and a giggle, Kyanna hoists her one-year old into the air, spinning him around the living room while she supplies the outer space sound effects. Philip whooshes around the coffee table, he vroom-vrooms over the boxy TV, and from her vantage point on the couch, Beli smiles fondly.
"Vrrrrm! Watch out, Phily! We're coming in for a landing on planet Beli!"
Oh, that’s her cue to get ready! Following carefully as Kyanna plots her return course to the couch, Beli holds her arms out, ready to receive. Scooping Philip under the shoulders and sitting him on her lap, Beli gives her own cutesy cheer as she bounces the happy toddler on her knee.
"Whoo! Auntie Beli's gotcha! Yes she does! Whoa, look at you wriggle!" When she plops him on his back and dives in for a tummy nuzzle, Philip's happy laughter soars into overdrive. A whistful sigh makes her glance up: Kyanna, standing back and admiring the portrait of Phily and his 'auntie', a proud smile adorning her face.
"You've really gotten comfy with Philip," the Latina comments later, when her boy is back in her arms and greedily feeding from his bottle. "Remember that first time I had you over? You took one look at this little bugaboo and you freaked like I'd dropped a cockroach in your lap!"
"And you made me sit with him while you ran off to the bathroom! I could hear you taking pictures, by the way.” Trying to get her all flustered, honestly! "And anyway, I didn't grow up looking after little brothers like you did; I was scared I'd drop him or make him cry."
"But look at you now," Kyanna counters. "You can bottle feed and he won't squirm, you can change a diaper without gagging, and he just loves listening to you for story time! You've come a long way, Beli Lapran."
"Oh, I don't know …" Beli's instinct is always to wave off any undue praise, but Kyanna's words get her thinking about the past year, and how much she really has grown. How much closer she's become to her new friend and her family.
She's been welcomed to backyard barbecues, been declared familia by Kyanna's rowdy brothers. She's been christened 'Ba-wi' in Philip's baby-speak, her appearances always greeted with excited eyes and grasping hands. Then there’s Kyanna herself – her newest friend, but easily her best friend. Whether they’re out on the town for a grand adventure, or just watching TV in their sweatpants, there’s a beautiful feeling of being at complete ease, like she could close her eyes, fall back and trust Kyanna to catch her every time.
Trust. Comfort. Terms she’s struggled to apply to even the longest lasting of her boyfriends, but with Kyanna, they fit so naturally. She’s like no one I’ve met before.
As for Kyanna's question, Beli settles for a compromise. "I guess I am getting pretty used to Phily, but it's all because he’s got a wonderful madre who’s shown me just what to do.”
The Latina puffs up with a know-it-all grin, pleased that she’s won another argument. "Y'know, you'd make a pretty cool mom yourself, Bels."
Did she say Kyanna put her at ‘complete ease’? Because now her cheeks are burning with embarrassment, and she’s hiding her face in her palms while her friend howls at her reaction. Must she bring up her relationships and her sorry, shameful 'single' status? “You’re always teasing me like that!” Beli whines.
“You’re always so fun to poke at,” Kyanna fires back.
“You’re mean! Besides, how could I even start thinking about kids? First I’d have to find a boyfriend who’s a keeper, I’d have to date him long enough for us to get married, and then we’d have to settle down and find a proper house in a good neighbourhood. It’s so much stress!”
"Or you could start dating someone who already has a kid,” Kyanna points out.
“But everyone I know is single and childless,” Beli laments, and then she gives a playful smirk. “I guess I’d have to start dating you.”
Beli laughs at the idea. Kyanna doesn’t. The Latina just stares at her, smiling as if to say ‘and?’
Oh, it's moments like these she could just slap herself upside the head.
“I – I mean, hypothetically speaking, of course!” But the more Beli flails about trying to salvage the conversation, the deeper she sinks into her messy little pit of nerves. The only course of action is to go full-stop and wring her hands as she stares awkwardly into her lap.
Kyanna winces in sympathy, she chuckles a little to try and recapture the moment, but even her laughter is tempered with unease. There’s a long pause as they both look away.
Then -
"Hey Bels, whatcha doing this Friday?"
Beli swallows, not really sure where this is going. "N-no plans really." Why does that admission make Kyanna's eyes sparkle?
"You're sure? Because I don't want to put you out if you've got something lined up." Kyanna shifts Philip over her shoulder to burp him, and her hand taps a steady rhythm against the infant's back. Beli's timid, rabbit heart is racing at that same nervous tempo.
