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It had been several weeks since Jennifer and Jordan’s deaths, and Derek was still haunted by their deaths. He could still see Jennifer’s final moments as vividly as if it was happening all over again right before his eyes.
Jennifer holding the grimoire, chanting a spell in a foreign tongue.
Stiles hovering in the air, face turning blue from lack of oxygen.
Jennifer turning her white-eyed gaze on Derek and swiping at him with a knife.
Stiles falling to the ground gasping for breath when Derek knocked the grimoire from Jennifer’s hand.
Jennifer strangling Derek with one hand.
Derek fearing that he was going to die, and stabbing Jennifer with her own knife.
Jennifer falling to the ground in Derek’s arms.
Jennifer clearly not looking at Derek, but at an empty corner, murmuring “Jordan“ over and over, as if his spirit was there to greet her in death.
Derek shook his head to banish the memories once again. He wished that things could have happened differently, that she could have seen reason once again. But it was apparent that the only thing that had mattered to her in the end was the welfare of Jordan, not even Derek himself. He wondered why he wasn’t more broken up by that.
Their marriage had been somewhat rocky for a while before her death. Jennifer had lied so much to him. He hadn’t been upset when he’d found out that she was a witch, for it had been because of that power that he hadn’t died when he’d been struck by the Horseman of Death, but had reawakened alive and well over two hundred years later having had survived a wound that should have killed him otherwise. But it was the fact that she’d hid a child from him, that he’d had no idea that she had ever been pregnant until Stiles had told him that he’d had a vision of Jennifer giving birth, that had hurt him so badly. He wondered how much more she had hidden from him.
He had never been given the chance to know or love his son. His son who had had a horrible life and had become the Horseman of War. He wondered if he hadn’t been nearly killed by the Horseman if Jennifer would have told him then, if they could have raised their son together and they would have been a happy family. At least Jordan had acknowledged him before his death, had called him “Father,” which had given Derek a small amount of peace.
He still loved his wife, even now, and ached that she had died before they could even decide if they wanted to try to heal their relationship. But with Jennifer’s actions in the end, trying to kill her own husband for stopping her from killing another, he wondered if she would have ever chosen to mend their marriage. He had a feeling that deep down, he already knew the answer to that, and it hurt.
“Hale.”
Derek turned and saw Stiles approaching. “Leftenant,” he greeted the officer, still using the British term for lieutenant despite having been in America for, well, centuries.
“Hey, man, are you okay?” Stiles asked, sitting down next to Derek and squeezing his shoulder.
Derek shook his head. “Not yet,” he admitted.
Stiles made an assenting noise. Then they both sat there quietly for a while, enjoying the silence and the company.
Derek was filled with such conflicting thoughts. While he did still love Jennifer, and she probably would always have a place in his heart, he would also always have his doubts about her. He felt betrayal and love for her at the same time, and it made him feel so confused.
But then there was Stiles, his fellow Witness. Derek knew, without a doubt, that Stiles was a man he could trust. He had proven it time and time again. They were constantly saving each other’s lives from demons and other creatures that tried to kill them. And he could tell that Stiles was always honest with him about matters. Stiles would never lead him astray in this new America he’d found himself in, so different from the time he’d grown up in.
Stiles had even confessed to him what had happened when Jennifer had cast her time spell, which apparently had worked. Jennifer had been back in her body from that time as a healer for the war, attempting to change the past, and Stiles had tried to stop her. With some help from an ancestor of his, he had succeeded and returned them back to the moment they had disappeared, but not before the Derek of the past had almost been killed by the Horseman of Death yet again. Kate, another betrayer of his, one who had once been his friend, but he‘d discovered that it was she who was the current Horseman of Death. Derek didn’t doubt Stiles’ story at all. From the previous actions of the two women, he could believe it all easily.
“I’m going to train for the FBI,” Stiles said suddenly. “I’ll be away in Washington D.C. for that.” Derek opened his mouth, but Stiles immediately put a finger to Derek’s lips. “No, don’t stop me. I was already planning to do this for a while now, even before this whole Witness thing started.”
“You‘re leaving me, Leftenant?” Derek asked, suddenly feeling dread deep inside him. “What will I do without you? How will I figure out things like smartphones without you?” Stiles couldn’t leave, he just couldn’t. Derek depended on him being there, one of the only constants in his ever-changing life.
Stiles chuckled. “Derek, you won’t be alone. My sister Lydia will still be around, and she’ll help you in my place. Don’t worry. I have complete confidence in you and your technological skills.” He winked at Derek, which made his stomach feel like it was doing flips.
“When are you leaving?”
“In a few days, I think,” Stiles answered. “I was told that the new FBI training schedule starts next week, and D.C. is pretty close from here.”
“I’ll miss you, Stiles.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” he said, smiling sadly, then he turned his head away. “It’s better this way,” he whispered.
Derek just barely caught those words. “What do you mean?” he asked urgently.
Stiles jumped as if he didn’t expect to be heard. “I… I can’t say,” he said quietly, hiding his head in his hand.
“Please tell me. We’ve never kept secrets from each other before,” Derek said. “Especially if this will be the last I see of you for months.”
Stiles stared at him for a few moments, then he nodded and took a deep breath. “I have… feelings for you, Derek,” he said quietly.
Derek’s breath caught in his throat. “Feelings?”
“Yeah. And that is so inappropriate because you’re married to a woman, and she just died, and you’re obviously straight and grieving, and you might not ever want to fall in love again because she was the one, and…”
Stiles probably would’ve kept going had Derek not put a finger to his lips. “Stiles,” he said, interrupting him. “I… have been having feelings for you, too.” At the shocked look he received, he continued. “And I have been conflicted for a while now. I have been having doubts about Jennifer ever since I found out about our son. She kept things from me that I should have known.”
“And you finding out about that was my fault,” Stiles said sadly.
Derek put his hands on Stiles’ shoulders and gently turned him so he could look into his eyes. “I am glad you told me,” he told him seriously. “You don’t know how much it means to me to be able to trust someone, especially when my world has changed so drastically.”
“I can imagine,” Stiles told him, looking just as intently back at him.
They continued looking into each other eyes for a few quiet moments. “I’m not ready yet,” Derek whispered, afraid of ruining the obvious connection between them. “I’m not ready to let her go yet. I want there to be something between us, but…” He looked away, finally breaking their intense eye contact. “I just can’t. Not yet.”
He felt a hand touch his shoulder, and he turned to find Stiles smiling gently. “I know. I would never want to rush you into anything. I would love for us to be together, but only if both of us are really ready for it. I’ll wait for you, Hale, because you’re worth it.”
Derek was touched. Jennifer was sweet and took care of him in the past, but she’d never had air of honesty around her like Stiles did. He wondered if he was actually blushing from Stiles’ words, and realized he didn’t care because they made him so happy.
He couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward and gave Stiles a gentle kiss on the forehead. It was very brief, and when he sat back again, Stiles was gawking at him openmouthed.
“Stay safe in your FBI training, Leftenant,” Derek told him with a smile.
Stiles continued staring at him, then he closed his mouth and gave Derek a brilliant smile. “I will, Hale. And I will see you when I get back.” He hesitated for a moment, then drew Derek into his arms and buried his face into Derek‘s chest.
Derek sighed in relief as he wrapped his arms tightly around Stiles in return. How lucky he was to have someone as understanding as Stiles was. They were the perfect partners in being Witnesses, and they would likely be perfect together as a couple, if the timing was right. Right now it wasn’t, but he had a feeling inside that in a few months or a few years, it would be, and it would be wonderful.