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To outsiders, the amount of dresses—works in progress or complete ones—around Sousuke’s and Haruka’s house would be strange, considering the fact that both people living under that roof are men, and not, by society’s standards, expected to be the ones wearing them.
The fact of the matter is that Haruka does wear dresses, and it’s been normal for him, for Sousuke, and for everyone around them for many years. It really isn’t that odd to them. He’s also been sewing dresses for a long time; not just his own, but dresses for other people, too. Gou owns a handful of Haruka’s creations, Kisumi owns a casual dress made by Haruka that he likes to use when he’s just at home not doing much. Many times, Haruka even sells dresses; people come to him and commission him to create dresses based on their own designs or designs that they come up with together.
It’s all normal to Haruka, a man who goes against everyone’s expectations, goes his own way. It’s normal to him, and Sousuke wishes he could be like that, too. Wishes he would have the courage to one day just stride into a store, buy himself a dress, and wear it. If even just at home, anything—but Sousuke lacks the confidence to do so. He wants to, so badly, but it shames him to admit that he’s still concerned about what others would think of him wearing a dress, or even a skirt.
Sousuke isn’t built for what’s considered as feminine clothing. Since his younger years, he’s always worked out a lot, he swam for his school’s swim team from elementary up until high school, and swimming has given him a body that definitely wouldn’t look good wearing a dress. So during all these years, Sousuke has stowed away his desire of one day being able to wear one, and instead focused on admiring his boyfriend for being brave enough.
Sousuke isn’t brave enough.
But Haruka is there to help him change that.
“You’ve gotta be kidding. Right? This is a joke, right?”
Because there’s no way it isn’t. Why would Haruka do this for him? At the same time, Sousuke knows Haruka would take a bullet before ridiculing Sousuke, before attempting to make Sousuke look like an idiot. And yet that thought flashes across Sousuke’s mind when this is what he sees.
It’s a long dress hanging on the outside of their wardrobe, in a beautiful colour of light grey-ish blue that cuts off right down by the waist, where the ‘skirt’ is white with big polka dots of the same colour as the top half. There’s a red belt around the waist to accentuate the break between patterns, and it looks beautiful. So beautiful that the words Haruka say don’t make sense in Sousuke’s ears.
“I started making this a few weeks ago,” Haruka says. “Mostly just thinking about what I wanted to do, what I wanted the dress to do an bring out in the one wearing it. It doesn’t suit Kisumi, because his pink hair would ruin everything, and his eyes are the wrong shade of blue. It isn’t quite Gou’s style, and while I like it, I think I’d like it better on you.”
Sousuke slowly turns his head and looks at Haruka in disbelief, an expression that’s been stuck on his face for a good five minutes by now. “… Really?”
“I made this for you,” Haruka clarifies, and he slowly takes Sousuke’s hand before moving to stand right in front of him instead. “You don’t think I’ve noticed, but I have. And you don’t have to wear this out in public if you don’t want to, but I’d be honoured if you’d at least try it on. See if you like it, at least.”
It’s a little difficult to take in, but once it does sink into Sousuke’s mind, he lets out a breath he’s been holding for a little too long. “Haruka… I love it. It’s beautiful.”
Haruka glances at the dress, and then smiles. “Good, I think so, too. Would you try it on?”
Haruka looks good in dresses. They fit him, he fits in them, and it just looks natural. Sousuke tries not to let it show that he’s jealous, but it’s getting increasingly difficult. Haruka always gets compliments; at first, the compliments were almost solely based on the fact that he’s courageous enough to wear dresses to begin with, and Haruka was more than just a little reluctant to accepting said compliments. But these days, people have gotten used to it, and all they say is how good he looks in his dresses, how well-made they are, how beautiful they are.
It’s all true, of course—Sousuke wouldn’t hesitate to say that he agrees. But it always hurts a little to see the praise and wonder that people shower his boyfriend with, because he knows it wouldn’t be the same should he attempt to wear a dress himself, with that large frame of his that would completely defeat the purpose of him wearing a dress to begin with. To feel like he looks good, to feel comfortable.
Sousuke had an interest in what they called feminine clothing ever since he was a child. Skirts, dresses, pretty stockings, even high heels though he knew it would take an immense amount of practice and time to be able to walk in them—time he would never be given to practice. He’d watch fashion shows on TV when his parents weren’t at home, and as he got older, he’d read fashion blogs online or on his phone when people weren’t looking. It was almost like he was watching porn, except it was just clothing.
No one ever knew about his secret of wanting to at least try wearing clothes he wouldn’t normally wear, something he’d want to make more common in his lifestyle. Sousuke never even told Rin, because as open-minded as Rin is about those kinds of things, Sousuke didn’t know if it would apply to Sousuke, since they’re so close. Rin’s always worn more feminine clothing than most people Sousuke knows, but he doesn’t wear skirts or dresses.