"I mean –" What did she have planned? Indulging in a gooey, bacon double-cheeseburger after work? Treating herself to a bubble bath and re-reading one of her well-worn romance novels? (Maybe even skipping to one of the steamy scenes she’s dog-eared and letting her fingers wander?) Does she value any of that more than what she thinks Kyanna is proposing?
"No," she declares firmly. "No, Kyanna I don't have any plans so … I'm all yours!"
"Sweet! Cause I've got a hot date lined up, and I need someone to watch Phily. Think you can pitch in?"
A deep belch from Philip pierces the moment. "Uh oh, I think some-body made a stinky-poo," Kyanna sing-songs. Beli's mind is reeling.
"Wait, slow down. A date?" Kyanna hasn't been seeing anyone since … well, since before Philip was born!
"A date..." She has to say it twice to let the reality sink in. "That's … exciting." She smiles. Yes, a smile was the called-for expression. This is a good thing, isn't it? "Yes, that's exciting. I'm … excited for you, Kyanna! So who's this lucky guy you've met? You have to tell me all about him!"
"Um, yeah … about that." Kyanna bites her lip. "Bels, you know I'm bi, right?"
"Oh..."
Is it the admission that makes her pause, or Kyanna's palm touching her leg for assurance? "Oh, I mean … I had a feeling."
Those Spanish growls whenever a particularly busty jogger bounced her way through the park's walking trails. How Kyanna's phone background transitioned through a slideshow of shirtless Latin men and shapely, Hispanic swimsuit models. That one night Kyanna drank a little too deeply from the tequila bottle above her fridge and started reciting her 'hall pass' list: rugged names like Channing and Ryan mixed with saucy little numbers like Misty and Nadia.
Kyanna hadn't exactly been subtle with her bisexuality.
"Anyway, that's who I am," Kyanna affirms, puffing out her chest. "I'm down for the bros, I'm down for the hoes. You're … okay with that?"
What? "Oh, of course! I – I'm happy for you. I mean, you’re lucky, really: there’s twice as many people for you to meet and spend time with, men and women.”
"Well, with women it was mostly just screwing around and stuff. I was only ever serious with guys … and Dario." Kyanna’s mind retreats to a dark place. "But, there's this girl I met and I kinda want to give it a proper shot."
"I see. So, um, who is this special woman? Someone from class or the fitness center?" Beli doesn’t want to make assumptions, but it’s probably Samantha. Not that she means to judge, but that buzzed haircut and those hiking boots practically scream 'butch and proud’.
"Nah, no one you know. It's this Asian chick who came to the salon yesterday, and a huevo, was she something else!" Beli's fluttering eyes urge her onward, so Kyanna leans forward with her gossip.
"Okay, you know how they say some people have a foot fetish? Well, this woman, I think she had a hair fetish, because every time I go to comb her hair, she starts moaning – ohh, unhhh – and rolling her head like I'm giving her a naked, full-body massage. Seriously, dude, it was intense! I thought my manager was going to ask her to leave for being obscene…"
Beli wrinkles her nose, recalling the time that mouth-breathing man in the trenchcoat had started hanging around the fitness center. "Kyanna, she sounds like a pervert."
"Nah, she's totally chill. You'd like her! I got to talking with her: she's into painting, she does her own gardening, and – get this – she's a teacher at the university! Shit, do you know how much they pay the staff there?"
Not nearly enough, Beli thinks, recalling the complaints of her own friend on the University of Glenberry staff. I wonder if she and Aiko know each other?
"Anyway, after I finished up her hair, she hands over this freakin' huge tip, and then she grabs one of our business cards at the front desk and she scribbles down her number, telling me, 'I'm not waiting 'til my next cut to see you again.' Then she straight up asks me out for this Friday!" Kyanna's eyes go wide and pleading. "My regular sitter bailed on me, and my mom's busy with friends. Please, Bels? Please, please, please?"
I could say 'no', she thinks. I could end this all before it ever begins. It’s a wicked thought, and strangely tempting. It only flirts through her mind for a nanosecond, but Beli suffers its guilt it like a permanent scar.
"Of… course. I mean, absolutely. Yes, absolutely, I could watch Philip."
Kyanna lets out a victory whoop. "Sweet! Aw, Bels, you're the best! I'm so pumped! I gotta text Miss Yumi and let her know!"
Beli's sudden cry startles Philip from his nap. "Miss WHAT?”
"Bels, relax. Yoo-mee. It's her last name. I wasn't saying she was –"
"I know that," Beli fires back. Sweat is racing down her spine. "Kyanna, you said this woman works at the U of G, right?"
"Um, yeah." Kyanna blinks incoherently, not truly comprehending the situation she's landed herself in. "She teaches math and physics. Her name's Aiko."
Aiko.