Haruka, on the other hand, is the first one in their group to do so. Apparently, he’s pretty much always been like Rin, and never really cared about the concept of gendered clothing. For as long as Sousuke has properly known Haruka up until now, it’s always been common to see Haruka often wearing something you wouldn’t normally see men wear.
And it fits him, and he somehow manages to both look handsome and beautiful at the same time, and Sousuke hates that it makes him jealous. Jealousy isn’t what he should feel when he looks at his boyfriend doing something most people wouldn’t dare dreaming of. What he should be is proud, and he knows that he is, to some extent. But jealousy always lurks around the corner, sometimes shows its ugly face, and it’s very difficult to ignore.
“Sousuke.”
Haruka’s voice calls out to him; at first it sounds distant to Sousuke since his mind is elsewhere. But then it becomes clearer, and he looks up. “Yeah?”
“I asked you to come into the living room five minutes ago. Are you okay?”
He clears his throat, realises he’d completely lost track of time as he’d spent those five minutes just spacing out. “Sorry, I’ll be right out.”
Yes, he kind of expects there to be a dress hanging on their wardrobe that Haruka has just finished sewing, because that’s a frequent sight in their house. But he doesn’t expect it to be for him, that Haruka would spend so much time, effort and materials to make a dress for him, someone who has never expressed any desire of wearing one.
But of course, Haruka heard him, anyway.
It fits him perfectly, as should be expected of the ever so observant and detail-oriented Haruka. Sousuke looks at himself in the mirror, and he feels… conflicted. It feels wrong of someone with his bulky body to wear a dress that would normally be meant for people who don’t look like he does. But the dress is beautiful, and it’s practically everything he’s ever wanted in a dress he would hypothetically wear.
Haruka eyes him up and down, and at first, it makes Sousuke uncomfortable. But the look in Haruka’s eyes softens, and a little smile graces his lips. “You look beautiful.”
‘Beautiful’ isn’t a word Sousuke thought would ever be associated with himself. He’s been called handsome before, but never beautiful… until now. Is it just because of the dress? Would the word no longer apply should he take off the dress?
“Thanks,” he says, and pushes away his negative thoughts. Haruka is honest, sometimes a little more honest than most people would prefer him to be, and Sousuke knows he can trust Haruka’s words. “I really, really like this. You did a great job.”
Haruka crosses his arms over his chest, huffing a little laugh. “Oh, I know. I guess… I was just worried how you’d receive it. I’ve seen the way you look when you see my dresses, when you see me in a dress, or even Kisumi in the one he has. It wasn’t that hard to figure out, really. I know I took a big risk in this, and I was even a little hesitant on presenting it to you because I know how you feel, but… I want you to know that you’re beautiful, Sousuke. And not just because of the dress, but because of who you are. That dress doesn’t make you, you make the dress. I just wanted it to open your eyes.”
The sheer power in Haruka’s words nearly knock the air out of Sousuke’s lungs, and he blinks a few times both in shock and to keep a few tears from falling. The amount of love poured into the dress Sousuke’s now wearing and Haruka’s little speech feels way more powerful than what Sousuke imagines proposals to be. The thought alone almost makes him want to laugh, but he doesn’t.
As he looks at himself, he feels beautiful. The dress makes him feel beautiful, and one day, Sousuke wonders if he’ll be able to feel that way without associating his beauty with the dress he’s wearing.
It doesn’t hit him that it’s been missing for a day or so until Haruka presents Sousuke’s dress to him again, and he looks down at it with his mouth almost hanging open.
“… as you can see, I added pockets.”
“Holy shit. What prompted you to do that?”
“The fact that you don’t use handbags,” Haruka shrugs. “Honestly, one of the things that fuel my inspiration is the fact that most dresses just don’t have pockets. And your dress is perfect to have them, so I figured, why not?”
Sousuke hums, tests the depth of one of the pockets with his hand. “I love it. Thanks, Haruka.”
“Sure.”
He puts it on again, and the affectionate look Haruka gives him doesn’t go unnoticed by Sousuke. It’s a little nerve-wracking, but he’s been taking tiny baby steps up until now—it’s probably about time for a slightly bigger step, a proper change.
When the doorbell rings, Haruka goes to welcome their guests while Sousuke mentally prepares himself. He knows his friends won’t react negatively to it, but it’s just a natural reaction to be nervous about something new; new both to himself, and to them.
Several voices are heard coming into the hallway. Sousuke takes a deep breath where he stands by the mirror, closing his eyes briefly. He thinks about Haruka’s words, about the way Haruka looks at him, regardless of what Sousuke is—or isn’t—wearing. And then he opens his eyes, and walks out to greet his friends.