Aiko Yumi.
Aiko Yumi – contract teacher at the U of G's mathematics department who jokes – and it must be a joke, right? – about how she upgrades failing test scores in exchange for oral sex in her office.
Aiko Yumi – semi-frequent student of her weekend yoga class who always shows up with alcohol on her breath and a lecherous hunger in her eye as she scans her fellow students. Beli never was too surprised by the Saturday attendance drop…
Aiko Yumi – introduced to her by Jessie Maye, an adult actress of some renown. "You two must be close," Beli once commented after noting the many lingering glances Aiko gave their mutual friend. She still remembers the insulted look Jessie leveled her as she set the record straight.
"Honey, I never do the crazy ones."
Aiko Yumi, who can laugh gaily one minute as she watches porn on the café's public wi-fi, then break down and sob hysterically as she pleads for Beli to lend her "a quick fifty bucks" so she can make her latest student loan payment. Cash in bra, she's chipper as a chipmunk again and bragging about the different Tinder users she's burned through in her quest to "keep things interesting".
She remembers Aiko laughing about how she always wears a necktie to work in case she’s hit with the urge to asphyxiate herself.
Beli never did figure out if that was a sex thing, or a suicide thing.
This is the woman who's asked Kyanna on a date.
This is the woman Kyanna is entrusting herself to.
A cold sweat leaves Beli bedridden with flu-like symptoms, and she apologizes profusely for cancelling her Tuesday classes.
She needs confirmation, so she calls Aiko for coffee. "So, any plans for this Friday?"
Aiko can barely contain her triumph. "Hell yeah! Got a killer-hot date lined up. Okay, get this: I go to the discount hair salon at the mall to save a couple bucks, and hot damn, their hairdressers are stacked! I'm just a walk-in, so I get paired up with this Mexican chick who sits me down, smiles at me and … oh shit, it gets me wet just thinking … Beli, the way she went at me with those scissors – tugging and pulling till you feel it in your scalp. Fuuuck… I swear, it was like she was some sort of kinky, hair bondage dominatrix! And that top she was wearing! She had tits for days, Beli! I think she's even bigger than Jessie!"
"I see," Beli nods back, fighting to maintain her friendly smile.
"Anyway, I had a bit to drink beforehand, and I'm thinking to myself 'this is too good to pass up. Let's roll the dice and see how far we get.' Beli, I got a date set up right at the cashier's counter! I mean, damn, how desperate do you have to be to say 'yes' to some random stranger who shows up at your work? I swear, this girl is going to be the easiest lay ev- Whoa, you okay there, Beli?"
Beli's lap is stained with scalding coffee – the liquid forced from her crushed paper cup after her terrified palm seized up around it.
Every night that week, Beli meets with Kyanna after yoga class. Every night, Beli’s heart sinks a little deeper as the conversation turns to Aiko and the fast-approaching Friday. Kyanna needs confirmation on her hair style, she needs outfits vetoed, and now it's Thursday evening and somehow it's escalated to the point where Kyanna's dragged her out to the mall to visit a lingerie boutique.
"I don't know why you need new underwear," Beli stammers. "I mean, it's not like she's going to see it."
"Confidence, Bels." It's something she thinks Kyanna has in spades already, strutting proudly into the store with Philip strapped to her back in a baby carrier. "This is my first date in forever and I wanna look fine all the way down to my skin. Make-up, clothes; everything has to scream 'steaming hot'. Now, whaddya think? Black 'n lacy or red 'n wild?"
Beli's barely managed to creep into the hot pink store with its provocative mannequins and its lurid pin-up models posing on floor-to-ceiling posters. Looking at the brassieres that Kyanna is dangling in front of her chest is beyond her abilities.
"I think …" a long swallow. "Kyanna, I don't think you should be going out with Aiko!" There, she's said it! But now Kyanna is blinking at her sudden outburst. She needs to come clean.
"Kyanna, I never told you – and I'm sorry – but I know Aiko. She's another yoga student and a … friend, and, Kyanna, she's a good person. She means well, but … well, she's not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. The thing is, she's –" oh, where to begin? Loose? Deviant? Clinically depressed?
"- she's not interested in you as a person."
Kyanna smiles patiently through her fumbling and stuttering, a silent saint compared to the fussing Philip. "And? Bels, I'm not an idiot. I know when someone wants to get inside my pants. What's the big deal?"
"The big deal? Kyanna, you're going to get yourself hurt! This is a mistake!"
"Maybe I want to make a mistake, you ever think about that?" Even fussy little Philip shuts up and pays attention after that outburst.
"Bels, I'm twenty one. I'm single, I'm fit; I should be living the best years of my life – living it up like my Ex is – but I'm stuck looking after my kid, working a crappy job just so I can scrape by enough to afford diapers. You think I can still be an actress like this? That I can afford to go to school or make something of myself? Shit, I can't even afford to move apartments, never mind leave town. I can dream all I want, tell myself I'm going to make it big, but that's all I'll ever have!
“So just maybe – even if it's only for one night – maybe I want to be with someone who'll let me forget it all, someone I can let loose and go crazy with!"
She opens her mouth to protest, but Kyanna silences her.
"And she asked me, Bels. It's a nice feeling, knowing someone wants you so badly they're ready to take a risk and go after you. Don’t you think?"
Beli's heart is squirming under the pressure of a vice. Her courage is spent – exhausted on that one, triumphant outburst that her best friend has so thoroughly quashed. There's only one option left to her cowardly heart.
“I should go.”
"Bels! Hey, wait!" Kyanna's hand is on her shoulder, pleading. "You'll be there for me? Tomorrow night?"
Beli doesn't turn around, but she nods obediently – the dutiful friend. "Yes. I'll be there for you."
Five minutes to seven o'clock. Five minutes to date night, and Beli is wringing her hands in Kyanna's tiny apartment, a nervous producer fretting before her big star's debut. Heels click and the bedroom door creaks open. “Okay, whaddya think?”
Kyanna is dressed like a wild cat on the prowl – tight, leopard-print leggings that clench her rear, and a matching, off-the-shoulder crop top that spills her generous cleavage like a fount. Her friend makes a sexy catwalk strut across the living room in her open-toed heels, proudly swishing a hand through her ebony locks so that the light catches her golden, lucky-charm earrings. She strikes final pose – smoldering eyes and ‘come hither’ lips at the ready as she brazenly stretches and shows off her curves.
"So, Bels? Am I ready to blow Aiko's mind?"
The display leaves Beli's throat dry, but she musters up the resolve for one small, hoarse whisper. "You’re beautiful, Kyanna."
And suddenly Kyanna’s lost her newfound swagger, ducking her head sheepishly and averting her eyes. "Hey, about yesterday… I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm sorry. I know you're just looking out for me, and that means a lot."
Beli takes in the apology. She can't smile just yet, but she nods understandingly. "I guess I didn't realize what you really wanted."
Kyanna gives a bitter laugh. "What I wanted… Oh Beli, I just –" she's ready to say more, but Philip interrupts from the living room crib, and her motherly instincts compel Kyanna to soothe her baby. "Ssh, it's all right, little guy. You remember what we talked about, right?”
"Mama! Mama fee-sta?"
"That's right! Your mama's going out to a big fiesta with her special friend. Her other special friend," she clarifies, when the boy's eyes dart to Beli. Kyanna gives her a sigh and a shrug.
"He's been fussing like this all day, watching me get ready. I dunno, Bels, I hate to leave him with you when he's like this. Whaddya think?"
Again, deferring to her – granting her the final decision. Why? Why does someone as bold and confident as Kyanna need the reassurance of a timid mouse?
"I think …" Beli swallows carefully as she chooses her words. She steps once towards Kyanna, then again, and the hairdresser's eyes tremble with a glassy light as she approaches, as Beli's hands reach out to her.
But her hands divert to Philip, scooping this last burden from Kyanna's arms. Beli’s smile is as artificial as the gold in Kyanna’s earrings, but she forces herself to shine brightly all the same. "I think you should go out and have a good time."
The doorbell rings, and the argument is settled. Kyanna turns away, dabs something from her eyes, then spins wildly – refreshed and radiant and ready to greet her date. "Coming!"
She opens the door, and there stands Aiko, propped up like a pin-up model with one hand gripping either side of the doorframe, like she can barely restrain herself from lunging into the apartment.
Beli's eyes fire up in alarm at her attire – a black and form-fitting cocktail dress that shines glossy against the lights. Leather? A strip of criss-crossing laces runs up Aiko's thigh to under her shoulder, heightening the feeling that she's baring all. She's not wearing a bra as far as Beli can tell, but her dress squeezes her cleavage up and outward like an offered platter. With her hair pulled into tight bun and x-shaped chopsticks framing her head like the crossbones on a skull, Aiko is the embodiment of sexy, thrilling danger. The teacher takes one look at Kyanna and immediately growls.
"Fuck, yeah! You are rocking the cheetah print, Mama." Her flirtations send Kyanna fawning.
"Aw, thanks. I like your choker. Super cute, Aiko!"
The teacher's fingers drift across the collar of black beads encircling her neck. "Mm, this old thing? I like to wear it on all my first dates. Makes me feel lucky. That, and it feels so good having something tight around my neck."
"Well I think it looks super sexy. And who knows? Maybe tonight'll be your lucky night."
As if to explore just how good it truly feels, Kyanna steps forward and trails her fingers from the side of Aiko’s collar to the base of her throat. It's only a small touch, but Aiko tilts her head back and shudders happily, while her fingers dig blissfully into the door frame. A side glance into the apartment quickly kills the moment.
"Beli? Oh hey, what're you doing -?"
"Beli's my babysitter," Kyanna chimes in. "I mean, she's not my sitter. I'm watching my sister's kid for the weekend and Beli stepped in to pinch hit while we have our date night? Right, Bels?"
She offers a quick nod, accepting her role in the lie. It works, and Aiko laughs.
"Wait, you blew off your sister's kid to go out with me? Fuck, I'm gonna have to show you a good time tonight."
"A good time? Bella, I'm not settling for anything less than magic!”
Their flirtations are so natural, Beli thinks, like trained dancers who instantly know how to lead and follow, to give and take. The conversation never derails because Aiko’s become too embarrassed or awkward. The way their eyes dart hungrily over each other’s bodies, the way they make each other laugh so easily. It’s like they’re meant for each other, and now Kyanna is closing the gap between them, sashaying out onto the landing and hooking her arm around Aiko’s.
“So, where’s my Mami taking me tonight?”
“Some place I can get a proper look at that ass,” Aiko growls. Beli flinches as the teacher’s palm slaps her friend across her backside. "Buut, I am kinda starving, and I gotta go all out for a girl like you. Dinner and drinks?"
"Throw in some dancing and you're on!" Kyanna declares, totally unfazed by the rough touch. If anything, Beli thinks, it’s only amped up the tension flickering between the two. Like a live wire over gasoline, the smallest spark threatens to set them off. Beli coughs to make herself known.
"Um, Kyanna, you'll text me when you're on your way home, right?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sure thing, Bels." She doesn’t even meet her eye to respond.
"Well, um, have fun, then." She holds up Philip’s wrist, makes him wave goodbye, but Kyanna’s back is already turned. Aiko’s arm slithers around Kyanna’s waist with a possessive grip, and she flashes an animal grin that makes Beli’s heart lurch.
“Oh, we’re going to have so much fun.”
Beli locks the door behind her, slumps against the wall and tries to take it all in.
She's never been alone in Kyanna's apartment before, and only now does it strike her just how small the room is with the door closed. Like a cell, she remarks. Can she really blame Kyanna for desiring to escape?
"Well, Phily, I guess it's just the two of us."
The babe immediately begins squirming in her arms and flailing his little fingers at the door. "Mama! Wan' Mama!"
"Ssh, now," Beli hushes as she rocks him in her arms. "You want your mama, I know. We have to stay here, though."
But the boy is determined: squirming, kicking and finally erupting into a full-blown tantrum that sends the neighbours pounding on their shared wall. Beli winces and does her best to soothe Philip, all the while feeling awful for silencing the boy's natural desire.
"You're such a brave boy, Phily. You know exactly what you want, and you won't take 'no' for an answer. You don't care how big a fuss you make or what other people think of you. Such a brave boy." She swallows a lump.
"Don't you ever grow up like me, okay? Don't ever forget how to say what you want..."
Philip eventually cries himself to sleep. Tucked safely in his crib, Beli feels the loneliness more acutely than ever.
Philip's crib is in the living room, so she can't exactly watch TV. She's brought a book – a trashy one from her romance collection – but flipping through the pages only makes her feel sick. She starts puttering nervously – tidying stacks, sorting drawers. Her one constant activity is checking the clock, and that does nothing to soothe her anxiety.
Eight o'clock… nine o'clock … How long does it take to eat a meal and maybe go dancing?
She follows the clock tick round and round, and every hour winds her insides tighter and tighter. Her stomach compresses like a spring. How far she'll go until she's crushed, she can't say, but every moment is more unbearable than the last.
It's past ten o'clock when her cell phone finally chimes – Kyanna's ring tone! – and Beli launches herself at the machine, more eager for the news of her friend's return than she is for a fresh gulp of air. She flies through her text messages, fingers taught and shaking, her heart desperate for release and relief. Kyanna’s coming back! Her friend is coming back. They can get past this silly date and get back to the way things were!
She scans the message, and her smile falters. The phone slips from her fingers. Slowly, numbly, all the gears and elastics holding her steady crumble away, and her body slumps to the floor alongside her brightly burning screen.
=Can you stay late? I'm going home with Aiko.=